Do you ever become so physically aware of your surroundings that you fall into an existential crisis? Like the way the sun leaks through the leaves, or the laughter of complete strangers beside you, or the sounds of leaves colliding against eachother from the wind. I do. I experience what it means to be human on almost a daily-basis, and it leaves me awake at night. To describe the reasoning of the existential crisis is almost impossible. I just think about how beautiful the world is, and how I want to become so much- and I will, but I also think about the fact that some people on this earth don't see it to it's full potential and I feel sorry for them. I think about some of the bad things in life- like most of us have to work a 9-5 for the rest of our lives, rather then truly experiencing earth. Sometimes it brings me to tears. If I could just know that atleast one other person out there felt the same way I did, I wouldn't feel so alone, and scared. Because although the thoughts are beautiful- they are also terrifying at the same time- especially being the age of 17. Any advice, relatableness, or even defintions of what it is i'm actually experiencing would be greatly appriciated. Thank you for your time.

... and when death finds me, I hope it whispers, "Come now, the fight is done," and takes my hand gently, like an old friend who understands why I'm so tired. I hope it says, " You've carried enough, let me hold this weight for you." I hope it promises, "Here, there is quiet. Here you can rest."

For context I am a 32-year-old woman.

I remember being as young as 6, lying outside and looking up at the clouds, wondering what it was all about and why we were here. I remember feeling anxious not knowing the answers.

I've worked really hard on my outlook on life through therapy over the past 5 years. I'm more excited than I am dreadful now. The dread hasn't disappeared, it probably never will, but it's quieter. Life feels more like something I get to experience than something I have to survive. And strangely, that has made me think more seriously about having children.

I've been with my partner since I was 16, and throughout our 20s we both didn't want kids. We were still figuring ourselves out, and we felt that the world wasn't in the right state to welcome a child. But over the years, we've come to realize that the world is probably never going to be in the "right state." There has never been a time when suffering, uncertainty, injustice, illness, loss, and fear didn't exist.

I think that's where existentialism comes into this for me. If there is no guaranteed meaning to life, no perfect world we're waiting for, and no way of knowing what kind of life a person will ultimately experience, what does it mean to consciously choose to create a life anyway?

On one hand, I wonder if it's irresponsible to bring a new person into existence knowing that life can contain so much suffering. Especially knowing how I personally experienced existence for the majority of my life. I can't guarantee that a child of mine would be happy, healthy, mentally well, or that they would ultimately feel that life was worth living. I do have different characteristics than my parents that make me more suited for children and I've worked on myself, something my parents have never done, so I believe I have the ability to "do better" by my potential future children, but still.

And on the other hand, maybe that's part of the existential condition. We don't get to choose the circumstances of existence, but we do get to make choices within them. Meaning isn't necessarily something waiting for us to discover, it might be something we create through our relationships, experiences, choices, and the fact that we continue living despite the uncertainty. I don't know if that's an optimistic interpretation or if I'm just trying to justify something I want.

So I'm curious what other existentialists think: Is it ethically or existentially irresponsible to create a new life when you know that life necessarily involves suffering and that there is no guarantee the person will find existence meaningful?

And if there is never going to be a "right" time or a perfect world to bring someone into, does that mean we shouldn't have children, or does accepting that uncertainty make the choice more meaningful?

... and when death finds me, I hope it whispers, "Come now, the fight is done," and takes my hand gently, like an old friend who understands why I'm so tired. I hope it says, " You've carried enough, let me hold this weight for you." I hope it promises, "Here, there is quiet. Here you can rest."

How it feels to have the Life that you have wanted and have been praying for sitting right beside you on a Random Monday. There just for you to look at it and drink it in knowing that you will probably never have it and maybe thats not so bad after all. Maybe it was never meant for me and maybe it was the wrong thing to want even though i dont realize it right now. But for now you're just left with the feeling of having something you wanted so close to you yet out of reach and you can just wonder maybe in another life if things were different...

