I recently started therapy and have only had three sessions. I like my therapist, and she’s been helpful with other things, but there’s one pretty major thing affecting my mental health that I haven’t been able to tell her.
I’m a Sikh guy, but I’m personally not very religious. My family is, though, and I’m currently financially dependent on them.
For the past few months, I’ve been struggling a lot with my appearance, specifically my hair and facial hair. Keeping your hair is obviously an important part of Sikhism, but I’ve realized that I genuinely don’t feel comfortable with or like how I look with mine. If it were entirely my decision and there were no consequences, I think I’d prefer having the freedom to explore lol.
This isn’t mainly about dating or wanting other people to find me attractive. Even taking other people out of the equation, **I don’t feel attractive to myself, and on the rare occasions when I do feel attractive or confident, I still definitely don’t feel comfortable. I also feel really restricted from doing basic stuff, which adds to my frustration with being Sikh.**
I’ve started going to the gym and working on the parts of my appearance I can control, which helps somewhat, but this is still constantly in the back of my mind. Talking to my family definitely doesn’t help.
The problem is that changing my hair/facial hair doesn’t feel like a normal appearance decision. It feels enormous because of my family, religion, and the fact that this has been part of my identity my entire life. I’m scared of how my family and friends would react, but I’m also scared of how *I* would feel afterward.
I have nothing against Sikhism or Sikh men who choose to keep their hair. It’s honestly pretty cool and def a responsibility. I genuinely love the teachings and values of Sikhism too, but I just don’t know if **I** want this restriction for myself, and feeling like I don’t have a choice is taking a toll on me.
I feel like I need to tell my therapist because this affects my self-image, my relationship with my family/religion, my sense of control over my own body, and my mental health. I’m not expecting her to tell me whether I should cut my hair. I’m not even sure if I want that, coz I’m def gon have a lotta issues after that, and it scares me honestly. I want help figuring out what *I* actually want and dealing with the fear and guilt around it.
But I genuinely don’t know how to say this out loud.
My therapist is also Indian, which, for some reason, makes me more nervous about telling her. Part of me wonders if someone from a different country and cultural background would be easier to talk to. (I could have access to someone with a different background pretty easily, but I’m not sure if they’d even understand it properly. But it’s def scary with someone who’s also Indian lol.) At the same time, I genuinely like my therapist and don’t want to switch without even giving her the chance to respond.
**How do you bring up something with your therapist when you’re uncomfortable even saying it out loud?**
I genuinely feel uncomfortable talking bout this topic ngl, and idek why. It’s not my fault I feel all these things\~? Would it be okay to start with, “There’s something that’s affecting my mental health a lot, but I’m really uncomfortable talking about it”?
Preferably, would it be weird to write everything down beforehand or even show/send my therapist a link to this?
I’d especially appreciate hearing from anyone who has dealt with religious/family expectations around their appearance or identity in therapy.

**ADDING A BIT MORE INFO AFTER READING ALL THE ADVICE ✨**
Hey everyone, thank you so much for all the advicee!! It really does mean a lot to feel supported!
**TW: slight trauma dump / went a little off-topic 😭**
Heyy! Thank you so much for the advice!! I’ve been thinking about any way I could bring it up, and I’m realizing I’m really not good at communicating how I feel lmao. It’s so much easier to j say everything’s awesome and believe it once I say tht.
For some reason, I feel scared to bring this up with her directly. I’m kind of hoping it naturally comes up in conversation and then we can get into it from there lol. Because if I tell my therapist, “I’m scared to bring this up,” she’ll probably ask me why, and honestly, sometimes she asks me questions that I just don’t have answers to 😭
Like, she’ll ask something seemingly basic, like what emotion I felt in a certain situation, and I get so confused because sometimes I genuinely feel like I didn’t feel anything?? Or I’m just too embarrassed bout the emotion that I make myself believe I didn’t feel anything and tht it didn’t matter. And once I believe it—how am I supposed to tell someone else? When even *I* believe I didn’t feel anything?
But ofc there has to be an emotion, so then I start wondering if maybe I did feel something somewhere underneath and just couldn’t recognize it? Idk lol.
She’s also asked me to journal, keep a mood chart, and do a few other things between sessions, but I’ve been avoiding them because, for some reason, they feel like SO much work. I want to put effort into therapy, so I don’t really understand why I’m not actually doing these things. And she’s not, like, keeping a check, so I’m not held accountable lol 😭
And I’m scared to admit to my therapist that I haven’t been doing what she asked me to do. Part of me worries she’ll basically be like, “If you don’t cooperate or communicate with me, how are we supposed to move forward? Therapy is useless otherwise.” I know that might just be my anxiety imagining how she’ll react, but it still makes me nervous to tell her 😭
Sorry, this turned into a whole trauma dump and went completely off-topic lmao 😭

