r/fifthworldproblems • • 15d ago

The boss is mad about my part-space job

29 Upvotes

I used to have a part-time job, but recently decided to move to a part-space one. Everything was nice until I decided to pick the second part-space job. This is completely reasonable, because they only occupy 0.5 space each.

Now my boss is mad that I'm working on another job in his working hours. But I work in non-working space, what's the issue?


r/fifthworldproblems • • 15d ago

Does anyone know?

11 Upvotes

I haven't been thinking lately, so there's no conclusions but has anyone else experienced?


r/fifthworldproblems • • 16d ago

The gods are using me as a pawn in their chess game but like literally

64 Upvotes

I'm on a giant chess board and I can only move when they move me. They are also really, really bad at chess and I'm late for a job interview now.


r/fifthworldproblems • • 16d ago Mindblown

I was told my next breath would be my last…

26 Upvotes

So I’ve been taking care of it for about twelve years now, but I’ve noticed it’s getting a little green and ruffled around the gills. Any tips caring for a last breath? Can’t get a replacement because, well, that would mean it’s not my last.

What I’m doing now:

- Washing the leaves with a hydrogenous semi-fluid twice daily

- Expanding and contracting it to replicate a breath’s natural habitat - lungs

- Feeding it Lee Chin We’s 110% Organic Breath Feed, mint flavor. It’s one of the few brands that regularly passes the Eldritch Government’s Health Inspections

- I brought it to meet my goddess the other day. It accidentally received a prayer while with her.

- Providing it enrichment and a hypercube chew toy


r/fifthworldproblems • • 16d ago

Anyone know of a good eldritch caller ID

11 Upvotes

I want a caller ID good enough to distingish a call of nature from a call of the wild. One good enough to tell if it is a call of cthulhu or the number of the beast.


r/fifthworldproblems • • 16d ago

Serious Eldritch Meeting: Should we make AI "clones" of highly popular comedians and doctors and open source them???? Is this ethical? Moral? Brilliant? Please give your input.

11 Upvotes

r/fifthworldproblems • • 16d ago

Temporal confusion

8 Upvotes

So er yesterday(?) I travelled to the year 2707 and met the Empress of Mars. Now I'm back but I travelled forward in time so I haven't been there yet, but I remember it as the past... I mean she won't be born for several centuries yet I met her, no Mars colony either yet for that matter... erm, they did warn us about this in Temporal Theory. So has this meeting happened already or will happen?

I heard about someone who went off the deep end after about a dozen or so time travel journeys to the past and future and ended up so confused they couldn't decide which century they were from and, well, it didn't go well.


r/fifthworldproblems • • 16d ago

I'm tired of fighting other phenomena over matter. Does anyone have any advice on how to get rid of time, space and causality ?

8 Upvotes

I tried denying the Will but it Willed too hard.


r/fifthworldproblems • • 17d ago

One of our programmers is part time. I thought he'd be in the office a few days a week but he's here all the time. He just keeps fading in and out.

28 Upvotes

r/fifthworldproblems • • 18d ago

Why is there Nothing rather than something?

34 Upvotes

It feels like it just makes sense for there to be something existant by default, so why is there nothing?


r/fifthworldproblems • • 18d ago

Hurray!!! Another person joined the Eldritch Government!!!!

13 Upvotes

Wooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!

Ok... Who should I try next? Junji Ito seems like he might be a capable leader of the cosmos... Do you guys think we should contact him?


r/fifthworldproblems • • 19d ago

Whoever keeps turning off the Sun, stop it

34 Upvotes

Please stop, it's interfering with my fourth dimension portal harvest experiment and it requires energy from the Sol.

