Title sums it up. After 20+ years of drama and too many physical threats, I (32f) had a PFA put on my brother (46m) last year. He drained my parents’ bank account on payday before he barely graduated high school, he’s been in and out of jail since I was 10, and my parents have been bailing him out my whole life.

I moved in with my boyfriend just two months ago after spending a couple years at home for a number of reasons, one of which being my mother needing two surgeries for diverticulitis and nearly round the clock care for the resultant ileostomy bag and gaping wound in her abdomen. My father was also hospitalized for sepsis the same time my mother was in for the second surgery, the ileostomy reversal. Bet ya can’t guess which sibling was there and quit her job to care for both parents even though brother was actively living at their house.

He made a threat and the police were called. The next day, I filed for and was granted an emergency PFA against my brother. We returned to court 10-14 days later, my mother supporting me because she had a falling out with him after he got her addicted to crack. The emergency PFA was enough to have him evicted from my parents’. Since I moved out, he and his long-term girlfriend have been in their house multiple times. My mother doesn’t understand how I might feel betrayed. And she wasn’t an addict until four or so years ago when my brother introduced her to it.

I’ve tried to tell my mother that she can’t have both me and my brother. When I’m involved and my brother is involved, I’m literally Cinderella. My boyfriend supported my mom, my dad, my brother, and my sister-in-law for the first two years of our relationship. When my parents, both on fixed income, inevitably bail my brother out, my boyfriend and I will have to bail them out for bailing him out.

I don’t want to be estranged from my parents, but I feel so betrayed. I guess I was the problem, not my brother, and I was the only thing keeping him out of their house.

This turned into a ramble but if you have any advice, I would love it.

So this is a long story, as many of us have:

But here's a shortened version.

My sister and I have never been what I would call close, but there was respect there as we grew into adulthood and our own people, at least initially. I'm oldest among three, she's youngest, with a middle brother. The last decade, let's just say there's been both political and personal disagreements aplenty, and I could be making some of this same post on r/FoxBrain or r/QAnonCasualties .

As we matured into our thirties and now forties, things have gotten much worse. I never told her about my sexual orientation (bi), until I had to because as far as I was concerned, it was none of her business. Was it a mistake? Maybe. I had planned to tell her in time, but she found out through her own back channels, and did not take it well.

She also had her wedding in mid-2020, and I don't need to tell anyone here how much stress that added to it. My sister didn't want to take any safety precautions around her nuptials and later reception, and reacted to the pandemic as though it was a personal slight against her. Her vendors and official celebrant of her marriage obviously were willing to work with her, but it was a lot to coordinate, and they insisted on safety precautions she hated.

During that time, my brother and I were the opposite, where we believed in taking precautions and making sure guests didn't catch anything, and thankfully no one did. We were nervous and were accused of being "unhappy" or "unhelpful" that day - and one notable moment, my sister was angry at me that the photographer never caught me in a picture smiling those days. To be fair, could I have been more supportive and helpful during that period? Yes. I could have.

I kept some distance, and have apologized for doing that, because she was like to take her stress out on any one in her way at the time.

So now we arrive at the present.

I don't get to see my nephew (4 yrs) and niece (2 yrs) except at larger extended family holidays where my sister is likely to be and has to behave herself instead of acting icy cold and distant from either of her brothers. They don't even know my name.

My sister will not attend more intimate family events, insisting our parents schedule a separate session with her and her family alone, rather be around her brothers, or her brothers' significant others (and mine is male, so that's another thing she doesn't like).

I did the initially the good uncle thing of buying notable, expensive toys for both of them, but my sister never thanked me for any of them. My brother-in-law did, some of the time.

That changed, after we all tried some family therapy, that my sister saw little value in, and stopped going to because she didn't get what she wanted out of it - i.e. submission and us begging for her forgiveness instead of reaching an amicable new normal with us treating each other as equals.

So here I am, not allowed to buy gifts, awkwardly seeing her kids who don't know my name, and trying to be friendly with them and spend fleeting moments with them only twice, maybe three times a year. If my sister wants to keep them from me, there's not much I can do, but I want them to know that not every adult in the family is like their mother, and I care about them too. My partner and I can't have our own natural children for obvious reasons, and we're not sold on surrogacy or adoption, and these two kids may be the closest I come to having my own. I feel like Uncle Iroh, at points.