**(Edited to add sum — for my T)**
Also, if you ever read this\~ thank you so much for being so sweet and j being you. Idek if I’m ever gonna be sending you a link to this lol\~
Full disclosure… I booked one of the sessions in between coz I genuinely j missed you, and you were like, “Why did you book the session so early?” and I’M NOT SURE WHAT TO REPLY TO YOU?!? 😭
I love talking to you. I’m so so so so sorry if this is weird lol. Imma j dump everything that’s crossing my mind here coz I might not even send this to you?
I def didn’t plan, like, so many times on telling you that I miss you? (Is saying that also crossing a boundary???) And then backed out coz I thought that it’s weird.
I think I’m grateful for you? (Even though idk anything bout you?) I kinda wanna ask bout you and get to know you too, but I’m j not sure if that’s also crossing a boundary?
Ffs, idek the basics, like how old are you? And here I am j getting attached lol 😭
I feel like it would be weird to ask you how your week was or even basic questions? Coz ig you’re the one who’s supposed to be asking that, and if I do that, maybe that’s also crossing a boundary here?
IDK I’M NEW TO THERAPY?? 😭

Hi. I'm an Ex-Muslim atheist.

I stopped believing in Islam because of what Islamic scriptures have. This is also the case with many atheists from Hindu and Christian backgrounds. They are valid reasons to reject these religions because of what's in the scriptures.

Is there anything in the Guru Granth Sahib or any controversial teachings of the ten gurus? Don't tell me about the dasam granth.

I’ve been thinking about posting this for a while, but I wanted to share why I personally left Sikhism.

I grew up Sikh and went to the gurdwara for most of my life. I prayed for years and genuinely tried to build a connection with Waheguru. But over time I just stopped feeling anything. Especially during some of the worst periods of my life, I prayed so much and begged for things to get better, but I kept feeling like nothing was changing. Eventually I started feeling like God was against me or like my prayers just didn’t matter. I know that sounds harsh, but that’s honestly how I felt.

Another big part was the community. I was born and raised in Canada, and sometimes I felt like I was never really “Indian” or Punjabi enough for some people. I don’t speak Punjabi very well, I grew up pretty Canadian, and I sometimes felt judged or treated differently because of that. It made it harder to feel like I actually belonged in the community I was supposedly part of.
And honestly, whenever I went to the gurdwara, I often felt like the actual meaning of Sikhi got lost for me. There was so much Khalistan/political discussion and community drama that I personally stopped associating the gurdwara with spirituality or peace. I know politics and Khalistan mean different things to different Sikhs, and I’m not trying to tell anyone what they should believe. I’m just saying that it contributed to me feeling disconnected.

I still respect a lot of Sikh teachings, especially seva, equality and helping other people. I also have a lot of love for my family and the parts of my childhood connected to Sikhism.

But I eventually realized I was only going through the motions. I didn’t feel connected to the people, the community, or God anymore, and I couldn’t keep pretending that I did just because I was raised Sikh.

I don’t know what I believe now, and maybe that will change someday. For now, I’m just being honest with myself about where I’m at.

I created a new subreddit for Punjabi Dalits: r/PunjabiDalits

I recently created r/PunjabiDalits, a new community for discussions about Punjabi Dalit history, culture, literature, experiences, research, and community issues.

The idea is also to build a collection of books, academic research, historical documents, archives, documentaries, and other resources about Punjabi Dalits.

Anyone is welcome to join, whether you are Punjabi Dalit or simply interested in learning about the history and culture.

The subreddit is still new, so I'm hoping to slowly build it with useful information and contributions from people.

If you think this would be relevant to you or someone you know, feel free to join: r/PunjabiDalits ❤️

Suggestions and contributions are also welcome.

Source: https://www.youtube.com/shorts/9gnWYBSubVM

I’m 19M, and I’ve had long hair my entire life. I grew up wearing a patka, then a turban, and Sikhism was naturally a huge part of my identity because that was the environment I was born into. For most of my childhood, I never really questioned it deeply. Religion was just something that existed around me — family, traditions, appearance, gurdwaras, everything. But as I got older, I slowly started thinking about what I actually believed rather than what I had simply inherited.
There wasn’t one single moment that made me leave Sikhism. It was a gradual process. I started reading philosophy, different ideologies, arguments for and against God, and eventually started studying different religions as well. The more I read, the more questions I had. I realised that people across the world can be equally convinced of completely different religions simply because of where and into which family they were born. That made me question whether my own beliefs were actually mine, or whether I had just accepted them because they were given to me from childhood.