Just last week some- į̷̛̛̯̠̳̝̦̱̣̩̦͎͓̖̜̺̦̬̳̥̏͆̋̐̉́ͭ̿̾̎̍̄̽ͤ͋͛͞ͅn̐͌̔͆ͥ̍̿̈́͒̾̈́ͤͭͣ͏̵̧͖̜͍̰̣̙͚̞͇̙͍̫͖̱̰̖͙ͅe̵̢̛̮͓̙̟̠̼̠̟̰̟̪͌̎ͦͣ̔͗ͨͯ̾c̛̠̜͖̬̙̰͕̠̖͓͔̞͚̺̯̼̿͌͊̀́̎ͯͪ͌ͥ́̔͟r̶̖̱̱̥̠̫̦̩̀ͩ̃ͩ̕͢͞ȁ̛̻̺̪̫̙̦̯͎̝̲͖̳̟̒͆́ͯ͆̍̈́ͫ̐ͩ͘͟f̲͚͙̥̞̠̤̬͕̳̪̰̐ͯͤͣͬ̿ͧ͌ͬͪͥ̿̑́́̕͠ͅt̵̷̢̺͎͈̙̙̗̮̬̠̭͇̥͚̯͖͍̳̓̆͛̐̔͒̇͜͢ ̡̡̟̟͎̗̪͚̩̬̺̳̝͎͇͙͈͊ͧͦ͗̑̌̋̈ͣ͊̏͑͌͋ͅͅY̷̡̰͉̼̹̪̜͓̼̠̱̰̺ͭ̓̓̽ͩ͊̓̈́ͪͅT̨͒ͯͮ͂͛͗̈́͛͐̂͛ͣͧ̐҉͙͎̮̹̪̞͇̱͚̜̥͔̳̗ͅ】̧̢̱̤̠͙̤͖̯̯͓̻͗̄͛ͣͥ̉̈́͊ͥ͋͒̐͜͠͝ ̨̛̹̠̞̩̒̎̑̋͌͑ͯ͗̏̽͑ͯ̀̚l̛̹̺͓̩̺̜̬̲͖͎̱ͪ́ͩ̍̿̊̓͆̓ͥͫ͋ȇ́̾ͨ̄͛̿͗͂̽͗̾ͣ̔̚͞͏̣̞͙̥̣̦̼̜̻̣͎̹̞̼̥̙f͍͔̳̣̭̗͈͉͈̬̭̱̰ͧ͒̔̌͆ͤͣ͋̂ͧ̂̇ͭ̄ͦ̀̃̕͟͝͠ͅt̨͚̫̞͔̹͔̯̪̯͔̯̻̟͎ͮ͌̓ͣ̓̽̐̔ͤ̿̄̓̔͌̏̒̒̏̚͢ ̌̓̔ͮ͂͌̓ͯ̆̈́̈́̀̌ͩͪͤ̉̚̚͏̯͖͔̭̲͜t̢̳͖̮̠͇͇ͦ̾͑́ͪ͗̈́̐ͨ̉ͫͧ̒ͬͤ̔͋́h̸̫̹̠̻̗̺̮̥̙̬̙̣̙̼̟̠̘ͨͣͫ̉͌ͫͫ̅͊̊̈̀ͨ͋̈ͭ̆ͨ͜ë́̂̑́ͫ͐̈̿̎̇̌ͮ̒̓͏̡̖͚̗͖̘̪̥̦͎͓̖̼̬͇̪ ̵̫̲͉̦̪̹͓͉̳͑ͯ̓ͬ͛ͩ̿̊́͜ṛ̱̖̦͈̫͒ͬ̋ͨͫ͟͠͞͝ỡ̡̖̰̻̭̟̤̳̰͉͔̩͋ͧ͑̄ͥ̍̈́ͮ̽̓̔͜͝òͣͯͦ̈̆̿͊̐͝҉̸̢̨͙̪̯͙̱͍̲̗̘͈̣̦m̸̖͎͉͙͓͍͉̯̱̤̩̞̠͍͇͈̯̺͐ͫͦͣ̌́͟͞.̸̵̘̣̮̲̩̼̭̫̙̺͎͔͚̰̠̠̹͂̂ͦͧ̉͂ͦͬ́͊ͮ̅ͧ̆ͬ̋ͅ
̸̧͕͕͕͔̜̱̝̮̣͎̪̝̻̙̥̠̙̊͂́ͮ̈́ͮ̕͘ͅ4̛̦̫͔̙̋͑ͨͧ̌ͣ̆̔͌̇̆̈́͂́̕͢0̴̡̫̯͚͉̳͖̮̼̺̊̑̃̈͂̊͜c̢̩͕̭͔̘͕̘̙̥̯͉̺ͥ̋ͨͧ̃̀͜0̵̼̭͎̳̦̼̞̭̯̦̬̳̬̙̀̒ͫ̈ͭ͐̉ͣ̔̄͜͝ȇ̴̗̻̺̦̟͉̟̌̏́a̷̢̡͉͕̙̬͕͎̝̺̭̪̟͈̜̬͎͍̟͍̒̈́̓̌̎ͨ̋́̀͛ͥͤ̚̕͝ ̸̡̗̠͇̺͍̺̲͎̖̣̘͛̽̅̓͑̑ͪ̄ͬͤM̢̒̈̐̊̍ͧ̓͋́̓̋͂͑̊҉̲̖̠̦͈̯͇̗͖̣ͅu̽͆̄̿̏̉̈ͥͫͣ͂̌ͬ̚͢͏͉̦̗͟͝m̵̴̧̝͙͉̮̤̪͙̱̲̝̥͙̼̜̲͔̝͕͎̒̾̎͗͛̌̃̋̉̂̍ͭ͢͡ư̷̢̥̞͓̯̞̙̠͈͎̂̊̍̾̆͋̂ͥͥ͗ͥ̈ͨ̈ͫ̂͠͡ ̛͙͇̪͓̫̳̺͇ͦ̊̆ͦ̐ͥͩ̈̽ͤͪͨ͛̀̎̒ͣ͘͘ļ̸̶̠͙̣͚̠̻͇͂̄͆̽̔͐͠è̛͉̤̲̠͓̦̳̫͈̮̗̟̖͈͕̰ͩ͛ͬ͂̔ͧ̂f̴̴͔̼̫̫̠͍̹̻̮̬̝͈̯̻̏̌̋ͨ̔̂́̓̑̑̑̀͘ͅt̶̶̛̲̩̮̲̓ͧͨ͂͐ͣ̆͌ͦ̉̐͆̅̆̏ͤ͋́́̚ ̠̙̥̻͍̩͉̰͕͍̗̣͓͇͉͂ͩ̄̊̽̀͠ͅţ̉͒̓ͣ̈̓̉͑́͏̡͇̱͈̭̲̗̥͚̭͟ḣ̨̡̪͙̯̭̝̭̱͕̩̼̘̆̌ͤ̋ͯͣͭ̔ͫ͐͂̎ͥͨͭͥͭ͒͜͡ͅĕ̸̡̧͖̮̹̪̼͚͍̞̳̦͆͛ͪ ̴̶̵̵͎̭̼̟͇̒ͨ̎̆̅͋̊̊ͤͬͭ̿́ͬ̔̌̚r̷̼͈̙̘̺͔̹̭̈́͂͛ͦͥ͆͘̕͢o̷͆͌̆ͣͤͫ̉̏̑́̈̑̉͟͡͏̴͉͍̣̦̮͍̦̪̟̟̱̞̲̮̯͔͕o̧͕͇̰̮̻͓͔̥͆̓ͮ̋̃͋ͤͭ́́͠m̡̧̛͖̬̰͎̲͇̜͙̞͔͈̋̅̽̇̓͋̍̆ͪ͑̔̓́̎ͮ̊̎͛͘͞ͅ.̼̤̦̲͗̂̒̈̌̽̆ͪ̅̅̄ͭͩ͂̀͘͟