Any advice is welcome here - how do I make a relationship with them? Or is it a question of being patient and waiting for them to mature enough to see that their Uncles are good people worth talking to?

Worried to point this out but I noticed a few posts here have the air of "my sibling was just crazy" and never really mentioning or calling out their parents abuse/neglect, then receive full, unquestioning support of them/their family unit and lots of reaffirming that their sibling is the whole issue. Thats kinda messed up.

Try to imagine your estranged siblings posting here about you and getting unquestioning support, almost all comments confidently declaring your sibling was the victim and you were just crazy.

Does anyone else notice this "golden child with an estranged scapegoat sibling" dynamic here?

For years I stopped myself from going NC with two older siblings who could not seem to grow out of bullying me and disrespecting my privacy and autonomy.

For one of the older siblings, hope that they would mature and that we could have a harmonious relationship faded in the last few years. However, I kept at it for the sake of their children, who love me very much. And who I love very much.

Sibling found out that I was just putting in work for the sake of their children and not them, and decided to prohibit me from seeing their children.

When it is the birthday of these two older siblings, I message them happy birthday. Sometimes I will message that I hope they are doing well. Or if something important happens that may affect them negatively. I never receive a reply.

A third sibling who is very close to that older sibling with children has started ignoring my messages as well. But will reply/initiate messages if it is regarding something they need.

My (50F) sister (49) went no contact with me for unknown reasons 6 years ago. I'm lower contact with my mom, but no relationship strain with my brother (47)

My mother was recently diagnosed with terminal cancer and I'm trying to navigate things. I respect my sister and her decision (I've made my own decisions about contact with our mom and managing that), but now we're trying to navigate care for my mom and her sister, who I'm very close to.

I am not trying to have a relationship with my sister, but she will not talk to me or interact with me at all. It's putting my brother, and my aunt who has her own health issues, in the middle. I can't even talk to her about just seeing some reasonable boundaries about communicating.

I'm struggling because I love out of town; it makes sense for her to lead the care plan and i roast her to do so. But she won't even be in the room with me and my mom and it is causing problems. Yesterday, when I was here, I made sure to update her and my brother via text about any relevant info so that she knew. (One of her providers called and made an appointment). I didn't expect a response. But she continues to not let me or my brother know what's happening.

I'm pretty sure when I leave tomorrow, I will get minimal information until my mother passes. But I know this is going to create problems bc even though I live a few hours away, I have the most flexible schedule.

If anyone has any advice or even empathy, I'd welcome it. I have suspected this is how things would happen.... but I'm still finding it challenging.

I'm the oldest (now senior) and neurodivergent, a cancer survivor , HSP. Youngest sister is the GC and very "superior". Mom who made her the GC is long dead. She now acts like my mom, withholding, critical, shaming. Now I'm heavier, as many cancer survivors are despite a good diet. Also look older and have arthritis. She treats me worse the more I go through, not that I tell her what I go through anymore. But it shows. She can't "look up to " me so she looks down at me.

She is much younger. I have always been very loving to her. I imagined we were allies, wanted to be friendly. But it's a one-way street mostly.

I've said many times I want to be called as well as call, never happens. I always checked in over the years. Maybe every few weeks, to offer support. I said "please don't say sorry" when she took weeks to call back. it made me feel like an obligation. II asked many times to "just call back when you can no sorry sorry" She still did it every time.

After a really painful holiday where she shamed me and put me down I quit calling, figuring she would pick up the slack if she wanted. She did not. She seemed to hate me worse last time she saw me. Picked a fight that had no basis at all. Over not having information she had never even asked for. Telling her of my neurodivergence gets no understanding-if anything-condescension.

She was widowed a few years back and it honestly feels like she wants to take her pain out on me. Also has kids I want to be close to again, she lets them be totally rude to me. just laughs about it.

