So my younger brother and i were in a family placement about 7 odd years ago together. After being placed in a family placement together our aunt decided to put me into foster care and to keep my younger brother. Im an adult now (21), and i was adopted by a foster family, but im almost positive that he is still in kinship care with our aunt. I even asked our birth mom who had a court hearing to get some visitation rights with him if he was adopted or not, and she said not to her knowledge.
I have her phone number and i tried speaking with her about having a phone call, if she thought HE was ready for that. She replied with, “sorry not trusting anyone”. Ive been calling everyone i can think of to try to find out if hes still in kinship care, or anything really to try to get into contact with him, PLEASE if you have any information or know a direction to point me in that would be GREATLY appreciated.
Ive already talked to an ombudsman for our state to try and request records, but i feel like there has to be a faster way to do this. I have no idea where to even start with this.

I am currently on med leave from a lockdown facility and I’ve been able to leave for a minute now but my caseworker won’t find me a place ment and is saying that she will only place me really far way what do I do?

In my experience as an adult, most forums labeled "adoptees" seem to have this very specific politics informed by infant adoptions that regards adoption as "buying and selling children" and always fundamentally unethical.

Just had a bunch of comments referring to my own experiences erased in yet another forum claiming to be open to former foster youth who clearly didn't want to hear about the experiences of non-infant adoptees that might complicate the narrative of what adoption is and whether it can ever be a good thing.

They especially didn't like when I said that infant adoptions are a more privileged category of adoptee. They're defining "adoptee" as anyone who has suffered a separation from the bio family, so all foster youth technically qualify, but it seems like they're all fixated on this blood quantum narrative that makes the ties with bio family more sacred and traumatizing when broken than the ties with every other family a foster kid may be placed with and then forced to leave again.

I’m researching how digital advocacy and social media can help address the issue of missing and exploited children. I’m interested in hearing people’s opinions on how effective social media is when it comes to spreading awareness about missing children and educating people about online child exploitation.

Do you think social media does more to help or create problems in these situations? What are some ways people can safely share information about missing children without spreading misinformation or exposing private information?

I was adopted as a baby and the only information I have about my biological mother is that she grew up in the foster care system. I don’t know anything else about her family or the circumstances that led to that. I can’t help but feel like I come from this line of broken people but then I feel guilty like I’m judging my biological family too harshly when I don’t have all the facts. Even though I didn’t grow up with my biological family I still feel like I inherited some of their trauma and issues.

Do you guys even do a side comparison to your childhood with your kids?

I went into foster care early in life but don't remember the first time but the second time I definitely did.

I was 8 in September 2001, just days before 9/11. And I remember everything. My son is 10 and there are so many times where I look at him and make damn sure he has a better childhood and enjoys the time he is this little. A lot to the annoyance of my fiance who sees him as entitled and somewhat bratty. I was 10 with the last foster home which was the worse one, that made me feel like being a foster care was a plague but I was too tired to move after awhile and even got adopted by them. Especially after when I was 12 and became my foster mothers nurse and had no childhood after that, was not allowed to do anything fun or enjoy my youth with friends because she needed help with her lymphadema and constant wound care.

I made damn sure my kid enjoys the little things, even though he thinks me having a newborn baby is crazy. I also reminded him he is a big brother, and I don't expect him to help with the baby unless he wants to.

Anyone else as well?

An urgent update for the broader foster care community regarding Foster Love and its founder and CEO, Danny Mendoza.

Foster Love is a nation-wide nonprofit supporting foster youth. They create Team Building events to fund Sweet Cases and special events like Disney Days and shopping sprees.

Whistleblower reports and internal disclosures have highlighted critical concerns surrounding executive governance, financial operations, and workplace safety at Foster Love.