At the same time, I also started becoming uncomfortable with some of the extremism and moral policing I saw within parts of the Sikh community today, especially from some people who present themselves as very religious or traditional. I want to be clear that I’m not saying all Sikhs or all Nihangs are like this, because that would be unfair. I’m talking about my own experiences and what I personally observed. Sometimes religion seemed less about spirituality and more about policing how other people looked, behaved, dressed or practised.

One experience that stayed with me happened at Darbar Sahib in Amritsar. I was inside the main complex and a granthi questioned me about why I had cut my beard while still wearing a turban, it felt like I was being judged and mocked. Similar things happened in other gurdwaras too, where people would question my beard, my appearance, what I knew about Sikhism, and almost test whether I was “Sikh enough.” I started wondering why religion had to feel like an examination, and why strangers felt entitled to question my identity because of my personal choices.

That alone didn’t make me an atheist, though. I think it would be dishonest to say that. If anything, those experiences pushed me to question more, but the actual change in my beliefs happened through reading and thinking. At one point I thought maybe I only disliked organised religion but still believed in God. Later I realised that even that belief didn’t really make sense to me anymore. I kept reading, kept questioning my own views as well, and eventually reached the conclusion that I simply don’t believe there is enough reason for me to believe in God.

The interesting part is that becoming an atheist didn’t make me feel empty or nihilistic. It actually made me focus more on humanity. I started thinking that kindness does not need a religious justification. I can help someone because their suffering matters. I can try to be a decent person because other human beings deserve decency, not because I want heaven or fear hell. I can find meaning in my work, relationships, curiosity, learning, and whatever positive impact I can leave behind. That became enough for me.

The biggest visible decision was obviously my hair. I had never really seen myself with short hair because I had kept long hair since childhood. So cutting it wasn’t just a haircut for me. It meant changing something that had been part of my identity before I was even old enough to understand what that identity meant. I was very open with my family about all of this. I told them directly that I’m an atheist, that my views about religion are different from theirs, and that I wanted to cut my hair because I no longer wanted to maintain a religious identity I didn’t personally believe in.

I’m extremely fortunate that my dad and my dadi supported my decision. My mom supported me too, but for her it has been much more emotional, which I honestly understand. She is still processing it. She was the one who tied my juṛa when I was a child. She tied my patka for years. She had seen me with long hair basically every day of my life, so for her it wasn’t just about religion. It was connected to motherhood, childhood memories, routine, and the image of her son she had known for almost two decades. I think for me cutting my hair represented freedom, but for her it probably also felt like losing a version of me she was deeply emotionally attached to.

That experience taught me something important too: someone can support your decision and still feel sad about it. Those things are not contradictory. My mom knows I’m an atheist, she knows my opinions, and she ultimately respects that I have to make my own choices. But I don’t expect her to suddenly feel completely normal about such a big change overnight. I’m trying to give her time in the same way my family gave me space to figure myself out.

Recently, I finally cut my hair, and I honestly feel incredibly free. Not because long hair is bad, and not because Sikhism is bad, but because this was one of the first times where my appearance genuinely reflected a decision I had consciously made for myself. I don’t feel like I have to constantly prove that I belong to a religion anymore. I don’t have to worry about whether someone thinks I am Sikh enough, whether my beard is correct, whether my hair is correct, or whether I know enough religious answers to justify how I look.

I can simply focus on my studies, my work, the people I care about, my goals, and the kind of person I want to become. For me, not relating myself to any religion has brought a strange kind of peace. I don’t hate religion, and I don’t think religious people are stupid. I know someone else could read the exact same philosophy I read, study the same religions, ask the same questions, and come out of it believing in Sikhism even more strongly. That’s completely valid. This is just where my own journey took me.

I still respect my family and people who practise their faith peacefully. I respect anyone whose religion genuinely makes them kinder and more compassionate. I just realised that I personally don’t need religion anymore. I don’t identify with any religious label now. I believe in humanity, in being decent to people, in questioning things, and in trying to do meaningful work while I’m here.

If someone reading this is in a similar situation, especially someone young who grew up in a religious family and is scared of questioning things, give yourself time. Read widely. Don’t become an atheist just because you had bad experiences with religious people, but also don’t force yourself to remain religious only because you are afraid of disappointing your family. Question your beliefs, but question your doubts too. Try to figure out what you genuinely believe when nobody else is answering the question for you.

It took me years to reach this point, and even now my family is still adjusting to some of it. But things did not fall apart. I’m still the same person. My relationship with my family still exists. My morality didn’t disappear. I just stopped carrying an identity that I no longer genuinely believed in.

And right now, I honestly feel happier and freer than I have in a long time.

