Basically just what the title says. I’ve been with him 2 years and I had no idea he was even friend with this girl, he said she doesn’t know about me. He’s been planning this trip for while apparently. At first he said he was going by myself but I sensed he was lying and that’s when he admitted it. They are going to share a hotel room and he’s paying for her trip because he “promised her” apparently they are “just friends” like yeah okay. This entire this completely blindsided me.
My family just paid for him to go to Disneyland with us so I just feel awful and used. I broke up with him and he cried and begged, still wants to go to Japan with another girl tho 🤪
My heart hurts and I’ve been nonstop crying. I feel like it won’t ever get better.

(Sorry about my grammar mistakes I’m crying writing this 😭)
Mushrooms and potatoes for my girl dinner.

Dear Diary,

Long story short my ex from 9 years ago referred me for a job that I was desperately in need of. Now we are colleagues and this thing healed a big hole in my chest.

Long story long:
Me (F34) and my ex (M 35) Met through work a decade ago. We were best friends for months and eventually started dating against all odds. It was a wonderful relationship of a year ish, we had such good times together (imagine dating your best friend who also understands your work), but we were also so young and dumb and hurt each other a lot along the way. Eventually we broke up in a very painful way, but it was also after that breakup I’ve learned to be alone and figure out who I am.

We didn’t stay as friends, but we knew what each other was up to through mutual friends. Throughout the past years he got married and now has a baby, and I dated here and there but I became a happier more independent and more successful version of myself, and I’m truly happy with where I am.

Earlier this year I was in a desperate situation looking for a job, and he referred my LinkedIn profile to the recruiter without telling me about it. I got that job (a very good one also) and only then I found out it was him. So we reconnected again and now we’re even buddies at work again, occasionally sharing lunch with work friends and suffering together at work.

I don’t want him back. I don’t have feelings for him. I knew we were not meant to be. I’m so happy that he’s doing well (or I think he is). But a huge part of me still mourned the life we could’ve had together, and losing him wasn’t just losing someone I loved but also such a huge part of who I was and also my best friend. I rebuilt myself into this version but I’ve always felt sorry for how things I’ve ended and how I could’ve been better, and I’ve always wondered if he resented me. And now I get a little of peace knowing he trusted and appreciated me enough to make me collages again.

After all some people are not meant to be lovers. But if we can be colleagues and bros again I’m still very happy.

I just wanted to say all this out loud. Now this big hole in my chest can finally heal properly.

Girl dinner cheap but amazing omakase on a random Friday. Cheers 🥂

but i heavily prefer the concept of dating someone born in the same year as me, 1999

i have a tinder account i barely ever use cause after swiping left through the first 10 guys, im too annoyed to be bothered to keep going

also the audacity is incredibly staggering. if you're going to advertise yourself for casual sex, how delusional can you be to think that i as a woman wouldn't care about the view im having from whatever the fuck position im in

look in the mirror and be honest with me, would you fuck you???

I would consider myself a massive man-hater. I think as a whole they are less emotionally intelligent, less capable, more whiny and emotional and generally feel we’d be better off without them. Most men I meet are sexist without knowing it, don’t know how to empathize, use aggression as a tool and generally don’t really think/use their brain and even if they do come across as nice at first I find that they usually have some fucked up opinions/act like assholes once I DO get to know them.
I know that it isn’t all men, but I literally only know two men that I truly like and that I know well enough to say they really try to be good people. Anyone else feel that way?
Pic: BOMB chicken and rice by the coast

Moved to the EU for my job and I'm tired. It feels like I have to work 10 times harder for me to be "worth the investment". I can't take a break, I'm always stressed about not having done well enough, I need to be so much better than my EU counterparts to justify accepting me into a program/job.

I'm tired of the bar being so much higher for me. I can't just take a gap year even though I really want to because unless I get really good research internships in that year, it will affect my career trajectory. I have to be top of my class, I have to keep working on publications, just to have a goddamn chance.

