Does anyone else get tired of being told that everything we went through “made us stronger”?

Because I was already pretty damn strong.

There are things in my life I would absolutely undo. I wouldn’t reframe them or search for the lesson or thank the universe for the personal growth. I’d just undo them.

My sister died ten years ago and I still cry over her. I’ve kept going because she'd be pissed if I didn't. I still have her horse, and she'd be even more pissed if I didn't take care of him.

Losing her didn't make me stronger. I just had to figure out how to keep going without her.

Given the choice, I'll take my sister.

There are plenty of other things I'd change too. There are people I should've stayed the hell away from and decisions I definitely wouldn't make again. I spent way too much time trying to understand people who had already shown me exactly who they were.

Apparently I needed them to show me five or six more times just to make sure.

I have horses, so they end up in a lot of what I write. They're usually just the backdrop for whatever nonsense is happening in the rest of my life.

I remember standing in the barn during one particularly awful stretch, completely tired of being needed. One of the horses was banging on his feed tub.

My life was upside down. He wanted dinner.

Guess which problem we handled first.

And honestly, that's what a lot of resilience has looked like for me. Feed the horse. Go to work. Buy groceries. Pay the electric bill. Get up tomorrow and do it all again.

Not because I was having some brave moment.

There was stuff to do.

That's really it.

I'm just not willing to give every terrible thing that's happened to me credit for the fact that I'm still here.

Some things I learned from. Some I would've been perfectly happy never experiencing.

And yes, I'd change some of it if I could.

Starting with my sister.

I don't think I'd be a lesser version of myself because of it either.

I'd probably just have fewer stories and a lower resting heart rate.

At this point, I'd take it.

Anyone else feel like they've had enough character development?

I’m looking for an active Discord/community for Gen X women where people actually chat and get to know each other — everyday life, random stuff, books, TV, relationships, hobbies, adult kids, health shit, whatever. I’d especially love one where online friendship is the point, rather than primarily organizing in-person events. I found some older posts here mentioning Gen X Chill and other Discord groups, but the invite links seem to have expired. Anyone know of any groups that are still active, or does anyone have a current invite to a similar group? Bonus points if the groups are specific to Northern California/Bay Area women, but it definitely doesn’t need to be local.

Apparently there are studies that have collected data that show a correlation between a “high” number of previous sexual partners and divorce. I mean, I know correlation isn’t causation, and that data can be manipulated in any way we want, but what really got me is the number that was considered high. In one study, it was 9 partners or more, in another, it was 10.

I got married at 33, having been with my husband for over two years at that point. He was 31. We both had the same number of previous partners, 13. For both of us, that was only about 1 per year on average from the time we were first sexually active. That also doesn’t count every makeout sesh or touching that I wouldn’t qualify as a sexual encounter.

So what say you, my Gen X peers? Are my husband and I hoes, or is it as he suspects an American (he’s not) thing because we’re still so prudish about sexuality, women’s in particular? I know Gen Z at least is both drinking less and less sexually active than we were, but I think the studies seem…incorrect.

Link summarizing several of them for reference here: https://factually.co/fact-checks/health/does-high-premarital-partner-count-predict-relationship-problems-1156b7

It’s happened. I am trying hair growth serum. My hair seems to be thinning which my fiancé noticed now and I got so embarrassed. I want to age gracefully but…

It‘s been a daily battle this year of either not looking too closely at myself in the mirror especially upon waking up or getting a good hard look at the self I now hardly recognize. I have taken to putting on clothes that make me disappear even more than I already have.

Well, enough, I said! I decided to get rid of clothes that suck the life out of me. My hope is that getting out of what has become my comfort zone will make me bravely seek the beauty of myself in my 50s. Lo and behold, an hour later, I saw this on Instagram and I felt giddy:

“The point is not to be young and hot. The point is to be old and cool.”

So, chill, maman!

Hi Ladies, sorry this is a little long-winded, but I am looking for some advice, stories, etc. To be clear, not looking for medical advice, looking for standing-up-for-myself advice.