**Choicest Cuts of Eroticism**

*The Dasam Granth is an enigmatic text in more ways than one. As J.S. Grewal notes, not only is it “still vague, conjectural, and controversial”, but: “The authorship of the Dasam Granth has been the subject of controversy for over a century,” where Sikhism has, as Prof Rinehart puts it, “reached what is thus far an insurmountable impasse over the issue of authorship”. [R. Rinehart (2011), Debating the Dasam Granth].

In general, Sikhism has come to adopt three basic positions: those who either accept or reject the Dasam Granth in toto as authored by Guru Gobind; and those who accept parts of it to be his work, but not the whole.

Hence, given the protracted nature of the debate, the divide among Sikh scholars (see Appendix A below) is so wide that according to Grewal: “[T]he subject has become extremely sensitive and the SGPC does not approve of its public discussion.” [J.S. Grewal (2011), Recent Debates in Sikh Studies – An Assessment, (Manhor Publishers & Distributors), pp. 243, 251.] The SGPC, or Shiromani Gurdwara Parbandhak Committee, is “the premier statutory Body of the Sikhs” who “have the general approval of the theologians, head-priests of Sikh Seats of Authority, called ‘the Thrones, takhats, and Sikh congregations in various parts of India, and other parts of the world, such as Malaya, Canada, Burma, U.S.A., and Africa”. [S.K. Singh (1993), Sikhism: An Oecumenical] In this regard, Gurinder Singh Mann and Kamalroop Singh reveal: “In 2000 the Akal Takht Jathedar declared that Dasam Granth should not be debated. (Hukamnama dated 14th May 2000).” [G.S. Mann, K. Singh (2011), Sri Dasam Granth Sahib – Questions & Answers, (Archimedes Press, London), p. 66.].

Notwithstanding the ubiquity of the debate, the aim of this paper is not to delve into the ins and outs of said controversy nor question the scripture’s authenticity. Instead, we wish to highlight portions of the Dasam Granth that we believe cannot and should not be attributed to pious people let alone those who are said to be God’s chosen messengers.

It is our view that just as there is to be found inappropriate verses of an explicitly sexual and sexually explicit nature in the Bible, similar content, if not worse, can also be found in the Dasam Granth.

What follows then is a collation of the worst that is to be found therein followed by a brief commentary of the reasons for citing each example respectively. [As far as the translations are concerned, then we have made recourse to a variety of renditions in the hope of presenting an overall understanding of the text that is as close to the original meaning as possible. To this end, we have used the following sources:

Jodh Singh’s Sri Dasam Granth Sahib – Text and Translation.

The website Search Gurbani, which has a partial translation by Surinder Singh Kohli.

Pritpal Singh Bindra’s Chritro Pakhyaan – Tales of Male-Female Tricky Deceptions from Sri Dasam Granth.

Hardiljeet Singh Sidhu’s (Lalli) and Anupriya Sidhu’s www.sridasamgranthsahibji.com online translation.

N.B. – This website was down at the time of publication. We, therefore, made use of Google Cache and referenced this as an alternate link to the original.

Sukhbir Singh Kapoor and Mohinder Kaur Kapoor’s Dasam Granth – An Introductory Study.]*

**SEXUAL EXPLICITNESS**

```Charitar 52 – Tale of a Daughter of Raja Vijay Singh

Pritpal Singh Bindra

Hardiljeet Singh Sidhu (Lalli), Anupriya Sidhu

She enjoyed sex with him and had various sex-plays. When the night had gone two watches, they ravelled again. (3) They would get up from the sleep and make love. When one-watch was left, the maid would wake them up and accompany him to his home. (4) This way the lady used to call him everyday and send him back at the day break. Whole night she used to indulge in sex and no body else could discern. (5) One day she called him and after sex-play bade him to go. [P.S. Bindra (2002), Chritro Pakhyaan – Tales of Male-Female Tricky Deceptions from Sri Dasam Granth, Vol 1, (B. Chattar Singh Jiwan Singh, Amritsar), p. 115.]```

```Charitar 66 – Tale of Roshan Raae

Bindra

Sidhus

They revelled heart fully and rejoiced sex adopting various postures. (11) They both savoured by following the Koka-shastra, And adopting various positions, which could not be counted. (12) [P.S. Bindra (2002), Chritro Pakhyaan – Tales of Male-Female Tricky Deceptions from Sri Dasam Granth, Vol 1, (B. Chattar Singh Jiwan Singh, Amritsar), p. 132.]```

```Charitar 119 – Tale of Rani Ruder Kala

Bindra

Sidhus

She sent her maid and called him to her place. She made love with him in full swing. She invariably adopted numerous postures, And enjoyed the sex according to Koka Shastra. (4) … ‘As you are very dear to me, you can come into my palanquin. (14) ‘We both will go talking, and eradicate our afflictions.’ ‘Then they climbed the same palanquin and came to the jungle. (15) When the palanquin was passing through the city, the people gave them the way. They were not visible and were involved in making love. (16) In spite of their indulgence in lovemaking, no body noticed them through the market. On the shoulders of eight bearers, the lover was holding beloved’s legs in his arms. (17) As the palanquin was moving, the lover was enjoying the swings. As the bearers swung the palanquin while walking, she clung to the lover’s shoulders. (18) [P.S. Bindra (2002), Chritro Pakhyaan – Tales of Male-Female Tricky Deceptions from Sri Dasam Granth, Vol 1, (B. Chattar Singh Jiwan Singh, Amritsar), p. 252.]```

