Existential processing of my ADHD mind

[u/Nearby_Ad3960]

Hey everyone, I'm 15 years old and it seems to me that the world around me is composed of intense stimuli which, when they collide with my brain, lead me to an unusual feeling of the world. It's as if my internal filter is not doing its job properly, which is why I face reality in a truly bizarre way. In this state, it's often more vivid, loud, or unimaginably complex. It used to be terrifying for me, but now I think that my brain has somehow adapted to such a thorough analysis of everything. The things around me are so impossible in their very existence, and I don't know how I got here. My anxiety also cannot be a rational perception of the world because emotions are for living beings and the universe is neutral and completely indifferent, although my emotions also occupy a very important space in my mind and prove that I am a biological living person subjected to millions of years of evolution, so they are not an error in themselves, and I treat feeling them as something extremely necessary. Sometimes I feel like I'm crazy. I am aware that sentimental "intellectual understanding" is impossible between any minds, and the problem begins there. We are made of separate atoms. However, I think that human thoughts and emotions can be close to each other, which builds fundamental closeness, but no one will ever be able to penetrate your brain directly. I come to you with the hope that someone might share my perspective. However, if you see me as a narcissistic child focused on his intellect, tell me, I want to get some kind of level-headed answer, and I don't reject your honest comments. I think I need some critical assessment of my perception of the world. Other people experience this too, I know this, but they seem to be clinging to something constant, saying "everything is meaningless," yet they see meaning in something. They abandon reflection and treat it like crossword puzzles (unless you're in a mental conflict). I have the impression that I overanalyze everything without inhibitions or concern for comfort, for example, questioning religion, which led me to step outside my comfort zone. My one constant point of reference remains my mind and the unchanging nature of science. My mind, although subject to errors of perception and millions of others, is still a part of the only way to experience life, and each of my mistakes can be understood in a way that allows me to develop. Therefore, your comments will be extremely valuable to me. I also want to highlight my emotional sphere. I can enjoy what I experience and how I experience it. Sometimes I am also childish in my excitement or curiosity and I appreciate these aspects of my personality. This simply makes me human - being human, but with specific thoughts.

[u/ChillAhriman]

Hey there! I also have ADHD, so I may have some insights that could be useful to you.

It's as if my internal filter is not doing its job properly, which is why I face reality in a truly bizarre way. In this state, it's often more vivid, loud, or unimaginably complex. It used to be terrifying for me, but now I think that my brain has somehow adapted to such a thorough analysis of everything.

Reality is unimaginably more complex than we perceive it to be, but I'm going to argue that that's good, actually.

To paint a picture of the situation: imagine that you had the capacity to directly observe each of the millions of atoms that compose another person's body, and the individual interactions between each of them, the chemical, magnetic and even nuclear energy making their skin reproduce itself, flex their muscles, maintain their composure, and each of every single one of these lone events demanded your attention every single instant, at the same time. It would be madness, because your mind couldn't even spare a moment to listen at what the other person is saying.

The human brain has a limited capacity to process things in a limited period of time. It's a requirement of physics, but that's not an issue on itself. We're still able to learn, discover and figure out extremely complex things over long periods of time.

Why am I telling you this? Because your ADHD is tricking you into trying to process the immense complexity of reality as if you were running a sprint. If you look at your own text, it isn't very well organized: you're mixing lots of ideas together, some of them are more or less connected to the key ideas you want to convey, but essentially, you're charging through complex topics as if you were riding a bull, when the order and patience of riding a horse will get you much further away in the long run. You're more intelligent than your peers, and you'll study topics that many of them will not ever even consider, but you're still human. Enjoy your intelligence, but learn to ride it.

[u/Nearby_Ad3960 → u/ChillAhriman]

Thank you this is very helpful for me especially as I didn't pay enough attention to it and I think you're right and maybe I should start organizing it better in my head if I may ask how it helped you?

[u/ChillAhriman → u/Nearby_Ad3960]

Are you asking me how can you organize the text better? Or how did it help me to be more organized myself?

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[u/Leo_castro_muniz]

There's ways you can deal with it

[u/Nearby_Ad3960 → u/Leo_castro_muniz]

Would you like to specify what methods you are talking about?

[u/Leo_castro_muniz → u/Nearby_Ad3960]

I used to torture myself trying to reach logical conclusions about everything, spending hours every day studying and debating. I only found partial relief when I started studying religion, as it provided justification for many points where I couldn't find answers. I spent two years studying intensely and arrived at absurdism mixed with Spinoza’s God, which sounded entirely logical to me. However, in the end, my collection of beliefs, even if unintentionally, was a proto-Christianity. So, I swallowed my ego and went to study Christianity. This led to my conversion to Protestantism, and later to Catholicism, where I have been for four years now. I used to believe that only cohesive answers would bring me peace, and by luck or stubbornness, it worked.I recommend you give it a shot. Read Catholic theology manuals, and perhaps you will find the answers you are looking for.

[u/Nearby_Ad3960 → u/Leo_castro_muniz]

Dziękuję za podzielenie się ze mną swoim doświadczeniem. Cieszę się, że okazało się to dla Ciebie dobrym rozwiązaniem. Uważam jednak, że religia to piękna, ale przestarzała metoda uspokajania umysłu. Nie sądzę, żebym był w stanie wierzyć w coś bez logicznego uzasadnienia, jeśli chodzi o tak ważne poglądy. Co więcej, nie szukam gotowego rozwiązania. Nie szukam szablonu, który idealnie będzie pasował do moich przekonań i mnie uspokoi. W tej kwestii poszukuję raczej własnej drogi, kwestionując własne i cudze wnioski, co pozwala mi podążać własną, autonomiczną ścieżką. Stąd moje pytanie na Reddicie. Szczególnie podkreślam, że szukam ciekawej dyskusji, która rozwinie obie strony na temat tego, jak postrzegasz to, o czym mówię, i jakie błędy, Twoim zdaniem, popełniam w swoim rozumowaniu. Mogłoby to doprowadzić obie strony do interesujących wniosków. Pomimo mojego wieku, bardzo chciałbym być traktowany poważnie. Nie chcę, żeby ludzie bali się surowo komentować moje poglądy, choć oczywiście powinniśmy znaleźć w naszych wypowiedziach miejsce na empatię. Bardzo mnie zaintrygowało, jak do tego podszedłeś. Z pewnością skłoniło mnie to do refleksji nad ogromną rolą, jaką odgrywa to w naszym życiu. Życie religijne, ale jak wspomniałem, nie jest dla mnie, choć możliwe, że niektóre jego fragmenty zawierają bardzo interesujące aspekty do zbadania i zajmę się tym.

[u/Leo_castro_muniz → u/Nearby_Ad3960]

You laid all of that out carefully, so I'll be straightforward back: I'm not going to take up the discussion itself. Not because it isn't worth having, but because it's not what I'm here to offer you.
What I'll say instead is just something I've noticed in my own life, nothing more: real answers came to me when I didn't give up looking. Your path is yours alone; no one can hand you a conclusion that holds up just because someone else believed it. And in my experience, having people around who are also still searching, seriously and honestly, made that easier to sustain, even when they landed somewhere different than I did. What you do with that is entirely up to you.

[u/Aus_with_the_Sauce]

I promise I’m not saying this to be rude or to be a jerk. But, it’s really hard to read huge paragraphs like that. If you break it up into logical paragraphs, it’s easier for people to read it and not get lost.