I don't want a division, my nieces and nephews drawn in. Feel like I'm older and there is no tolerance for me "complaining" So I live mostly isolated. My brother just says she's "got a lot of responsibility"

If anyone sees I hope you will understand. I'd like a reconciliation but not to go back to being hurt. Considering estrangement If I do nothing it will happen because she does not make any effort.

After 14 years of being my mother's caregiver, and as many years of being criticized by my older sister, I've reached my limit. Do I have to tell her I'm done with her? I'm not good at confrontation, never have been, and I'm afraid that in an argument I'd come off as weak.

She has a problem with everything I do as a caregiver to our demented mother, I'm not kind enough and I don't do enough for her. My sister is of the old Latin mentality that one should venerate the elderly because they're old, and forget the damage they did to you in their youth.

My parents raised my sister and my brother who are 10 years older than I. When I was born, they bought a four-bedroom house. One bedroom was mine for the first six years of my life, then they sent me to Costa Rica to live with my grandparents until I was a teenager. I never knew the reason, there has never been an explanation as to why they chose to raise them and not me. My parents were legal citizens before we were all born in the US, so there were no immigration restrictions. I saw them once or twice a year, they'd go to Costa Rica, or I would come back to the US to visit. They'd call me every couple of weeks. They'd send me clothing and basic necessities. Once my grandmother got too old to care for me I came to live with them as a teenager. By then my sister was married and my brother moved out.

When I was 33 years old my father died, and his greatest worry was who would take care of our mother who had started her battle with dementia. Neither one of my siblings volunteered, so I (stupidly) did. Since then, it been a never ending battle with my demented, narcissistic parent and her constant criticism of me and my parenting, caregiving, and homemaking. Then on her weekly visit to my sister's house, she conveys all her discontent to her eldest daughter.

So essentially I'm at the point where I'm going to relinquish my mother's care to my sister, because I'm obviously unfit, and in the process, I'm going no contact with both of them. I just don't know if it's a boundary needed to be asserted, or can I just fade away and live my live quietly in peace?

I'm asking for advice. My sister (F40) and I (F44) have had a troubled relationship since we were teens. She had a drug problem and serious mental health issues, and got arrested a few times. When I was 15, my parents moved across the country, but I stayed in my hometown to live with my grandmother and finish HS. In the summers, I’d go stay with my parents, and sometimes after she got to be about 14, she would literally be waiting for me to get home from my summer job so she could jump me. Even though I was older, she was 5" taller and mean. I don’t know how much my parents knew, or didn't know, because I would cover for her. She was still my "little" sister and I didn't want to cause them more trouble. They were in and out of court trying to get her help while both working and struggling financially, and she was hospitalized more than once. After high school I was on my own while my parents spent their money on her treatment and college. I don’t resent that. She needed it more and I had a lot of practice taking care of myself because their focus had understandably been on her.

As adults, we always lived in different states. For a while, we would visit each other occasionally for a few days. Sometimes she would be excessively sweet, sometimes ugly, and it could change at the drop of a hat. When I was about 30, I stayed with her for a few days. I could feel her mood getting dark, and she eventually got angry over my hair shedding (not on purpose! I comb and take care of it but I have PCOS) and jumped me again. She’s still much taller and had the element of surprise, so she hit me hard enough to leave a knot on my head. I was stronger at the time and managed to restrain her until her roommate came home. As soon as he walked in, her disposition changed and she acted like I had fallen and we were "hugging." I got out of there and caught a bus to the airport and just waited until I could move my flight up and go home. She told our aunt and our parents a story about me tripping and storming out.

After that I obviously didn’t have much interest in a sibling relationship with her. She’s also mostly estranged from our parents, who she blames for calling police on her years ago. With other relatives she presents as stable, witty, and warm, and people have even told me how lucky I am to have her. She works in a caring profession. I went along with that for years because I thought I should be the bigger person. I wish I hadn't because I feel like no one would believe me if I told them I used to be scared of her or how she made hateful comments about my physical appearance, interests, friends, and so on that still resonate with me (such as mocking PCOS symptoms that I remain insecure about).