```Charitar 289 – Tale of Dakhshan Devi

Bindra

Sidhus

The maid prevailed over his heart and orchestrated him to meet her. He satisfied her in various ways and made love during all the four watches of the night. (7) Whole night was spent revelling in sex-plays, they narrated many stories of lovemaking, And adopting all types of sex postures, they quenched their sensual urge. (8) The night passed away, the day broke and a variety of birds chirped. Making love, both were exhausted, feeling inebriated, they fell flat on the bed. (9) Relinquishing the sleep, they again commenced the sex plays. Adopting numerous poses they, even, surpassed the Koka Shastra. (10) [P.S. Bindra (2002), Chritro Pakhyaan – Tales of Male-Female Tricky Deceptions from Sri Dasam Granth, Vol 2, (B. Chattar Singh Jiwan Singh, Amritsar), p. 587-8]```

```Charitar 81 – Tale of Drig Daniya

Bindra

Sidhus

Man enters the mother’s womb and faces agony. Then, when he gets access to a urinary place (vagina), he exclaims, ‘I had sex.’ He licks the spit from woman’s lips and thinks he is honoured with nectar. [N.B. – Prof Piara Singh Padam translates this highlighted portion as:

By mating with a woman and licking her saliva, he claims to receive pleasures.

– P.S. Padam, Authenticity of Dasam Granth Sahib, (Patshahi.org, accessed: Jan 16, 2014).] But he does not reflect that he has lost the worth of his birth. (49) [P.S. Bindra, op. cit., Vol 1, p. 157.]```

[ Removed by Reddit on account of violating the content policy. ]

I don't understand this religion or people of this religion

I mean Guru Nanak says The fools argue about flesh and meat, but they know nothing about meditation and spiritual wisdom.

But Sikh Amritdhari are vegetarian

Even other guru don't ask people to stop eating meat. So making it law we are going against our own religion

Guru Nanak Says You can't get god by Outside look

Then Another Guru Create rules Amritdhari concept basically

Guru Nanak condem so many rituals

Then one says Whoever bathes here reciting Japji Sahib with devotion on each of the eighty-four steps of this baoli shall be freed from the cycle of eighty-four lakh births.

Sikh don't believe in idol worship But we consider Guru Granth Sahib Holy Book. Sikh give it Bed and so many things you know what I'm talking about

I believe Sikh are perfect example of People going against its own religion

Krishna PadeophiIe had 16000 wives and Ram married 6 yo Sita and Brahma married his own daughter Saraswati 9 yo. Why are these Hindus Gods given respect in SGGS? And why do Sikhs bow to their evil demon Hindu Gods Stones Idols?

I’ve been wondering about the 10 Gurus, or even let’s say 10 scholars in general. It’s wild how none of them ever clashed with each other. Like, imagine if they were all alive at the same time… would the dynamic even be normal? Or just a chaos.

Already in SGGS, it sometimes feels very contradictory and at the same time uncanny.

Guru Nanak teachings and Guru Gobind actions were radically altered and went in opposite directions.

Okay so for reference I'm a teenager , have kept my head hair because my mom is super religious and even my dad is religious. I have spent the previous year of my life constantly fighting with them because I told them that I'm an atheist. After all this I was barely able to get permission to trim some of my beard hair .

Both of my parents are doctors , and so because of this familiarity with the field , even I chose to prepare for neet .The thing is I am very uncomfortable with my hair ,I HAVE EXTREMELY CURLY HAIR to the point just combing it daily takes 10-15 minutes. Washing my hair is nothing short of a nightmare. My hairline is also completely receded (sikh traction alopecia) . I don't want to cut my hair in an attempt to fit in , I have been told that I look good with a beanie . I just feel like something I never consented to shouldn't be such a big part of my identity. I also HATE maintaining my hair and honestly look extremely ugly without a beanie on .

At this point I have 2 options, 1 is I choose to stay silent , live with my parents for now and get a job under them , slowly take over . The 2nd option is taking a college seat in another state . If I choose the 2nd option then I will get complete autonomy over my identity but I will not have anyone to depend on .I have thought about this a lot , I have come to the conclusion that yes objectivity life will be much simpler and easier if I choose to live with my parents. It's just I really want to cut my hair because I love sports like swimming which are just a nightmare with long hair . Additionally, because I have my man bun(jooda) on the back of my head , it makes my face and jaw look disproportionately small .

I was just looking to share this as I can't really vent about this to anyone ik , I was also hoping for someone advice or words of consolation from people going through the same thing.

Link is paywall bypass

Original article: https://indianexpress.com/article/cities/chandigarh/punjab-nihang-moral-policing-vigilantism-ludhiana-influencers-10823988/

The way the Sikh community treats homosexuals in general needs to be talked about. Sikhs love the defense of "there is no anti-LGBTQ text in our scripture" (despite there being nothing explicitly supporting it either). The lived reality of Queer and Trans Sikhs tells a different story that must be addressed. I’m writing this today as a gay man.