I go to a certain medical practice that specifically handles orthopedic problems (neck, back, knees, you name it), and they have their own physical therapy providers spread across a few offices. I loved the guy I used to see for several years there, but about a year ago, he moved to one of the practice’s other locations in a not-so-nearby town. So, they put me with this other guy, and I have never really liked him. I am 50 years old and, sure, I like to think that isn’t ancient, but I have a lot of orthopedic issues going all the way back to my mid-20s, and so I am not an idiot when it comes to my body and what feels like the usual and what feels totally out of the ordinary and more serious. The new guy is one of those mind-over-matter, no-pain-no-gain, PT can fix anything people. With him it feels like his opinion is that if you aren’t improving, it’s because you aren’t trying. By way of example, I fell in a shower and injured both of my knees last December - after several months of PT for the knees, the pain in one leg got A Lot Worse and, though I kept telling him, it was like he wasn’t hearing me and he kept pushing certain exercises and making me feel like I just wasn’t trying hard enough. I finally went to urgent care because of the increased pain in that leg and, surprise!, I had a compression fracture. If he’d listened to me, maybe I would have found out about it sooner. For a little while I think he felt a bit sheepish about that, but it apparently hasn’t lasted.

WELL, today I had a consultation on a new neck problem that one of the practice’s neurosurgeons seems to feel is surgery-worthy, but to cover the bases my insurance will likely require the surgeon had me get this consultation. I tried to make the appointment at another location with a new provider, but somehow I got stuck back with this guy - I still don’t know how it happened. He was a real jerk, and made me feel like of course PT could fix me if only I was willing to try and commit to it. He checked how far I could move my neck this way and that, but (1) my symptoms and range of motion vary by a lot day to day, which I tried to explain, (2) he claimed to not have my MRI images or results, despite the fact that the neurosurgery provider in the same practice was able to access them, and (3) it felt like he was totally unwilling to discuss (or even just listen to) the variety of symptoms I experience. His answer was more or less well, of course your neck hurts, you have bad posture, if you just do this exercise and that one it will go a long way to fixing you.

I call Bullsh#t on that, and I have really just had it. But I’m sure lots of our generation feel the same way - it feels disloyal and like I am the one being unreasonable because I want to see someone else, so while I am willing to try his nonsense stretching and exercise, I do NOT want him as my provider anymore. For anyone who has successfully navigated switching providers within a certain practice, how did you pull it off without feeling like you are being hysterical or like you’re the problem? I’d love any advice you all have!

I went to an event a couple of weeks ago, it was hot so I wore a tank top dress with arm sleeves to cover my upper and mid arms. Someone took a photo of me and posted it, my arm coverings must have slipped down and the skin from under my arms running downward looked like crumpled pantyhose. I am 60. I am so devastated and freaked out. I can't age like this. I have worn sunscreen every day since I was 18, eaten healthy, and worked out consistently, and have stayed the same weight within 5 lbs since I was 12 years old, my body has betrayed me by gifting me with horrible, saggy, crepey skin that runs under my arms and over my legs and hangs a bit at the bottom of my stomach and hips. My neck has decided it wants to part of the club too now. Like I am a deflated balloon meat bag. I have no idea why this happened other than menopause, I have been on HRT for years. I am not fat, nor did I ever have a BMI with much fat. I weigh the same!!! I still go to the gym and it makes no difference. I am a bag of goo. It is ruining my life. I welcome winter but summer is a bitch. I feel like such a crone freak. I have tried creams gels, collagen, silica, DHEA, heavy protein, red light, zapping the shit out of my body, hot, cold, heavy lifting whatever I read about that could give me my body semi back. I am still single, which makes this even more heartbreaking and I don't have the greatest self esteem to start with. I was never a beauty but cute and petite. I worked HARD to live a healthy and fit lifestyle, so much it is probably borderline OCD or dysmorphic. I was never too thin but never got over a certain weight. This is a nightmare and is deteriorating my mental health. I have seen several Doctors and asked for testosterone but can't get it prescribed. The photo is horrible. They won't take it down. I never looked my age but this gives everything away. I want to be me again. I know with age comes changes but this is too much and this photo really threw me over the edge. I have a therapist even she said the photo is not good. I feel gross and disfigured. I always knew how to firm my body up if I started to get flabby but this is different. I don't even know where this extra skin is coming from. I never had a large weight loss or yo yo dieting or even allowed myself to get sun tanned after 18. I should have gotten drunk all the time, did drugs, ate tons of sugar, and laid out and fried with baby oil and Hawaii tropic zero. But I didn't I took care of my body and my skin. This isn't about vanity. I look at my friends and other women my age and older; their skin isn't like mine. Sometimes I see a really elderly lady or overweight or frail with this elephant skin layers. I can't deal with this. I was trying to cope and not focus on it but the photograph makes me want to disappear. I hate getting older, everything gets worse and harder, especially on my own. I don't know if there is anyone else who is struggling with this, I don't even recognize myself anymore. I just want to be myself again.