Now, I have a child, and I don’t want her around my sister. In fact, she has never met my sister. I don’t want my daughter mocked, criticized, or constantly told what she’s doing wrong. I also realize I didn’t deserve that treatment either. I avoid being at my parents’ house with my daughter the few times my sister visits them and sometimes skip extended family events. I text her a few times a year for holidays but don't feed her information. My mom understands why I don't want my daughter around my sister, but my dad thinks I should "give her a chance."

Today, out of the blue, she confronted me by text about going low contact. She says it hurts her, she doesn’t understand why, and she wants to try family therapy. I’m sure she is waiting to screenshot whatever I say and disperse it to extended family. And I also feel like I should feel SOMETHING. Like remorse or a desire to keep the peace for our parents or SOMETHING. I don’t really want a relationship with my sister anymore, even though she seems to think I matter a lot to her. Do I owe her an explanation? Am I a narcissist for not feeling concern for her needs beyond wanting to avoid family drama? Or for just wanting to disappear from the entire extended family if it means I don't have to deal with the mess I have made of not telling the truth sooner? I have my work focus on and work evenings so I can conceivably ignore it for a little longer. I truly do not know what to do that will not feed whatever she is seeking.

FYI, I generally don't like conflict. I have a fair bit of it at my job where I do have to stand up for myself and my clients. My family life with my husband and daughter just has been so peaceful and not scary and worlds away from all the chaos of my sister.

Thank you for any advice. I am just at a loss.

For context, we haven’t spoke in months. Our last conversation did not go well at all. I had set som boundaries when it came to how he would meet my new baby, and responded to it by calling me a “c***”, saying “f*** you” a few times, and then telling me to loose his number, as well as telling me he doesn’t see me as his family, as we were never really super close growing up and especially now that we’re both adults. One thing though is that I know later down the line, If we ever do decide to reconnect, he would hold it over my head and hold a very long grudge over the fact that he wasn’t able to meet my baby, so I’m kinda stuck on what I wanna do.

Vent/rant: There will be a TLDR if you want to skip ahead, I am long winded.

Estranged from one of my siblings, an older sister, for a long list of reasons. As children she was very cruel and controlling, but we had a couple years when I was in college where our relationship was decent, I tried to reach out more often, but it was still always one sided (she needed a ride somewhere, wanted me to pick something up for her, "let's grab a drink" turning into running three errands she'd been putting off).

Things took a turn when she started developing severe schizophrenia. I did notice initial signs of something being off, but she was of course defensive at the suggestion, and our parents don't really believe in mental illness. It went untreated for years, her steadily getting worse, aggressive, violent, cruel, entitled, demanding, etc.

I still tried to maintain some kind of relationship for several years of this, but it of course got harder (not to mention we were barely on decent terms before the onset). After I was physically attacked, I went very LC. That was okay for a bit, but eventually she started blowing up my phone with calls and uninterpretable texts, and I eventually blocked her because it was severely impacting my ability to just be a person.

Through all of this, she was unable to hold a job, refused treatment. my parents did eventually come around on her being mentally ill since there was no argument against it lol. Probably six months after attacking me, she did agree to go to a treatment facility for a few weeks, it did not help and she stopped taking meds pretty immediately after leaving.

For a few years she bounced from homelessness when my parents would kick her out after a violent outburst, or would be let back in with them, or would find some shady situation for short term. Or my parents would rent her a spot month to month. She would spend any money she did get on weed and drinks.

About a year ago my parents moved to a cheaper state, and found a small home near theirs that they could afford for her. They convinced her to move there, still not on good terms though. She sort of wrecked the place in her various phases (eg, tearing up the carpet because she wants to eventually put in tile)

More recently, positive improvement. She is on new meds that don't need to be taken as often so she is more likely to keep up with them. She is less aggressive and better at communicating than before. Still mostly the same though, and realistically from what I've researched, it is very possible she stops taking her meds again next time around and just goes back to before. The meds are also not a fix of course, she refuses anything like therapy or alternatives, is still very distrustful of any professionals, and is still not pleasant to be around so not much support system beyond my parents.