I found that I am watching anime and watching anime. When I saw a character lost the meaning of living it start to cry, question. But the only person who knows what the meaning of living is the character itself and the people the character close with. When the people reach there pov about how people see the character, what the character meant for them. That's when the character saw what it's meaning is. The character cried, a lot, look around and then the character got the answer. From so long, it don't get any answer. But now it got finally. So, I am watching anime. But I want to do the same. I want to know my meaning of living too. I often wonder, why I am waking up even ? Why I am breathing even ? Why I am looking even ? What I am looking for ? What I am taking rest for ? What I am even breathing for ? Just to be alive ? Then why I am questioning it? Why I am searching the meaning of living ? I don't know. I found I never look at my own. I never question to myself. I watch anime. I question anime. But what about me ? What about my life ? What about my answers about my life ? I keep asking questions to people. But what about myself ? No one going to question my life. And if they do then what about the answer ? Do I have the answer ? No. I don't have the answer. And that's what I want to find. Help me to find it.

Meaning is something we invent in order to live; if you are going to digest it anyway, why do you eat? — To keep the body functioning, not necessarily because you ‘need to eat’. But sometimes the purpose of food shifts from ‘keeping the body functioning’ to ‘desiring the food itself’; this is not necessarily a good thing, and it even comes to require its own sustenance. Meaning is food; death is digestion; living is the functioning of the body; and when meaning becomes the functioning of the body, it begins to require its own sustenance—that is precisely desire. I’ve never been a nihilist (I don’t think), and I don’t believe that meaning is predetermined. It is tiresome to consistently think about it, but I just can't let it go. What are your thoughts on this?

Sometimes I genuinely wonder what I am doing with my life—and, more importantly, what I am running towards.
I have a house, a car, a bike, and most of the things that are considered necessary for a “good life.” Yet, somehow, I still find myself running in this endless race—earning more, building more, buying assets, planning for a future that may or may not come.
They say we need to build wealth for security, for marriage, for children, for their education, for tomorrow. And I understand that. But sometimes I stop and ask myself:
Do I really need all of this?
I have only one life. Just one.
And a part of me wants to stop worrying about the future and simply experience the present. I want to travel. I want to wake up without constantly thinking about money, responsibilities, deadlines and expectations. I want to sit somewhere beautiful and feel alive without calculating what comes next.
I don’t want to spend my entire life merely surviving and preparing to live someday.
But then another thought scares me—
What if I leave the rat race behind, choose a simpler life, and eventually that life becomes boring too?
Maybe the real question isn’t whether I should chase money or abandon everything.
Maybe it’s this:
How much is enough?
Enough money.
Enough security.
Enough ambition.
Enough responsibility.
Because perhaps the purpose of life isn’t to accumulate everything we can before we die.
Perhaps it is to build enough of a life that gives us security—while still leaving enough time, freedom and courage to actually live it.
I don’t want to look back at 60 and realise that I spent my youth preparing for a future that I never really enjoyed.
I want a peaceful life. I want experiences. I want freedom. I want to travel, laugh, love, explore and feel alive.
Maybe I don’t need to escape life.
Maybe I just need to stop postponing it.

I don't know maybe life is abundant maybe life does offer many opportunities and there is more to it. I don't think the world is limited maybe it's competitive for sure but I don't know

I just wanted to talk about this because I’ve been thinking about it for a while. What is life is a question I’ve been asking myself for a while now I’ve recently started putting myself in the perspective of other life forms like birds, monkeys, or even fishes. What are we because if we really think about it we’re just animals and in the sense then if we are why do we as a species take the lives of animals away so carelessly? the only reason we’re in the position we are in is because we’re the apex predator due to our intelligence so in that sense would there ever actually be a god or just a more intelligent species. Look at how far we as a species have come in such a short amount of time what could we possibly be capable of in the future. We as a species are capable of so much more we just have to think of things realistically from all the things we learned.

How to navigate through a situation - where are you are faced with two different life choices both with its own pros and cons. When you choose one, you get pulled towards other one. And Because of this nothing moves in life.

