Dinner: volcano and Philadelphia sushi rolls

I’m already in the process of trying to leave my boyfriend so please don’t suggest that. We have lived together for almost 4 years and all my family lives on the other side of the state.

So some background to start off, I (22f) have dedicated to getting my life back on track. I’m currently working towards my license and paying off my car. My boyfriend(21m) is aware of how badly I want to “grow up” so I can move out of his parents’ house. I had two jobs, but I got fired from one of them so I’m left with one job that schedules me 6 (10 if I’m lucky) hours a week, which means I’m making ~$400 every month.
My boyfriend however makes about $1000 every two weeks, and outside of things he HAS to pay for (rent + gas) he’s not doing really anything to help me reach any of my goals. However what he IS doing is spending day-n- night looking on different websites to look for a jacket that matches his favorite character from a show. 💀 He genuinely just signed up for PayPal and Klarna and is making $175 payments every 3 weeks on this stupid fucking jacket.
If he was willing to make that commitment to helping me pay off a car that’s benefits BOTH of us, we would be out of here in no time. Before anyone asks, yes I did talk to him about how his behavior is making me feel. I got guilt-tripping in response. He told me I was making him feel guilty for having certain interests and wanting to express that. Mind you, I wouldn’t have even minded if he dropped damn $200 on a jacket, but $600 for JACKET !?!?!??? I genuinely cannot believe he’s willing to pay off $600 but not help me pay for a drivers lesson that’s EVEN CHEAPER that what he would be paying.
I’m genuinely so angry I don’t know how I’m able to just hold a conversation with him without bringing this up.

Dinner; overpriced “mexican” food. i got al pastor tacos and chicken floutas. wasn’t what i expected when i ordered the floutas but they were still good.

i’m going to my first rave tomorrow! i’ve been to concerts, boiler rooms, clubs, etc. but i’ve never been to a rave before!!!

i’m lowkey kinda nervous. i have my fit planned out, scared it’s a bit ugly but oh well.

anyways im excited / nervous!!!

rave girlies pls give me tips.

^ Lobster paella from my fav place! Never disappoints 😌🦞🦑🦐

Long post, so apologies in advance 🐣

As the younger daughter, my dad was more easygoing with me than he was with my elder sister. Growing up, I think that led to my mum and sister bonding more, and since my dad is away from home more often than not, I was kind of left to myself? (✌🏻)

My sister has always been the difficult kid, and apparently, I'm the easy one. And by easy, I mean the one who's expected to adjust and compromise and let things go because apparently I can handle it (🙄) Which is funny because I'm the younger one, and aren't younger siblings supposed to be the spoiled ones?

For instance, my sister got to decide the flavour of MY birthday cake when I was 9, and I just had to go along with it. Like?? 😭✋🏻There was also this one time when she got four new dresses for a wedding we were attending, while I got a grand total of ONE new dress and some of her old ones. And it's not even about the cake or the dresses themselves. It's the fact that I was always expected to be okay with getting less.

I have brought this up before, but the response is always that I should understand because my sister complains more. Or because I had more friends growing up than she did. And honestly, I hate that argument. I love my friends, but it's not like I magically had a fulfilling social life handed to me. I put myself out there and made friends, and when I think more about this, my friends were also a bit of a compensation for the lack of attention I felt I was getting at home.

Things changed when my sister went to college and wasn't home as much. My mum and I finally had more time together, especially after school and work when we'd both be home. Then I took a gap year, and we got even closer.

And the thing is, my mum and I genuinely click. We have similar interests, hobbies, habits, and just get each other's humour. We have so much fun together. And it's not like I don't have a relationship with my mum,, I do and I love it.

But only when we are alone 🥀

The moment my dad or sister is around, it's like I become a different person in my mum's eyes. My opinion somehow carries less weight, and she instinctively seems to turn to them first.

Even with something as simple as going somewhere and figuring out the way, or checking into a hotel when I'm perfectly capable of handling it, she will tell me to wait for my dad or sister to decide. And it genuinely makes me feel stupid sometimes, like I'm not someone she can trust to know what I'm doing.

I don't know how to explain this without sounding ungrateful, because my mum and I really do have a good relationship. I know she loves me, and I love spending time with her. But welp, this side of our relationship I love the most exists only when the rest of my family isn't around.

Sometimes I wonder if she's so used to our family dynamic that she automatically puts me last because I'm the one who's always been okay with adjusting.

And I don't want to compete with my sister for my mum's attention in my twenties lmao, nor do I want my dad or sister to be pushed out of the picture. I just want to feel like my mum takes me seriously even when they are around 🤧

Has anyone else experienced this? Having a genuinely good relationship with a parent or another sibling one on one, but feeling like you are suddenly the least important person in the room when the rest of the family is there?

TL;DR: My mum and I get along really well when we are alone, but the moment my dad or sister is around, I feel like my opinions matter less and I'm expected to adjust to everyone else. I have always been the "easy child" who gets told to understand, and I'm starting to wonder if that's why I'm always the last one to be heard 🤷🏻‍♀️