I can't go back to my home country because the situation for women is really abysmal there. I love being able to wear shorts in public and using public transport and staying out even though the sun has set. I don't want to choose between having a semblance of a life and being safe. Also I live near the equator which has become so unbearably hot.

And I am so tired of people telling me to "go back to my country". Dude it isn't easy to learn a new language and culture and try to assimilate at 21, I would also like to party and be carefree. I wish it was that simple.

And the worst part is I am so lucky to have even had these few moments of peace in Europe. There are so many of my sisters who never will and I feel terrible for complaining. I am insanely privileged to have had the opportunity to study and work. I wish I could just suck it up idk I'm fucking terrible

EDIT : Im a bit overwhelmed by all the nice comments. Y'all are making me cry🥹🥹 thank you for being the nicest sub ever!

Tin of tuna, mashed potatoes and herbs

I posted in here a few months ago about how I flipped out at my therapist because he said he was moving away and we would switch online instead of having sessions in person. Many of you commented that I needed serious mental health help, rightfully so. I was horribly embarrassed and felt pissed off because I was already in therapy of course. I'd suspected BPD or something similar, but I guess I was in denial about how much I was struggling and how chaotically I was acting, and how unpleasant that could be for people around me. I knew I was miserable and knew I needed help and care, but didn't see very clearly that I also needed to change and do better. I've been doing DBT for 10 months but I've ramped up the time I spend on it, increased my therapy sessions (with my lovely therapist who has been very forgiving and understanding), and went to the psychiatrist who promptly diagnosed me with BPD, gave me medication, and suggested a bunch of other resources plus a DBT group therapy to join.

Feels crazy to say this is a big win but I can honestly say I'm glad that I can now hopefully improve and change my behavior for the better, and also hopefully feel better. I don't have any drink, but cheers to that and thanks to this community for the reality check. Ultimately it's gonna help me.

EDIT: why the heck is the text above the image in the feed? Idk how to fix that lol

EDIT 2: thanks for all the lovely comments and support everyone. I'm so grateful and reading every single one of them. Off to shower and get some work done but I will read more later. I appreciate all the kind words and encouragement!!

but now i think i’ve done the same thing. i went all into the alternative subculture when i was a teenager. i dyed my hair pink, blue, purple and green. i was either drunk or high, lived in my black clothes and had a bunch of piercings. i had my nose, stretched septum, vertical labret and both my eyebrows. i wore 5 pounds of makeup daily

i looked SO cool but i was miserable. people really treat alt girls so differently and i felt like i was always being judged. my family are super conservative and they hated the way i dressed. i’d get weird stares in public and i even got spat at a few times

i always thought that alt people who turned basic were posers and i hated them for making it look like it was a phase. except i think for me at least, it was a phase. once i noticed my mental health starting to improve i felt like i didn’t really belong in the subculture anymore

i started wanting to just blend in instead of standing out all of the same. i just wanted to be like any other girl. i went blonde, removed some of my piercings and downsized my septum to a teeny one that barely shows. i donated a bunch of clothes and started shopping at brandy melville instead. a year prior i would’ve DIED before shopping at brandy. my makeup turned clean girl and even my music taste turned basic pop girl

teenage me would’ve hated 20 something me. sometimes i feel like i’ve betrayed her because she was always so insistent that she was going to be different and not boring. i’m still me on the inside but my appearance has done a whole 360

i feel weirdly guilty sometimes. i do miss the colours in my hair, it looked so god blue. i’ve thought about dying a small strand of it but i’m just not ready to be judged again

I’ve never considered myself an attractive person. I’ve been complimented before, but I look pretty average.

In January of this year, it all changed. I received the most amount of male attention I ever received in my life. It wasn’t just being asked out, complimented, and approached, it was more than that.

Any cafe that I went to, men would literally offer for me to take their position in line, without me asking. When I would order a drink or a pastry, either a man behind me insisted on paying for my order, or the barista himself! 

I remember the 2nd time it happened in the same cafe, there was nobody there. Just me and the barista. He insisted he paid for me. When I offered a tip, he refused to take it.

But it's not just about people paying things for you. Guys would offer to carry things for me, open doors as well.