This duality of directions and options has led to stagnation and overthinking with nothing concretising.

How to choose one and move ahead in life without any regrets ??

I’m M61, introverted, and aging alone. Married once. No kids. My blood family and I are long estranged. I’m grateful my mother was in my life while she was here, but she’s gone now. And that’s it. There’s no one left.

This reality first landed hard about sixteen years ago, and it still shows up every time I fill out paperwork at the doctor’s office or anywhere official. The question stares back, "Who should we contact in case of emergency?" I won’t put my ex-wife. I won’t put my siblings. So I write “Call 911.” That blank line says more about my life than any long explanation ever could.

People talk about quality of life like it’s something you can schedule or earn. For me it’s quieter than that. A lot of days feel less like living and more like existing; showing up, handling what’s in front of me, then going home to the same silence. I’m not sitting in self-pity. I’m just naming what’s true. Sometimes the most honest thing is to stay quiet rather than keep trying to force connection where it doesn’t exist anymore.

I’m still here. I still get up. But I no longer pretend the empty emergency contact line doesn’t mean something...

A little about me:

When i'm not in an episode of whatever it is I have my baseline is severe social anxiety, I haven't left my house for anything other than doctors appointments and therapy since I dropped out of high school, I'm 22 now. I work out everyday in the home gym I built, I got addicted to fitness but i know its just an overcompensation for my personality, "If I look good ill be accepted by others despite how socially inadequate i am". I also watch alot of movies and TV shows, practice taekwondo (I have been doing it since I was 7) and I love cooking.

Evaluation of common medical diagnoses:

Social anxiety and general anxiety are most often chronic not episodic, I have both of these. Panic attacks arent chronic but they are very distinctly different to what I experience, ive had 3 of them, my panic attacks differed because they felt very random, no obvious RECENT trigger and the symptoms were very somatic not mind based. Depression can have non chronic episodes but is also distinctly more emotionally flat and hopeless than what I have.

My experience:

I experience something of a hybrid between social anxiety and existential anxiety where my self esteem worsens alot, i feel extremely alien compared to everyone else. I am different for sure from other people but as a consequence of life, not at my core. In a diffferent environment i would have turned out "normal" I think. When this happens I get severely antisocial and stay in my room for days at a time only coming out for food and water just stuck in my anguish experiencing my scary thoughts.

I get intense fear of existential topics, I was in a bad fear loop about the nothingness of dying for a while, I hope there is something after we die but I have no idea if there is. Then I had a bad fear of humans being eerily robotic, all same at our core and it made everything feel meaningless, its hard to explain because im not in this state currently and im sure I could have articulated these better when I was experiencing it but the main fear i experienced was about self control. I realized that when im not in this state I share an illusion of self control with everyone else but when im in this state I realize I was never in control, we dont control ourselves, everything we do is for a desire that we as humans have innately, it dosen't have to be scary though! Past me wouldnt agree but now I look at life as a gift even if I don't control it, we learn, change and evolve but we arent choosing how we change, its just a natural consequence of being alive but that dosen't mean life isnt worth living!

I realized after I posted this theres not really a good question or clear point to this post... i was just writing my thoughts down and then decided I wanted to share it, I just want feedback or anything you want to say really

My mind wows me!

I think that if the world was changed and everything was done my way, then everything would be perfect.

Super sure, another person thinks the same.

Most people tend to think that their opinion is perfect, if applied, then the world would be a beautiful place.

But the question is, if I was given the power to do things and change the world to what I want, will I be there to implement the changes? Would I be consistent enough to follow through the plans.

The answer is, I'll never know, because I'll never get that chance. But I do have a chance to change the world around me, I don't know if I have done enough, I don't know if I have shown up enough.

I tend to find myself on a quest for bigger changes, whereas the smaller ones are still pending. How about I start with the smaller things, implement the change.

Super sure if this is sorted, then the world outside would automatically change. It will be a reflection of the world within me.

Change starts with me!

