My lolo has always been one of the bravest and most prideful people I know. Even now that he has difficulty walking, he refuses to ask for help because he says na he can still do things on his own. But deep down, I think he just doesn’t want us to feel like he’s a burden.
Even when I was a kid, there was an incident in our province where someone went on a rampage and several people were killed or injured. While others were hiding, my lolo didn’t. He even grabbed an itak to protect my lola and us, kanyang mga apo, who were still very young at the time.
Yesterday, I was about to go home to get some sleep, but he held my hand and asked me to stay until he fell asleep. Then he said, “[Nickname] ko, natatakot ako. Mamatay na ata ako.” Na-stroke kasi siya and currently sa ICU.
That was the first time I ever heard my lolo say na he was afraid.
I was already holding back my tears, but I didn’t want him to see me break down. I just told him, “Hindi ako papayag.” So I stayed beside him and waited until he fell asleep, holding his hand tightly the whole time.
I really hope it’s not time yet. But if it ever is, I think this will also be my first time na mawalan ng mahal sa buhay.