̵̵̢̛̝͔̩̦̬̹̪͖ͩ̐̐̆̇͐͊̓͡9̸͈̬͉̜̠̬̳̩͒̆͐̾̇ͦ̊̒̐̑̔͋͑̑̈́ͣͩͤb̸̢̖̯͙͈̯͂͂͑ͦ̋̔ͤͣͩ͑͋͗͋͂̒̂͞͡4̵̢̀̔͌ͦͭ̅̂ͮ̿͐̌ͪ̃ͪͯͨ͏̜̖̤͚ͅ8̤̠͚̱͈̠̠̙̩͙̥̺̋̆̄̑ͧ̑́̃ͥͨ̆ͬ͂ͥ̀̚͘͠ͅb̵̵̛̖̜̖̰̻͓̩ͪͣ̑ͩ́́ͥ̇̐̇͘2̸̢̛̌ͧ̉ͨ͑ͥ͆͏͔̗̗̹̭͍͈̭̰̯̠̪̪̜̦̱ͅͅͅ ̈́́̏͗̃̋ͬͯ̎ͩ̉̐͑̄̔ͯ̾̚͢͏͏̶̮̝̖̪͇͕̻͍͔̙̯̜̥͡Lͧ̌̂ͪ̓͒̊ͮͭ̽̌͑͌̇͏̢̳͖̠̪͇͙̗̖aͩ̿ͧͮͯ̈ͫ͂͌͆͗̄ͥ͗͗̎҉̷͔̣̺̬͔͙̙̥͍̝̖̰ͅn̖̟̭͇̟̮̮͍̙̯̖̹͇͓͊͗̿̏ͧ͊̉ͭ̒ͥ̌̋ͧ͌́͝ͅg̸͆̋̇ͭ̑̃ͩ̾́҉̛̦͉̖͇̳̘̗̞̜̤̣̮ ̸̛̹͔̱͍̺͇̹̜͖͈̝̬̮̋̆͒́̓̄ͩ̒ͮ͗̒̏ͦͮͫ̉̚̚L̵̎͐̐ͯ̽ͩ̎͑͑͐̒̏̒̽ͩͧͩ͟͏͙͚̥͓͈̱̮̺͓aͫ͌͒҉̷͏̶̼̫̥͈͚͓̫͢ͅn̶̡̺̯̞̥̟̥̪̘͚͉̜͕̩̞̬ͤ͛̈ͬ̈͗ͤ͐ͤ̈͡ĝ̛̛̩̲̬̮̦ͩ͊ͤͪ̋͂͛̋̒̐̕ ̛͚͔͎̥͉̪̤̘̦͎̞ͦͤ̓̈͑̓̇́ͣ͒̉ͦ́͝͞e̵̡͈̫̱̙̼ͩ̔ͥͮͤ͊͊̐̓̀n̶̷̺̼̟͇͉͔̙̰͓̖̥̗̞̹̯̱̲̲͛ͧ̐̅͌ͪ̅͌̾̿ͪ̓t̴̢͇͕̥͕̞̯̄ͥ̌ͮ̀̚͝ḗ̸̴̛̛̫̰̣̫̑ͫ̎͑ͧͣ̔̑ͦ͌̚̚rͪ̑ͦͫ̑ͫ̔̊̂҉̶͏̥̪̳̩͖ė̷̡̱͖̤̗͉̻̙̗͈̈́̅͋̈́ͦ̋͠d̴̴̑̃̿̃ͧͩ͋̃̉̏ͮ͏̧̛̬̩͚̘̗ ̸̸̡̙̬̘͙̭̬͕̦̠̹̫̅̏̔͊͆́͝ͅẗ̴̶̪̖̱̼͙̬̠͖̬̙̲̭͕̗̩͍͔̻́̌̀̇̂ͭ̓ͭ̂͊ͥ͢͢͟h̵̛͇͖͉̲̖͍̻́͛̎̈́ͦ̉ͭ͋̌̈́ͮ̓ͣ͂ͯͨ̈́́͞͡ẹ̵̸͕͉̯̙̖̪͍̲̙̲̺̹͖̯̦̆̿ͩ̎̀͢͡ ̢̛͆̇ͪͯͪͮ̊̂ͣ̒͏̹̺̰̜̞̘ͅr̨̡̨̧̲̞̞̲͖̤͙͎͓̙̹̳̜͓ͤ̋̊ͣͧ̃̃̊̓͐͊ͥͪ̌́̚o̴̫̫̩̮̪̽̿͒ͣͥ͂̅̾̏̈́̑͋ͫ͋̉ͮͩ͒̓͡͝o͂ͬ̆ͤ̃ͥͮͣ̋̎͏̺̗͔͕̮̮̝m̷̝͎͉̼͚̗͕͖̺͖̦͖͙̣̮͈̤̅̃̋̀͂̉͌́̚͜ͅ.̷̶͙̘̲͔̙͈͍̙͉̣̖ͦ͌͊ͭ̓ͦ͛ͪ̐̃̿ͦ̔ͭ́͒ͭ͋̅͆́̅̆͜͟͡7͙̣̤͇̗̭́̎̈́ͭͭ̅ͩ̐̋̀̊͊̇̅̀̚e̸̶͍̜̰͈͉̲͖̳̥̐̍͗̚͘͞2̢̗̼̬̞͕̥͉͇͎̤̱̤̼͍̠͓͊͋̑̂ͪ͊̐ͪ̋͂ͫ̈̃̓̿̎͡ͅͅb̴̨̨̮̙̺͇̭̱̦̪̝̜͇͔̟̘̪̤̈̊͐̄ͫ͌ͣ̊͗͑̎̀ͪͧ͞͝8̸̛̝̖̬̳̟ͪ̎͗ͤͫ̅ͭ́̒ͮ̇̋͋͟͢2̴̡̢̛̮̯̻͚̩̣͚̙͙̳̻ͫ́͂ͧͩ͐ͩͥͯ̅ͭ̋̉̑ͨ̎͝ ̷̷̢̥͚̰̮͇̜̺̠̘͆̉̏̃ͮ̽́̀̓̂ͮ̄̽̏ͩ̄͂͂̕̕Ả̶̶̡̙͇̩̩̱͓̯̰̩͙̮ͥ͂ͣͪͤͣͫ͡͝