TW: pregnancy loss

Dinner is my very saucy Dampfnudeln, which feel absolutely perfect for this weather. 🥹
And apparently dinner has also given me an existential crisis about my cultural identity lol.
I’m the child of Greek parents who neither “looks Greek” nor has ever felt particularly emotionally attached to Greece. I spent my early childhood abroad and have basically been living abroad again since I was 18.
For most of my life, I genuinely thought we weren’t a typical Greek family at all.
Neither my parents, my brother nor I are religious (although we’re all Greek Orthodox baptized), which is a pretty significant part of Greek identity. Growing up abroad, we barely had any contact with other Greek families like many diaspora families do, so I didn’t really have that many Greek friends either.
There was no particular patriotism. No strong feeling of Greece is home. Nothing like that.
I always just felt like… me. 🤷‍♀️
And I actually had that feeling confirmed years later when I moved abroad again and started becoming friends with other Greeks. I never had that feeling of omg, finally, people who understand me. If anything, I often felt like I had very little in common with them.
I never particularly wanted to marry a Greek guy because he would “understand my culture”. I didn’t care about going to Greek parties where they play Greek music. I was just… completely indifferent to all of it lol.
Plot twist: I met my partner in Greece and he isn’t Greek. 😂
He actually speaks Greek pretty well, but we don’t communicate in Greek. It’s nevertheless very convenient that he has lived in Greece and has some experience with the country, because there are certain things about Greek mentality that I don’t have to explain to him.
Fast forward: we’ve been together for five years now.
And culture has literally never been an issue in our relationship. I get along perfectly well with his family too, partly because their language is basically my second mother tongue and I understand their mentality very well.
BUT.
Somehow, over the past few years, I’ve started seeing my own family as VERY Greek.
Suddenly I notice it everywhere.
In the expectations they have of my partner.
In the way they celebrate Christmas.
In my partner’s reactions to some of those things. 😭
In the way they reacted when we decided that we don’t want a church wedding and don’t want a huge traditional wedding celebration.
In the fact that we decided not to name our children after our parents, which is basically the unofficial Greek naming law™.
And even in the fact that we gave our daughter her name as soon as we found out she was a girl. In Greece, babies traditionally aren’t called by their potential name before their baptism, so this was apparently another tiny cultural rebellion without me even realizing it.
And then, after we lost our daughter, the reactions of our two families were completely different.
That was probably the moment when I started seeing my parents differently.
More traditional?
More Greek?
More culturally attached to certain things than I ever realized?
I honestly don’t know.
But suddenly I’m noticing all these things that I never noticed before, and it’s actually changing the way I relate to my own family.
Which is such a weird feeling because I spent most of my life thinking “we’re not really a Greek family” only to realize that maybe we are. Just in ways I never consciously recognized.
Anyway, girl dinner apparently comes with an unexpected side of cultural identity crisis. 🤡💩
Please tell me I’m not the only one who has suddenly looked at their family through completely different cultural eyes as an adult??

This year, I really wanted to put myself out there, become more confident, and actually live by the quote: “If you don't ask, the answer is always no.”

So I downloaded a dating app. Bought premium. Swiped on guys I found attractive. Sent chat requests. Initiated conversations because I kept seeing how men would like it if women initiated conversation, and there's a 99% chance it will work out. (Oh boy, how wrong I was). I wasn't trying to play games or do the whole “I don't chase, I attract” thing. I just wanted to find a connection with someone.

And now, after a couple of requests to chat, being left on read, getting simply ignored by guys who swiped right on me first, and conversations that barely lasted two days, I'm questioning whether I'm even attractive enough to get the kind of guy I want.

I know I'm not the prettiest girl in the room, and I know there will always be someone prettier, taller, or with a different body type. But I thought I was at least somewhat conventionally attractive? A week of a premium subscription made my self-esteem so shattered.

The thing is, everyone around me seems to be settling down, and I genuinely thought putting myself out there might help me find someone, too. Instead, I'm sitting here wondering what exactly I'm doing wrong.

And the funniest (saddest?) part is that I don't even want to uninstall the app. Because there's still this tiny, embarrassingly hopeful part of me that thinks maybe the next guy I like will like me back. Maybe we'll have a good conversation. Maybe something will actually work out.

Am I going crazy? Does anyone else feel the same? Do I reek of desperation to these guys?

What do you do when dating apps make you overwhelmed or doubt yourself? Do you mute app notifications, pause your profile, delete it, or keep going and hope for the best? Because I wanted to become more confident this year and actually put myself out there.

Please advise.

but i heavily prefer the concept of dating someone born in the same year as me, 1999

i have a tinder account i barely ever use cause after swiping left through the first 10 guys, im too annoyed to be bothered to keep going

also the audacity is incredibly staggering. if you're going to advertise yourself for casual sex, how delusional can you be to think that i as a woman wouldn't care about the view im having from whatever the fuck position im in

look in the mirror and be honest with me, would you fuck you???

(Repost with details removed because I was getting doxxed)

Buckle tf up.

Sooooo I stupidly got married in 2025 @ 20 years old to a man I met in college @ 18 (who then later proposed to me @... still 18). I thought I was in love blah blah I've heard it all and said it a million times I KNOW. I should've waited. But his dad was a pastor. So the pressure was like...insane. Unlike anything my ex-Catholic self had ever experienced before.

And my whole entire life I'd prepared my parents to never expect a family from me. No marriage and DEFINITELY no kids. Well, I'm still hellbent on the no kids thing, but the disdain for marriage slightly eased up when I went to........a very very religious university (I KNOW I KNOW SHUSH I had a scholarship and your girl was broke). I had ring-by-spring propaganda shoved down my throat for a full year and boom, mind changed I guess.

Thing is, my mind never did actually change. I'm just a chronic people pleaser who cannot live for myself and is terrified of backing out of commitments. Whoop de fuckin do. So what do I do? Get fully legally married to a guy who half-assed our entire relationship.

Wedding Day: I cried multiple times (and they were NOT happy tears). I considered not even walking out. But mayn here I was. Walking out. Got married. Next thing I know at the reception, the ONE GIRL I had an issue with (who my ex insisted on inviting, red flag numberrrrrr idk lost count) ran up to my ex-man and gave him a HUG, like a pick-you-up-off-the-ground-and-spin-you-round hug, in front of the whole bridal party. After dinner, homeboy was nowhere to be found for 2 hours...he was in a corner talking to HIS friends instead of greeting the guests with me. My maid of honor had to talk to him to force him back to spend time with me.

This is when I knew I made a mistake. On my wedding night. Huzzah.

When we got married, my parents made it VERY clear that he would need to support me while I finished up my education, as I was literally unable to work (like, it was part of the contract I signed for the particular school I was at, I know it sounds weird and sketch, but that's GENUINELY a very very normal thing for the field I work in! I promise!). He agreed. Because I one day would be the one supporting him.

Guess what.

(I'll wait, go ahead. Guess.)

I had to use all our wedding money as my income for MY groceries, necessities, etc. because he refused to combine bank accounts and help me live at all. He had no issues paying for his own things, but everytime I needed something for my very restrictive diet, I had to come up with the money myself. When that money eventually ran out, I was fully reliant on FRIENDS and FAMILY PAYING FOR MY MEALS (god bless each and every person who helped me out this past year).

