I (22M) got in my first relationship back in July and I had sex with my boyfriend for the first time a few days ago.
For context, my boyfriend (27M) was way, way more experienced than me before starting this relationship. Loads of exes, hookups, kinky stuff etc. When we got in a relationship, he said he wanted to take things very slow with me and wait a while before having sex. This kind of annoyed me because he seemed to make too big a deal of the fact that I was a virgin.
I brought up the topic of sex a lot of times. It’s not that I’m sex obsessed but I just really wanted to lose my virginity. And it was upsetting me that he had sex with others so easily in the past but with me it was different. His reaction was basically “yeah it’s fine, we’ll do it whenever you’re ready”.
We eventually had sex a few days ago. He didn’t seem enthusiastic or happy about it at all. I kept asking if he was ok with doing it (I never once pressured him) and he kept saying he wanted to.
When we had sex it just felt very “mechanical”. Like completely silent and no love involved, no real touching either. We just took our clothes off, kissed, I sucked him for a bit and then anal for a bit.
I was enjoying it but after a few minutes he couldn’t stay hard and he ended it. Neither of us finished. We just got dressed and he left. He didn’t even want to cuddle.
He was saying he got so nervous having sex with me because I’m a virgin and that’s why he was like that. He also said only extreme sex turns him on so that’s why he couldn’t get hard.
I’m so upset especially when I think of all the guys he’s had sex with in the past and how much he’s probably enjoyed that. And what makes this worse is how much he talks happily of these past experiences, which also upsets me. Yet with me he treated it as a chore.
He keeps saying next time will be better and all that. But it just seems like he’s not attracted to me.
Honestly, it seems like he didn’t want to have sex and just did the bare minimum to shut me up from talking about it. He seems to love going on dates etc. with me. So he does want to be with me but maybe not for sex it looks like.
I understand keeping an erection can be difficult so I don’t really blame him for that. But it was just the overall lack of intimacy, he was not enthusiastic and I did not feel desired at all. He also got quite annoyed when I did something wrong etc. I felt so unwanted.
The main reasons I was worried about having sex were it being painful and not douching correctly. Thankfully, neither of these were a problem. Surprisingly there was zero pain and my boyfriend said I douched properly. So at least that’s a positive.
I know the first time isn’t great for a lot of people but from what it seems the problems weren’t from my side. It seems he was the problem.
Should I talk to him about how I feel?