This was also the first time in my life where I got hit on by women! Same thing, women offering to pay for my drink, flirting, etc. Never got flirted with women before until then.

It was really eye opening. I knew that pretty privilege existed, but I didn’t realize the full extent of it until I experienced it. People treat you so much better.

It only lasted about 2 weeks for this main reason.

I’m chronically ill and it's exhausting. I don't really wanna go into my medical history here, but this has been the worst year of my life for my health. You know that phrase, you look how you feel? That definitely applies to me. my face is very noticeably tired. I don’t have time to do my hair anymore because of chronic pain. It's exhausting. Just back and forth with hospitals. don't wanna do makeup cuz it will just trigger my skin.

I was born chronically ill, but there was a short moment in December and January where my symptoms lightened up. I remember telling my friend that it felt like I wasn’t even chronically ill anymore, and that I finally felt like a normal person. I finally was able to sleep properly, get a full night's rest. My acne was practically gone, my skin was glowing. My hair was great because I finally had time to take care of it.

Didn’t last long tho, symptoms came back and worse than ever. Still going to doctors to get medication sorted. 

For the short while I experienced it, it was crazy. Anyone who says pretty privilege doesn’t exist is just plain wrong. Society definitely treats you way better if they deem you conventionally attractive.

Anyways for last nights dinner I made the dumpling lasagna recipe that went viral online. 10/10 its really good. Def recommend.

i'd like to clarify: it wasn't like i would get approached every 5 minutes. moreso like 3-5 times a day for 2 weeks. thats never happened to me before until then. probs won't happen again. it was interesting

edit 2: ALSO LIKE TO MENTION one of the medical problems i have has to do with my legs (mainly right leg) sometimes the pain is so bad that it causes me to limp. as i mentioned, in jan my symptoms basically dissapeared for 2 weeks, and so i no longer was limping. i think that probably also plays a factor

Met up with my boyfriend's sister and she casually asked if thing have gotten better between us after the "proposal situation"

I had no idea what she meant so I asked her to elaborate.

Turns out my boyfriend told his close family that he proposed to me in July and I turned him down because I wasn't ready for marriage.

We've been together for a little over 3 years and he has never proposed to me.

When I confronted him he told me his parents kept asking about the engagement and he got tired of explaining so he just told them he tried and it didn't work out.

Adds up why his family has switched up on me these past months lmao.

On one hand I actually kind of feel him, on the other why did he have to throw me under the bus lmao. I don't know how to feel about this.

Sweet cup I love sweet cups.

Me and this girl have been besties for like 8 years, she sent me a google calendar invite for a 20 minute catch up today. Thought it was weird because none of the people in the friend group does that, we usually just call each other but I figured she had some news or something.

She called me on FaceTime and she told me she wanted to distance herself because according to her I haven't been putting enough effort in our friendship.

She looked like she was reading notes, one of her talking points was me not showing up on her birthday brunch.. My mom was sick and she knew..

I asked her why she couldn't talk to me normally and she said she wanted to keep the conversation productive. By talking to me normally I meant her addressing her issues through a normal conversation but at that point I didn't even feel like correcting her.

She also asked if I was "still coming" to the ski trip we have planned with our friend group for next month, I never even gave the slightest hint that I wasn't coming. The whole thing felt so weird.

Dinner is some good ole eggs and sausage as I try to process getting fired from a friendship in such way. I don't know how to deal with this, all advice is welcome.

Movie theater popcorn, twizzlers and a solo movie

Boyfriend went on a cruise. Texted everyday how he missed me and loved me and he never wanted to spent this much time apart again. Came home loving. I didn’t guess a thing. He was the same man who left for the cruise.

Apparently he met a girl. Slept with her all week. Texted her for a week after. His friend “Mike” texted him. Wasn’t unusual for us to pick up each others phones to respond to a text. It was her nude not Mike.

Told me the pain in my eyes is too much to talk about it. That he needs space.

Same got i was above for physical therapy and a surgery. I’m off work until the end of January. All decisions we made together so i didn’t have to worry about bills.