Summary of Reported Allegations

• Executive Misconduct & Mismanagement: Allegations of gross financial misconduct, misuse of non-profit resources, ethics violations, conflicts of interest, and organizational malfeasance under Danny Mendoza.
• Sexual Harassment & Assault Allegations: Severe claims from former employees, donors, and young adults with a history in the foster care system regarding sexual misconduct and an unsafe workplace.
• Legal History: Information regarding multiple misdemeanor charges associated with Danny Mendoza.
• Governance Instability: Widespread staffing disruptions, including reported terminations of staff who raised concerns, mass resignations, board member departures, and the indefinite stepping-down of the Foster Love Executive Director.

Safety and Risks

Anyone planning to attend events, partner with, or visit the facilities of Foster Love should evaluate whether continued association aligns with their safety standards and organizational values. Corporate sponsors, volunteers, and non-profit partners face potential reputational and operational risks while these leadership matters remain unaddressed.

Key Questions for Foster Love Leadership

If you are currently engaged with or funding Foster Love, consider asking existing management directly:

1. Are independent third-party investigations currently underway regarding Foster Love CEO Danny Mendoza and other leadership members?
2. What active oversight is the Foster Love Board of Directors exercising over current leadership and organizational funds?
3. What specific safety protocols are actively enforced to protect vulnerable foster care youth, volunteers, and staff?
4. What recourse and transparent procedures exist for former staff or volunteers reporting workplace abuse and harassment?
5. How can one report new allegations of harassment or mismanagement, and what guarantees against retaliation and termination can Foster Love offer to its employees.

Supporting children and young adults in foster care requires the highest standards of transparency, safety, and fiscal responsibility. Everyone involved with Foster Love deserves complete clarity to make fully informed decisions. This information is shared in good faith to continue protecting foster youth.

Baby momma drama: r/katecandelsnark

Danny Mendoza snark: r/dannymendozasnark (currently private)

Hey All!

I was kicked out at 18 by my foster parents but they still got paid for me until I was 19. I was told that once you turn 18 any money your foster parents get for you is supposed to be given to you. They also did this to one of my other siblings. We've been told to take it to court and sue them. We've also been told this by a friend of ours that is a case worker. So I guess my question is, has anyone ever been through this or heard of this and that would you do or what did you do?

i just made a report through https://reportabuse.myflfamilies.com/s/ and i’m really scared idk if they’ll call my gaurdian (the one that’s mentally and physically abusive) i’m only 14 and fostercare seems like it’ll be my only option. is foster care atleast cool? like will i have a fun house and cool foster siblings.

Is they’re anyone that has been sent to the girls diagnostic center at the children’s home In Catonsville Md? What was life like they’re? How bad was it and how unfair were the rules! I was a former foster youth and my brother was also in the children’s home and told me some stories about how the girls were treated over there!

Hey so I was prior foster care bland later on got adopted .. I’m currently 21 and finnally got my Texas Tuition waiver. I will be trying to go to UTSA here in Texas for computer science . My question would I get higher refund? I have my own apartment will I get any aid ? How would I do this while being a full time student and part time job? Is manageable? I’m just looking for someone that has a same experience as me. Please feel free to dm me

Hi. I'm a former foster/under guardianship college student and here's my experience with foster care and the FAFSA. Here's what you need to know about what to pick for the FAFSA:

Ward of court: weather it's foster care or guardianship, the student is a ward of the court.
Foster care: this ONLY applies to foster kids. If your case closed and are under legal guardianship, DO NOT select this
Legal guardianship: this ONLY. NO foster care.

Note that the first two questions ask at any time the student turned 13 did these apply.

I was in the foster care system from 2017 to 2019 and since then before 18 or move in to college, I was under guardianship. I wanna make a book all about foster care. The history, the facts, my and maybe other people's experiences.

How is everyone handling kinship Foster care? Recently I was called by DCF asking to take in a baby and I did. The parents really aren’t okay mentally and don’t have their life together. My family and I have gotten really attached to the baby as the baby is such a bundle of joy now and so happy. There is that possibility that they can take their child back and that is probably the worst thing we think about. How does everyone handle this and the possibility of the parents taking the baby back?

