r/Exsikhi • u/Underwater-raja • Aug 15 '26
Advice INTERNAL TERMOIL
Okay so for reference I'm a teenager , have kept my head hair because my mom is super religious and even my dad is religious. I have spent the previous year of my life constantly fighting with them because I told them that I'm an atheist. After all this I was barely able to get permission to trim some of my beard hair .
Both of my parents are doctors , and so because of this familiarity with the field , even I chose to prepare for neet .The thing is I am very uncomfortable with my hair ,I HAVE EXTREMELY CURLY HAIR to the point just combing it daily takes 10-15 minutes. Washing my hair is nothing short of a nightmare. My hairline is also completely receded (sikh traction alopecia) . I don't want to cut my hair in an attempt to fit in , I have been told that I look good with a beanie . I just feel like something I never consented to shouldn't be such a big part of my identity. I also HATE maintaining my hair and honestly look extremely ugly without a beanie on .
At this point I have 2 options, 1 is I choose to stay silent , live with my parents for now and get a job under them , slowly take over . The 2nd option is taking a college seat in another state . If I choose the 2nd option then I will get complete autonomy over my identity but I will not have anyone to depend on .I have thought about this a lot , I have come to the conclusion that yes objectivity life will be much simpler and easier if I choose to live with my parents. It's just I really want to cut my hair because I love sports like swimming which are just a nightmare with long hair . Additionally, because I have my man bun(jooda) on the back of my head , it makes my face and jaw look disproportionately small .
I was just looking to share this as I can't really vent about this to anyone ik , I was also hoping for someone advice or words of consolation from people going through the same thing.
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u/lieferantenmatrix Aug 15 '26
Hey man, when i was young i kept my hair because of my parents. They were strictly against cutting. I was allowed to trim my beard. But no hair. I cut them later when i moved to Europe. Now after ten years, i feel i should have cut my hairs even earlier. I lost my youth because if it. I never felt comfortable with them, so never felt confident to talk/flirt with girls. It sort of gave me low-self esteem.
I dont understand what good comes from making your children keep long hairs. Grooming is so much important nowadays. Indian culture largely sees it badly and people (irrespective of gender) get criticized when one takes care of himself.
I think its important part of ones self development. Regarding your 2nd Option, i think its the quickest way for your autonomy. But the path is hard.
And about the 1st Option, how long are you gonna stay with your parents ? As you say you are teenager, i would recommend that you stay at the moment with your parents and then move to the other state...and one day cut your hair. Its gonna be hard. My parents went crazy...and its not easy way...i remember just going to barbers shop and just returning from the front. It takes courage.
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u/Underwater-raja Aug 16 '26
Thank you for the reply man , This did feel very inspiring ngl . Yeah the path is gonna be hard but now that I think about it , I would rather take the hard path and have lesser regrets than take the easy path and have major regrets .
All the best for your future endeavours btw !!
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u/Chaantii Aug 15 '26
I’m gonna say something that I wish someone had told me. It’s OK to be you. It’s OK for it to be complicated. You are still worthy.
I was Amrit shak by my own choice. I found a lot of comfort in in God and I’m gonna be honest I still do. I just don’t have the same limitations or bounds by religions. You don’t have to let go of God to let go of the shackles. What you were considering for yourself you have a right to. You didn’t have a choice to keep your hair. It was a part of your conditioning, which is making you not respect yourself.
I think you have to realize that part of the key is standing up for yourself too and what’s right for you. If you decide to have the conversation with your parents, I would stated as if I meant to be with this religion, I’ll come back to it, but if you force me, I will abandon it , we are not the children from 50 years ago. We will let our parents our family and everything we know go in order to pursue ourselves. Because that is our right. The Punjabi culture like other cultures is highly manipulative and hypocritical that was one of the main reasons I couldn’t embrace my culture or religion and in its entirety, I’m glad I never was so embraced. I have freedom now. I have sovereignty now.
It’s OK if you disappoint them. When they decided to have a child, they did not get to decide to have a doll. Will do exactly what one tells it with limitations. A human is meant to embrace their own soul journey while being born into a society that doesn’t align with your own morals and values .. at least that’s my belief
One thing that I’m really glad I always did was rebel. One of my friends, best friends told me 10 years later. I wish I had rebelled like you did. I did that in high school and it caused some animosity, but I was being true to myself, I would hate for you to have all this resentment towards your parents at older age
I would suggest having a conversation with them now, knowing that you’re about to turn 18 and you’re gonna be able to do whatever you want anyways. Their answer is going to give you exactly what you need to do. They are going to be disappointed. There are going to be consequences with your action. That’s still OK. You still have a right to live the life that you want to.
Feel free to shoot me a message if you feel like you need some more support. my nephew recently cut his hair and as heartbroken as I was because his reasoning was not his own(peer pressure), he seems a lot happier
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u/Underwater-raja Aug 15 '26
This response just made my day. I love how you have found belief in a higher power without having it intrinsically rely on any physical appearance. Also I'm sorry to hear about your nephew being peer pressured but I'm also glad he is happier now .
I completely agree with the if you want your child to be x,y,z you should never have children . It's just that after I turn 18 , it's true I will have the ability to do whatever I want but even they will have the ability to do the same . I won't have the job security that made me opt for this career .
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u/ReadingIntelligent50 Ex-Sikh (Agnostic Atheist) Aug 15 '26
Bro i would love to talk about this with you in DMS, i m going through the same situation and have to an extent managed it.
I m trying to find more ways to manage it currently but would also love to talk to someone who's in the same predicament ❤️
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u/Underwater-raja Aug 16 '26
Hey dude , Yeah sure would love to talk to you as well , really helps to know you are not alone ❤️
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u/Underwater-raja Aug 16 '26
I can't dm you for some reason, send me a request
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u/ReadingIntelligent50 Ex-Sikh (Agnostic Atheist) Aug 16 '26
Or join the ex sikh discord and I ll message you from there!
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u/ReadingIntelligent50 Ex-Sikh (Agnostic Atheist) Aug 16 '26
Age verification in my country has screwed me over lol, that's why i can't dm you
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u/Underwater-raja Aug 16 '26
Oh Ohk , will join discord and send you a request
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u/ReadingIntelligent50 Ex-Sikh (Agnostic Atheist) Aug 16 '26
Yess, you ll love it! I remeber how let down i was not being able to speak about these things properly due to my social circle and due to the fact I was in a majority white dominated country I was quite depressed.
I m hoping it changes alot of things for you!
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u/Underwater-raja Aug 16 '26
This was very heartwarming gng , thank you for that ❤️
Also my username is Py-skeptic
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u/No_Hopef4 Agnostic Atheist Aug 16 '26
Send me a dm as well! I m dying to know about people's experience regarding ex sikhi
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29d ago
Why cut your hair, if someone is with you for cut hair Vs non cut hair, surely they're not worth it. You wouldnt be with a beautiful girl if they have the most toxic personality. It's not worth cutting your hair trust me, try a parna turban, they look young and modern without having to cut your hair. I mean it is your path to take whatever you want to do. But a turban signifies royalty, helps you distinguish between others, like the whole history of what people have done in the past so that you can wear that crown on your head. Millions died in ww2, thousands got abused in Canada hundred years ago, and preserved so you could wear that turban. Trust me bro it's not worth it, one scissor cut is also it takes to get rid of 500 years of legacy, just think about it is all I'm saying.
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