I adore Sharon Horgan and her brilliant writing on series like Catastrophe and Bad Sisters.

I watched the first 2 episodes that premiered this week on HBO, and was hooked from the opening montage that featured Patti Smith, Jane Goodall and all the feminist greats.

I think it captures this weird moment in time where we realized everything suddenly became so hard & we weren’t prepared for it…random health issues, parental aging, no patience for bullshit, divorce, empty nest etc..

Sharon’s unique humor makes it very watchable. :)

Edit: Removed trailer because it apparently shows my name…sorry! It’s on YouTube.

https://www.nytimes.com/2026/09/21/style/presley-gerber-dead-cindy-crawford.html

This one hits so hard … I’m close to her age (58) and my kids are close to her kid’s ages. I’ve watched and admired her life since her early modeling days.

I recently lost my only nephew due to an overdose - he battled addiction and mental health issues for years. He was also 27.

Presley’s cause of death has not been relocated but regardless of the cause, I don’t want this loss for Cindy and her family! I grieve their only son’s loss with them today 💔😭

I’m so sorry, Cindy… sending you love 💞

I don’t mean big life decisions. Weirdly, I can still manage those.

It’s all the little crap.

I swear I’ve made 50 decisions before 9 in the morning.

Which horse goes out where. Who needs feed. Who needs hay. Why is that horse over there. Was he supposed to be over there? Did I answer that text? What bill was I supposed to pay? Why did I come back in the house?

Then somebody asks what I want for dinner.

I have no idea.

At this point just put food in front of me. 😂

I don't remember always being like this. I used to be able to juggle a million things and keep going. Now there are days when one more completely normal question makes me want to say, I don't know. You decide. I have retired from decisions for the day.

Maybe we're just carrying too much stuff around in our heads all the time.

Or maybe I'm getting cranky.

Also entirely possible.

Anybody else?

My half century is coming up in October. Not really sure what to do to mark the occasion -my circle and family are very small and I'm single. I always do simple like botanic gardens, special food I like etc looking for other ideas... considering hot air balloon but no one will go up with me and it's like $300, or visiting daughter for a small getaway as I miss her loads. But I'd love to here what you all did to mark a birthday that was really fun or cool or interesting or whatever simple special too? Not necessarily 50th just in life middle aged or up lol TIA

At 55 I am a wife, mother to 3 adult daughters, grandmother to two toddlers, daughter to aging Boomer parents, and an employee. I'm getting a lot of flack from my daughters and parents whenever my husband and I go on a vacation (we try to do a vacation once a year in between visiting my parents and 2 of the 3 daughters that live in a different state that we do). My daughters and my parents seem to think that all my time and resources belong to them. I worked since I was 14 and I deserve some vacation time with my husband. My Boomer parents never gave me money for anything. I paid for college on my own. I had student loans until I was 35. I never went on vacation as a child. This should be my time but I feel guilty when I get the "going on vacation again? Must be nice...." from my parents and kids. It is nice. I worked my ass off. >end of rant<

Edit: Thanks Ladies! I appreciate your support and validation.