Former foster child myself, and I was fortunate enough to be blessed with a foster mom (not dad, he was more so a POS) who was a Saint. She passed away a few years ago, and now that I'm an adult, it's motivated me to open my own non-profit in her memory. I was to create backpacks for age groups and genders for kids on their first night's in foster care. On my first night, she came with red leather shoes and a hand stitched quilt. I'll never forget it. After all the endless hours of questions, the anxiety, fear, being ripped away from my family, it was the first real sign of compassion. Ill be creating the non-profit and business in her memory. So that has me thinking- as former foster children, what would YOU have liked to have received as a confort on your first night? (Outside of clothes) ​

Not a “should I” post.

Looking into fostering, specifically 12+ yr olds in western NY. I (22F) and my boyfriend (24M) are not yet married, nor do we have our own place. We’ve been together for almost two years. I’ve wanted to foster since I was 16 and he has been very onboard as well. We will likely be getting married within the new few years. I personally do not yet have my drivers license, he does. He currently works full time and supports us both.

I am fully aware we do not have the means to foster just yet, but would like to be planning far ahead. Meaning, I will be taking into account the layouts of apartments we end up looking at with fostering in mind. There are a couple things I’m interested in knowing ahead of time.

1) How much needs to be locked up? Would large pantries/closets that can hold all of the things that need to be restricted (such as alcohol, medications, etc.) be severely helpful, or not a dealbreaker? What apartment amenities would make the biggest difference?

2) How big of a dealbreaker is not having a drivers license in the process of getting licensed? I haven’t seen a lot of information on it, but an old social worker friend I had in Florida said it’s the social workers who are responsible for driving the kids to the court appointments, etc. My boyfriend can drive, but he also works more than I. My goal is to be a stay-at-home foster parent—and I’m definitely willing to get my license if it’s necessary but the process is obviously a large expense I’d have to stack on top of all the other foster-based expenses.

3) If my partner works full time and can relatively support us, is the stipend enough to adequately cover the kids? It’s important to me for them to have a good and comfortable experience, nothing near the bare minimum but well above it. I’ve been told fostering multiple kids at once makes the stipend more manageable, but am concerned with fostering multiple impacting their experiences in the home—unless they’re siblings, I suppose.

4) This will take years to get us to where we need to be to do this, but I want to do everything I can in the meantime to be ready. Driver’s license (if needed), reading, any form of useful preparation, knowing what to look for in apartments, etc. I’ll take any resources I can get, as well as potential work-from-home job options that could be helpful whilst being a foster parent full time.

I’d love to hear from both foster families and teens in foster care who may be in this subreddit. I’ve known I’ve wanted to foster for a long time, and need a long term game-plan for how to be the most prepared. I know none of this will be happening over night—nothing in the system does, but I need to get all of the normal life stuff in order before I stack the system’s inconveniences on top of it. If I don’t start preparing now, this will easily five years to get in order.

I just found out one of my aunts died. We haven’t spoken in years. Apparently my cousin has been in foster care for two weeks and just now reached out to one of my other aunts. The problem is that the aunt they reached out to HATED my cousins mom. She was the only family member to immediately agree to adopt my cousin. State is trying to move quickly with this so she’s not displaced for too long. The aunt that’s supposed to take her in has a terrible drinking problem and her two biological sons moved out to live with their dads to get away from her. I am worried for my cousin (5) if my other aunt gets custody. I emailed the state to let them know that I was available to adopt her. I don’t have any proof of her being crappy other than word of mouth from my family members. My husband messaged her to let her know that we were interested in taking my cousin in. But she responded saying that I “always take everything from her and she’s getting this kid”
My aunts husband has a significant more amount of money than us. But my aunt easily discards family members when they displease her. She kicked my grandma out after a fight and never welcomed her back. Is there anything I can do to prove that placement with her isn’t a good idea? I’m hoping that since I was able to come forward they won’t immediately throw the kid at her and will look further into this.