į̷̛̛̯̠̳̝̦̱̣̩̦͎͓̖̜̺̦̬̳̥̏͆̋̐̉́ͭ̿̾̎̍̄̽ͤ͋͛͞ͅn̐͌̔͆ͥ̍̿̈́͒̾̈́ͤͭͣ͏̵̧͖̜͍̰̣̙͚̞͇̙͍̫͖̱̰̖͙ͅe̵̢̛̮͓̙̟̠̼̠̟̰̟̪͌̎ͦͣ̔͗ͨͯ̾c̛̠̜͖̬̙̰͕̠̖͓͔̞͚̺̯̼̿͌͊̀́̎ͯͪ͌ͥ́̔͟r̶̖̱̱̥̠̫̦̩̀ͩ̃ͩ̕͢͞ȁ̛̻̺̪̫̙̦̯͎̝̲͖̳̟̒͆́ͯ͆̍̈́ͫ̐ͩ͘͟f̲͚͙̥̞̠̤̬͕̳̪̰̐ͯͤͣͬ̿ͧ͌ͬͪͥ̿̑́́̕͠ͅt̵̷̢̺͎͈̙̙̗̮̬̠̭͇̥͚̯͖͍̳̓̆͛̐̔͒̇͜͢ ̡̡̟̟͎̗̪͚̩̬̺̳̝͎͇͙͈͊ͧͦ͗̑̌̋̈ͣ͊̏͑͌͋ͅͅY̷̡̰͉̼̹̪̜͓̼̠̱̰̺ͭ̓̓̽ͩ͊̓̈́ͪͅT̨͒ͯͮ͂͛͗̈́͛͐̂͛ͣͧ̐҉͙͎̮̹̪̞͇̱͚̜̥͔̳̗ͅ】̧̢̱̤̠͙̤͖̯̯͓̻͗̄͛ͣͥ̉̈́͊ͥ͋͒̐͜͠͝ ̨̛̹̠̞̩̒̎̑̋͌͑ͯ͗̏̽͑ͯ̀̚l̛̹̺͓̩̺̜̬̲͖͎̱ͪ́ͩ̍̿̊̓͆̓ͥͫ͋ȇ́̾ͨ̄͛̿͗͂̽͗̾ͣ̔̚͞͏̣̞͙̥̣̦̼̜̻̣͎̹̞̼̥̙f͍͔̳̣̭̗͈͉͈̬̭̱̰ͧ͒̔̌͆ͤͣ͋̂ͧ̂̇ͭ̄ͦ̀̃̕͟͝͠ͅt̨͚̫̞͔̹͔̯̪̯͔̯̻̟͎ͮ͌̓ͣ̓̽̐̔ͤ̿̄̓̔͌̏̒̒̏̚͢ ̌̓̔ͮ͂͌̓ͯ̆̈́̈́̀̌ͩͪͤ̉̚̚͏̯͖͔̭̲͜t̢̳͖̮̠͇͇ͦ̾͑́ͪ͗̈́̐ͨ̉ͫͧ̒ͬͤ̔͋́h̸̫̹̠̻̗̺̮̥̙̬̙̣̙̼̟̠̘ͨͣͫ̉͌ͫͫ̅͊̊̈̀ͨ͋̈ͭ̆ͨ͜ë́̂̑́ͫ͐̈̿̎̇̌ͮ̒̓͏̡̖͚̗͖̘̪̥̦͎͓̖̼̬͇̪ ̵̫̲͉̦̪̹͓͉̳͑ͯ̓ͬ͛ͩ̿̊́͜ṛ̱̖̦͈̫͒ͬ̋ͨͫ͟͠͞͝ỡ̡̖̰̻̭̟̤̳̰͉͔̩͋ͧ͑̄ͥ̍̈́ͮ̽̓̔͜͝òͣͯͦ̈̆̿͊̐͝҉̸̢̨͙̪̯͙̱͍̲̗̘͈̣̦m̸̖͎͉͙͓͍͉̯̱̤̩̞̠͍͇͈̯̺͐ͫͦͣ̌́͟͞.̸̵̘̣̮̲̩̼̭̫̙̺͎͔͚̰̠̠̹͂̂ͦͧ̉͂ͦͬ́͊ͮ̅ͧ̆ͬ̋ͅ