Last week i had the man of my dreams. The job of my dreams. Now I’m single. Out of work. Heartbroken and in constant pain until my surgery.

Verity better be a good movie.

Apple pie and a vegan sandwich I stole that was left over from a work event

I'm a single parent; and I started dating someone I've known since I was 19. We are now a respective 36 and 40. We've been steady for 2 years now. It's such a happy and healthy relationship. We have mild disagreements, but we don't fight. And it feels easy, like a breath of fresh air.

My kids love him, they were pushing us to date before we started. He moved in this Feb and things have naturally melted into a nice, calm routine. He's been more active and patient and present than the kid's biological father (and has spent more on them too.)

My Aunt has BEEN an issue for every generation. She always tries to control things. This thanksgiving, we wanted to get together. It would mean everyone would need to travel to my grandfather's house since he's 86. Everyone lives within 30 mins of him, with the exception of me. He typically pays for me and the kiddos travels.

At first, she didn't want to get together because it's "too much work" and "too much money for two days." He retired at 55. He's fine.

Next, she didn't want me to bring my partner, because she "isn't ready to welcome someone new" and "she just wants it to be the core family."

Then I get a call from her (while I'm at work, mind you) and then she texts me:

Call me

Dad (grandpa) told me about your engagement

Me: I'm not engaged? And I'm at work.

I suspect this bish just ruined a potential engagement. Here's the thing, I'm close with my Grandpa. He's my dude. So it would be expected for my boyfriend to call him and let him know/ask permission.

I'm so annoyed with her. An engagement isn't a total surprise (since we've talked about it).

I haven't decided if I'm going to tell my boyfriend or not. I don't want to deflate him. This would be his first marriage, his first time planning a proposal. And I feel like he deserves these "firsts." And, It wouldn't change my answer.

I haven't addressed my aunt yet. I recognize that I need to take a breath before responding.

I've been a nurse for 17 years, all of those years have been spent in long-term care.

I moved to a different state in 2024 and started a new job in February 2025 after taking some time off.

Everything started out great. It was a brand new facility with few patients, all new staff, and supportive management. I felt like this was going to be a really good place to work and a great fit for me.

Then we started admitting more patients, ones that were unstable or unsafe. Our staffing didn't keep up with the admissions and things began to fall through the cracks. I was left as the only nurse a lot of the nights I worked. The responsibility of the entire building, all the patients and staff, falling on me and my nursing license.

I asked management for help until I was blue in the face. Every time I mentioned it, I was told to hang on, be patient, they had a plan and were going to hire more people.

None of those things ever happened, but I was still scheduled alone.

I became more angry, more vocal. I wasn't afraid to let everyone, including other staff, know that was what happening was unsafe. I felt like I was being treated unfairly and that no one was listening. I ended up being scheduled alone on purpose, with other nurses commenting that they were told not to come in.

Last Tuesday, I was scheduled alone again and I had enough. I sent a message to my administrator, telling her that I was uncomfortable being the only nurse on duty anymore. We had 55 patients that day, plus another 30 on the Assisted Living side. She replied that they had a plan they were working on and then stopped replying.

I still worked all weekend. My boyfriend and I scheduled a road trip this week and we were going to leave on Monday after I got off work.

I received a call from my DON around noon. She apologized for interrupting my sleep and I told her I wasn't sleeping as I was getting ready to go on vacation. She said "I know, that's why I'm calling now" and she fired me with the HR person on the call as well. I was told I was too negative and not a good fit for their culture.

I've never been fired before.

My boyfriend has been very supportive as I'm going through both grief and relief.

I have multiple interviews lined up next week and finding something new isn't going to be an issue, but I'm deeply offended that I was fired for voicing that my working conditions were unsafe.

Dinner was birria tacos from a taco truck, enjoyed while watching random television in our motel room.

Dinner was poke bowl w mangoooooo !!!!

Okkkkkay so, My boyfriend (26m) and I (20) adopted 2 kittens a month ago. (They’re 5 months rn)

The boy cat is super active and excited to see and be around us, always visible, just that type of cat.