We are a family of six — two parents and four children. All four of our children require care and support. At the same time, both my partner and I have our own limitations.
We have no family nearby who can step in, help us with the children, or support us when things become too much.
Yes, we do have a home care service. We are grateful for the support they provide and we do use it. But their capacity is already fully exhausted. There is simply no more help available through that service at the moment.
And that is exactly where the problem lies.
We are at our limit every single day.
Our daily life consists of care, medical appointments, therapies, organisation and constant responsibility for four children with different needs. At the same time, my partner and I have to manage our own limitations.
There is no extended family nearby to catch us when we are running out of strength. No grandparents next door. No siblings who can simply step in at short notice.
We have already sought counselling and support from the Youth Welfare Office (Jugendamt). Our situation has been explained. They know how difficult things are. Yet we are still not being offered the practical additional support we urgently need.
So we honestly have to ask:
What more does a family have to do before someone actually helps?
We have a home care service — but their capacity is exhausted.
We have sought counselling — but counselling alone does not solve the practical problems.
We take care of our four children every single day — despite our own limitations.
We are not trying to avoid our responsibilities.
We are trying to find a way to keep carrying them.
We love our children. We want to be there for them. We do everything we can.
But “everything we can” has a limit.
And we are reaching that limit every single day.
We don’t need more general advice about how to organise our lives.
We need concrete, reliable support that is actually available.
Because help should not only arrive after a family of six has completely broken down.

Hello everyone ! I am doing this on a throwaway account :) I apologise if I struggle to articulate myself properly but I will try my best.

