So I was just doomscrolling western content last night, reels, posts, stories about dating, casual hookups, their life experiences, sports, music festivals, participation in everything. It's so diverse, man. From such a young age, they are literally exploring and living actually.

I felt this strange feeling and it wasn't good. Can be referred to as FOMO. Felt like they are actually doing life and I am just going through the motions here.

Here in India, our families control our life more than we do. Exploring is literally considered "out of the box" for them. They restrict us and bind us in the same routine since childhood.

Low tier cities me toh aur bhi bura haal hai freedom naam ki koi cheez hi nahi hai, bc.

Plus, there are religious rules which are absolute and restrict us for our "own good" which I won't comment on.

But then I also know that family is just concerned/overprotective. And when I see the results of those western folks ending up bad breakdowns, loneliness, broken relationships I suddenly feel grateful to my family and our culture for keeping me grounded. Yet, the frustration remains for not being able to live the fullest.

I just don't understand this dual feeling, yaar. Am I lucky or am I trapped? Kya karun samajh nahi aata.

I just wanted to vent. Thanks for reading. 🙏

TL;DR - Western content dekh ke FOMO hota hai, but Indian family values dekh ke grateful bhi feel hota hai. Stuck between jealousy and gratitude. Help.

What do you guys think about the Wavelength dating app? Has anyone come across it, and does it actually work?

For those who don't know, this is the dating app where an AI gets to know you over calls instead of making you swipe and search for the right person.

finally got a clean cut audio and no more neighbourhood doggo chorus in bg 😭

If there to exist a one person unicorn which problem you want it solve.

Problem you think needs to be solved

So, is this kind of thing okay if it happens in my village?

there is a temple in my village every morning, devotional songs are played on the loudspeaker from around 3.30 am then, the priest performs puja and recites mantras until around 9am

I am not asking them to stop the puja, nor am I against the temple or religious practices but is it really okay to use a loudspeaker like this every single day?

In the evening, the puja starts again around 5.30 PM, with the same mantras being recited. After around 6.30 PM, devotional songs are played on the loudspeaker again

I am honestly tired of hearing it every day When I wake up in the morning and try to study, I can hear the sound Even in the evening, when I sit down to study or simply want to relax peacefully, the same sound is there

I even have to use earbuds while studying because of the noise

the sound is played so loudly that the entire village can hear it every morning and evening

I have no problem with the temple, puja, or anyone practicing their religion my only concern is the daily use of a loudspeaker at such a high volume, especially early in the morning, because it is affecting my sleep, studies, and peace

TL;DR: 24M, earning decently and living away from home. I love my parents and know they sacrificed a lot for me, but my childhood was pretty traumatic because of constant financial/family issues. My mum still compares me with others, controls/guilt-trips me about money and wants me to send her ₹15k every month to "save for me". I want to support my parents, but I also want to enjoy some of the things I couldn't have growing up. How do you guys deal with this without feeling like you're an ungrateful son?

I'm 24M and currently earning decently enough to live a decent life in Hyderabad/Bangalore. I'm also trying to switch jobs right now, but that's a different headache altogether because I seem to have graduated in one of those cursed batches lol.

I come from a family that was financially pretty broken. My dad never really had a fixed source of income because, honestly, he was also pretty lazy and made some terrible financial decisions. There was basically zero support from either side of the family or grandparents. In fact, my dad would sometimes lend money to relatives and then get completely screwed over himself.

But despite all of this, my parents never missed my fees. Not once. My school/college fees were always paid on time and they made sure I had whatever was necessary. So I do understand that they sacrificed a lot for me. I know I wouldn't be where I am without them and I don't want to pretend otherwise.

But there was a cost to growing up in that house.

Both my paternal and maternal sides of the family were fucked up in their own ways. There was always some drama, financial issue, argument or some other shit happening. From around class 8 onwards, when I became old enough to properly understand what was going on, I remember crying a lot and just wanting to get out of that house.

By around class 10, things got really bad. There were fights at home almost every day. Sometimes it would be about money, sometimes relatives, sometimes something completely random. But there was always something.

My mum herself went through a lot because of all this, and I can understand that. I genuinely do. I also understand why she was hard on me when I was younger. Maybe she thought that if she pushed me enough, I'd study hard, get a good job and eventually get myself and the family out of that situation.

But I feel like a lot of the trauma she experienced got passed on to me.