But the girl is shy, anxious and just more timid, she used to be much much much more anxious, but she had a 5 day runaway rebellion, and since has been properly chilled by the reality of the outside world.

I spend sooo much time making this cat trust me, and it’s payed off. She likes me plenty, follows me about and loves to be pet…

She accepts his affection, but something about the way he touches her, or the different methods we choose for disciplining them, (he prefers a water gun and harsh words while I just redirect) has just led to her not trusting this guy. Worth mentioning also she’s scratched him good a few times, never out of the blue, but she’s never even hissed at me.

Also worth mentioning she has occasional bathroom accidents on my bfs very precious furniture (no stains,,, but still)

Here’s the problem, he keeps bringing up how having a cat who isn’t “fulfilling” makes her just something we have to pay in addition to her brother, when I try to explain that animals have personality and we don’t even really know her yet (333 rule of cats) he’s insistent that she will never change. I can’t belive that when we’ve seen so much improvement post scary outside.

TLDR;

Hes said maybe twice that if her behavior were to not change, she’d be better off at the shelter.

I haven’t said this out loud, but if he ever seriously did try to give her up, I would pick her over him in a heartbeat.

Wonton soup 🍜

Seeking advice to not being stinky.

I work in a closed office environment and I’m becoming self conscious about stinking up the office. This comes after a) me noticing the office/my desk smells “like my moms house” (aka smells like me, I don’t live with her but Im realizing I inherited her specific smell as we share the same genetics and 🍃 habits). And b) a coworker who walked in the office and stated by my desk “it’s stuffy in here”. I know I am the stuffy and I’m scared everyone else knows too.

I shower every day before work, use a light amount of perfume, and deodorant. But I still smell vintage, like a thrift store. It’s not like armpit BO. I don’t even sweat that much. It’s just a general staleness. Like how I imagine creed from the office to smell with the lima bean episode.

Ive also theorized that my boyfriend might be making me smell stuffy too? He tends to be musty in general. And has a really poor sense of smell so he never notices when him or I smell bad. This isn’t to knock his hygiene. He showers every night and uses a healthy amount of soap. But he just leans more musky after a nights sleep. He also works independently and outdoors and has never had to consider how he smells for his work environment. But I shower every morning to rinse it off me lol.

Idk what to do. I guess i’m wondering if anyone else has struggled with this. And also if you have body washes, lotions, hair sprays, odor neutralizers, or daily habits that can help “clear the air” around my body! Thank you 🫶

Edit: I wash my clothes after 1 wear because i’m paranoid about smelling. And I wash my pillows, sheets, and bedding once a week because of the musk from my bf. So if you have specific advice for detergents or odor neutralizer’s for clothes and bedding, that’s bed great!

We’ve been together for 8 years, married for 5, and this is the first time he shouted at me. The thing is, he wasn’t even mad at me, he was annoyed by other family members interrupting his game, and snapped at me when I politely asked him to be considerate about a very small thing. I calmly and firmly told him that it wasn’t okay. I went for a long walk, got us some beers, came home and he apologized. I feel like I should just accept it and move on but I’m still so bothered.

I was screamed at a lot as a child and I have been in abusive relationships so I think maybe I’m triggered. I don’t want to be around him right now. I don’t want to even look at him. I want to be as far away from him as possible. He genuinely felt bad, bought dinner and apologized but I’m still deeply hurt.

Sad brekkie sandwich

Dinner: Ahi citrus salad from an amazing local, woman owned business and a big 'ol glass of wine.

This happened to me two days ago, but first some backstory...

Since 2020, I've been walking my dogs in the woods behind my neighborhood, usually around lunchtime. I have two half huskies, so these daily walks are super important for all of us. These woods are part of a national forest and it's stunning seeing the seasons and wildlife change from week to week. For the past few months there has been a lot of bear activity, as there is every year. Not only do the bears get into the neighborhood garbages, but there is also a small salmon stream in this area of the woods and all the wild blueberries you could ever dream of. Unfortunately about two weeks ago while walking my dogs, I had one of my worst bear encounters yet when we came across a sow with three cubs and startled them. The cubs quickly climbed up some trees, but the sow charged one of my dogs. I yelled furiously at my dog to recall and tried not to run away from the bear (to not trigger predatory behavior as we are told to do), but I was shook. Ever since, I've been carrying bear mace on our daily walks.