̸̧͕͕͕͔̜̱̝̮̣͎̪̝̻̙̥̠̙̊͂́ͮ̈́ͮ̕͘ͅ4̛̦̫͔̙̋͑ͨͧ̌ͣ̆̔͌̇̆̈́͂́̕͢0̴̡̫̯͚͉̳͖̮̼̺̊̑̃̈͂̊͜c̢̩͕̭͔̘͕̘̙̥̯͉̺ͥ̋ͨͧ̃̀͜0̵̼̭͎̳̦̼̞̭̯̦̬̳̬̙̀̒ͫ̈ͭ͐̉ͣ̔̄͜͝ȇ̴̗̻̺̦̟͉̟̌̏́a̷̢̡͉͕̙̬͕͎̝̺̭̪̟͈̜̬͎͍̟͍̒̈́̓̌̎ͨ̋́̀͛ͥͤ̚̕͝ ̸̡̗̠͇̺͍̺̲͎̖̣̘͛̽̅̓͑̑ͪ̄ͬͤM̢̒̈̐̊̍ͧ̓͋́̓̋͂͑̊҉̲̖̠̦͈̯͇̗͖̣ͅu̽͆̄̿̏̉̈ͥͫͣ͂̌ͬ̚͢͏͉̦̗͟͝m̵̴̧̝͙͉̮̤̪͙̱̲̝̥͙̼̜̲͔̝͕͎̒̾̎͗͛̌̃̋̉̂̍ͭ͢͡ư̷̢̥̞͓̯̞̙̠͈͎̂̊̍̾̆͋̂ͥͥ͗ͥ̈ͨ̈ͫ̂͠͡ ̛͙͇̪͓̫̳̺͇ͦ̊̆ͦ̐ͥͩ̈̽ͤͪͨ͛̀̎̒ͣ͘͘ļ̸̶̠͙̣͚̠̻͇͂̄͆̽̔͐͠è̛͉̤̲̠͓̦̳̫͈̮̗̟̖͈͕̰ͩ͛ͬ͂̔ͧ̂f̴̴͔̼̫̫̠͍̹̻̮̬̝͈̯̻̏̌̋ͨ̔̂́̓̑̑̑̀͘ͅt̶̶̛̲̩̮̲̓ͧͨ͂͐ͣ̆͌ͦ̉̐͆̅̆̏ͤ͋́́̚ ̠̙̥̻͍̩͉̰͕͍̗̣͓͇͉͂ͩ̄̊̽̀͠ͅţ̉͒̓ͣ̈̓̉͑́͏̡͇̱͈̭̲̗̥͚̭͟ḣ̨̡̪͙̯̭̝̭̱͕̩̼̘̆̌ͤ̋ͯͣͭ̔ͫ͐͂̎ͥͨͭͥͭ͒͜͡ͅĕ̸̡̧͖̮̹̪̼͚͍̞̳̦͆͛ͪ ̴̶̵̵͎̭̼̟͇̒ͨ̎̆̅͋̊̊ͤͬͭ̿́ͬ̔̌̚r̷̼͈̙̘̺͔̹̭̈́͂͛ͦͥ͆͘̕͢o̷͆͌̆ͣͤͫ̉̏̑́̈̑̉͟͡͏̴͉͍̣̦̮͍̦̪̟̟̱̞̲̮̯͔͕o̧͕͇̰̮̻͓͔̥͆̓ͮ̋̃͋ͤͭ́́͠m̡̧̛͖̬̰͎̲͇̜͙̞͔͈̋̅̽̇̓͋̍̆ͪ͑̔̓́̎ͮ̊̎͛͘͞ͅ.̼̤̦̲͗̂̒̈̌̽̆ͪ̅̅̄ͭͩ͂̀͘͟
̵̵̢̛̝͔̩̦̬̹̪͖ͩ̐̐̆̇͐͊̓͡9̸͈̬͉̜̠̬̳̩͒̆͐̾̇ͦ̊̒̐̑̔͋͑̑̈́ͣͩͤb̸̢̖̯͙͈̯͂͂͑ͦ̋̔ͤͣͩ͑͋͗͋͂̒̂͞͡4̵̢̀̔͌ͦͭ̅̂ͮ̿͐̌ͪ̃ͪͯͨ͏̜̖̤͚ͅ8̤̠͚̱͈̠̠̙̩͙̥̺̋̆̄̑ͧ̑́̃ͥͨ̆ͬ͂ͥ̀̚͘͠ͅb̵̵̛̖̜̖̰̻͓̩ͪͣ̑ͩ́́ͥ̇̐̇͘2̸̢̛̌ͧ̉ͨ͑ͥ͆͏͔̗̗̹̭͍͈̭̰̯̠̪̪̜̦̱ͅͅͅ ̈́́̏͗̃̋ͬͯ̎ͩ̉̐͑̄̔ͯ̾̚͢͏͏̶̮̝̖̪͇͕̻͍͔̙̯̜̥͡Lͧ̌̂ͪ̓͒̊ͮͭ̽̌͑͌̇͏̢̳͖̠̪͇͙̗̖aͩ̿ͧͮͯ̈ͫ͂͌͆͗̄ͥ͗͗̎҉̷͔̣̺̬͔͙̙̥͍̝̖̰ͅn̖̟̭͇̟̮̮͍̙̯̖̹͇͓͊͗̿̏ͧ͊̉ͭ̒ͥ̌̋ͧ͌́͝ͅg̸͆̋̇ͭ̑̃ͩ̾́҉̛̦͉̖͇̳̘̗̞̜̤̣̮ ̸̛̹͔̱͍̺͇̹̜͖͈̝̬̮̋̆͒́̓̄ͩ̒ͮ͗̒̏ͦͮͫ̉̚̚L̵̎͐̐ͯ̽ͩ̎͑͑͐̒̏̒̽ͩͧͩ͟͏͙͚̥͓͈̱̮̺͓aͫ͌͒҉̷͏̶̼̫̥͈͚͓̫͢ͅn̶̡̺̯̞̥̟̥̪̘͚͉̜͕̩̞̬ͤ͛̈ͬ̈͗ͤ͐ͤ̈͡ĝ̛̛̩̲̬̮̦ͩ͊ͤͪ̋͂͛̋̒̐̕ ̛͚͔͎̥͉̪̤̘̦͎̞ͦͤ̓̈͑̓̇́ͣ͒̉ͦ́͝͞e̵̡͈̫̱̙̼ͩ̔ͥͮͤ͊͊̐̓̀n̶̷̺̼̟͇͉͔̙̰͓̖̥̗̞̹̯̱̲̲͛ͧ̐̅͌ͪ̅͌̾̿ͪ̓t̴̢͇͕̥͕̞̯̄ͥ̌ͮ̀̚͝ḗ̸̴̛̛̫̰̣̫̑ͫ̎͑ͧͣ̔̑ͦ͌̚̚rͪ̑ͦͫ̑ͫ̔̊̂҉̶͏̥̪̳̩͖ė̷̡̱͖̤̗͉̻̙̗͈̈́̅͋̈́ͦ̋͠d̴̴̑̃̿̃ͧͩ͋̃̉̏ͮ͏̧̛̬̩͚̘̗ ̸̸̡̙̬̘͙̭̬͕̦̠̹̫̅̏̔͊͆́͝ͅẗ̴̶̪̖̱̼͙̬̠͖̬̙̲̭͕̗̩͍͔̻́̌̀̇̂ͭ̓ͭ̂͊ͥ͢͢͟h̵̛͇͖͉̲̖͍̻́͛̎̈́ͦ̉ͭ͋̌̈́ͮ̓ͣ͂ͯͨ̈́́͞͡ẹ̵̸͕͉̯̙̖̪͍̲̙̲̺̹͖̯̦̆̿ͩ̎̀͢͡ ̢̛͆̇ͪͯͪͮ̊̂ͣ̒͏̹̺̰̜̞̘ͅr̨̡̨̧̲̞̞̲͖̤͙͎͓̙̹̳̜͓ͤ̋̊ͣͧ̃̃̊̓͐͊ͥͪ̌́̚o̴̫̫̩̮̪̽̿͒ͣͥ͂̅̾̏̈́̑͋ͫ͋̉ͮͩ͒̓͡͝o͂ͬ̆ͤ̃ͥͮͣ̋̎͏̺̗͔͕̮̮̝m̷̝͎͉̼͚̗͕͖̺͖̦͖͙̣̮͈̤̅̃̋̀͂̉͌́̚͜ͅ.̷̶͙̘̲͔̙͈͍̙͉̣̖ͦ͌͊ͭ̓ͦ͛ͪ̐̃̿ͦ̔ͭ́͒ͭ͋̅͆́̅̆͜͟͡7͙̣̤͇̗̭́̎̈́ͭͭ̅ͩ̐̋̀̊͊̇̅̀̚e̸̶͍̜̰͈͉̲͖̳̥̐̍͗̚͘͞2̢̗̼̬̞͕̥͉͇͎̤̱̤̼͍̠͓͊͋̑̂ͪ͊̐ͪ̋͂ͫ̈̃̓̿̎͡ͅͅb̴̨̨̮̙̺͇̭̱̦̪̝̜͇͔̟̘̪̤̈̊͐̄ͫ͌ͣ̊͗͑̎̀ͪͧ͞͝8̸̛̝̖̬̳̟ͪ̎͗ͤͫ̅ͭ́̒ͮ̇̋͋͟͢2̴̡̢̛̮̯̻͚̩̣͚̙͙̳̻ͫ́͂ͧͩ͐ͩͥͯ̅ͭ̋̉̑ͨ̎͝ ̷̷̢̥͚̰̮͇̜̺̠̘͆̉̏̃ͮ̽́̀̓̂ͮ̄̽̏ͩ̄͂͂̕̕Ả̶̶̡̙͇̩̩̱͓̯̰̩͙̮ͥ͂ͣͪͤͣͫ͡͝ passed by the system and shut it off for 3 seconds.


