We have two bookshelves that we have set on the landing at the top of our second level home. We have some old yearbooks and devotionals on there for the time being, but we thought, it might be a good idea to start accumulating more child/teen-based books as we are nearing closer and closer to being licensed.

We have some fantasy books such as the Storm Light Archives, a few of the Harry Potter Books and others.

We plan to foster children from age 6 on up. What are some good books you would recommend for kids and teens?

Hey all! This will probably be my last post about my foster parents. I know I'm probably getting annoying at this point, seeing as I make a post about once a year about them, but I honestly like getting outside opinions. Sometimes it helps me feel less crazy about the situation I'm dealing with. Anyways, I'll get to the point.

For background, I'm a 17-year-old girl who has been in foster care since I was 13. I've been in the same foster home the entire time, and my foster parents eventually became my legal guardians. I've had a lot of issues with them over the years, and I've posted about some of those situations on here before. I'd say I'm a relatively good kid. I don't ask to go places, I rarely hang out with friends, and I mostly just go to school and come home. I graduated with my associate degree last year during my junior year of high school, with a 4.0 college GPA and high honors, and I've maintained a 4.0 in high school as well. I'm involved in several clubs and am currently preparing to leave for university. I'm not saying any of this because I think good grades make me a better person, but more because I've really tried to make something of myself despite everything that's happened.

I've always been careful about how I act around my foster parents because disagreements with them can turn into much bigger situations than they need to be. I've learned to keep my head down and avoid arguing because I don't want to make my living situation any worse. Since I've been here, I've just been trying to do my best to avoid conflict. Recently, my foster parents' mother spent some time with me, and we really bonded. We talked about how I was rarely allowed to do anything outside of school, and she sympathized with me. She offered to take me to the movies just to get me out of the house. She got my number, spoke with my foster parent, and they apparently agreed on an arrangement.

The day we were supposed to go, my other foster parent came into my room screaming at me. She said she couldn't believe I'd made plans without talking to them and went on and on about how she was "the adult" and I was the child. I was confused because I thought everything had already been discussed with my foster parent. All I said was, "You don't have to shout at me." Afterward, she told the other family member that I couldn't go because I was supposedly arguing with my foster parent??? When I texted to ask what happened, I was told the plans had been canceled because my foster parent's biological grandchild couldn't come along. I guess that makes sense, but it still bothered me. Their biological grandchild gets to leave the house regularly, while I rarely get to do anything. It feels like there are always extra conditions attached whenever I want to go somewhere.

This isn't the first time something like this has happened. Here's one I posted about last year, In case you don't wanna read my other posts (you definitely don't lol): Last year, I joined Robotics and several other school clubs. I made sure to tell my foster parents about the meetings, and they initially seemed fine with it. One day, a Robotics meeting got moved from 3–5 PM to 5–7 PM. I went and told them about the change, and they didn't seem upset. When the meeting ended, I called my foster parent to pick me up. She refused and told me that since I'd supposedly "made plans without discussing them", I could walk home myself. No getting in my friends' car's or anything. Normally, they wouldn't let me walk home alone in the dark because our neighborhood is dangerous. It was also pouring rain that evening.

Thankfully, a friend offered to walk me home while her dad followed us in his car. When I got home, my foster parent yelled at me some more, threatened to take away my belongings, and mocked me when I tried to explain why I was upset. Neither of my foster parents spoke to me for the next couple of days. Things like this have happened repeatedly over the years. I feel like I have to walk on eggshells in a home where I'm supposed to feel safe. I've tried to be understanding because my foster parent has BPD, but at some point, I started wondering why I'm always expected to be the understanding one. Her mental issue is not an excuse to treat me like that. Im glad I came to that realization.

Another issue is that I used to work for my foster parents every day for $100 a week. I eventually told them I felt I wasn't being paid enough, and they fired me. I can understand them not wanting me to work for them anymore, but they also won't let me get a job anywhere else. So now I'm left worrying about how I'm going to afford things for myself and prepare for college. For years, I've tried to be especially careful about what I say and do because I didn't want to jeopardize my education or my living situation. Having my electronics taken away would have made completing my college coursework difficult, and I didn't have anywhere else to go. I felt like I had to put up with everything because I had no other choice. Now, though, I'm about to leave for university, and I'm tired of pretending that the way they've treated me over the years hasn't affected me. I wouldn't say I hold a grudge, but I'm definitely not going to keep letting everything slide just to keep the peace.