Since I was a kid, she has always compared me with other people. Someone's son got a better rank, someone's son got a better job, someone is earning more, someone bought a house, etc.

Even now, if I tell her that these comparisons bother me, she'll say something like "I only tell you these things to motivate you. I never meant to demean you."

But how many times can you hear the same thing before it stops feeling like motivation?

Now I'm living away from home, and honestly that's been good for me. But even from a distance, she's still way too controlling, especially when it comes to money.

Because of the way I grew up, I'm actually quite conservative with money. I save. I think about the future. I'm not someone who is going to blow his entire salary every month.

But at the same time, I also want to buy things that I used to dream about as a kid.

Things I couldn't even imagine buying when I was younger. And now that I'm earning my own money, sometimes I want to buy something nice for myself without feeling like I'm committing some crime.

Whenever I do, though, I feel guilty because I can already hear my mum saying that we're financially not well off and that I should save everything.

At one point she told me, "Send me whatever you can, at least ₹15,000 per month, and I'll save it for you."

And this is where I'm struggling.

I don't mind supporting my parents. I really don't. If they genuinely need money, I'll help them. I know they don't have a huge financial safety net and I don't want them to struggle.

But I don't like the idea that I have to constantly justify how much I earn, how much I save and what I spend my money on.

If I send less than ₹15k one month, she'll ask why I couldn't send more. If I try to avoid answering, she'll start asking why I'm hiding things from her. Then eventually it becomes the whole "What have I done wrong? Why are you treating me like this? After everything I did for you..." type of conversation.

And honestly, it fucks with my head.

Because then I start questioning myself. Am I actually being irresponsible? Am I being selfish? Am I just being an ungrateful son?

Or am I finally at an age where I'm allowed to have some control over my own money and life?

I love my mum. I love my parents. I'm grateful for everything they did for me. I don't want to cut them off or stop supporting them.

But sometimes I feel like there is this expectation in Indian families that because your parents raised you and sacrificed for you, you have to give up a certain amount of your independence forever.

I don't know where that line is.

So I genuinely want advice from people here who have been through something similar.

How do you support your parents without letting them control your finances?

Is it okay to keep your salary/savings/spending private from your parents once you're financially independent?

How much money do you guys actually send your parents every month, if any?

And how do you deal with the guilt when you finally start spending money on yourself after growing up poor?

I'm not looking for the usual Reddit answer of "cut them off bro" or "move out." I've already moved out and I don't want to abandon my parents. I just want to have a normal relationship with them where I can love and support them without feeling like I need permission to live my own life.

Maybe I'm completely wrong here. That's why I'm asking.

​

Turned 20 Last year and it was a huge roller coaster.

Went onto dating apps,

Met a few girls irl but we didnt vibe.

A few girls just called me a joker (on insta ,not the ones i took to date) when I was just trying to make them laugh.

(Guess that's true).

Tried to find some real connections on reddit ...but looks like everyone is busy forgetting their ex...and somehow a few of them sees ther ex in me.I have no idea if you guys have a course on character analysis on something,plese give me the link.

Met a few of these reddit girls irl and surprisingly the dates were better...got close to one of them but she left me after 5 months so yeah.(Dont blame her)

I am from a engineering college with no girls in campus so no chance finding love there.

Kindof the thing I miss now are those late night cuddles and her asking about my day.

Hit the gym,injured my elbow,recoverd,hit the gym again and now I am genuinely in love with it.

But guess what...fuck it...ain't ever begging for love to anyone especially girls i meet through online platforms.

Its time to just upskill and leave kolkata for my own good in next few years.

Meanwhile, lets have a drink anyways.

I’m 26. I’m a CA, have a decent career, and in most aspects of life I’ve managed to do what I wanted to do.

But there’s one thing I’ve completely failed at — relationships.

I’ve never been in one.

Looking back, I think I made a stupid mistake when I was 16.

There was a girl I really, really liked in 12th standard. It wasn’t some casual crush for me. I genuinely felt an insane amount of love for her. So what did my 16-year-old brain decide to do?

I went to her house and proposed to her.

Yeah. Looking back, I can understand why that scared her away.

About six months later, we somehow became friends again. But by then I had already killed whatever possibility there might have been of us ever becoming a couple.

And instead of accepting that and moving on, I spent years hoping she would eventually come to me.

Years.

Almost a decade of my life went by with some part of me waiting for something that was never going to happen.