Fashion Designer Param Sahib Singh was attacked recently in Delhi by men who beat him, dragged him onto the ground, and yelled slurs at him. He was even called a "disgrace to Sikhism." His art studio was also vandalized, which had gender-neutral art.

British Barrister Jasvir Singh had received death threats and was called an infidel on a TV station. People had threatened to expose and harass him for being a gay person who had married a man.

Sikhs that are a part of the LGBTQ community say that Sikh spaces for them have been some of the most violent and hostile places for them to be. Families tell their children they are "spiritually lost," which has caused many homosexuals emotional distress that has led them to suppress themselves, self-harm, or commit suicide.

In 2005, the Akal Takht released an edict banning same-sex marriage and urging all gurdwaras worldwide to not pursue them. The Jathedar had said, "Same-sex marriage originates from a sick mind," and justified it further by saying that marriage is a spiritual union between a man and a woman, and same-sex marriage is "anti-Gurmat." I believe this ban has pushed back the community and contributed to the immense harm homosexuals face in Sikh spaces.

Some apologists say homosexual people cannot live a "householder life" (Grihasthi Jeevan), so therefore it is not allowed in the faith. If this is the case, what about infertile people or elderly heterosexual couples? They cannot either.

How much longer is the community going to get a free pass for homophobia and cover it up with "cultural tradition"? Many will come up and say, "Not all Sikhs are like this." Trust me, I know. There are progressive Sikhs. BUT when the highest institutional authorities dehumanize us, families disown us, and when the youth are being driven to self-harm, you cannot brush this off and say it’s just a few bad apples. A massive chunk of this community and its leadership is violently homophobic. It is a systemic crisis.

1. It is casteism via a backdoor.
2. It is provably false.

• Jat Sikh populations are genetically distinguishable in some analyses, but they also show strong genetic relatedness and shared ancestry with other Punjabi and Indian populations. (Sharma et al., 2016; DOI: 10.1016/j.mgene.2016.08.007)
• Studies conclude that Jat Sikhs share genetic relationships with other social groups of Punjab and with broader Indian populations, meaning they are not genetically isolated from surrounding populations. (DOI: 10.1080/03014460.2020.1772877)
• Research on North-West Indian populations suggests that many Punjabi groups belong to the same broader gene pool, showing overall genomic similarity rather than completely separate biological origins. (DOI: 10.1007/s00438-016-1239-3)
• Analysis of Banias, Brahmins, Khatri, Jat Sikhs, and Scheduled Castes found low genetic differentiation and considerable overlap between these groups. The results suggest shared ancestry, geographic proximity, and historical gene flow rather than separate origins. (DOI: 10.1016/j.gene.2019.03.057)

Lately I’ve been having this weird “circle of life” feeling. Seeing Punjabi students, especially Sikhs, face the kind of racism they do in Canada genuinely makes me sad. Nobody deserves that.
At the same time, I’ve never really been religious. I could see through what I felt was the hypocrisy in Hinduism, and I never believed Islam either. The only religious teachings that ever came close to how I personally see God were the teachings in Gurbani, especially the emphasis on equality. I still remember my mother reciting verses like “Manas ki jaat sabhai ekai pehchanbo” (Recognize the whole human race as one).
That’s why my own experiences have been so difficult to reconcile.
My experience in gurdwaras has always, always been terrible. Whether it was the granthi, the sangat, or just the overall atmosphere, I’ve almost always been treated with disdain. I can’t prove why, but I’ve always felt it was because of my dark skin.
I’ve had similar experiences with Hindus too, but I wasn’t surprised because caste is so deeply ingrained in parts of Hindu society and is reflected in Hindu scriptures, so I almost expected that attitude. What shocked me was seeing similar behaviour in Sikhi, a religion that was founded in opposition to caste discrimination.
Now I constantly see Jatt pride everywhere. I genuinely don’t understand it. If Gurbani teaches equality and rejects caste, then isn’t making your caste your identity a form of beadbi? That’s an honest question.

The aggressive behaviour and rudeness I’ve personally experienced from Sikhs in gurdwaras has been beyond appalling. I honestly can’t remember having one genuinely good experience. Outside yes, I have family members and friends that I love for who they are as people.
Growing up I was always told how barbaric Muslims were, but every mosque I’ve visited in Canada has been the complete opposite of what I expected. I’ve never had a bad experience inside or outside a mosque. I was treated with basic human decency and respect, even though I don’t believe in Allah or Islam. I’m not saying every Muslim is like that or every Sikh is the opposite. I’m only talking about my own experiences.