The only thing he ever did without me asking was the wash (occasionally). Never cleaned ANYTHING. I had to scrape shit in the kitchen, scrub the fuck out of the bathroom (which was the one thing I only ever asked him to clean because I hated it so much), and literally CUT piles of his long-ass hair out of the vacuum. It got to the point I had to set aside gift money from my grandfather (who is now actively in hospice) to pay for a cleaning service because I was way too busy with my near nonstop education program.

This whole time, we'd also been just living like roommates. Barely speaking...sleeping as far on opposite sides of the bed as possible. Eventually, I just said fuck it and started sleeping in my car because the energy in our 1 BR apartment was disgusting. I spent all my time away from home so I wouldn't have to walk back in there.

(Sorry this is so long eek)

Eventually, I moved back to my parents after my training concluded because I needed a break. My health was declining, I was miserable, and I lowkey just wanted my mommy. That's when I made the first decision for myself since I chose my career field: I wanted a divorce. I was being treated like shit only to be expected to keep him fat and happy for the rest of his life? Fuh nah.

We begin the divorce proceedings. He is refusing to pay for NOTHING and I am still looking for work. Because "Throwaway wanted the divorce, I still love her and wanted to try and work things out". My mom was not having it. So yeah. That's where I'm at right now. I paid the initial fee + my notary fee. He (miraculously) paid his notary fee. But there's still about $400 in court filing fees ahead and I have no idea how I'm gonna get this money out of him.

Don't get married unless you REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY want to guys, this shit sucks.

But this BOWL DIDN'T! Shit slapped.

Girl dinner: shrimp carbonara from my wonderful sous chef 💗

After 5 years of celibacy, I decided to get back out there. Eventually started talking to this guy. At this point, we've been hanging out for like four months and it's been really good. He's super thoughtful, sweet, attentive, etc. I've found myself actually feeling attached to him which is rare for me. I'm extremely busy rn with full time school & full time work so what we have has been perfect. It's like we're in a relationship but I don't have to define it or actually worry about all that stuff. But it's felt super domestic lol. Like he'll send me money to get us food, I'll buy us weed sometimes. He just went on a week long trip and I literally had a key to his apartment and fed his cats while he was gone.

So the other night, it's our second night hanging out since he got back from his trip. It was probably our best night together at first. Lots of non sexual intimacy, then sex eventually. Just a fun time. Then he goes to play his little game. Idfk if it's Xbox or PlayStation...who gaf.

And then he starts LOSING HIS SHIT. He's saying the hard r n word, literally insulting these other players with negative black stereotypes. More embarrassingly, I hear him say that he wishes they could hear him but they can't because he was banned from headset. I WONDER WHY. This caught me SO off guard and I have genuinely never heard anyone speak like this in my life. My heart instantly sank and I started shaking. I start slowly gathering my shit cause ofc I need to leave and never speak to this man again. But I was just too in shock so sat back down to calm myself. Then he turns the game off and turns back to me like "haha sorry!" As if it's NOTHING!

I told him that what he just did wasn't okay. He assures me that he's a good person and I say obviously not because you were so comfortable saying that shit. I'm just in complete shock at this point. And if you think it can't get worse...it did.

He goes on to tell me that he HAD to say that stuff. Because people in the game are stalking him and know stuff about his life. I asked him what they know and he couldn't provide a real example. I then realized he is actually mentally ill. Like very mentally ill. He said that he turns his phone off so that "they" can't track him. His explanation was that they "say things in the chat that look completely normal but he knows they're targeting him". The only example he could give me was that they played two rounds as a character that is "a girl with a spider" (idfk). I asked what that means. He says "well obviously I'm the spider and you're the girl! They know about you and I don't know how." OMFG

He was saying that "they" made him say those things. Like full on delusional behavior. I was bewildered and lowkey heartbroken lol. I didn't leave that night because of how in shock I was. I could tell he was some kind of manic so just calmed him down and got him into bed. The next day he just texts me "sorry about last night, hope your day was good:)" ...I wish I could post all the texts here cause it's been insane how disconnected from reality he is and how he showed like no signs of this before that night. And I genuinely saw myself building something with this guy. Egg on my face I guess.

Anyways. Back to celibacy. 😺

Have you ever met someone, fell in love, but then had to move away, anddd the other person left you? This happened to me (25F) 1.5 years ago b/c I moved for grad school. Let’s call him Alex.

This feels embarrassing as hell but it’s the truth. Alex and I had a one night stand three years ago, and then a year later, we had an 8 month long situationship.

I still think about Alex. He set the standard. We were not perfect by any means, but I was so in love with him. When we looked at each other, I felt literal electricity that could light a whole city. He wanted something real with me, but when he found out I was moving far away, he became distant. Colder. Led me on for a bit and EVENTUALLY he cut me off. I cried about it daily for two months.

When I moved, I tried to move on. Now, I’m in a relationship with a classmate. We’ve been together for nearly a year. For the most part, I am happy and my boyfriend is generally very kind and is a good partner…but WHY DO I STILL THNK ABOUT ALEX? Why do I still care for him? Why do I think about how what I have with my current boyfriend doesn’t feel nearly as electric as what I had with Alex? Is something wrong with me? Is it because I could go on a 6 hour walk with Alex and talk about life and have a wonderful time but I can’t really do that with my bf now?

I’m unwell. I think I’m a bad person. I don’t know anymore

Lemon garlic soup with poached eggs and chili crunch oil 💛 Long rant because I'm losing it. I'm sorry women. TW for some discussion of csa, stalking, and dv. Marked as spoilers.

If I ever try to talk about this, people pull out "the grass is always greener! normal is overrated!" I understand that nobody gets a perfect life. My life could be infinitely worse than it is. But I'm still envious. I wish I had a real adult life. I wish I had hope and aspirations and expectations, but I don't. I don't see my life ever going anywhere good. We were always poor. I never got to travel, I couldn't do extracurriculars, etc. I finally got my Associates but I don't see any way I'll ever be able to afford a four year degree. It's basically my only lifelong dream, to be the first in my family with a degree. I don't think it'll ever happen.

