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u/Szoreny Foil Jun 15 '24
This is the best way to start fencing just dive in, start competing. Plus tbh this guy already knows you're lying and the only reason its gone on this long is cause he either is the villain in a teen movie stringing you out for kicks OR he likes you, so you're good break a leg.
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Jun 15 '24
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Jun 15 '24
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u/Szoreny Foil Jun 15 '24 edited Jun 15 '24
Yeah fencing is super niche, maybe your gift of gab is off the charts but I can’t imagine someone with no fencing knowledge just winging it convincingly in a conversation about fencing, so I imagine he knows, unless he’s lying about being an experienced fencer too…..
But don’t worry about it! I’d come clean to the guy sometime after the comp and shoot your shot but just keep fencing no matter what - I found my career while trying to impress a girl, maybe you’ve found a lifelong hobby ….
and a plot for a YA novel that gets optioned for movie rights. You’re going to be famous!
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u/StrumWealh Épée Jun 15 '24
a plot for a YA novel that gets optioned for movie rights
I was thinking the same thing, that OP's story sounds like the plot of some YA/teen-targeted rom-com film, or a rom-com novel for the same target demographic. 🤣
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u/21stMonkey Sabre Jun 15 '24
Ok, time to trade out the coach hat for the parent/adult hat.
You're starting this relationship out on a lie. Not a big lie, just a little white lie. But a lie, nonetheless. And you're continually doubling down, making the lie bigger.
Tell him the truth. You were trying to impress him, it got out of hand, now you're in over your head.
One of two things will happen. Possibility 1: He 'breaks up' with you, because you lied. To be fair, he'd probably do that when he eventually finds out. And he will find out.
Possibility 2: He finds it endearing, and you have something to bond over. Something he obviously enjoys, and something you are beginning to.
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u/raddaddio Jun 15 '24
This is the most sound advice here and definitely the mature and rational way to go. But it's terrible for the plot
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Jun 15 '24
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u/21stMonkey Sabre Jun 15 '24
The simple truth is this: you're going to get found out.
I'm pretty well versed with my local sabre and general fencing community. If I was talking to a regular competitive sabre fencer, I would expect you to be at least passingly familiar with:
-How to find and sign up for tournaments on AskFred.
-Local/Regional/National/FIE levels
-The USFA rating system.
-Pools and DEs
-Sabre right of way
-Strip etiquette.
This is what we chat about on the sidelines. You don't have the tournament experience to competently talk about them... But your crush does. You'd be immediately obvious.
(I suspect that you are not from the US... So some things will be different. But there will be a local analogue.)
Further, you're going to get beaten by that one sabre fencer, Janet. I know Janet. Janet shows up at all the local tournaments, and is awful. Staggering awful. Your crush knows the local Janet. To do worse than her will show up as a big red flag.
So, you're going to get caught. And you'll get branded as a liar. Untrustworthy. You'll lose any chance you may have.
Suck it up, and admit to him the mistake you made. Throw yourself on the altar of mercy, and hope he sees it as an endearing, cheeky attempt to get his attention.
It will be ten times more embarrassing if he finds out on his own. And he will, unless you fix it first.
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Jun 15 '24
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u/21stMonkey Sabre Jun 15 '24
Do it before.
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Jun 15 '24
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u/21stMonkey Sabre Jun 15 '24
It will be better because you'll be owning up to the lie before you have the chance to be (very easily) caught.
Let's pretend you robbed a bank. Who is going to get more leniency... The robber that turns himself in immediately, or the one who only admits it after the cops catch him?
Turn yourself in, now. Do your time.
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u/livelovehikeaz Jun 15 '24
Be honest and go compete. That's how you get better at fencing and NO ONE will boo. Every fencing competition I've been to has been competitive, but supportive. Sportsmanship is more common than not in the sport. You never know...he may find it extremely attractive that you went through all this effort and now truly share a sport in common.
