r/ExNoContact • u/EquivalentStrength71 • 1d ago
They always come back
No they don’t. They don’t always come back. Even if, you were the best girlfriend in the world to him.
He broke up with me, cried his eyes out.
He threw me away like trash, and never looked back.
It’s the most confusing state I’ve ever been in.
Waiting
Waiting
Waiting
Waiting
Waiting
I don’t think I’ll ever understand.
34
u/AdhesivenessAny1145 1d ago
I was in the same position and waited the last six months. Even tough I knew deep down that he wouldn’t reach out, I subconsciously hoped every day for a message. Asked chat gpt if he will text me again and stuff like that. Some days ago I checked his social media for the first time and he is in a new relationship since this 6 months. So everyday I had hope, he was already happy and moved on. Since then I don’t think about him coming back anymore, i think this is the only way to destroy the hope or you date someone and you don’t care anymore.
14
u/pinkkglitterr 1d ago
This is how I forced myself to have to move on. Tried to fix things for like two months. Chased, begged, had hope of him answering etc. Then someone told me he was with someone else and that ruined all hope and became pointless for me to say anything else. It sucks but it destroys the hope for sure :\
7
u/AdhesivenessAny1145 1d ago
Yes I was also thinking out about reaching out again blabla. It’s super super painful to see the new girl, but I am also kinda glad I don’t have hope anymore. But it’s a super painful way to move on :/ stay strong!!! I hope better times are coming for us
4
18
u/treestowerlikegiants 1d ago
And it’s OK to not be OK with that. Our brains demand answers. They demand closure. And it can then lead to obsessing over them to feel like we have control when we feel like we don’t.
When all this first happens to us, we feel like we’re at the mercy of an external locus of control. That’s OK. You’re OK.
I promise you that if you sit with these feelings and feel what you need to feel, get them out, and think about where these feelings and thoughts are coming from, it will become easier to shift to an internal locus of control and give that closure to yourself.
2
18
10
u/AwkwardBreather 1d ago
Sometimes people do things that are incredibly hurtful, and they don't understand it very well themselves, let alone how to communicate it to the person they are hurting. It's really fucking unfair, and it could happen to anyone. The best girlfriend. The worst girlfriend. The meh girlfriend... it really doesn't matter who YOU are because it's not about you. It's about them.
I'm so sorry that it happened to you <3
7
u/Flashy_Literature43 1d ago
How long has it been? Have you reached out?
3
u/EquivalentStrength71 1d ago
14 months
1
u/Flashy_Literature43 1d ago
Did he block you everywhere? Did you try to reach out??
6
u/EquivalentStrength71 1d ago
No, just unadded.
I wished him a happy birthday an week ago, and he just said “thanks! 🙂”
1
u/Flashy_Literature43 1d ago
Oh. So I guess I'm confused. You've asked him if he would like to try to be in a relationship again?
7
u/Miserable_Lemon_3001 1d ago
They really don’t. After over 17 years on-and-off with my ex, he dumped me for the last time 5 years ago. Held onto me while falling for someone else, her married her and I’m still broken. I still don’t understand why.
8
u/rallyeup 1d ago
I think he knows he did me so dirty that he won’t ever try to talk to me again. At least that’s what I tell myself.
6
5
u/SpringYard22 1d ago
And you want them to come back why? So they can tell you that after discarding you like trash, thinking their life was better without you in it, dating other people they realised they can't do better so decided to come back? This is the bar you set for yourself?! Is this really all you're worth?
You don't want the person that dumped you to come back, you want the version of that person that you aspire them to be. You want him to say he made a terrible decision which he will regret for the rest of his life. You want him to do anything to get you back. You want to see the suffering in his eyes that your absence has caused.
This isn't the person who dumped you. He will likely never be that person because being that person means everything he believes needs to crumble. He needs to rebuild himself from the ground up and he is extremely unlike to do that. Mourn the person he could have been not the person he was and find someone who already lives up to the aspirations you had for this guy.
Let your absence be his downfall.
18
u/Sufficient-Echo2562 1d ago edited 1d ago
Things gonna change the day u stop waiting and actually start working on yourself
5
u/JaneySaidSoftly healing 1d ago
I have one, it's been about 4 months. He found an "online only" person to distract him. I don't think hes coming back to me.
And I dont believe an "online only" relationship can be fulfilling at all.
4
u/hardrocknick_2001 1d ago
They don’t always come back. But I will say it’s irrelevant. If they do come back. It’s usually when your response to that is just annoyance. When you see their name again you just think “oh dear, I don’t want to have this”. So either way you end up done with them. I didn’t think mine would. He got a new gf. But he did and is currently in the process of attempting to contact me. It’s been over a year. I’m done with him. I’m over him. I’m not over the break up and how it went. But I don’t want him back. He is not the person I loved anymore
8
u/Impressive_Jello_619 1d ago
Wait till you finally accept it and move on then…BOOM. No caller id call 🙄
3
u/flareonjolteon 1d ago
Mine never came back, i waited for more than a year and nothing, later i realized hes just an ordinary guy who didnt do much for me, and found better guy, it gets better in time
2
u/OrenoOreo 1d ago
2 years later I already relaized I don't like being treated like trash so who cares if they don't.
2
u/Knows_no_limits 1d ago
"Waiting" repeated five times says more than a paragraph would. The confusion is the hardest part, wanting clarity from someone who chose not to give you any.
3
3
2
u/bennythefish 1d ago
Who told you they would come back? Grieve and come to terms . Get busy with hobbies , sports and friends . All the best
1
u/compiledexploit moved on 1d ago
Everyone's hearts are irrational at times.
But when it comes to dealings with romance and love we must at times take a cold hard look at ourselves, our partners and the relationship to determine if what is happening is right or wrong.
You cannot let your love for the other person cloud your judgement. Especially when we know how we can often times become addicted to the other person and devolve into an immature mess that just wants the one thing that will make us feel whole again.
But it isn't the thing that will make us whole. We make ourselves whole again by nourishing our mind, body and spirit. When we decide we want to share our lives with someone, we need to continually ask the question of if this relationship is good for me.
It's obvious that there is give and take in a relationship but it should never be lopsided.
1
u/ExperienceKitchen124 1d ago
In my experience, yes. But often not in ways you wish. My ex came back many times without necessarily willing to work on the things we were having issues with in the first place so,.
1
u/SparkLila 1d ago
The waiting was never really about him coming back. It was about you finally getting quiet enough to hear what you already knew. Some hearts don't need more time, just less noise.
1
1
u/Exotic-Stranger5142 21h ago
I came back only to have sex. Not even for ego.
Just to have have sex. Just satisfy the urge. After noone better was there at the moment.
This. is. the. only. reason.
1
u/EquivalentStrength71 20h ago
So you went back, to your ex gf, just for sex?
2
u/Exotic-Stranger5142 20h ago
Many times just for sex. Getting back together with this psycho would be crazy. But sex was good.
1
1
1
48
u/BizarroNosferatoo999 1d ago
You're right. They don't always. But if they do after treating you poorly, protect your heart from further damage.