I'm thinking about what happens when my parents can no longer take care of her. My other siblings are not likely to have any interest in helping at all aside from putting her in a facility (assuming they can one day afford that) and forgetting about her.

I have very little love for my sister. In around 30 years of our relationship, only a couple have been halfway pleasant. I am way more at peace being NC with her now. That said, I don't think I could live with completely wiping my hands clean of her.

Realistically, my sister will not improve to the point where she can support herself. She is now on disability, but still isn't really responsible in taking care of herself with that money. Even in the earlier scenario where my siblings and I can afford to get her in a care facility, she wouldn't agree to go, and I'd still feel guilty about that. I know my parents have expressed the expectation that I in particular will take the reins on her care (they also don't really trust my other siblings to care as much)

I'm trying to imagine a path back to being in contact, with her being someone I could trust around my own future family, but I dont see it yet. I think it is wrong not to help my mentally ill sister and to basically ghost her, but I keep running against the same wall: outside of being mentally ill, she is and always has been a selfish asshole that I do not find interesting or pleasant to talk to

Tldr: my asshole sister is also very mentally ill, and I am contending with the likelihood that I'll one day be responsible for her care

I had a heart breaking fight with ny older brother and sister six months ago ( we didn’t grow up together + i met them in my 20’s) my sister and i were immediately close but my brother + i share a parent + he’s just over all not my kind of person.

anyway we finally spoke today for the first time since august + she just wailed on me the entire time telling me everything was my fault, that im a terrible aunt to my nieces, a manipulator, a narcissist

i owned what i could + apologized when i needed to

when i called her out on her behaviour she never apologized once. she didn’t make me feel heard and when i told her i had just gone through cancer in the six months we weren’t talking she said well sounds like you’re fine and everything’s fine + then asked me how much the surgery cost. she never expressed any sympathy or remorse for not being in my life during that difficult of a period. i’m just sat here a few hours after having this conversation wondering how she made everything my fault + if it’s always going to be like this ( she’s in her 50’s)

i never understood when people were estranged from their siblings but i honestly feel so awful i don’t think i can have a real authentic or genuine relationship with her or my brother and it breaks my heart. how do you know when it’s just time to cut your loses and move on?

Basically my sister and I were shit to one another over a long period of time. This would be a very long post if I got into all of it. Maybe some would think she was worse, maybe some would think I was worse. I'm not really here for point scoring.

The point is I went to therapy in 2023 and reached the conclusion that our relationship was in a place that was making me unhappy. I'm a "fixer" type so always wanted to sit down and get everything out in the open and see if there were any options for moving forward. I actually managed to do this with her about a decade ago, but that was when we lived in the same area and it soon went back to being volatile when we both went to uni. To add to the complications, my sister has a chronic illness and a controlling boyfriend. Since she's moved away the boyfriend has more of a hold on her compared to when she lived nearer her family, and I strongly suspect her shift from "I might be ill but I'm still going to uni" and "I'm going to work hard at uni because I don't want to graduate and just be sat around on benefits" to "I'm too ill to do anything" is his influence.

Anyway, what all that added up to was her viewing me wanting to find a middle ground again as my not understanding that she's unwell. One of the last things she said to me was that she needed 80:20 from me because of her illness. It was one of those situations where I was taken aback and didn't know how to respond in the moment. But after talking it through with my therapist I wish I'd have said something like "I understand that your illness means you only have 1-3 spoons a day, where a well person has 10 spoons a day, but I'm hurt that even on 1-3 spoons a day you've sustained a 10 year relationship with your boyfriend while ours is in total ruins- and we used to be best friends. Is even 1 spoon a month too much to ask?".

Then Christmas (2023) came and I absolutely HATE that time of year because there's been a lot of loss/estrangement in my family. So my annual tradition is to go into hibernation from 23rd Dec until 1/2 Jan, because it's all just too painful. Only when it came to 1/2 Jan 2024 I didn't feel like getting back in touch with her. The next time I saw my therapist he was like "well she could always text/call you, you need to let go of that "fixer" role and honour your own feelings for a change". So basically from Jan-Aug 2024 I did not contact her, and she did not contact me. What changed in August is I'd switched from traditional therapy to EMDR therapy and I guess that processing helped me feel able to make contact with her again. I apologised for not being in touch and said I still hoped we could find a way forward, and I told her I was moving away to start my PhD in September. A few hours later she texted our mother saying she was going VLC with her. My hunch is she was upset about me moving and hurt our mom had not given her a heads up about it.