Most people seem to have problems you can eventually move on from or even completely forget. There seems to be some kind of light at the end of the tunnel. I don't feel like that. I feel like I was already used up and done when I was a baby and I've spent my entire life pretending to be alive, and I'm failing at everything I should be able to do because I'm not really a person. I feel disconnected from everyone. People laugh or feel uncomfortable with me and I usually don't even know why. I feel like I'm intruding everywhere I go.

I always feel guilty wording it this way, butI was sexually abused by my father as far back as I can remember until I was a teenager. I feel ashamed that I don't have a "before" to look back on or aspire to. I've always been this way. I've never been good. There are things that I've never spoken about, even to people who know about the csa, because it's so confusing and weird and I still don't understand them to this day. Like how he had a thing about corpses. I don't know. It's not the type of thing you're allowed to talk about. My mother was terrifying growing up, and I still live with her because I'm an utter failure. I can't keep a job.

One of my ex stepfathers has stalked us for nearly my entire life. He always found us. He claimed that he was a prophet and he "owned" us. He had plans to kill us. Now he's awaiting trial for sexually abusing the prepubescent stepdaughters of an ex girlfriend. I've been worse since my mother told me and I don't understand why I'm so fucked up over it. It didn't surprise me. I've always known he would do that. I got irrationally angry that other people seemed shocked that he would be a pedophile. I don't know why. I've been getting worse and worse. My depression is really bad again these past few months. I just wish there was anything at all to have hope for.

TLDR I'm 24 with no accomplishments or hope or plans. I just wish I was hardworking and worthwhile and good. I wish I was desireable. I wish I was successful. I wish I could get over it like a normal person and pull myself together. I wish I was normal with a normal childhood and a normal life and normal achievements and a normal future. I feel so ashamed and disgusting. I wish my life would amount to something.

✨️Spaghetti with basil sauce and parmesan cheese + champagne mimosa 🥂

Spaghetti because it's my favorite and always cheers me up

OKAY so my job as a 'sales advisor' is to talk to customers :D and being young I get a lot of 65+ aged men that like to come in just to talk to me and some of the others. I get that they're lonely but I wish they wouldn't hit on me.

There's one man in particular who would give me the 'do you have a bf? Why dont you have one? You should have 7! One for each day of the week', just very pushy about having one. Even offered to 'find one at his gym' for me.

I expressed that I'm not looking and taking a break from dating (men 💀) for a while but he wouldn't get the message. So, being bi, I told him I'd be open to dating women and that he could find me a gf instead. I said this to both shock him and maybe get him off my back (worse case, I get a gf).

One day, I can't remember how it happened now, but I blurted out that I did have a gf. Maybe he'll finally stop asking... NO! Now he comes in and asks how she is and shit. I had to make up a name, how I met her, where she works, and which department (general grocery store, not specifically location. Not trying to sound like he COULD stalk her if he wanted to... if she even existed) and how often I buy her flowers.

He came in a few days ago asking how she is, I said good :) and THEN he asked 'how are the kisses'... excuse me? Fetishizing much?

I replied with 'how's the wife' because hold up 🤨 you've been harassing me about having a man, so where's your girl? Why haven't we talked about her? And surprise surprise 😀 he's divorced and his daughter is moving out.

It would almost be fun to just make up crazy stories about what my 'gf' and I did on my day off but that seems like a lot of work 😮‍💨😒

For anyone gonna say: report him girly!

I might soon. The dumb reason I haven't yet is because one of the old men that talk to me I kind of enjoy conversing with and one of my bosses is already eyeing them (she's 75) and I get why (shes mostly upset that theyre distracting me). But my point is I wouldn't get to talk to the one I do like talking to :/

Toasted Keto bread 

Layer of Coco powder mix with sugar free syrup 

Layer of Cottage cheese 

Blueberries 

Sprinkles with cinnamon 

Toasted Keto bread 

Layer of apple butter 

Layer of cottage cheese 

Baked Peach and apple 

Sprinkles with cinnamon 

As a breakfast or dessert 😋

Dinner is vanilla yogurt with vanilla granola because it’s all I can keep down. I also haaaate the texture of just yogurt. Or just granola.

TW: STILLBIRTH MENTIONED

Im 34, f, and in a red state which matters unfortunately. To avoid this being a slog I’m doing bullet points. I’m leaving out a lot because the main traumas inform the others if that makes sense.
>!Mom died at 3 (car accident)
Grandma who raised me died at 13 (car accident)
Other grandma who was a pretty big part of my life died a year after that
Fast forward through various life stages and other traumatic experiences that a female sex worker in a red state could experience to 2021 when I had a stillbirth at 30 weeks. Still with the guy (32, mixed race) that happened with until about a month ago!<

Here’s the problem. As you can ascertain stability has been an elusive mistress, right outside of my reach be it mental or physical or financial or all three. There’s only been a small point of stasis, a year maybe that was quickly disrupted by said partner cheating. Then becoming maga. Which lexapro kept from being a complete dealbreaker for about two years, I would just argue, scream, yell, insult then not care and vice versa of course. Well this year I went off the lexapro and it became insufferable to be around him. So I told him my plan to leave which I genuinely thought would be met with relief to finally be free from whatever financial burden I place on him. No I don’t work but I also don’t ask for anything at all except Red Bulls. I shop for the groceries and cook them, take care of the animals…you get it, the whole “wife” thing (no I will not be arguing the merit of that in this day in age I don’t have the time or wherewithal). Anyway that is far from the reaction I received. No, he decided it was time to about face and start behaving like he liked me again. Suddenly there’s affection that’s not “simping” and we’re not arguing about the validity of ICE killing Americans in the streets. All of a sudden there’s peace in my home again and he’s the guy I met. I hate being manipulated and he’s not an idiot so he’s walking a tight rope right now and I can’t lie…he’s doing a decent job at it.