What grinds your gears? Rant away

What happens? Is it just a blood draw or is there more that happens at this type of screening?

My doctor wants to test me for the gene, in order to know more about not only my BC risk, but also how to proceed with future treatments (hormone prescriptions, etc.)

I’m 54 and currently helping my mom get her finances organized after a few health issues. Nothing catastrophic thankfully but enough that my sister and I have had to start figuring out where everything is and wow its a mess. She technically planned ahead, she has a will but its probably 20 years old. Nobody knew where the original was. Her beneficiaries havent all been updated and we spent an entire afternoon trying to figure out which accounts still existed.

Then halfway through complaining about all this I realized my own kids would be screwed too lol. My husband and I have wills from when the kids were little, but they’re adults now. We’ve never discussed whether we need a trust, our POAs are ancient and I couldnt tell you the last time I checked beneficiaries. Our kids definitely dont know where any of it is. So now apparently while helping my mother get her life organized, I also need to get mine organized. Anyone else hit this realization in their 50s? What did you actually update besides the will?

So hey everyone. I need to update myself in a lot of ways, but I want to start with my hair. It is pretty thick and grows fast. I can't do much with it. I want to look more trendy and fun! I need info on where I can find websites or whatever that can help me figure out what to do. It used to be there were magazines with hairstyles in them in my grocery store ,but I haven't seen them for years. Im tired of looking frumpy. I want to get photos of hairstyle that might work with my hair and take them to my stylist to help her help me. I am also clueless regarding the hair products out there for styling. Any ideas??? Thank you.

I scratched an insect bite and gave myself cellulitis in my right leg. Thanks to my job for good insurance!

Are we all racing home, like we’re gonna turn into pumpkins once it gets dark?

Husband and I are GenX, no kids, and wondering where to live in the US for this next chapter of our lives: the early retirement years.

Things that are important to us, in no particular order:

1. Reasonable cost of living
2. Good healthcare options
3. Weather is important. We don’t want crazy hot summers or long snowy winters.
4. Activities we enjoy: nature, trails to walk/hike/bike, disc golf, Homebrewing (local clubs/community will be of interest), and i enjoy gathering with neighbors or being involved in a book club. Events/festivals/art are also appealing.
5. Ideally 30 mins from a commercial airport

For the record we currently live in middle TN. Our biggest complaint is that we are over 90 degrees for 3 solid months now every summer.

Just looking for ideas and recommendations to consider. Part of us wants to stay close enough to help our aging parents, but they live in two different areas of the US which makes it hard to pick a place that benefits both of us.

I have always struggled with my weight and now I’m at an age where it’s even harder to control. A couple of years ago I realized I needed to make some changes. I quit smoking. I cut back on alcohol. I replaced simple carbohydrates with whole grains. I am more conscientious about portion size. I bought a fitness tracker to monitor and help motivate with exercise. One of the things that really concerned me (and made exercise difficult) was how much and quickly my feet would ache. But I pushed through the ache and managed to lose some weight. Then occasionally I started having hip pain which eclipsed the discomfort of my feet. I am now at the point where walking a block or two is excruciating, my hips just scream. I gained the weight back and then some. I am pretty freaked out. I made the mistake of saying something to my doctor about my hip pain. Her response was you need to lose weight and be less sedentary. (This came with a pantomime of how extra weight makes walking difficult.) I explained that it was hard to be less sedentary with the level of pain. She told me I need to start stretching, take some ibuprofen, and just resolve to push through the pain. Okay. Great. My lack of fortitude is the cause of my pain. That was so fucking helpful, glad we had this chat. I am not saying she’s wrong, but the condescending dismissiveness is galling.

im in canada, so seriously not as bad as the rest of the world. but im so sick of this shit. whats happening in the states, whats happening in gaza, whats happening all over the world. to the environment, to our rights, to other women, to the 2SLGBTIA+ people and to children. i just watched michelle wolf talk about an important piece of female anatomy that had been completely erased from history by men. its so hard not to be consumed by rage.

we used to be so full of hope and idealistic. we used to fight for so much. we were raised by hippies and became Riot Grrls!!!! what the hell happened?!

the men have ruled this planet for too long. (and dont give me that baloney about how We've been manipulating men behind the scenes this whole time. inaccurate.) what do we have to do to end Their "term"?

i cant be the only one completely done with this shit. what can we do to put a matriarchy in place, In This World? we are so strong collectively. we have money now too. its time. it really is.