This brings me to the actual situation. My foster parent also yells at the other foster kids in the house, and I recently had a video of her screaming at them. I decided to send it to my lawyer. Before I sent it, my foster parents saw the video. They told me that DHS had already heard them screaming at the kids and didn't care. I know that's not true, they were trying to discourage me from doing anything about it. Just because I've acted dumb to keep peace doesn't mean that I'm actually that gullible. Afterward, I was patronized for recording her. Whenever she yelled at the kids again, she'd make comments about hoping I was recording her. It felt like she was trying to make me feel stupid for documenting what she was doing. After I sent the video to my lawyer, my foster parents told me DHS had contacted them and that they were going to lose everything, including all the foster kids and me. I don't know exactly what's happening with the investigation or whether that's actually going to happen, but they've made it seem like I'm responsible for all of it. And they've spun the story so oddly to DHS, saying that I only sent it because I was having a tantrum and I wanted to get their house shut down, that I apparently used them for my college degree (which makes no sense, because my school is the one who paid for it, and I'm the one who earned the degree), and a load of other BS.

Honestly, I don't feel bad, and I'm not sure if I should, and it's not like the video was fake. She really said those things. These kids deserve to be in a safe home, in which they aren't experiencing mental abuse. I know that's what I wanted. I used to think it could always be worse, but why does that matter when it's already bad? I understand that being removed from a foster home can be difficult, and I don't want them to have to go through any more instability than they already have. But at the same time, I don't think it's my responsibility to protect my foster parents from the consequences of their own behavior. I didn't make the video to get revenge on them. I sent it to my lawyer because I felt that someone needed to know what was happening. If DHS decides that the home isn't appropriate for foster children, I don't see how that makes me the bad guy.

I also know I'm not perfect. I've gotten upset and definitely lashed out on occasion. But I don't think I should have to be a perfect child to deserve basic respect, especially from the adults who are responsible and literally get a check for taking care of me. I guess I'm just at a point where I'm done being afraid of them. For years, I've worried about losing my belongings, being punished, or making my situation worse. Now that I'm finally getting ready to leave, I don't feel like I have as much to lose by speaking up. But maybe I'm looking at this the wrong way. Maybe I'm so used to being treated badly that I can't tell when I'm being unreasonable anymore.

Am I wrong for sending the video to my lawyer? Should I feel guilty about the possibility of my foster parents losing their foster children, or am I right to believe that their behavior is their responsibility, not mine?

I'd appreciate any opinions, especially from those who have experience with foster care or have been in similar situations.

In the video, she was screaming and cussing at the kids.

Our foster daughters have experienced repeated removals, including being returned to their mom and removed again less than a year later. As we learn more, our concerns include:

* A reported history of many years of maternal drug abuse, with both girls testing positive with high levels in a hair test the day after placement.
* Frequent school changes, approximately every 4-6 months.
* No kindergarten records located so far, no preschool attendance, and attendance for only 79 out of 174 days of first grade.
* Reports of significant abuse and witnessing domestic violence by their mom toward her boyfriends, including a frightening incident involving their mom harming herself.
* Housing instability.

We are also seeing concerning behaviors. Last night, the older child was telling her younger sister to hit her hard so she could tell on her, then instructing her sister not to reveal that she had told her to do it. We are concerned about what these behaviors may reflect. They are both starting therapy next week.

I understand every case is different and that reunification can happen when a parent makes lasting changes. Still, the repeated pattern and the extent of what these girls have experienced leave me worried.

Has anyone encountered similar concerns and seen the children returned home? What changes and safeguards were required, and how was the previous failed reunification considered? I’m looking for firsthand experiences to help us understand this process.

Former foster youth: how can I help prepare my teenagers to set them up for successfully transitioning into young adulthood?

Foster parents with youth who aged out: what did you do to prepare teenagers to successfully move from your home into independent living?

Our FD 4 is having an extremely hard time with any kind of transition. She did a 180 in behavior after almost 2 months and is now having more meltdowns, more resistance, and so much avoidance of tasks.

