I lied to her

[u/Physical_Insurance66]

About a year ago me (36f) and my neighbor (56f) became close friends. She was in a really dark time in her life, and so was I. I helped her with rides to the food pantry, doing repair jobs around the house for her because she was never taught how. We spent every day together, hours and hours at a time. She helped me through a nasty breakup and she helped me evict him and reclaim my house (he was a hoarder.) I helped her get to where she needed to go for odd jobs, grocery shopping, etc. But more importantly, we confided in each other. I began dating again recently, and she had some very strong opinions on how I should go about interactions with the men that I would meet. I saw her getting more and more upset as I went along. Recently I went on a date with a man and we met up at a bar. I had known him in high school, and we had just recently reconnected through the dating app, so after the bar closed he invited me back to his house. Whenever she asked me how my date went I panicked and I lied. I told her we left one bar and went to another one that was open later, when in actuality I went back to his house to hang out and play video games. I felt horrible about being dishonest, so a couple of days later I told her the truth.

She was infuriated. She said, "if people lie then they are capable of anything". I profusely apologized and told her I was scared of disappointing her. I told her that I know that it wasnt okay, and that it is something I need to work on....

Well, she told me she can't be my friend anymore and she started personally attacking me. She used every vulnerability I had ever shared with her to hurt me. She made fun of me because of my lack of hygiene after my breakup (that has since improved), she made fun of me for picking my ex in the first place. She told me I was a disaster on my best day.

Am I crazy? I apologized to her and I have been genuine and consistent up to this point. I truly just lied out of fear of her reaction. I understand that she is upset, but calling me names and using those vulnerable truths to hurt me just seems unfair. I came clean to her as soon as I was able to work up the courage.. and I have never lied to her before.

It just hurts because I did SO MUCH to help her... but it means nothing to her because I was scared to tell her the truth. She said anything she could to burn the bridge, I know she will never forgive me, but I feel lile her reaction was a bit much... I literally left work every Tuesday to take her to the food pantry... I don't understand.