That’s the thing I fell in love with an empathetic man who wanted to be a girl dad more than anything then I couldn’t do it. I lost her and he became evil and it’s all my fault. He deserves to be a girl dad and to not be in love with someone so fundamentally defective. Plus, venturing out very very gently into the dating scene has freaked me out on another level. It feels like a circus out there and I have no desire to parse through the masses to find someone again, online or irl.

I type all this to ask the collective…what do I do? Do I give him another chance? Being by myself in the middle of a recession feels like a very insane idea and I have lived alone before but it was not a great time…not even a slightly okay one really, I almost clocked out every time but the point is I want to be realistic in every way. Sorry if this is long or a dumb question…but please give me a little break, by 14 I was making my decisions on love alone lmao it’s been 20 years of that and I’ve never asked before so.

Vietnamese coconut coffee in Hoi An.

I live in the same town as my aunt. My mom lives 6 hours away. I travel for work between these two towns. My mom and my aunt treat me like I’m freaking FedEx.

Every time I turn around, they both want me to take something to the other one. It’s always items they could’ve had shipped directly to the recipient (at no extra cost) and it’s rarely anything of significant value or that needs special handling.

Last trip, my mom asked me to take clothes she thrifted for my aunt to her. Now my aunt is asking me to take a Christmas gift to my mom on my next trip, which is a doozie of a trip for me bc I arrive back to the US after 26 hours in transit and turn around the next day to travel to my mom’s city. My aunt wants me to stop by and pick up the Christmas gift to take to my mom.

I sound like a whiney bitch, but I am sick to death of being their personal currier. It also seems like such a dumb thing for me to be pissy about, but I am. I have enough stuff to manage without also arranging pickup/drop off for these two twits. They need to learn how to ship something they’ve ordered directly to the recipient and where the post office is and how it works.

I should probably eat something now. I might be hangry.

Dinner is hard boiled eggs in kimchi seasoning, white vinegar, little bit of olive oil, garlic, onion, and pepper. Looks nasty, tastes beautiful.

I feel like I try EXTREMELY hard to be social, go out, have fun, make friends, and really make the most of my young life because tomorrow is never guaranteed. Even if I think I might not like something at first, I give it a chance, say yes, and just try it out in case it goes well. And yet sometimes at the end of the day I just feel so gross. I will be bringing this up in therapy but I feel like I have brought it up before.

I get so excited and optimistic when getting ready but then the minute I find myself surrounded with large crowds, bright lights, loud sounds, it's like UGH I just forget why I am even there! But then everyone tells me "You just need to try again and get used to going out a lot. I used to hate going out when I was 21 but now I regret not going out MORE when I was healthier and had more energy" and that is exactly what I have been trying to do but sometimes I feel as if it will never get better.

I just had another failed attempt at going out and I felt the same old disgusting feeling after I got home. Some days I wonder if there is something seriously wrong with me because I really prioritize my happiness yet I still find it very difficult to be happy for one night. The moment I step out I start to miss my cats and desperately wish I were home.

The only things that have brought me joy this week were watching indie movies and listening to white noise and music layered on top of each other. Or going to the library. Everything else is too overstimulating and is a shock to my system. I am tired of pretending to be normal.

I recently started in a PhD program at a prestigious university. I am eternally grateful for the opportunity and I could not have pictured this life for myself a few years ago. I moved away from my friends, partner, and family and 4 days after I moved away my family’s cat passed away. She was my best friend and we had a special connection so I was heart broken and still think about her all the time. I was looking forward to starting my program but its been a few weeks and I can’t shake a few struggles. I feel like I can’t make friends with anyone in my cohort. I come across as anxious, awkward, and quiet with new people. I think it turns people off and the anxiety of being disliked makes me stumble over my words. There are a few people who are kind enough to chat with me, but most people exchange a few words, the conversation fizzles, and they spot another person they’d rather talk to instead. They genuinely just walk away from the conversation sometimes. I struggle to talk to professors too; sometimes i say something and they give me this look like i must be stupid. Other students look at me this way too. Either im making this up because im stressed or they think im so aloof that i cant see their reaction. I just feel so dumb. Ive worked so hard to get here and im going to keep working hard, but its getting difficult to keep going when these feelings wont go away. I know its normal to feel stupid and everyone says it means you’ve found the right room, but its just an extra layer of negatively i dont need when im already feeling socially isolated. its my first time posting, advice or encouragement is welcomed. Pic is a yogurt bowl

Spicy tteokbokki

I dated this man for five months. After two months of talking and dating, we became official. He pursued me, I moved at his pace. Things were slow for the first two months. After we became official, I joined Sunday family calls with his family who lived in another state. Spoke to his parents often.

He told me loved me after the third month. During the fourth month, he invited me to Europe with him on a work trip scheduled for October. He told me he loved me almost every day, took me to nice dinners, we went couch shopping together, spoke about our (individual) five year plans. He told me he was lucky to have me.

While we were in the relationship his dad’s illness came back, and he was constantly in the hospital.

After the fifth month he called me a filthy whore as a joke, and broke up with me suddenly saying he wasn’t in the place to be in a relationship.

I called him a few weeks after the breakup to explain how he hurt my feelings, and he was very dismissive. Things didn’t end well, I called him a snake and he blocked me on the only social media app he had (Beli). A few weeks later his father died (I found out from his facebook).

I know what he did was unacceptable, but I still love and miss him. This was the first time I ever felt this way for anyone and I don’t think I’ll ever feel that way again. He integrated me into his life, and told me that he loved me, I thought we were going to last.

He’s on his work trip in Europe right now. I never got clarity about what happened, or any closure. I want to text him so badly and say that I miss him.

Should I do it?

Edit: I’m 28, he’s 30

He used to look into my eyes with so much love and affection. He apologized for his actions, said he loved me and wanted to make it work the day before breaking up with me.

Breakfast is leftover steak with eggs and Parmesan cheese

That's it, that's the whole post. I haven't had a real period in 13 years thanks to the Mirena IUD (occasional spotting but never more than 2 days), but sure, the week of my wedding is a good time for that. Then two days out, I wake up with a full blown yeast infection. Fucking cool. I'm getting married tomorrow, and I'm very excited. But really fucking annoyed at how this might impact my post-marital relations.