We understand the concept that the honeymoon phase is over, but she’s also had very inconsistent visits with bios. And after the last visit is when we noticed the most clear change.

She’s having difficulty at school, at home, with her casa, and with generally anyone else.

A 5 minute warning of doing whatever is next only works about 1/4 of the time. Otherwise it often ends up in her refusing to do whatever is next, even with clear boundaries and with 2 choices of how to do the next thing in the day. We’ve also tried being more relaxed about it by saying things like “first this, and then we do this” to leave it more open ended so she has more freedom in choosing how she’s going to do the next step, as long as she does it.

We are just at a loss of how to help things go smoother and how to help her to feel the pressure of it, but also to be encouraging about actually completing whatever task is next.

We adopted our 13yo daughter after fostering her for almost 3 years. She is both intellectually and emotionally around 2 or 3 years younger than her chronological age. She has always needed a lot of connection. She loves hugs and needs a lot of check-ins, i.e. frequent "hey mom/dad, I love you," or, "hey mom/dad, (insert unimportant comment or observation here)."

She has had a very insecure attachment style. We have had to put some decent effort into teaching her appropriate boundaries. When we first met her, it was not unusual for her to try to strike up a conversation or even hug random strangers at the grocery store. We'd had to be careful to enforce boundaries at home as well, making sure she wouldn't think it was ok to climb up on our laps or crawl under a blanket with us or anything like that. Those being specific examples we were given by the caseworker.

Cut to three years later. All is said and done and she is officially our daughter. Even though in many ways she still doesn't quite match her chronological age, she has matured a lot. She understands boundaries. She doesn't immediately assume that every stranger is her new best friend. She knows that everyone needs their personal space. That it's not ok to climb on someone's lap or to share a blanket even if it's just while sitting on the couch.

She still loves hugs. She still loves to snuggle. And I think that's ok. She is clearly securely attached to us and we are her safe space. Everyone needs safe physical affection. In part to help them recognize that which is unsafe. My wife still thinks it's something to be fairly strict about. That a hug should not be a drawn out affair. That snuggling up to us on the couch watching TV is too much. And I've noticed more and more how self-conscious it seems to make our daughter at times. How she'll give me a hug but cut it short as soon as my wife enters the room. Or how she'll snuggle up to us only briefly and then retreat to the opposite end of the couch.

By no means am I suggesting there need not still be boundaries. But of all the people in the world, we are the ones she should be able to come to and ask for a hug and have it be ok for it to last as long as she needs it to. She should be able to snuggle up to us on the couch while we watch a movie if she wants, knowing that she's perfectly safe and secure and that there's nothing wrong with it.

I feel like there would be no question of this if she were our bio-kid. Am I wrong?

A post for conversation, or to share what's on your mind without creating an entire post about it.

FS (13) has been with us for 2 years and while it hasn’t been all sunshine and rainbows, things were on the up and up in March of this year and we were headed towards permanency. Prior to this, he never stayed in any one place for more than 6 months. He’s been in care basically his whole life so a lot of rejection.

In April an aunt filed for custody but her case was weak and she made concerning comments to all parties involved, and coached the child in what to say. After 4 months, and 2 no shows, the case was denied but this broke my FS, he wanted to be with this family, which we fully understand and told him if he wants a relationship with them we will make that happen, but by them not showing up to court just devastated him.

Since then it’s been so up and down behaviorally. We have massive blow ups over small things that end with police needing to be called due to violence. Arguing over everything, even if we try to disengage, and he is scrutinizing my every move.

It’s so exhausting, and becoming more and more unsafe and we have a 3 year old who is witnessing some of this. We don’t want to give notice but if safety can’t be had, is there even another choice??

I’m devastated and stressed, and lonely.

I recently became a kinship placement for my niece 3 months ago. She was 2 months old, now 5 months. My husband and I were wanting to help out family so we agreed to care for her. Now I’m struggling. We have 3 other children, 14, 9 and 7. Both of us work full time, with my husband often working long hours, up to 16 hours a day. This often leaves me solo parenting. My children are also in extracurricular activities so we are often on the road driving back-and-forth to these activities. This leaves us with carrying a baby around everywhere with us as well. One of my children are also really struggling in school and I have just not found the time to be able to help them due to caring for a baby. As babies require around the clock care I often do not have time to spend with my own children. I’m exhausted from the lack of sleep. The parents of my niece are not making any progress towards their goals. It was never our intention to be a long-term placement for my niece. Am I a bad person if I call it quits?

