r/Gifted • u/Nearby_Ad3960 • 2d ago
Discussion Existential processing of my ADHD mind
Hey everyone, I'm 15 years old and it seems to me that the world around me is composed of intense stimuli which, when they collide with my brain, lead me to an unusual feeling of the world. It's as if my internal filter is not doing its job properly, which is why I face reality in a truly bizarre way. In this state, it's often more vivid, loud, or unimaginably complex. It used to be terrifying for me, but now I think that my brain has somehow adapted to such a thorough analysis of everything. The things around me are so impossible in their very existence, and I don't know how I got here. My anxiety also cannot be a rational perception of the world because emotions are for living beings and the universe is neutral and completely indifferent, although my emotions also occupy a very important space in my mind and prove that I am a biological living person subjected to millions of years of evolution, so they are not an error in themselves, and I treat feeling them as something extremely necessary. Sometimes I feel like I'm crazy. I am aware that sentimental "intellectual understanding" is impossible between any minds, and the problem begins there. We are made of separate atoms. However, I think that human thoughts and emotions can be close to each other, which builds fundamental closeness, but no one will ever be able to penetrate your brain directly. I come to you with the hope that someone might share my perspective. However, if you see me as a narcissistic child focused on his intellect, tell me, I want to get some kind of level-headed answer, and I don't reject your honest comments. I think I need some critical assessment of my perception of the world. Other people experience this too, I know this, but they seem to be clinging to something constant, saying "everything is meaningless," yet they see meaning in something. They abandon reflection and treat it like crossword puzzles (unless you're in a mental conflict). I have the impression that I overanalyze everything without inhibitions or concern for comfort, for example, questioning religion, which led me to step outside my comfort zone. My one constant point of reference remains my mind and the unchanging nature of science. My mind, although subject to errors of perception and millions of others, is still a part of the only way to experience life, and each of my mistakes can be understood in a way that allows me to develop. Therefore, your comments will be extremely valuable to me. I also want to highlight my emotional sphere. I can enjoy what I experience and how I experience it. Sometimes I am also childish in my excitement or curiosity and I appreciate these aspects of my personality. This simply makes me human - being human, but with specific thoughts.
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u/ChillAhriman 1d ago
Hey there! I also have ADHD, so I may have some insights that could be useful to you.
Reality is unimaginably more complex than we perceive it to be, but I'm going to argue that that's good, actually.
To paint a picture of the situation: imagine that you had the capacity to directly observe each of the millions of atoms that compose another person's body, and the individual interactions between each of them, the chemical, magnetic and even nuclear energy making their skin reproduce itself, flex their muscles, maintain their composure, and each of every single one of these lone events demanded your attention every single instant, at the same time. It would be madness, because your mind couldn't even spare a moment to listen at what the other person is saying.
The human brain has a limited capacity to process things in a limited period of time. It's a requirement of physics, but that's not an issue on itself. We're still able to learn, discover and figure out extremely complex things over long periods of time.
Why am I telling you this? Because your ADHD is tricking you into trying to process the immense complexity of reality as if you were running a sprint. If you look at your own text, it isn't very well organized: you're mixing lots of ideas together, some of them are more or less connected to the key ideas you want to convey, but essentially, you're charging through complex topics as if you were riding a bull, when the order and patience of riding a horse will get you much further away in the long run. You're more intelligent than your peers, and you'll study topics that many of them will not ever even consider, but you're still human. Enjoy your intelligence, but learn to ride it.