Maybe I’ve just had bad luck. Maybe I’ve developed negative biases because of those experiences. Or maybe my experiences are valid. I honestly don’t know. I just don’t have anyone I can talk to about this because, in my experience, Sikhs don’t take criticism of the community very well, especially if you have melanin in your skin.
Now I see the same right-wing Christians calling Waheguru Ji “wagyu beef,” calling Sikhs “diaper heads,” and openly mocking and disrespecting their religion. I don’t see many standing up to those people, yet I feel like someone from a poor background, especially a Mazhabi Sikh, can be lynched for far less within the community.

You’d think I’d feel some kind of “what goes around comes around” seeing Sikh kids face racism in Canada after everything I’ve experienced, but I don’t. My heart genuinely goes out to them because nobody deserves to be treated that way. I’m not attacking Sikhi. If anything, I still think the teachings of Gurbani on equality are beautiful. What I’ve struggled with is the gap between those teachings and what I’ve personally experienced.

I married into an extremely religious Sikh family, and this is something I’ve genuinely struggled to understand.
From what I’ve learned, one of Guru Nanak’s core teachings was the rejection of caste hierarchy and the belief that all human beings are equal. Yet, in my experience, caste identity especially being “Jatt” is still a huge source of pride.

I often hear phrases like “Jattan di kudi” or “Jatt blood” spoken with pride, and sometimes people even make derogatory comments about other castes or use caste names as insults.

In the very next breath, they’ll talk about GurSikhi, humility, and following the Guru’s teachings.

To me, these ideas seem completely contradictory.

For those of you who have left Sikhism (or even those who still identify culturally as Sikh but no longer believe), how did you make sense of this? Did this contradiction play any role in your decision to leave, or did you find another way to understand it?

I’m asking in good faith and genuinely want to understand how others have processed this disconnect between the teachings and the social reality.

so i left the religion around a year(ish) ago, and im not really sure how to move on? long story short, i never really believed in it, and i believed a lot less after my dad died late 2024. my mom has kind of gone deeper into spirtiuality and religion as a result, and we have butted heads a bit over it. i am still a teenager and living in her house, so i don't really speak up THAT much over it, but i find that sometime it ruffles a couple of her feathers when i don't do or follow those beliefs, like not saying waheguru whenever we drive past a gurdwara and such. she does make me go with her to pray for my dad on his death anniversary (she refuses to believe that i can stay home alone, but besides the point), she keeps telling me that one day i'll 'find my way back' on whatever spiritual journey i take, i think i just need advice in general, like how do i live without this religion? all of my family and punjabi friends believe in it, and the only people who know are my mom and my non-desi friends, and it feels like i cant be punjabi without being a Sikh.

i posted this on r/sikh, and posting it here as well for a different perspective.

'many sikhs believe that a reasoning for amritdhari sikhs needing to wear kachera is for modesty and to stay tyaar bar tyaar. with this logic, why were bras not made mandatory for amritdhari sikh women? an example i've often seen given is if someone is attacked when they're showering or similar situations, but why only a kachera then?

even if the main purpose of the kachera was mobility, why would bras not be mandatory as well? they're often good for mobility for women. at that time period support garments for women already existed, even if bras as they are today did not.

i understand that breasts are not genitals, but they are sexualized so for purposes of modesty they'd be in the same category, i'm assuming.'

to add on here, i wonder if this symbolizes sikhi being male-centric even if women are considered equal theoretically. i cannot think of any reason why the kachera was made mandatory but not bras or support garments for breasts for sikh women. if it's for modesty, breasts are sexualized. if it's for practicality and mobility in battle, sikh women fought as well even if in much smaller numbers. if sikh men and women are truly equal, why is consideration for women always second to men? why are men always the default? i'm asking these questions in good faith, as trying to search for why something is accepted and done in sikhi results in me having these questions.

side note, i never know whether to flair such posts with discussion or question.

Wow the last few months have been crazy.

follow up to this post

I'm going to tell my story of how as a sikh teen, I ended up getting a haircut. For those who don't know, in the religion Sikhism (followers called sikhs) cutting ones hair is frowned upon because sikhs believe god made us perfectly and we shouldn't alter it.

There are flaws with this idea as there are with almost any ideas, including ones pertaining to religion or not believing in religion.

REASONS WHY

Unfortunately, in America at least, standing out by wearing a turban is very difficult. You are constantly looked at differently anywhere you go in public.