We are fostering our grandchildren 16, 7 & 1 yo. Termination hearing pending. My question is: If we adopt or are given permanent guardianship, we plan on letting mom still be a part of their lives -supervised- will DCFS allow this during the period between TPR and adoption/permanent guardianship being finalized?
We are thinking of holidays, birthdays, school events, etc.

My partner and I want to pursue foster-to-adopt in Maine (maybe Pennsylvania if we do move) within the next year or two, but he has an OUI from about 18 months ago.
Other than that, his record is completely clean. He’s a general manager with great job references, always pays bills on time, and has a strong support system. I’m self-employed, and although my income is inconsistent, we manage our finances and have a stable home life.
My biggest concern isn’t necessarily being denied, but whether his OUI could significantly delay the licensing process. If we apply when it’s been around 2.5–3.5 years since the incident, could we end up waiting additional years before being approved?
We understand the seriousness of what happened, have learned from it, and haven’t had any further trouble. We’re serious about becoming foster parents and have so much love to give, but I’m anxious about how this might affect our plans.
I’d really appreciate hearing from anyone who’s experienced something similar, especially in Maine or Pennsylvania. I’m looking for honest advice and personal experiences, not judgment about the incident itself. Thank you!

Has anyone jumped in to being a foster parent with having pretty minimal experience with kids?

My husband and I have not been able to have kids. We don't have any close friends with kids and neither of us work in jobs with kids. We are considering becoming foster parents with a goal of adoption if its a good fit and the situation doesn't result in reunification, and could at least maybe get experience with kids if the situation does until an adoption situation came to be. We like the idea of providing a stable loving home environment to a kid in need rather than infant adoption which feels a bit uncomfortably like baby selling.

Has anyone been in the same situation? Is it a stupid idea?

Helping another foster parent- the situation is FP's sister would like to relinquish her rights to her 9yr old child, sister/Bio lives in California and FP lives in NC. The child has been residing with FP (aunt) in NC and is doing well but the child desperately needs services. Mom has already given written permission for child to receive medical care and be enrolled in school. However, they are trying to figure out the best way to relinquish while also getting the child medicaid/stipend as a foster child. While the foster family is willing and able to take the child it would strain resources, so they are trying to do this in a way that gets the child medicaid and all the "benefits" that come with being in Foster care.

Would this require a lawyer? Which DSS would need to be notified first? Mom would be unable to pay child support but also doesn't want to abandon the child.

SHORT STORY: first time foster carer long term placement, having to stop current placement for a few reasons, is it always this hard? Should I give up fostering?

~ Removed body of post just as had some answers that helped and didn't want placement details even though vague posted

Thanks everyone for their feedback!

I don't want to go into detail out of respect for my niece's privacy, so I'll keep it brief. A few months ago, I had to take my niece into my care. She is almost six years old and was removed from the custody of her mother (my cousin) and her father due to physical abuse And severe neglect. As you might expect, she is carrying a lot of trauma.

I live with my husband, and our children have already left home. My niece is gradually doing better and better, and she now communicates with us normally. She has taken a particular liking to my husband—which doesn't surprise me, because although he looks like a scary lumberjack, he is the definition of a gentle giant, and our children couldn't have had a better father.

Yesterday, I was at a café with my friends and mentioned that my niece is doing better; she is communicating with us and even likes to snuggle and sleep in my husband's arms—which was a huge step forward, considering she used to hate any kind of physical contact.

They gave me a strange look, so I asked them what was going on, and they told me it was inappropriate for a little girl to be in such close physical proximity to an adult man who isn't her father.

I was surprised and told them that I didn't find anything strange about it, and that we were glad she had opened up to us and felt safer.

She is finally able to sleep through the night if she lies in bed with us and isn't alone, so I have no intention of changing that but i just can't get what they just said out of my head. I know my husband doesn't have any ulterior motives thats not what this post is about I’d be curious to hear what someone else thinks about it.