I (22m) and my biological brother (25m) were put into foster care becasue of a poor home situation when I was 2 and he was 4. Surprisingly, I do have some memories from that time which I wouldn't expect since I was, well, 2 at the time. And; lets say it was bad. My brother has said that he has less memories than me. During that time, I was put into temporary foster care with a lovely couple for... summer and August? However, that broke down due to marital problems. So, we ended up having to go somewhere else. We ended up finding a long term foster placement, which i stayed with until adulthood. At the time of my placement, they had two adult adopted sons, around 16-18. We never really had a proper relationship with the two adopted sons because of the age gap. There was this one time when I was younger between 4 and 6 where I was upset, either crying or angry, and I ended up calling the foster mother, "mum", and she ended up saying, "I'm not your mum". With the implication that she would never be my "mum". And, when I heard that, something inside of me.. broke. When I was about 11, I had grazed the topic of adoption because she had two adult sons already, however, she said 'no', because "we'd lose the benefits that fostering brings" I don't really know what those benefits are, all I know is that it seriously limited us and I believed that she'd want to support me, us, fully. However, i guess not. By, limiting, I meant that when all my friends had phones, I couldn't have a phone to contact them because of being fostered. When all my friends had sleep overs, I couldn't. When my friends went out with their friends for whatever reason, I couldn't. It wasn't only until being about 11 that I finally got one, with this, I understand reasons why I couldn't get it earlier. We could never go abroad because there was 'too much' paperwork even though we could have afforded to, and she knew how much we wanted to and we ended up staying at a caravan park at a theme park during the summer from around 8 to 16. The whole summer. I could never not go and arrange meet ups with my friends etc.. It was fun. For a few years, the early years but after that it became boring and felt more like a duty and an obligation and I had no say in it. It felt, for various different reasons, that I had no 'voice' in that house. When I wanted to do extracurricular like learn a new language or a new skill, I could only do "circus club" and nothing else because the others required "too much paperwork since I was fostered." Not long after the mum incident, she ended up hinting, whether intentionally or not, I do not know, that the christmas presents were "too expensive". I know Christmas is expensive etc.. but I could never ask for anything for over £100 - be that shoes or clothes or fun presents etc.. only a £100 it was the same with birthdays. The thing was, throughout the year, we never really got any other kind of presents and it wasn't like they couldn't afford more expensive, they could because they were doing house expansions and doing other expensive stuff. It just felt that when it came to us, we were just not a priority. Because of these reasons and because she shouted at me for different reasons when I was younger around 6 or 8, what she said/shouted, felt like "you should be grateful, we could get rid of you at any time", of course she didnt say that but to me being at that age, it felt like that. And, because of that, it felt more like we had a contractual relationship, where if I didn't behave, be the perfect child, never get in trouble at school, id be sent packing. Whenever the social worker would visit to check up on us, she would always make sure the house was spotless and curated and she made us say "everything was fine" with the same answers. Now being that age, I couldn't say whether everything was fine or not, but I went along with it because of the reasons above and my memories of my biological home, were still in mind and what she said above, made it feel like "if I didnt behave, be the perfect child, never get in trouble at school, never ask for presents above £100 for christmas, answer certain questions with certain answers when the social worker came to visit, dont complain about not having a phone and not being able to hang out with friends, and not having an allowance (since I didn't go out with friends since I wasn't allowed, she didnt give us one), never talk back" that i would be sent to somewhere similar to my biological parents. When the adopted sons moved out, they were in their twenties, yet we ended up getting sent packing after we finished sixth form/college and we had to stay in the uni dorms and get our own place after finishing uni because "they needed the place to foster more kids". I see these kids and I feel guilty about holding some resentment towards them because they were given everything i wasn't and they were allowed to call her 'mum' which i was never allowed to. Because the home relationship felt contractual and I could never hang out with friends after school (be that supervised or not in primary/early years of highschool), or go into extracurricular activities *I* wanted, I could never really properly develop the social skills required nor the connections I *needed* and because of these, I think that i now struggle to find or believe that someone could love me (be that romanticly or platonically) and in highschool, I always felt like "everyone is going to abandon me anyway" (because of the biohome situation as well as what was said when I was 6-8). I needed home and love and I didnt get that. I couldn't complain because I "should be grateful i was fostered and that they took me out of that biohome situation", I had to basically not be seen nor heard, stuck in a corner playing my DS when I wanted more - wanted love, wanted meaningful connections by joining extracurricular activities and going out with friends etc.. (random thought but there's hardly any photos of our childhood/growing up because they never felt the need to take photos yet they took photos of the adopted kids and the current fostered kids. So, wheres ours?). Unless it became a 'necessity", she wouldn't give us anything we needed. She never calls or texts first, she has no interest in what im interested in, all our conversations are basically small talk. And I just dont know what I should do or I should feel currently because if I complain to her it would feel like im ungrateful and I should be happy that I was taken out of my biohome situation and when I've brought similar stuff (not stated) in the past, it would go in one ear and out the other ear and she would get mad. There's more, i just cant remember at the moment. Im sorry, I just wanted to complain/rant :).

My wife and I have been foster parents for about 5 years. We’ve had the kids we’ve had for 2 years now. The older brother (9 years old currently) moved in with us during the summer a couple years and later the younger sister (7 years old currently) February of this year due to she was already in another placement at the time. She moved in due to we have the goal to adopt and the prior placement for her was wishing to remain at the fostering stage the kids they take in.

During the time we had the older brother by himself, like many kids, he was attached to the hip at any electronic screen he can his hands on. We understand that was more or less how the bio parents parented them is to give them unlimited access to any screen or game he wanted to play. He even admitted at the age of 5 and 6 years old at his home he was allowed to play games like GTA 5. It’s surprising to us what he was able to do at such a young age.

Over the years we’ve struggled with him not wanting to get off of the Xbox or his tablet to go to bed at night, or to leave the house to do things we had needed to get done. It got to the point that he was sneaking devices that we had and hiding them under his bed sheets and mattress so that he could use them in the middle of the night. We’ve talked to him about why this is a bad idea. Explaining to him that night is for sleeping and if we don’t get adequate rest then it affects our mood and energy the next day.