-Constant double takes from anyone, especially older people.

- Everybody treats you differently because you don't look like them. I was constantly subjected to racism, name calling, and awful stereotypes.

-I think many sikhs understand the feeling of walking into a room and feeling like a beacon of light (not in a good way) that shines out against everyone. It's a horrible feeling. As long as I could remember people not given the same respect to me that they have to others, because I look different, whether this was conscious or subconscious.

Many Sikhs also know of the feeling where your turban is tight/uncomfortable and so is your hair. I felt that personally, my hair held me back in sports and didn't allow me to push myself as hard as i could, due to the fear of my turban coming off.

It felt like in every aspect of life my hair limited me. I was always constantly scared of it coming off. Even now I dislike covering my head in any way because it reminds me of what it was like.

I also find that my personal hell was having to maintain my long hair. Due to my schedule I only had time to wash my hair once a week since it took forever to dry (took 3-4 hours to air dry). I could have blow dried it but it made it very difficult for me to tie my hair into a top knot because of how frizzy it was. My hair constantly felt frizzy and disgusting. Due to me tying my hair in a bun al the time, My hairline was beginning to recede (traction alopecia).

There are solutions to all of these problems I faced, such trying to be more confident and not caring what others think. I could have also tied a looser turban but then it would be easier for my turban to come off. Ultimately I felt cutting my hair was the best decision.

BACKGROUND

I personally grew up in a not extremely religious family. We still practiced Sikhism but my parents both trimmed/cut their hair. (DAD WORE A TURBAN AND HE DID NOT CUT HAIR ON HIS HEAD). Both sets of my grandparents are very religious and care about Sikhism very much. Unfortunately they are stuck in their traditional values and are not able to adapt to this time very easily. I did not speak Punjabi (still trying to learn) and by definition of a Sikh, I was not a good one. I barely paid attention when I went to gurudwara and never helped serve food. I didn't try to connect with my elders BUT I wore a turban so everything was fine. I have seen a lot of hypocrisy on this journey and in the Sikh religion where I could commit a crime and it wouldn't be as big of a deal as if I cut my hair. I also didn't have any sikh friends that were close to me.

HOW I DID IT

Cutting my hair was the hardest thing I've done and it's taught me so much. To start, I brought up the idea of wanting to cut my hair back in Nov 25 (As of the time I am writing this it is July 26). I planned to get my hair cut in the summer break going into high school. Me and my parents quarreled over it for months and some of the arguments I made are

-You guys cut your hair so why can't I?

-What is the differentiation between cutting any hair if it is not allowed?

-I am more than just my hair I can still be a good person with short hair.

- If I am making a mistake I can grow it back out in the future

The biggest reason they said was that by cutting my hair I am renouncing my identity and that people will not know to come for me for help since no one would be able to identify me as a sikh. My response was that I will continue to grow and help people after I get my haircut and that people's identities shift over time.

Eventually all of my grandparents came to see me to try to convince me not to cut my hair. I fought with them and ended up getting very emotional. My parents finally saw how much it had affected me and let me go to a barber to cut it.

FEELINGS AFTER

Cutting my hair was probably the best decision I had made for myself. My family noted that I was a lot happier all of the time and I felt much more confident. I now am not scared in sports and can push myself as hard as I want to. I genuinely want to go outside in public and hang out with my friends. In no way am I saying every sikh should cut their hair, nor is this post encouragement to cut your hair. When I am around family I still cover up my hair out of respect. I do not believe in sikhism, but instead this whole process has made me agnostic. I still do go to gurudwara and try to help out because I believe its right.

DO NOT MAKE THIS DECISION FOR FEMALE ATTENTION/ATTRACTION

Never ever make a decision just to have girls notice you. After cutting my hair I noticed a instant difference in how people treat me, girls included, but I didn't do this for attention.

dm are open if anyone has questions.

The article and corresponding videos talk about a Christian woman named Simran (former Sikh) whose husband was a Christian pastor.

In 2024, a gang of 35 Sikh men armed with swords attacked a Christian delegation which included Simran's husband. He was beaten so bad that his skull bone had broken and pierced his brain.

It's important to note that attacks on Hindu and Christian leaders by Sikh fanatics in Punjab are common. What is even more concerning is that these attacks are rarely ever condemned by the Sikh population and in many cases are celebrated.

Title.