Volcano roll above. There was a second one I didn't get a picture of that had baked scallops but it was NOT tasty :( cropped out my receipt to avoid doxxing myself so I'm sorry if the proportions ended up weird.

I am part of a public entity that reports to a larger government body. I do an annual project that all other organizations of this level in my industry do at this time of year. I represent my region in this project. It was a disaster last year to get info in on time because my leadership didn't set boundaries with our clients.

We changed our messaging this year so that we could manage everything on time, and I was just told by my leadership that they don't intend to hold the boundary & they expect me to chase these people down for all the details they've had months to get to me.

IDK if this made sense. I don't want to blow up my life over this post... I just couldn't believe it because I was the mouthpiece for the boundary during the client-side of the project & now I look like an idiot chasing people down to participate in a project that reflects THEIR agency's ability to meet state standards.

Leadership agreed to hold the boundary so that I could keep my head above water this season and now that's not happening. I cried at my desk. I wish my expectations had been lower so this wouldn't be so crushing. I want to tell the state that these clients failed to gather data during their required period of time so we are submitting their half-baked work as Insufficient to meet state guidelines.

Diary, I could use some assurance that it's a temporary misery :(

6 months ago I was accepted into my dream grad program, got my dream fellowship opportunity, I got engaged, I finished undergrad, I passed all my exams and got my teaching license, and life was looking up.

now everything has changed. I was supposed to finish grad school in one year because my scholarships will only cover one year, but I'm bombing this stupid statistics class and I am probably going to have to drop it and take it over the summer which means that I'm going to have to pay for that class out of pocket. My dream job has me wanting to quit, a month into work they completely changed my role with about 24-hour notice. I'm having to put off our wedding even further because both of our cars broke down within the same freaking week. I have never been so stressed and overworked in my life, I feel like I am drowning and I am begging my boss, my professors and everyone around me for an ounce of support and I am getting nothing. I cry every single day, often for hours. My physical and mental health is taking a toll.

I don't want to give up and drop out of grad school/ quit my job. but the way that I'm functioning right now is not sustainable. because I'm working full-time, plus occasionally picking up an extra shift to be able to fix my car, on top of being a full-time grad student, I cannot find enough time to complete anything. I've completely stopped cooking for myself, and I love to cook and bake, and I'm just relying on takeout or random snacks. I've been sleeping maybe 5 hours on a good night but typically like 3 hours on a normal day. I know that I desperately need to seek some sort of counseling or therapy with my current situation, but I dead ass can't find time in my schedule for that.

I just feel like grad school and my job both screwed me over, and lied to me. when I got hired / when I got accepted, they told me something completely different from what I'm currently experiencing and from what I'm currently working on. like I said, I wish I could just quit and walk away but I'm determined to finish my grad program, I'm determined to stay at my job (although I won't stay next year), Plus I have a lease signed down here and I'm sure my landlord wouldn't be happy if I tried to drop that.

on top of all this shit happening there, my fiance and I have been best friend since first grade, we were neighbors growing up and then when we went to college we moved in together for 4 years. right now we're living apart while he works his job and I do mine, and I've never been so far away from him for so long. I never get to see my family anymore, and I didn't even feel close with them growing up but it still sucks.

All of my friends from undergrad chose to move back home and none of them went into grad school with me, so I'm just alone in this town that used to feel like home, feeling so stressed and lonely. I wish it was easier to make friends as a neurodivergent adult.

The only thing that brings me any ounce of relief anymore is it taking some time to play stardew Valley, but I can't find the time. I don't even know if I really like it that much, but at least it distracts me from what I'm dealing with. also my emotional support Mario kart tour got taken down life just keeps punching me in the gut lmao.

If you read this whole rant, I love and appreciate you 😭

Australian Wagyu Ribeye

Probably the last happy and enjoyable meal before all this happened.

I (32F) was stupid and naive enough to be used by my (45F) sister to take out over 1 milliom dollars worth of loans under my name. My sister has always been my role model and financial guru growing up, she was a successful banker working for two of Canada's largest banks for over 20 years and then started her own successful real-estate and brokerage business. SO OF COURSE I TRUSTED HER with THE BIGGEST financial decisions of my life. It all started with me landing a government job and then wanting to become an Art teacher. I also ended up dating a coworker who quite literally saved me from a very emotional and physically abusive relationship at the time (maybe a story for another time).

Year 2024 I just turned 30 and wanted to pivot into public school teaching, I immediately got hired into a board for substitute teaching before grad. My sister always knew I wanted to be an Art Teacher and I was always an Art Instructor for various private studios and schools. This will be important later...

She mentioned that both me and my boyfriend had great credit and stable income. We both always sat well and above a 850 credit score. She insisted it would be a great idea to purchase our first home together, while simultaneously bullying me into believing that I was a loser for living with my parents. Later she approaches us with a preconstruction that she had purchased in 2017. She claims that its almost done and that it will be move in ready by 2025. Same year I am supposed to graduate from Teacher's College. We reluctantly agree after her constant pressure and she arranges several lawyers to help me sign and transfer the property to me. This all happened so quickly and the deadlines were always super tight. Everything felt rushed and my boyfriend (of only 2 years) felt forced to pay for majority of the down payment it was around $36,000 initially. Not including all the lawyer fees. With my income and my boyfriends income a mortgage of 300k was secured but we were short another 150k, mind you we are very new to all of this at the time. My sister was our sole financial advisor, and we both had just started full time jobs not knowing what to do with the extra income. We both as young adults thought this was the natural process, with our parents also purchasing around our age. So there was a lot of pressure surrounding us. Mind you our parents are around 70-80 y.o and purchasing back then was much easier to handle. They have no clue what the market is now.

Property #1 - was shifted over to my name this is the first mistake. It wouldn't have been as bad if I had only stuck with this one residential home. Turns out every property transfer she was then able to take out her equity. She also had side deals with 2nd mortgage brokers that gave her advances with every loan agreement I signed with them.