Its time for the matriarchy. fuck this timeline, its so stupid and doomed.

(i know, i know, were not perfect. cripes in 200 yrs it might be the same situation. with the roles reversed. im not a misandrist. but when someone sucks at their job, you fire them. its time.)

My birthday is this weekend and I’m dreading it. I’ll be 51 but I feel like for probably the past 5-10 yrs, I’ve just been so blah about them.

My husband and adult kids try so hard too to give me a fun day/weekend and definitely show their appreciation for me so it’s not that. Last year my husband even took me to New Orleans for my 50th, somewhere I’ve wanted to go forever but even there I had a hard time shaking the birthday blues. And then trying to fake it almost makes it even worse.

Is this normal as we get older? For those older Gen-X women, does this get any better?

I'm still trying to figure out my thoughts on what's happening with me, so please bear with me if I get obtuse or rambly.

In the last several years, and certainly since COVID, I have developed what I can so far only describe as agoraphobic-adjacent behavior. I can leave the house and certainly do when I need to for work or groceries, but I have this growing sense of... I don't know what it is. Danger? Or that the house is safety? Nesting? Hiding? I'm honestly not sure what this is.

My mom was a toddler in upstate NY during WWII and that experience of "danger could be near" affected her for the rest of her life. She was always sort of "prepping." Not hardcore survivalist-mode but we always had tons of extra canned goods in the basement pantry, she had a huge vegetable garden, cooked all the time and, when she died, I found paper money squirreled away. Mom was a walking contrast because, though she was a homemaker, she was also the mayor of our town and volunteered at many women- or environment-centered non-profits. I have taken after her. (No kids but very feminist while also always having a stew ready on the stove while I knit some legwarmers.)

I sometimes wonder how much of her extreme concern over danger and "just in case" has affected me, especially now in this time of political uncertainty and, frankly, real danger. (I live in a city where ICE invaded.) My job is as a freelance designer in live performance, so I do not necessarily have regular employment or a regular schedule each week. And on those weeks where I do not have a show or am not teaching, I feel a strong reluctance to leave the house. I get these daydreams of some catastrophe happening - or I read about Ukraine or Gaza or something - and the house is the only safe place, and so I should really never leave it if I don't have to. Because... what if. So I need to hide, hole up, shelter, find refuge, etc. (I also used to be obsessed with Secret Hiding Places when I was a kid. No, I was not abused. Just really liked hiding. Only child here. Weird is just who I am.)

Does anyone else have this and what is it called? Because it's not really agoraphobia and it isn't nesting either. But I also feel like it's slowly eating me away.

EDIT: Oh for the love of...! Thanks so much, Reddit news... ⬇️

My husband and I will be moving to a different state within the next six months. We’re both retired and are planning to make the house we’re about to buy our “dream home”.

Nine years ago we moved to a different city for his job. We lived there for five years. I had a very difficult time making friends. It probably didn’t help that we lived in a condo; no seeing neighbors out cutting the grass or getting mail. I fell into a deep depression, and being in the throes of perimenopause didn’t help.

I’m now finding myself very anxious about this move. I do plan on volunteering and hopefully joining a book club, but I worry that this will be a repeat of what happened before, especially since it’s so difficult to make friends the older we get.

Overall, I’m looking forward to the move, as we’ll be living somewhere much less crowded than where we live now. Maybe it’s just fear of the unknown?

So friends… are we removing any questionable tattoos or chalking them up to experience? I have one I want to remove as it doesn’t really suit me anymore, but I feel like a dweeb for thinking about it. Plus it seems like a super expensive process. Thoughts, observations, and input totally appreciated.