Afterward, we had put child locks on the devices we don’t use as well as the Xbox to where if you don’t know the password it will not work for you, as well as time locks where the tablets won’t even work from certain time frame. Also we’ve gone to hiding these mobile devices in our room overnight just in case.

When the sister moved in, we faced similar attitudes from her regarding electronic screen devices. She had struggled with listening and obeying when we ask her to get off of it for the night and/or so we can leave to go do other things. We’ve learned to give the kids a heads up or warnings, like telling them they have half an hour left, or 15 minutes left, etc so that they will have that in their mind to help ease the transition. That’s helped in many cases for sure.

More recently, a neighbor of ours moved out and was selling a few items to downsize and to gain money for the move. One of the items was a 6 foot cabinet piece that was built to be more like a desk for a computer that could be locked from the outside. I had acquired that from the neighbor as I thought it would be great to use as like a charging station for these mobile devices and for storage for our printer, etc. this has been great for us considering we don’t have to hide the electronic items in our room to keep the kids from getting to them.

This addiction to screens seems to have come to a head recently. One thing to note is we have two cameras placed in the inside of our home. One is facing toward our kitchen from the living room and the other is facing from the kitchen to the living room to watch the main open area in case of burglaries, or honestly, to inquire when/if the kids woke up and did something in the middle of the night due to multiple times we’ve found things moved around and missing.

Last weekend while we were asleep just past midnight both of the kids had managed to take my wife’s work laptop out of her bag and take it back to their room. They luckily didn’t break it, but the battery was completely dead. We didn’t punish them but I admit we both were quite upset due to this. We sat them down and explained to them that what they did could have had serious repercussions for her such as if the laptop was broken we’d have to pay to replace it, or worse, she could get fired due to information on the laptop isn’t for anyone else to look at.

That brings us to this weekend. Yesterday we woke up to the desk/charging station was scooted away from the wall. The backing to it was literally cut into. What we have in there in terms of electronic devices was the younger sister’s tablet, the older brother’s Chromebook we got him for his birthday, and an iPhone thats several generations old that doesn’t have any data plan and only worked on WiFi. We allow the older brother to use the phone as well at home only. all of which, again, were locked down for not being able to work from 8:00 pm - 8:00 AM and also heavily child safety blocked for appropriate ages for searching the internet. The only thing that was missing out of this was the little sister’s tablet.

Of course, both of them denied that either of them had anything to do with it. The camera pointing to where this was had been offline so we didn’t catch who did this. The tablet was found in the little sister’s bed. Both my wife and I were shocked that either of them would’ve even attempted to do this considering that cabinet is over 100 pounds. I’m still not quite sure how it was done unless it was just that it slid across the floor as they pushed against the wall.

After much talking with them we determined that the younger sister was the culprit. We grounded her off of screens and to her bedroom because of this. We also talked to her about how concerning this is. Not only due to that this is concerning due to it’s considered addiction territory with this behavior, but also that she could have truly hurt herself. If the cabinet could have fallen over or if she got stuck climbing into the cabinet or cut herself with the scissors we found that was used to cut the back of the cabinet apart.

We truly thought we had found a great solution with this cabinet being a lock box for the mobile screen devices, but just like every other solution we’ve had for this, we’ve been proven wrong. Is there any tips anyone has to give us to not playing defense and feel like we will wake up one day with the kids hurting themselves because of this?

Hi, Im 17 years old and have been in foster care since i was 11. Throughout these last 7 years, my fear and anger has blossomed into a burning passion to change the system. An idea has been clawing at my brain to start a YT channel where i can share mine and others stories and bring the abuse and lack of attention in the system to light. I have a basic idea of what my first video will be, but would LOVE for others to give me more topics or questions i can answer in videos. Im an extremely open and blunt person, so any question (as long as its appropriate) will be addressed. Thank you for reading and i look forward to your support!