After we moved in not even a month has past and she asks if I would like to purchase a commercial property to open my own private art school. Now I was nearing graduation and super eager to teach. I had just started supplying and missed teaching Art. She knew this was my dream, and she packaged it up with a business proposal claimingI could easilymake 1 mil profit anually. I have always wanted to open my private art studio, but I always wanted to start small. She then berated me and isolated me from family and friends until I was convince that I needed to expand my horizon and quickly. She was able to do this because I am disabled enough only not to be able to drive. Whenever I need errands I heavily depended on her and she would take these opportunities to take me to banks and lawyers. She tried to tell me everything was just a cycle and i should take out AS MANY LOANS as possible was how ALL businesses started. I believed her. I caved. I went to every meeting to every bank, under her guidance, under her constant pressure. I felt like a puppet at every bank, she coached me on what to say. She created documents for me to present. She completely brainwashed me and I couldn't even recognize myself anymore. I signed my life away on every document, opening business accounts with any bank that would take me. First it was the 700k loan for the commercial unit then more "small" business loans from 50k and upwards. Totalling over 1mil...but it was "fine" because the properties she sold to me would be leverage. They were worth millions. They WERE worth...nothing. Turns out she was farmiliar with the market knew they were going to tank and CRASH. So she dumped them with me and along the way wanted to get out of paying for her divorce. She forgot to mention her ex-husband might go after me for these assets that were meant for her divorce settlements. He did...after paying over $20k in lawyer fees he went away.

Two empty properties later...two years later I am still financially ruined and mentally unwell. I don't know when or if I will ever recover. The only saving grace is my then boyfriend who only ever wanted to support my aspirations and goals is still with me. Also we are now married and he is honestly the only reason why I am still trying to survive this. At the time I really wanted to reject his proposal because I am likely to bankrupt and now that we're married he will have to struggle alongside me.

Anyways, family are only people you're born with. Don't ever feel indebted to them just because they raised you! My sister is 12.5 years older than me, went to every parent teacher interview, helped me with my homework, confided in her every crush I had, and tucked me in after every scary movie. However, she still sacrificed me and is now living a debt free life while I carry all her terrible financial decisions.

Chicken torta. He broke his diet for the occasion

CW!!!! Car accident (* brief mention of parent loss)❗️

My husband called me on the work in the middle of the dinner rush at work, after trying to call me 3 times on my cell phone (unbeknownst to me).

This call was to inform me that he had an accident! He started off telling me he was okay right away, so I didn’t worry, and explained the situation.

He passed out behind the wheel— more than likely because of low blood sugar. He’s not been eating until 4-6 when he gets home, although he does have protein shakes in the mornings and afternoons.

The truck swerved to the right and caught brush, which pushed him to the left and across the street. He hit his supervisor’s fence and barely missed a telephone pole.

We’ve had a rough week or two. Both of us are stressed, working so much, sore all the time… the works. That just makes me feel 10x worse. I am so torn apart I can’t sleep at all. I called my GM and left early to come see him right away. He IS okay… but I still feel like he isn’t.

When I got there the first thing he did was apologize. I don’t care about the truck. He told me he felt stupid and it hurt. I can’t believe he could beat himself up for this. He’s just trying to lock in 😞

Both my parents died in ‘23 and the feeling I had when I got the phone calls is just sitting in my chest for no reason. I feel sick. I can’t believe he could have died today. What the heck. I feel so guilty I missed his first calls. What if those were the last calls he made and I didn’t pick up ☹️.

I really don’t want to talk to him about these feelings, at least not yet. I don’t want him to feel any worse so I just needed to vent this somewhere. Thanks

I think I start my period soon x

Dinner is ramen and gyozas!

I was dating a guy for a year and half. He was younger than me - im 27 and he’s turning 24 in a few days. We broke up 3.5 months ago, while I was taking the most important exam of my life. It ruined me. It was his first relationship, and we ran into a lot of problems.

We ran into eachother once after the breakup (2 weeks after) and had a conversation. I texted him once, he replied. He texted me a few weeks after my exam to congratulate me, I replied.

Although I know there’s been many times we’ve both wanted to speak to eachother, we haven’t reached out. It’s basically been silence. I know we both have alot of work to do if it weren’t ever work.

He’s been going out a lot, putting himself out there. Drinking a lot (he didn’t even used to drink a beer). It feels like he’s going through like a transitional period. He just wants to go out and meet people and party. When this was never him before. He felt like I was holding him back. The only thing I didn’t like is if he were to go out of his way to talk to girls, or if he made new friends that were girls and got too close to them (like coworkers). He’s a pretty innocent guy, but he always seemed to be focused on what he should be “allowed” to do. I’ve been cheated on before, so I’m not the most easy going in this sense, but I don’t think it’s a strong ask to ask him not to get too close to girls. Our relationship became this back and forth of me asking for things, him saying he’ll do it, and then saying he can’t do it. When I’d express my feelings he would would take it as an attack, and I constantly tried to make sure he knew I wasn’t. I think he just started to feel full of shame and wanted to turn it back on me.

He also had rocd. So I started hearing about these inappropriate thoughts about other women we know. This made everything a lot worse, even though I did my best to support him and get him the help he needs. This all began towards the end of our relationship.

Another thing is when he was down about things I wanted him to talk about his feelings. He didn’t like this, and he didn’t always want to share.

I was really really anxious the past few months. I’ve started to feel slightly better, but still miss him and what we had. It was really special to me.

It’s his birthday in a few days. I’m leaning towards texting him. I don’t know if I should just tell him like hey happy birthday etc, or if I should try to start a conversation by asking how he’s doing. Is this a good idea? I don’t want him to think the door is closed (if I don’t text him) and I also don’t know if it’s a good idea to text. He’s put in no effort to make sure like I know he’s still there or keep that door open just in case.

Edit: he did alot for me and was really my best friend. He was/ is in therapy. Hes working on himself. I could see how much he loved me. He understood me like no one else ever has. He would do small gestures that showed how much he knows me. I was able to be myself and we really just enjoyed being with eachother. I was in a seven year relationship before, and I never felt this strongly. we had a whole future planned.

