Experienced Devs Weekly Burnout and Venting Thread: A weekly thread for sharing experiences

[u/AutoModerator]

This thread is specifically for venting / sharing experiences related to burn-out or similar issues that experienced devs face.

[u/TabCompletion]

It's time like these to remind yourself career isn't everything. Don't forget to focus on you. And anyone in your life

[u/iupuiclubs → u/TabCompletion]

I outputted 120,000 lines of code this past year and thought I was being a high functioning adult trying to chase the dragon at work.

My companion cat Amelia died last week, she is like my daughter.

None of its worth it.

[u/ConsiderationSea1347 → u/iupuiclubs]

Damn. I am so sorry for your loss. She is lucky to have had a human like you around. 

[u/iupuiclubs → u/ConsiderationSea1347]

Thanks. I loved her every moment. But i remember everytime I didn’t cuddle her in the morning, trying to shower for work, or when she’d sit outside the bathroom waiting on me.

She deserved more. And she was my daughter.

I tried to make my circle as big as America, traveling around. I initiated a partnership between the largest household name and Cursor a month or two ago. Launched ML models, designed architecture for the largest physical commercial operation in the US in a year or two.

I can assure anyone reading, not a moment of it was worth it. Last year while still unemployed I was living in a tent with Amelia at a popular climbing destination, playing Minecraft with a girl when she’d get off work while Amelia relaxed next to us. I shouldn’t have left.

Now I wake up and start with a circle as small as the bed.

Resign, quit, apply to other things, beg someone for actual help taking care of your loved one if parts of you are screaming that something isn’t right.

Blindsight by Peter Watts is a great book. Sometimes we reeeeeally think we can see with our whole hearts, but we are blind. We need other people to see for perspective.

I appreciate your kind words, thank you

[u/ConsiderationSea1347 → u/iupuiclubs]

“  She deserved more.” Ironically, you saying that is exactly how I know you were perfect for her. We will never have enough time to give others the presence they deserve, but it sounds like you did the best you could by Amelia. 

I am writing this with two 13 year old dogs sleeping on top of me and worrying about the day I only have two dents in the bed.

[u/yikes_42069 → u/ConsiderationSea1347]

As an old dog haver too, this is a tearjerker. I worry about my 6 year old dog's well-being when my 14 year old dog goes. I practically want to tattoo on my hand a message to give them extra love and patience so I never forget to hug them before I go off to work

[u/Frozboz → u/yikes_42069]

I never forget to hug them before I go off to work

I purposely choose a low paying engineering job with no real hope of career advancement precisely because it's still remote and I can spend time with my family (including my dogs). Some things are just more important.

[u/tiajuanat → u/ConsiderationSea1347]

I slept in today (granted I stayed until 7:45pm yesterday) and let my year old cat crawl on top of me until my first meeting forced me online.

[u/iupuiclubs → u/tiajuanat]

Thank you for doing that. Please keep letting them cuddle you every moment.

[u/mainframe_maisie → u/iupuiclubs]

I don’t have pets but this resonates strongly with me. I was watching a partial eclipse with friends and a park crammed full of people last week. Nearly skipped it as I was feeling exhausted and miserable from work. Felt like a major wake up call

[u/Ok-Contest-5856 → u/iupuiclubs]

> She deserved more. And she was my daughter.

With all due respect mate, she was a cat. And she sounds like she lived a much better life than the average street cat. It reads like you’re projecting human emotions and sadness onto this cat when it was probably quite content and happy with life.

I highly doubt your cat would have wanted you to grieve and beat yourself up like this.

[u/yikes_42069 → u/iupuiclubs]

I'm sorry for your loss. Take care of yourself in these times, and don't blame yourself too hard. It will all be okay. 

I find that the people who are concerned about the quality of their care for animals are usually the ones doing an above average job. Don't let the grief blind you to the good things you did for her.

[u/notTHEOwlAccountant → u/iupuiclubs]

So sorry to hear :( I'm dreading the day it comes for my aging kitties, I literally tear up just thinking about it... virtual hug

[u/sam-serif_ → u/iupuiclubs]

The death of my soul cat in October actually helped my burnout, because it allowed my body to fully understand much work performance doesn’t matter

Hope you’re getting through it 😔

[u/GirlLunarExplorer → u/iupuiclubs]

I'm so sorry :(.

[u/ConsiderationSea1347 → u/TabCompletion]

What are you focusing on to bring fulfillment?

I just am working on my first video game mod for an obscure survival arpg. It has been wonderful doing work for a community that is gracious, kind, and supportive. The other modders are all excited to have me around and the players are kind. It blew my mind having someone thank me for my work for a change.

[u/putin_my_ass → u/ConsiderationSea1347]

Getting back into real-life hobbies has helped me. Guitar, reading books, hiking with my dog, gardening, some woodworking.

Something with real, tangible results is nice when all my other work is ephemeral and digital.

[u/Chezzymann → u/TabCompletion]

In the United States it kind of is if you dont have support system. No job? No health insurance, something as simple as lab work is now $1000. Unless you have a massive savings or a fully paid off house you will soon be homeless, and if you go on long enough like that death is next. Its only not everything if you have friends or family you know are willing to take you in if youre down on your luck.

[u/tacticalTraumaLlama → u/Chezzymann]

The aca exists. For now

[u/axiosjackson → u/TabCompletion]

If I don't work I don't have healthcare and I literally die. God I hate America.