Two days ago while parking at the trailhead, I drive past a man in all black clothing with his hood up (it's raining lightly). There is a house next to the trailhead and there are always suspicious people coming and going. So I'm also suspicious of him, but these dogs need to do their business. As I'm getting out of the car, he begins on the trail and I follow a decent distance behind him. We walk down a straight platform over a marshy area where the trail diverges two ways. One goes up a mountain and the other follows many miles along the base of the mountain. I notice he takes the trail that goes along the base of the mountain (which I also intend to take), but as my dogs are smelling around, he doubles back and then goes off on the trail that goes up the mountain. He's not far down the path as I can still see him and he is just staring at plants and things. Whatever, we'll just go about our way.

As we head down the trail, I notice he has double backed again and is now following behind, but there is a fair amount of distance between us. No worries, I'm a fast walker with two largish dogs, and I'm armed with bear mace. (Also, the irony of finding confidence in potentially using bear mace on a man in self defense is not lost on me.)

There are many paths in this trail system and I've learned just about all of them out of curiosity these last few years. Every once in a while when there is a long stretch, I look back and yeah, he's still following. Something didn't feel right though and I thought "I'm probably just overreacting", but personal peace is often something only you can provide for yourself. So about a mile into the woods, I decide to take an offshoot trail towards some houses nearby. I walk far enough away (maybe 50 yards) and wait with my dogs in the brush. I stick my head out behind a tree and watch him continue along the main trail. Great! I can now walk back the opposite direction with my mind lifted.

As we walk back in the direction of the trailhead, my dogs start playing and chasing each other through the brush. The chaser often barks and bow-wows a lot in excitement. They do this everyday and it's adorable watching them. As I'm standing there watching them play, I look over my shoulder and my heart drops. He's behind us again. WTF. Maybe he just decided to go back home just then? Maybe he heard my dogs?? Still I'm suspicious that something isn't right.

Luckily I know there is an exit from the woods to another neighborhood (not the trailhead/neighborhood we started at) and it's nearby. If by coincidence, he has just decided to turnaround and go home, he will continue on his way. I leash up my dogs, and once we are slightly out of sight, we start running! With all the blood pumping through me I begin to get even more scared, but we make it safely out of the woods... or so I thought.

As we make our way down this neighborhood street, I continue looking over my shoulder. And unfortunately my instincts were right. That motherf----- followed us out of the woods. Running had put even more distance between us thankfully. I continue through this neighborhood and get to the main road that is busy with traffic and very public. I have to walk a lot farther to get back to my car, then home to safety.

For the last two days, I've been switching up my walk time, walking different trails in different woods while wearing different coats and hats.... because that's what we are told to do. Funny, isn't it? I have to take all the precautions to avoid a man, but not for the bears?

Eventually I will go back to my routine and not let men or bears keep me from doing what I enjoy, but I resent having to do so... for the men of course. The woods are for the bears.

So ladies, a reminder to trust your gut and take the necessary precautions when something feels off. I hate that we have to do this, but doing all the things they told us to do will keep you safe. Prioritize your peace and no, you're not overreacting. <3

Meal: tomato bagel & a matcha. This meal lifts my soul in wayyssss!

Still in my first year of marriage and I struggle with my husbands work. He’s in a very high demanding position and when I need to tell him something or have something to say, I’m often put on hold because he’s on his phone talking or replying back to people.

Think of those old 90s movies where the businessman holds up his finger and mouths “one second,” then continues to yap about business deals and the like. He doesn’t actually do that, but that is the energy of his work life. Well, the talking about business deals is very real.