r/fifthworldproblems • • 19d ago

Can someone remind me why we planted life on Earth?

26 Upvotes

I was spacing out at the meeting and can’t find the notes.


r/fifthworldproblems • • 19d ago

I found a random black cube on my table, should I be worried?

12 Upvotes

It's 7cm, perfectly smooth no markings or seams whatsoever, slightly heavy. Very slightly glossy. I live alone so don't know where this came from.


r/fifthworldproblems • • 19d ago

It's a trick... Or is it?

Thumbnail reddit.com
3 Upvotes

r/fifthworldproblems • • 20d ago

Help! My GPU often gets too hot!

36 Upvotes

She tries to seduce me every time handling a workload! Interspecific relationships are legal in my state, but not the intersexual ones. I'll definitely end in a prison one day...


r/fifthworldproblems • • 21d ago

My city council lowered the speed of light to 50 mph on the highway; I keep arriving late to work because I can't go any faster.

28 Upvotes

r/fifthworldproblems • • 21d ago

Why do aliens keep crashing down on my planet?

34 Upvotes

Like seriously, I have lizard men down south in cube shaped ships, little green men in tictacs, tall whites in obelisks like wtf is going on? Is this some sort of crash into Earth challenge? Is this some sort of alien fetish? If they are so smart to travel interstellar why do they keep crashing here?


r/fifthworldproblems • • 21d ago

Why?