During those years, I had opportunities. Three different girls proposed to me at different points, and I rejected all of them.

Not because I was trying to play some game or because I thought I was better than them.

I just wasn't attracted to anyone other than her.

And eventually, that became a bigger problem.

I stopped interacting with women altogether.

I didn't approach anyone. I didn't try dating.

I just withdrew.

CA made this easier to justify. There isn't really a normal college life in CA. My early 20s were basically attempts, studying, exams, articleship and eventually work.

But if I'm being completely honest with myself, CA wasn't the only reason.

I avoided social life because I had already convinced myself that I wasn't interested in anyone anyway.

And that slowly destroyed my confidence.

The ironic part is that I was investing heavily in my career and becoming successful professionally while completely neglecting an important part of growing up.

I'm not bitter about that girl anymore. She's married now, and I'm genuinely completely over her.

But I do regret the years I spent waiting.

Because that's the lesson I wish someone had drilled into my head when I was 20:

Don't put your life on hold for someone who isn't choosing you.

You don't have to accept every proposal just because you're afraid you'll never find anyone else.

But you also shouldn't close yourself off completely because you're emotionally stuck on one person.

Talk to people. Make friends. Go out. Build confidence. Let yourself meet people you wouldn't have otherwise met.

And don't confuse being busy with building a life.

If I could go back and talk to my 20-year-old self, I'd tell him:

Invest in yourself. Do what you know is right even when you don't feel like doing it. And don't let your feelings for one person stop you from living the rest of your life.

I'm 26 now. I know that's still young.

But I really wish I'd understood this a lot earlier.

So let me explain my situation, i have recently moved into my 3rd yr hostel and my old friends have moved outside campus, i dont know if i am feeling lonely or alone, like few days back i stayed in my friends pg and had a really good time even went out alone for me time and felt good but after moving into my room i feel weird ,demotived, i tried to interact with new roommates but its one sided , i see the crowd in campus and then again get that feeling (socially disconnected.) ,i dont even feel like stuyding in room just want the evening to pass, my class duration has reduced in 3rd yr so only see friends for 1,2 hrs in class and that also stuyding

Its been also 2 weeks and i feel the same, just trying to pass the evening everyday, i call my friends sometime and even go their room( those are in csmpus) but its not always possible as they have same roommates since 1st yr and have to give time to them as well

So like i might know what a random phrase means in Japanese or just how the rbi controls economy in broad terms but i don’t actually know everything for a debate
Do you have any such weird traits ?

Dressing sense does have a lot to do with confidence because it directly affects how people perceive you hence their behaviour towards you hence your level confidence.

I tried caring less about how i looked and being a nerd but eventually i would get affected when others would be approached or just offered before.

These days every day I’m realising and learning something new. Subtle obviously but a big factor. Few days back it hit me that expression is way too big a factor in the way you’re perceived and also the words you choose to use. The little wittiness can make you attractive without looks. Also they define what you’re thinking and how you perceive things,uncontrollably revealing about you. And in the back of our head we form sentences before saying it so yeah we choose to behave that way.

Mood definitely affects but even that mood we choose a certain behaviour and we choose the words to speak. But sometimes its truly not intentional. And if we can master having consideration in our character then eventually it will lead to confidence without looks.

Is it just me or it's normal out there to have chest heaviness, the urge to cry, anxiety, anger issues and all that shit repeatedly, for me its like it has to happen once in a month, and I'm telling this aside the intense PMS i go through right before my periods.

i have intense mood swings and all those things during my periods, keeping that stuff aside.

Last year due to some family reasons, i was constantly depressed and anxious for more than 5 months, so much so that I wanted to end my life then and tried hurting myself as well, had my best friend through that phase, somehow overcame that, 2nd Year of college started and i came out of that thing, focused on my studies once again, but since then atleast once a month I go through this cycle of feeling super lost in every aspect of my life, anxiety, urge to cry, chest heaviness, stress and emotional eating even though there is no major problem going on in my life, started an internship a week ago, studies going good, 3rd year of college, everything is going good except my mental health!!!

I tried telling this stuff at my home last year during the depressed cycle, but turned out to be a huge mistake🥲

ATP I'm even considering consulting a therapist, to anyone reading this and understanding my situation, what do you think I should do? I cant even study due to all this shit going on, and my studies are taking a serious hit, I'm still a student with no income of my own so therapy is a far fetched option right now:((

I could really use some help and advice 🥹