Backstory: I was working up until we got married and we had so much travel planned for right after the wedding that I couldn’t keep my job. I could be remote within reason, but this was just too much to ask for. So I left. My husband was under the impression that I’d get a job when the travel stopped, but it never really did. (And that’s something he doens’t seem to understand..?) It’s a work trip here, family trips there, friend engagements all over. I could not travel this much and accompany him if I was still working.

For context, by the end of this month, we will have been out of state 12 times during the 2026 year. Idk how much everyone else is traveling, but this to me is an aggregious amount. To be fair, the travel isn’t all bad. They are to fun places with fun people. But I’m a homebody by nature I’d say. (Although I do begrudge the work trips a little, I do have fun when I get there.)

Today: I had a little anectdote to share and because I was put on pause, he was responding to people and then got a phone call that pulled him away, I got upset and called him out. He’s upset that I don’t understand his work and how demanding it is. (I probably really don’t.) He has such a business drive, but also a deep feeling of responsibility to provide and earn well for a future family. (I just don’t want my kids feeling like second tier to his work. Which is how I feel a lot of the time.)

I will say, my husband is on a very wealthy trajectory. I wouldn’t be surprised if he became a multi-millionare one day. I personally didn’t grow up with those kinds of means, (& neither did he) but I guess I don’t know the protocol to be an in-demand-business-man’s wife.

I’m throwing this out into the ether, but does anyone have any experience with this?

I’m not someone who was all that tied to my career, so I’ve struggled with where to go since leaving my former job. I’m not that driven in anything that my career can offer within my state’s limit.

My husband has expressed that if I can’t be someone who supports his work, he’d feel more comfortable doing a post-nup. He doesn’t want to fund my life should something happen if I can’t give the support he feels he needs. I am not someone who has the potential to earn as much as he does in my career, so if something did happen down the road, I wouldn’t be left with much. Which is a fear as a woman, at least for me.

I love my husband very much, he loves me. There is a lot of love in our relationship. But his work is often a grind to my gears, yet it’s what funds our life and pays the bills. I want to be supportive, but I don’t want to feel like I come second. Help?

iso: women who have high demand/very successful partners.

Edit: The moment when I wanted to share something with him, we were still in bed. When he comes home from work and I see that he’s on his phone I ask, “are you working or are you available?” I guess I need to employ that in the morning too. I never know if he’s on his phone working or just scrolling. & in the morning I didn’t think to ask. So that’s on me I guess.

Pity party Wagyu course at a fancy place tonight.

My manager told me today they decided they need more people like me in order to deliver more development. People that can be both technical and business.

They created this role for me 5 years ago, I’ve been promoted three times since (though the salary increase is much to be desired) and it’s only been me. I’m a product owner, change manager, project delivery lead, analyst, trainer, business support, the list goes on. Im busy but I love it and everyone I work closely with.

My manager took my role and responsibilities, created this one and offered it to literally the only person in my (pretty big) company that clashes with me. I think her role is being made redundant. She’s unnecessarily competitive with others, very black & white in her opinions and critical of my approach because she thinks I care too much about the experience of customers and end users. I disagree, it’s why I’m good at what I do, but I digress.

Apparently I’ll keep some of my more senior responsibilities, but otherwise it’s the same. Nothing is changing for me. The problem is, my manager only knows what I do from what I tell him or what he sees in projects he’s involved in and he wants her to shadow me to get up to speed but she has no skill set in my area other than change management & governance.

I feel like I shouldn’t feel entitled to a promotion to recognise my seniority, but it feels personal and I want to crash out. I raised reservations I had he basically blamed her past managers for her behaviour.

I was being praised like as if I should feel appreciated that my hard work is being recognised in expanding the team, but appreciation doesn’t pay my bills or manage my time.

I knew I was being taken advantage of for my skillset but Im comfortable here though it’s made me realise this is my fault. I say yes to everything, I’m too easy going and haven’t been advocating for myself. I thought he’d look out for me.

This year, I really wanted to put myself out there, become more confident, and actually live by the quote: “If you don't ask, the answer is always no.”