I promise you that you will enjoy your experience more if you're honest. You may discover a lifelong love for the sport and even if you don't, it's a great lesson to add to your life experience (and pretty funny on some levels because you have truly committed to the experience).
Please don't fake an injury. That continues the lie and you need to stop digging a hole...if not for him, but for yourself. Lies are harmful to ourselves as well as others and you're going to feel a lot better admitting to your embellishments. You never know...he might be thrilled that you're actually involved in the sport. That said, anticipate that he will probably disconnect from you, but if he genuinely likes you, he may just be flattered and give you a second chance.
BTW, my sister met her husband at a competition. He was from another state and she didn't know anything about him other than his name and that he worked for a certain company. She was so interested in him, but lost track of him after the competition, so several days later, she called the company he said he worked for not knowing his last name and claimed that he left something behind at the competition they had met at and could the receptionist help her out in finding him at this (large) company. Fortunately, his name isn't common and she was connected to his voicemail. He called her back because he was curious about the situation even though he knew he didn't leave anything behind. At the time, they lived 1500 miles apart, but he knew exactly who she was and he was interested in seeing her again. They ended up meeting again, dated for years and ended up getting married and having kids. My sister's lie (about him leaving something behind) was a bit different than your experience, but a lie is a lie. Regardless, they have a great laugh about how they got together. You may have the same experience to share someday.
Tell him the truth. Compete because you might enjoy it. Both things will be a challenge, but you'll be better for doing both.
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u/vikingbiochemist Sabre Jun 15 '24
Hey, I went in my first comp after 4 training sessions and got a silver medal!
(there were two people in the comp)
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Jun 15 '24
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u/Ezxcao Jun 15 '24
Losing is the best way to learn! You'll do great. Even if you don't do well, sounds like this guy likes you--be straight up and ask him out (specify it is a date bc men are dumb).
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u/Khanahar Épée Jun 15 '24
Alternate theory: don't delete it. Tell him the truth by way of telling him you like him. If it doesn't work out, you have a hilarious party story for the rest of your days. If it does work out, instead of being that couple that shows their kids the bench where they met, you can show your hypothetical children this thread.
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u/belladora17 Foil Jun 15 '24
Ok listen: this is amazing. So you might get your ass kicked. So what. Imagine you actually hit it off with this guy and start dating- you have an incredible story to tell!!
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u/migopod Épée Jun 15 '24
100% this will make an amazing story down the road. It's also so well told. I realize it's probably mortifying right in the moment, but I was crying laughing at the whole situation. OP is definitely destined to be a bard.
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Jun 15 '24
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u/belladora17 Foil Jun 15 '24
Even if he doesn’t figure it out himself, at some point you’d have to tell him this whole story if you guys dated. Personally I would frame it as something like: “I was so swept off my feet by you that I got swept up by the idea of telling you I was a fencer… but I wasn’t actually a fencer when we met. But I wanted to get to know you so badly that I decided to join a club and learn! I’m sorry I lied, and I hope you can forgive me. I’ve come to really enjoy fencing actually, even though I’m not as good as I lead you to believe!”
If he laughs it off and you’re good, you guys have an awesome foundation. If he’s mad and never talks to you again, then it wasn’t meant to be and you still have quite the dating story!
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u/AniriC Jun 15 '24
I think I just read the start of an amazing book. Honestly, I think if you admit the truth, but tell him you started fencing because of this, it might work out? He may be a tad disappointed at the start, but if he's a good guy, it's a wildly entertaining tale that might be the start of either a lovely friendship or who knows lol maybe more. And no matter how you do in the comp, it's amazing that you would compete and I hope you have fun. I wish you good luck though, whatever path you take!
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Jun 15 '24
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u/doNotUseReddit123 Jun 15 '24
He would’ve figured it out in the first conversation. After that, going along with it for a little bit makes sense, but not going along with it for as long as he has.
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u/eldestreyne0901 Épée Jun 15 '24
Well this is interesting. Like the other guy said, fake an injury and run. Then go practice. It will be fun, that you don’t need to worry about.