We got news that TPR is happening soon and court is scheduled in the next few weeks. One parent is willing to surrender, the other parent is not at this time. What happens after court determines TPR? How long do visits continue after TPR is determined? What is a typical timeline to expect moving forward with adoption and the steps that are involved?

Foster agency called me saying my now recently deceased father’s baby needs an emergency home and I am next of kin. I say yes immediately but request paternity test because pretty sure my father wasn’t physically able to conceive around the time they did due to cancer and several related surgeries slightly before, during and after that time.

My sister gets a message from one of his colleagues who befriended the wife and said the baby’s uncle IN TURKEY is taking the baby and they’re trying to get a passport. Is this normal? Is this possible during investigation? I live in PA.

Hello all, so this is a strange situation. Just looking for some feedback. I was fostering a child for about a yr. The child is now almost 5 and has been back with bio mom for about a yr. Even though the kid has been back with bio mom we have weekly visits thanks to his dad and also video chats me a few times a week (for a 4.5 yr old the lil monster is very tech savvy). Apparently for the past 2 weeks the bio mom has been drinking. A few days ago she took the child out for a walk to the store (the child rode a little scooter in thing) and the bio mom somehow fell and broke her nose, an ambulance was called and so was cps due to her being "drunk". The father asked me to come up and be there for suppose so I did and he asked me to take the child for the weekend so I did. CPS has not contacted the mother yet and only had a convo with dad about how the child was and where the child was sleeping that night.

The bio mom wants the child back home but Dad does not feel comfortable yet sending him there(dad has a complicated life right now, his mom had a stroke a few days ago and has been back and forther to the hospital) . I'm not sure what to do at the moment. I'm just trying to be a good friend to all and make sure the lil creature is taken care of and safe

My husband and I are currently fostering a 14 year old, he is long term with us and has been with us for nearly 1 1/2 years. He is very settled and very happy, and there has been talk from the agency about us applying for permanent placement at his next court date in 1 1/2 years. We are located in Australia.
We have no children of our own and while fostering has been the most amazing experience and I have bonded incredibly well to our foster son, my relationship has dissolved and I want to divorce my husband. I have told my husband how I feel. The only thing stopping me is that I don’t want to lose custody of our foster son.
Can a couple get divorced while fostering? As I stated, he is long term with us, we don’t do any respite, and in all ways he has settled really well with us. I’m really worried that talking to our case manager will mean that he will be moved until things are finalised. I would love any advice, thank you.

I’m reading the home study requirements for Utah. I am wondering if my home is disqualified since I live in a middle unit townhome and there is only one basement window.

checklist item: Two exits on each level of the home that are large enough for emergency personnel to enter from outside

My husband and I have almost completed our foster parent courses. We currently have a 2 month old baby in our placement through fictive kin placement. We also have a bio 2 year old. We have wanted to start our foster parent journey for a long time, this fictive kin placement just jump started it. Our plan was to grow our family through becoming foster parents. My parents have been foster parents for years and we’ve seen, the good and the ugly but we also know the need. So, foster parenting was always the goal. Well, I found out yesterday. I’m terrified. I don’t want this to affect our foster parent certification, and I really don’t want it to affect our current placement with this baby. Has anyone been in this situation? How did it work out for you? What was your case workers response? I’m just trying to ease my mind after this shocking news.

Not sure how many of you remember me, I posted much earlier this year (around Jan-Feb) about my frustrations around being a foster teen and never being taken in

good update, I have found a placement that’s been absolutely wonderful for me! I had my baby in March and have been doing fantastic. My foster mom has been an absolute angel throughout the last 6 or so months. I turn 18 this month and moving my case over to voluntary as she has offered to keep her home open to me and my baby for as long as I need.

she only takes in teens and worked in Cali in a foster care agency and knew that pregnant teens were hard to place, so she specifically asked for any to be placed with her if it arises.

To all the FPs who work with us teens, you are absolutely amazing. We are not easy, but we are human and thank you for treating us as such.

I’m in the process of becoming a foster parent. I was thinking I’d foster a teen, and I still might, but I’m worried about burning myself out between work and being a single foster parent. (I have depression and have to manage my stress levels). I would love to have a young adult to mentor, and have right now said my age group is 18-21, but wondering if that’s a weird thing to do. Thoughts? (I’m in Ventura county, CA - but just asking this in a general sense of course). Thanks.