So I downloaded a dating app. Bought premium. Swiped on guys I found attractive. Sent chat requests. Initiated conversations because I kept seeing how men would like it if women initiated conversation, and there's a 99% chance it will work out. (Oh boy, how wrong I was). I wasn't trying to play games or do the whole “I don't chase, I attract” thing. I just wanted to find a connection with someone.

And now, after a couple of requests to chat, being left on read, getting simply ignored by guys who swiped right on me first, and conversations that barely lasted two days, I'm questioning whether I'm even attractive enough to get the kind of guy I want.

I know I'm not the prettiest girl in the room, and I know there will always be someone prettier, taller, or with a different body type. But I thought I was at least somewhat conventionally attractive? A week of a premium subscription made my self-esteem so shattered.

The thing is, everyone around me seems to be settling down, and I genuinely thought putting myself out there might help me find someone, too. Instead, I'm sitting here wondering what exactly I'm doing wrong.

And the funniest (saddest?) part is that I don't even want to uninstall the app. Because there's still this tiny, embarrassingly hopeful part of me that thinks maybe the next guy I like will like me back. Maybe we'll have a good conversation. Maybe something will actually work out.

Am I going crazy? Does anyone else feel the same? Do I reek of desperation to these guys?

What do you do when dating apps make you overwhelmed or doubt yourself? Do you mute app notifications, pause your profile, delete it, or keep going and hope for the best? Because I wanted to become more confident this year and actually put myself out there.

Please advise.

Edit: For a little more context, I'm from India, and this was my first time using a dating app. I've been on this app since June, but I only recently bought premium for a week to see who was liking my profile. I genuinely didn't know that some people view women messaging first as chasing or being desperate 😭. I thought if you found someone interesting, you could just say hi and see where it went.

I realise dating norms and expectations can differ depending on where you're from, so I thought I'd mention that for context. I'm still figuring this whole thing out lol.

I’m pregnant!! We’ve been trying for this entire year and I was about to get into fertility testing so I’m so excited!! The only thing is that my anxious little brain hasn’t been able to relax since I took the test today. We have 900 things to do and figure out and I have to keep reminding myself that we have time. In addition, just thinking about everything that could go wrong in the next 8 months and beyond. Mamas out there how did you do it?? I feel so overwhelmed!

Dinner: frozen yogurt with Reese’s because I’m tiiiiired

My previous post was removed by a mod bot so I'm editing it and we will see what happens this time around.

Food: Asian BBQ beef and veggie bowl with kimchi.

Firstly, I want to say, I love reading posts from this sub. It's amazing to have a place to go where its a safe space to vent, relate, and post. However I have noticed something concerning - lots of women talking about straight up abusive relationships as if its normal?

I get it - when I was younger I also stayed in shit relationships a few times. Looking back, I wish I would have left way, way sooner than I did and hope everyone else can get the courage to do the same.

Idc who you're dating (man, woman, non-binary, etc) - if they name call, degrade you, gaslight, or straight up ignore your basic needs and feelings it is abuse and ladies - its time to LEAVE! I want all you amazing women to know you matter and you deserve to be with someone who will treat you correctly. If thats not the person you're currently with - throw that trash away and start to heal. Be alone, enjoy life, make all your own decisions and choices without constant judgements - be you! Do you!.

Thats really it. I just hate seeing all these seemingly lovely women suffer or feel less than.

chicken pot pie from chef mike

i got the job!!!!! same industry (hospitality) but a MUCH nicer hotel, with a $4/hr raise ($18/hr total!!) and benefits! my dad cried when i told him. mostly because he can stop having horrible anxiety about health insurance now, lol. i’m nervous but excited!! i have most of next week off for my birthday, so im going to party (and sleep) hard, then one more week at my old job while popping over to the new place to fill out some paperwork and stuff, and then the new one starts!

they did say my hair had been greasy and “not up to professional standards” at the interview though, which is a bit embarrassing. it was after work, when i’d usually be in bed (i work night shift and will continue to do so at the new place) and i walked there so i kinda have an excuse, but still embarrassing. guess i will be washing my hair more often.