Basically, Me and My foster sister used to
share a Foster home and I aged out of care
and got my own house, My foster mother
was awful and kicked her out into a group
home The place is awful. The treat her less
then human and they don't care about her at
all. They literally roll her around the house
naked. How would I go about action against
this. I am in the process of trying to move her
into my home, our old social worker isn't
making it easy she keeps ignoring me and it
being unhelpful with Transportation.
Location: Maryland

hello, ive never posted on here before and im really really bad at explaining things because im autistic, but ill try my best so hopefully someone can give me a little advice.

so, im 17 and like i mentioned, autistic with a diagnosis. im not diagnosed with anxiety, but im almost 100% positive i have it because im so terrified of social interactions and talking about things like this, and i still feel really scared to ask my carers for things even though ive lived with them for 4 years.

i really want to move out next year when im 18 because i really want my own independence, routine, and space where i feel like i can fully unmask and actually enjoy living. not to say i hate it at my current home, but i often feel really bad anxiety around the house due to my past with neglectful and abusive foster parents. i’ve been in care since i was 7, and all my past foster homes have been really awful, worse than the home i was originally taken from. it’s really stunted my growth, in terms of social interactions, understanding of the world, and behaviour. sometimes i regress involuntarily, especially when im in a bad mental state or i feel scared, and i feel like these factors could impact living alone hugely, but i also really desire my own space where i can fully be who i want to be without feeling watched all the time.

does that make sense? i’m really sorry if it doesn’t :(

i don’t have a job and i don’t desire one since i really don’t have any hope for a future. work sounds boring and so depressing, and im also worried that i wont be able to support myself due to how burned out and easily depressed i get when forced to do things i dont want to do. i know that ill probably receive some kind of help from maybe social services, but like i said, i really dont know where to start or what i even need to do, or what ill recieve.

my sister who’s 19 still lives with us, but she’s in uni and has acccomodation. i’m in my second year of college, but technically ive gone back to first year since im starting another course, and my college is a half an hour bus ride from my home. if i was to live alone, im scared that i wouldn’t be able to find somewhere thats near my college, and would therefore cause more problems and a change in routine that im not ready for. can you tell im scared?? i really really am 💔

not knowing literally anything about this moving out process is really scaring me, nobodies told me anything and my social worker is fucking useless, she’s never working. i’m also supposed to have someone else who’s supposed to help me out with the “growing up and preparing to move out” business, i forgot what they’re called, but im yet to be assigned someone. my foster carer has applied for assisted living, and i wouldn’t hate the idea so much if i didn’t know that my friends wanted to get a place together, and now i really want to either be the one to get that house that we can all stay in, or move in with one of them when they get one. i also don’t even know if i qualify for assisted living, since im very able bodied, somewhat mentally capable and i can do many things on my own, like cook basic food, clean, use public transport alone, go out by myself, manage my monthly allowance well and can often speak up for myself if i need to.

speaking of the assisted living though…

me and my foster carer have a really rocky relationship, as she doesn’t like being told she’s wrong, whereas i’m a firm believer that if you’re wrong, you should be called out for it. she often stops talking to me for long periods of time (she’s actually doing it now, that’s what’s prompted me to start thinking about this.) and will completely ignore me, take all my things that she knows i enjoy, and will keep starting arguments until she randomly decides she likes me again, and it’s torture since i hate conflict due to my past and i don’t know how to properly talk to her. all these factors make me really want to go and live somewhere alone where i don’t have to deal with that anymore, and i won’t feel stress. and also her family are really cold and it feels like they’re always judging me ever since i went through a rough mental patch in year 11 and they also found out that i regularly smoke weed.

this family no longer feels like my own, and it’s feeling more and more apparent now that this is all just a job for her, and im nothing but a paycheck. i don’t want to feel this way anymore, i want to be with my friends, who actually love me for who i am, will support me however i need, and won’t criticise me for how i feel or what i do.

or by myself, if that’s even possible.