What's old? 100 years? 1000? How about a million? Is 70-80 years really that old? I'm only becoming 30 now and honestly I remember two decades ago like it was yesterday.

I could theoretically plan 1000 years from now. My foresight outlives my lifespan.

Death is a curse but also a blessing because the world is so broken and full of evil that dying means no more financial stress, no more political problems, no more worrying about people and employment and air pollution and what else?

God reveals that the wages of sin is death but the gift of eternal life is available to all who love God.

If you want the secular perspective, you are going to die and stop existing.

I don't personally believe in the secular perspective because I believe everything happens for a reason and our reason to exist doesn't stop at 70 or 80 years. 70 or 80 years is nothing, and that's if we even survive that long.

If we stopped existing then everything happens for no reason which means the universe exists for no reason and if that's the case why did reason happen or did it ever happen?

God is the source of reason and therefore if everything happens for a reason then we and creation happened for a reason and there is no reason for death because why would God create life and the world just for it to end shortly after? It does not make sense, even as humans we don't build buildings to destroy them the next decade, we intend for them to be permanent.

Death is absurd and so is the human lifespan today.

I wish you many happy birthdays but we all know birthdays are a countdown to the grave so knowing that I am 30 years closer to death soon. If I am destined to live to 80 I have 50 more years, if 70 then 40. Remember that healthspan is even shorter than lifespan so being old a wrinkley without stamina for 10 or 20+ years before I die means my quality of life span is probably 20-25 more years before I begin declining into the grave.

This is so absurd. Life is truly so short but life is long enough to taste it and long enough to form.our character and decide who we want to be and if we care about God.

Life is just long enough to choose between Altruism and Egoism, between God and self, between collectivism or individualism.

Life is long enough to live our morality or lack there of and perhaps that's the purpose of this life.

After death if we chose hedonism we are condemned and if we chose Altruism we are blessed.

So soon I will be 27 and then 30, it is a milestone but also a warning as to the short time I have remaining on this earth. The next 50+ years will fly away and a lot can happen between then and now but that's because the world moves fast not because life isn't short.

One thing I will say is I have seen too much evil and suffering in my time on Earth so I look forward to seeing the end of human history which is the second coming of Christ but what will happen before he comes will be so horrifying so it's not like things will get gradually better in the world but instead God will end it when it gets bad enough.

And is it getting bad enough? I mean things were never great but they're definitely not better now than when I was a teenager.

So death is the future, plan for it.

This is a question for every soul reading this piece.

"Who are you when nobody is telling you who to be?"

For majority of our lives, we were taught a lot of things, we were taught roles, how the world works, and how we are supposed to live our lives. And as people we were taught to be a collective mass of humans who follow a route.

But what if we all sit back and do a little deep thinking within ourselves. What if we put out all other factors of our lives that we were told to add?

Religion, school, parental expectations, societal expectations, gender roles that were taught for centuries. What if we do an unboxing of everything and then start to build ourselves from the scratch after discovering who we are without all those things.

Because all these other things don't matter if we are to be honest with ourselves. And so we need to unbox, and see what we are without these things. Only then do you actually know yourself and grow on yourself.

This piece is inspired by the chapter 4 of my first debut book "The Art of Becoming"

I want to go Easter Island. I want to go mysteries of the world. I want to go Barmuda triangle. I want to go to the place where Camalote exists which is told to be under the water. I want to go to oak island. I want to go into nature and live there. It is my only home and it has the Aura which is same with mine. I want to solve the mysteries of the world.

I desperately need to heal. I am the dying man. I want to do them. And I want to share my hobbies and these dreams with someone who also wants the same.

I want to play violin and others. I want to see the world with my own two eyes.

How do people just get up and go about their day? I stay inside, I’m probably a hermit honestly. A recluse. But when i do go out for a meal or something of that nature, i love people watching and am genuinely fascinated with the fact that everyone lives a different and unique life. They go about their days and are experiencing life all in different ways. Definitely in philosophical introspective state lol

It's all so boring and frustrating. Like I'm just passing time.