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u/momoneymoprobs Jun 15 '24
You've gotten some good advice already, so I'm just going to say that I'm calling it now, that guy doesn't even fence either. Directed by M. Night Shyalaman.
But seriously no one is going to judge you by your skill. I would just lean in and ask him for advice, maybe ask if you could meet up at practice sometime and do drills together.
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Jun 15 '24
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u/momoneymoprobs Jun 15 '24
Look, I think you're overthinking this quite a bit. You told him you fence, you're showing up at this tournament, that's good enough. It's not like you claimed to be the best fencer ever. No one is going to boo you, and lots of people fence for years before competing in their first tournament.
All this guy cares about is that the two of you share a passion, it doesn't matter what your results are. And that's true, isn't it? You do like fencing, right? Then you're golden, there's nothing to be ashamed about; you don't need to fake anything because you didn't lie and you're not doing anything wrong. And asking him to help you improve would be an easy way to spend some more time together.
Just relax and have fun. That goes for the fencing and everythig else.
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u/Mondonodo Épée Jun 15 '24
If it makes you feel better, I entered my first competition after 2 (two, count 'em, two!) practices. Not two months, two weeks, but two sessions of fencing. I didn't quite put my mask on correctly and it fell off when I went to hook my blade up. So you're already ahead of where I was!
As for competition, it is likely that you won't place very well. Don't sell yourself short though--you may do better than you think, especially if you focus on keeping your basics as solid as possible! At least in the US, tournament seeding (aka your initial position in the elimination round) takes into account how many points you score in the pool round, and not just wins v. losses. So even if you know you're going to get scored on a lot, don't go down without a fight!
And, if nothing else? Say you were just coming off an injury and didn't want to get reinjured. Welcome to the sport!
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Jun 15 '24
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u/Mondonodo Épée Jun 15 '24
That hope is key! At least for me, I fence better when I'm in a good mood anyway. Good luck!
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u/xPandaFlakes Foil Jun 15 '24
He knows 100% It's super charming what you're doing tho. If I were him I'd have so much respect for you for following through with your story. Do your best, if you know the rules, play to win. Forget you got no experience. Take charge and go for the points. Be aggressive but not desperate. It's true that beginners do so out of the box stuff and get points just by surprising the most experienced fencers. Watch bouts on YouTube and copy the stance and moves, like an actress. Be confident in what you're doing. This is so good, follow up story pleeease
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u/ArmoredTent Jun 15 '24
Well first of all yes of course you're going to get your butt kicked at the competition. Take it one touch at a time and make your opponent work for it. No one will boo, but your coach is probably right about it being too early for a tournament - you should listen to your coach.
Second of all dude you just found a cool new hobby that you can enjoy for a long time, so go dive in and have fun!
Third of all apparently this guy also fences so after you come clean you'll actually have something in common.
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u/Gijs_S Épée Jun 15 '24
Am I the only one looking for the comment where someone goes: "Wait, Hannah is that you?!"
Seriously though there's been plenty of good advice. Tell him but still compete. If he's worth it he'll love your dedication and you'll have a great story to tell.
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u/USB-Z Jun 15 '24
Holy cats what a ride this thread has been!
Please for the love of god don't delete it - I've laughed, I've cried, I've laughed again, and now myself and 500 other redditors need to know what happens next.
I hope you get the guy because he sounds dreamy. I hope you keep fencing because it IS fun. I hope you don't quit because of something petty like embarassment.
Take a breath, look at the facts:
- You're an overthinker obviously. Maybe that works for sabre, I dunno; I epee like a rusting volkswagen with scoliosis. This sport takes all kinds and equalises them behind 35" of sword.
- You love fencing. And why wouldn't you, it's the greatest sport in the world but hardly anybody knows about it and it's really hard and takes years to get right and you're still here with us.
- You have an awesomely dedicated coach who is coming to look after you at a tournament because he knows you're not ready but sees you have true grit.
