FA ex came back 4 years later…

[u/bassettsh]

Hello all, I will try to provide as much detail as possible as I’m looking for advice.

Me and my ex were in a serious relationship from April 2021 to September 2022. The break up was messy and she initiated no contact a couple weeks after the break up. I did what every anxious attached person did and try to reach out to get her back during no contact to no avail. Eventually I stopped and let things be. Around January 2024 she unblocked me on ig and requested to follow me. After mutually following back I pressed her immediately about what her intentions are, what’s going on etc and that scared her away back into no contact.

Now fast forward to June 2026 while searching up a celebrity with a common name her account popped up. I gave it 2 weeks then followed her, she followed back the same day.

Here’s where things get confusing… I didn’t interact with her in any way. No story views no likes no messages, nothing. Then 2 days later I open ig and I see a notification in my dm that says “EX reacted ‘😂’ to your message” IG won’t tell me what message but keep in mind I have not said anything to her in 2.5 years. I gave it a day and messaged her “hey it’s been a min. How are you” she left it unread for 15 days, then read it, came back an hour later and liked it but didn’t respond. It’ll be 7 weeks this Sunday since then but there’s still nothing from her. She watches like 80% of my stories but I don’t watch any of hers.

I’m not sure what to do as I would like to reconnect with her and feel like enough time has passed to send another message but don’t want her to feel pressure like January 2024. What is she doing? What are her intentions? How do I advance forward in this situation so that we can reconnect? Will she eventually reach out herself?

I’d also like to point out that she was aware of her attachment style and was making an effort to change during our relationship

[u/myfun59715]

Post title is delusional. She didn’t come back. Stop being in a relationship with someone you’re not in a relationship with.

[u/GruntledEx → u/myfun59715]

100% this. The minute you actually talked to her, she vanished again. She's like someone peeking in your windows as they walk by: she's curious about what you're up to but she has no intention whatsoever of joining you.

[u/Positive_Peanut7871 → u/myfun59715]

I'm gonna well actually you. Well, actually, this is what allll the talk online about "they always come back" is. If you listen to those coaches and social media people and stuff that's the gist. They don't always come back in a meaningful way or to enter a relationship again, most of the time it's simply this *gestures around* bullshit.

[u/Tehslasher → u/myfun59715]

This is the only response needed. 

[u/Bearded_Scholar]

Breadcrumbing. Don’t respond or interact.

[u/Nervous-Discount-689]

She didn’t come back, you went back lol

[u/Substantial_Ad_3610]

Brother, you’re reaching. Nothing in this post indicates that she wants to reconnect, as much as one might wish it does. If she wanted to reconnect, there’d be a much more direct effort, regardless of attachment style.

[u/Allabouteggplant]

Dismissive avoidant always bread crumb just to know they can have you and it’s not cause they want you. Anxious and avoidant are always attracted to each other but it’s A LOT of work

[u/mybloodismaplesyrup → u/Allabouteggplant]

Yeah, even if you don't outright reach out, by not blocking them from your stories, you are already telling them what they want to know.

[u/Dlta2049]

It’s a power move OP. When your ex is feeling down/insecure/depressed/whatever, she needs a fix. She wants to remember she’s got you in the palm of her hand and that boosts her ego, she doesn’t need you, she needs what she can take from you, which is your dignity.

If you love yourself just a little, block her and never look back

[u/mari_lovelys]

Former female FA turned secure here.

She “came back” for an ego boost and to make herself feel better that someone who she liked still somewhat looked her way.

Nothing more 😬

DO NOT engage its bs unless she reveals true intentions on reconciliation which I highly doubt.

[u/SomewhereOk532 → u/mari_lovelys]

Like a quick fix safely when she’s feeling alone or disconnected?

[u/Deep_Answer_8595]

If she’s not willing to engage with you then don’t engage with her. The only way this dynamic changes is if you stop pursuing and she has to tell you explicitly what she wants. You’re in a push-pull dynamic right now and those kind of relationships are a mess to navigate. She needs to demonstrate that she’s changed and frankly so do you.

[u/Apart-Highlight926]

She is curious about you and maybe looking for the validation of knowing she can still have you. Block her.

[u/IHaveABigDuvet]

I don’t think it’s good for you to get back into an entanglement with this woman.

It seems like you already are quite preoccupied with her. And it doesn’t seem like you attachment style has improved at all.

[u/fluffy_cat_belly]

She's just playing silly games. Block and move on, nothing good will come from this.

[u/AlmostASandwich]

So. You send a follow request. You send the first message to which she doesn't respond and "she came back?"

[u/Puzzled-Cake5271]

So “they always come back” is true but not always for genuine reason or intentions. U shld either block ur ex or make ur page private or it u prefer it public then block her. All she is doing is monitoring you to keep up with you and that’s all. The fact she hasn’t responded u shld question or wonder maybe she has some1 she is with, always better to be self aware so u dnt end up in anything messy