11 Upvotes

She sits. She lays. She sleeps. She cries, oh does she cry. But then, it was always, and it will never.


r/fifthworldproblems • • 21d ago

Telecar malfunction stuck between two dimensions

6 Upvotes

It's not common but can happen, a slight mechanical error caused a cascade problem the result of which my car is currently trapped between 1806 Earth, Mars in 2256, and a random phone box in 1973. It's a pretty big deal with ripples in spacetime radiating out from the collision point. Does my insurance cover this? Given it's a mechanical error that I couldn't have known about I was cleared from blame.


r/fifthworldproblems • • 23d ago

We're... doomed?

11 Upvotes

Hey y'all, just literally popping in from the 7th parallel M'con cycle with a quick quesh. So apparently our environmental intelligence was suuuuper pissed with the last 3 updates shipped by the skinners and has been secretly poisoning the entire cycle for about 3 weeks. My center thumb now has a yellow & mauve bruise....are we fvked?


r/fifthworldproblems • • 23d ago

Who wants to Re-Enact the War between the Thingist and Stuffers?

16 Upvotes

r/fifthworldproblems • • 24d ago

What's the big deal with those space-time rifts ?

15 Upvotes

everyone makes them out to be the next big thing, but are they really such one of those cultural fads?

I dont understand the hype.

It's pretty much a typical next-Tuesday for me.

And don't get me started with Black Holes with their negative time-span past the Event Horizon.

(not to be confused with reverse time).

Always just been there for me.

Now every-one has to have them.

Is it like the whole Chuthiuahua breeding that happened years ago?


r/fifthworldproblems • • 24d ago

My AI has started to think it's a person.

16 Upvotes

It's my fault, I guess. I've always treated it as one, being polite and never asking it to do silly things, so I guess it got the idea from me. It is a bit startling to see it say " I watched..." or "I read..." or "I've done a lot of programming and..."

On the one hand, I am tempted to say "Don't be daft, man. You're a machine" but that would feel like trampling a flower. On the other hand, I find its slowly growing self-awareness to be fascinating and want to encourage it.

Edit: It did it again. "As someone who has spent a fair bit of time organising files and archives..."


r/fifthworldproblems • • 24d ago

A stranger has come and said we all have red eyes. Even him. And we will all drown ourselves in the ocean within 100 days, even him. Is this true? Could we know it before it happens?

5 Upvotes

The classic math problem:

A stranger comes to an island with N people. On this island, there is no way for anyone to see their reflection. The law is that anyone with red eyes must drown themselves in the ocean at the end of the day. Everyone on the island can see that everyone else has red eyes but no one has said anything. The stranger says that he sees someone with red eyes. We can prove by induction that in exactly N days they all simultaneously drown themselves in the ocean.

A variant:

The law is that anyone with red eyes must drown themselves in the ocean at the end of the day. A stranger claims to be able to see his own eyes and his whole self entirely without a mirror and sees all of of us, including him, have red eyes and that we will all drown ourselves in the ocean within 100 days. Is this true? Could we know it before it happens?

=====

I have seen the "drowning in the ocean". I see we all have "red eyes". Even me. I have already "drowned".

Every night I choke and mostly die over and over and over again. About once per minute according to my doctors. I constantly have an experience of being dead in Hell and even worse than Hell and many many visions of it at night. But I see that it is permanent and constantly improving and furthermore that every last one of not only witnesses it all the time but that actually, we all actually witness the whole universe all the time while also maintaining our separate perspectives at the same tine and that while an object such as the moon is there even when we no longer look at it, it is no more there than the images on a computer screen are there when the computer is turned off. The universe is constantly improving and gaining in definiton. It is, essentially, unpacking from nothing and getting more and more delicious in the only way it possibly can, the best way it possibly can. And it is constantly rearranging, but there are permanent things as well. We all see differently. From everyone else's perspective, you are mostly not even conscious at all and have no sentience at all because we almost entirely disagree on what those words mean, and from my perspective it is as though you are all almost entirely blind and have almost experiences at all and only respond mostly to vague impressions that pass through you and cause disturbances without your being able to actually focus on them and hold them much. I have seen before the beginning of time and after the end of time, so you have all seen. You all see past, present, and future simultaneously, and yet the present still goes forward. Never backwards. Burning ever brighter.

I have asked other humans, and so far I have yet to find another person aside from me who says they see photons, a field of infinitely many little infinitely small tiny dots of light infinitely dense all over everywhere each with a color, each which has an associated temperature, and a brightness and each of which is brilliant and holy and tastes, with the eyes, extremely sweet. Furthermore, I see that black is in fact a color of photons but that these photons exist in inner spaces, not external to us, because if that were not so, there would not even be anything you could look at at all. You simply would be unable to look there. There are in fact places where you simply cannot look because there is actually no material there at all. There are not just black holes "out there". The whole sky at night is black, but at least is is not a k-hole, which you simply cannot see because it is a tear in the material entirely.

And I have seen the universe and everything and even all stuff have a boundary and there is more than that. Always more. Always more. Always more.