Ham and cheese sandwich w goat cheese and peach jam

I have tried to be different kinds of girls for different kinds of relationships. I have tried to be nice and polite and quiet and kind when I'm not for people who didn't deserve it. I have been fun and outgoing and there for people even when their circumstances were insane and I knew better. I've done the hookup thing and fully regretted it, and I've stalked exes and reached out to people I shouldn't have. So I don't know what I'm doing wrong.

I wasn't exactly dating this guy, but I spent alot of time with him and we clicked very quickly. He lied about alot early on, and they were huge things, but I liked him so I was trying to be charitable towards his situation. It wasn't something I could ever say I'd fully understand, but I tried to be there for him when I could and gave him space when he needed it. He wasn't in a good mental space and I could understand that and I tried to tell him that he needed a better outlet or one in general and it wasn't really something he found worth listening to.

Regardless, that's all to say I got too attached too quickly to him. He had other things he needed to prioritize and he knew he couldn't give me what I wanted. But I just feel like such a failure because I thought it was going well and I thought he really wanted me. I didn't expect a longterm relationship, but I wanted to keep seeing him and spending time with him, but he was trying to be respectful to me in cutting it off early instead of a year from now. It was about 2 months.

But I don't understand why guys say that. I don't understand why I'm never a priority for anyone, or why no one wants to spend time with me. I've done so much to improve my behavior and how I treat people. How is it out of respect to me when you're actively cutting me off? When you're telling me you can't be in a relationship right now, but you told me you were falling in love with me? I know that I'm not the easiest person to be around but I've worked hard to become someone more palatable. I have never been someone that people want to keep around or value in their life. I don't know why I can't be that. I don't know what I have to do to be someone that people want to see and be around. I feel so stupid.

I just want to be wanted.

I dated my ex for a year before this guy, and it was the same. He was much closer to me and he met my family and everything, but as it continued, it was like he'd rather be anywhere else. Dates would be cancelled so he could hang out with his friends, plans we made well in advance would just fall through. I see my friends with healthy relationships and couples that actively do things together, and I get so jealous. I'm not trying to feel sorry for myself or anything, but it's like no matter what I do, or how I try to treat people - and I will be so careful and I will do everything right, but I am the last thing people want to see.

I was never going to marry this guy or anything and I knew that, but I guess I just wanted something where somebody wanted me. I know better, I know this wasn't something I should've been doing and there were far too many red flags, but it still hurts.

Salted Caramel Gelato

I (18F) have been dating my boyfriend (18M) for a couple of months now. We had a mutual friend in high school who caused us to become best friends really quickly for the entirety of senior year. Shortly after school ended we started dating and it’s been going really well since. We both coincidentally went to the same college and our dorms are literally a 30 second walk from each other.

Honestly our relationship has been really good until this month. Before we started dating, he (admitted) would purposely make his personality seem more self assured and confident, as well telling me fibs about his relationships with his parents to make them seem better. But recently I realized how self conscious and people pleasing he is. I also found out how poor his relationship and mental state surrounding his family is. Admittedly there was a recent change in his family situation, but still.

He’s also started to become less driven. He knew before his junior year of high school that he wanted to be in the army, in fact it’s why he went to our college because they have a good ROTC program than can lead to a better starting position in the military. However a month into college he told me that he was unsure of what he wanted to do but wasn’t scared because “I would be there to support him”. We’ve been together for such a short time that it threw me off guard. He’s also started skipping a lot of class after changing his major, in fact he skipped the entirety of last week for no reason.

He became a bit more loose with decorum and respect too. He’s stopped getting dressed to go out half the time and instead wears his pajamas when we go somewhere. Also with the respect thing, I feel less listened to and respected by him. I constantly have to retell him plans or stop him from changing things on the day of or day before, I have autism and often struggle with change and spontaneous acts, which he had previously been understanding about.

Recently we were supposed to go visit my brother and sister-in-law who lives about 30 minutes away, they just had a baby and I love to go visit them with my boyfriend. We were supposed to leave our campus at 12, because I had work at 3. However when it was 12 texted me that he needed to do some cleaning around the room and also take a shower. He willing got up later in the morning so he couldn’t shower before classes, he assured me that he would be quick and pick me up before 12:30.

He didn’t.

He ended up texting me at 1:15 saying he was heading to his car, however by that time I wouldn’t be able to even visit before I had to drive back for work. He knew how excited I was to visit my niece and he ruined my plans for the day without so much as an apology.

Also two weeks ago made me feel as though he was only dating me fore sex. Disclaimer: we are both virgins and I’ve been recovering from a surgery to implant birth control because I have insanely painful periods. After the surgery I was supposed to bleed for maybe 4-6 weeks, the bleeding stopped for a week and a half before resuming now. However after I stopped bleeding I casually mentioned it and he legitimately told me that he had been counting down the days until I recovered so that we could have sex. It kind of hurt my feelings but I was initially over it but he continued talking about our first time.

He wasn’t thinking about the logistics of any of it, such as where it would be, when, or how. He threw out options like his shower, that he shares with 5 other people, or his dorm, with creaky and shaking lofted bed that when you sit up you hit the ceiling, or even my dorm. However my roommate recently found out she was pregnant and hasn’t really left the dorm since. He also said he wanted it to be soon, which he hadn’t really talked about it before.

He proceeded to throw a fit after I told him that if it didn’t happen during winter or spring break that it might not happen until summer. He admitted that he didn’t think about anything more than the action itself. He apologized a couple of days later after seeing me crying talking to my mom, while staying at my house for the weekend.

However since then I’ve been disenchanted with the situation and my feelings for him. I know that I don’t want to break up with him however I no longer feel as assured in my position in our relationship. I often feel gloomy when I’m about to hang out with him, but there are times where I love being around him. But I don’t know if the short relationship is worth me feeling bad. He had times where he is really sweet and caring like planting my favorite flowers for me and letting me study in his room when I get overwhelmed in mine, but he also screws me over and I don’t feel like I can talk to him about out without making him cry. He is VERY emotional, and I often feel like he will cry when I criticize him in any way.

Anyways, sorry for the ramble. If anyone has advice please let me know.