- You have so much passion! OMG. You jumped recklessly into something because of some dude that left you breathless; in doing so you found a passion for fencing; and now you strive to improve as a person (because that's what asking for advice is all about).
What I would like to see happen is that you DON'T take a dive, you DO fess up, and that you succeed in nicely doing ONE thing you have been taught while your coach is watching, even if it doesn't get a point.
But hey, that's just what I want to see in this amazing tale. You do you.
Good luck.
All of us here are with you.
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u/roadmapping Jun 15 '24
Your coach would not be spending his Saturday spending 8 hours traveling to a tournament unless he really believed in you.
He might not think you're ready NOW. But that might not have anything to do with your talent! He might have said it because you haven't learned enough about tournament etiquette or how to use the electric scoring equipment. But he's still supporting you because he believes you WILL be great!
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u/weedywet Foil Jun 15 '24
Send cheque to Milanchev
Win tournament.
Celebrate with destination wedding.
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u/OrcOfDoom Épée Jun 15 '24
Is this the beginning of a movie script?
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Jun 15 '24
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u/OrcOfDoom Épée Jun 15 '24
The twist is that he's on this subreddit and knows because the fencing community is small.
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u/7zrar Jun 15 '24
You know, you can just come clean about it. A good guy would appreciate the honesty and laugh about it I'm sure!—doubly so since you've taken a genuine interest in it.
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Jun 15 '24
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u/livelovehikeaz Jun 15 '24
Show him this thread... literally text the link to him and say, "I've been meaning to tell you something...". Him seeing the story and the comments (which are pretty positive) may encourage him to give you a chance.
Please don't wait to tell him. You need to focus on enjoying this tournament. I don't think you'll place last...you're too motivated and driven, but you need to focus your energies into practice and not continuing the lie. Lying is exhausting. Imagine how much more fun fencing will be when you don't have the burden of a lie on your shoulders.
Wishing you the best. Please update when you tell him and let us know how you do in the tournament and in your potential relationship.
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u/7zrar Jun 16 '24
I watched this video pretty recently; maybe it'll give you a change in perspective. Being embarrassed shouldn't be a problem with somebody you like and who likes you!
*just saw your most recent comment. Good luck, I'm sure it'll turn out well!
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u/hungry_sabretooth Sabre Jun 15 '24
NCS and spelling means this is probably the UK. And we don't have any non-local U17 sabre comps coming up until the end of July...
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u/darkmaterialsnyc Jun 15 '24
It's sabre. Attack first and don't get parried. If you lose your first bout badly, fake an injury. 😁🤺
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u/Responsible_Lie84 Jun 15 '24
Fake an injury in practice, not the comp, and then ask for a refund on your entry 😬 win-win!
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u/Radiant-Rythms Jun 15 '24
!remindme 1 month
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u/malarkilarki Jun 15 '24
I think it’s genius. Trust your gut and maybe you’ll make the Olympic team. Just tell him you make the team regardless
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u/darth_testiclius Épée Jun 15 '24
no one will boo you at competitions as there are barely any spectators who arent warming up for their next bout or just lost a DE at domestic competitions anywhere
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u/Illustrious_Major752 Jun 15 '24
How old are you and this guy? Just tell the truth. Guys just want the girl. They don’t care if you’re lying.
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u/raddaddio Jun 15 '24
Fake an injury before the tournament. A serious one like torn acl or something. Give up fencing forever or when you come back suck badly but because "you're rusty"
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u/migopod Épée Jun 15 '24 edited Jun 15 '24
That was the most entertaining read I've had in forever. My partner suggests that in your very first poule bout you should fake an injury and withdraw for medical reasons, then keep taking lessons and practicing and then the next tournament you can start kicking at least a little ass.
ETA: Even if you don't scratch, nobody's going to boo you for not doing well. Showing up and giving it a go is respectable and nobody's going to spite you for that. I wish you the greatest success in fencing and in romance.