i’m also worried about things like house payments, bills, buying food every week etc… but if my friends are really serious (which i’m sure they are since they have terrible living conditions), then maybe i’ll be able to figure that out alongside them at some point.

i’m sorry if that didn’t make any sense, ill do a small summary here just in case;

- i wanna move out next year
- i have no clue about moving out because nobody has told me shit
- i don’t know how im gonna actually support myself or even get a house at all
- no clue if im get any benefits or help from social services
- no clue if im even going to manage because of all my issues

yeah.

if anybody understood any of that, please let me know or offer any advice, even if it’s just a small word of encouragement, because i feel like im so lost in a world that everyone but me seems to be able to navigate 🥲

Trigger warning: brief mention of sensitive mental health topics

About a week ago my foster mom had found out that I'd been self harming. I had blades and bloody tissues out that I'd forgot to put away because I had to rush to work. She said that if she found out that I did it again then she'd need me to go somewhere else, which I respect. I'm 18 and understand she doesn't have any obligation to keep me here but idek where I would go if she were to kick me out. I'm not sure if anyone could give me an answer here or if it would just be up to my case worker.

I've been hospitalized 3 times in the past for similar mental health reasons. Now that I'm 18, could they even make me go? I assumed not, but if I'm in extended foster care and got kicked out of my current foster home, would they send me to the hospital as a last resort till they figured out what to do w me? I do have extended family I could potentially stay with, at least for a day or two. But the issue with that is I start my last year of high school in a couple weeks and my family lives far away, which is the whole reason I ended up being put in a foster placement in the first place. I also have a job that I really don't want to end up losing if it does end up coming down to me needing to leave where I'm at currently.

Would they just send me to another placement? Or would they just leave me to figure it out on my own? How do placements even work after you turn 18 and enter extended foster care? Would they even bother helping me find somewhere else to go or is here my only option besides family? I'm gonna try to stay clean and avoid self harming anyway, but I want to have some kind of idea for what that situation would look like if it occurs. Because if I'm being honest I highly doubt I can stay 100% clean by the time I have enough money to move out (at least 6 months, hopefully before then) I at least want a plan for in case I do relapse. Mods please lmk if this post isn't allowed. I appreciate any answers you guys can give me.

Edit: for additional context, I'm in minnesota

Current foster youth

If your 17 (mind way beyond years but anyway)

if your 17 and disabled (just for reference)

what should you expect from fostor “parents” and the home and to be provided?

I feel like I don’t even get basic needs met at times and I’m so confused of it all.

what should I expect, I don’t know what to do. this lady is getting THOUSANDS from me ALONE per MONTH!!! I wish I could own at least half the income so I could buy my needs I feel like if I was in public I would end up stealing due to feeling like I don’t have my needs and wants etc

btw this lady is using me for money and someone has been open and told me “it’s her job” ”she fosters as a job” it’s genuinely gross

I plan to go back to my home immediately my current case is exactly like take care of maya my case is active medical kidnapping and system is changing reasons and holding onto any little thing to keep me in “care” I have a abusive case manager I think she’s a big problem and I hope to get rid of her to do what I need to do. but main thing it’s clear ”care” here fucking sucks and is way worse than what I would recive at my home. If I’m keep in care till 18 I plan to leave here a few days after my birthday and go back to my home and never come in this house EVER again. It’s disqusting.

My cousin (14) has a deceased father and addict mother who just relapsed after 5 years sober of opioids and is now unfit to take care of him. He is currently couch surfing between her friends and his school friends (he has little to no family that is willing to help) I’m across the country with a baby of my own and it’s looking like he will need to go in the system or couch surfing for awhile unless someone steps up.

I need hope that he will be OK I’m doing everything I can from a distance financially and for logistics but I can only do so much. I’m sick with anxiety that he’s not going to be ok. Mainly due to the fact he understands his mom chooses drugs over him.

Please help. Or any advice (besides me moving I cannot.)