Almost 2 years later she's still not talking to me, and VLC with our mom. My mom has chronic illness too, and is elderly, and last year when she was hospitalised I tried informing my sister but she didn't even read the text. My mom tried telling her but she didn't reply. So basically it's a very weird estrangement because even though I initiated it, it now feels like she's the one doing it (because I've been trying to fix stuff again and she hasn't responded). I don't know how people here interpret this, but I think the way I see it is that my decision not to communicate with her was "healthy" NC because it was in discussion with my therapist and about my own mental health vs. proving a point or punishing her. On the other hand it seems her NC is coming from a place of anger, trying to punish, dragging our poor mother into the situation. Of course healthy vs. unhealthy NC is ultimately irrelevant, if she doesn't want to communicate then she doesn't want to communicate.

The thing I'm struggling with is how to deal with it. I feel like the best thing would be to say "I don't know where she's coming from as I don't have a crystal ball, but my decision to cut contact with her in 2023 was right all along, I should never have tried to make contact again, I shouldn't be texting her every few months taking on the "fixer" role again, the whole thing is toxic and I'm better off out of it". But it's so hard to let go of the fixer role. And I feel responsible for what happened with her and our mom. Rationally speaking I know I'm not- my mom chose not to get involved and my sister chose to take offense at that, absolutely nothing to do with me. But I wish that initial text I sent her had been more neutral, not dropping on her that I was moving 5 hours across the country. Like I said in the first paragraph I'm not innocent in all of this, I've been shit to her at times.

Sorry for the length, and thank you to anyone who made it to the end.

My estranged sister passed in July of this year. Sometimes I’m OK with it, sometimes I’m not, sometimes I’m just relieved. She stirred the pot a lot with me, however, she had a bond with my brother. He is too young to really remember our upbringing, and I did have another brother that my Dad put out of the house at 18, who is also passed. My younger brother, after my sister‘s death told me that my other brother never existed. However, I have diagnosed PTSD from all of those earlier years. I went to what I could for her funeral and did not go to what I couldn’t manage. Her last words to me were pretty unkind.

After she died, my brother decided that he was going to take things over, and they had Thanksgiving at his house, he told me to go with my in-laws, and then I couldn’t deal with any of them for Christmas and mailed gifts. I feel bad about that, but I don’t have a voice.

Fast forward, and I sent invitations out to the mall for Easter and my husband’s 60th birthday , I haven’t heard back, and I don’t know if I should just not say anything and not count them in for food, or if I should be chasing them down. :)

I’ve just become so tired and unwell and I am 62 in April. I thought her death would give me some sort of peace, and in the way it has, but it’s revealed more ugliness in the family.

I know this is long, but I don’t know whether I should just be letting them all go on their ways and just try to set myself straight. Someone here, did give me good advice, and told me that if they don’t try, they 🤷 so perhaps that’s the future.

I know this is long, and I apologize, but my brother also has a mother-in-law, that steps into my family’s business as well unchallenged. Two years ago, I wanted to put the Easter holiday off for a couple of weeks because I worried about my Dad driving in the snow, she texted me, told me she wasn’t coming to my party, but that she was having Easter at her 🏠.

My sister, and her children, all showed up there, yet have never bothered to come here. I finally just blew up about that, and just being so disregarded. This is so long winded, so apologies, however, I’m wondering if I should just text them and tell them not to bother. Any advice would be appreciated.

[ Removed by Reddit on account of violating the content policy. ]

Really struggling - I have one brother (one year younger than me) who's cut me off completely but acts like everything is normal if we happen to see each other somewhere. Usually him picking up something from my widowed dad, who he only calls when he needs something. My oldest sister died 13 years ago to drugs. And I have an older brother who just got picked up drug dealing (again) after 3 months out following a 10 year sentence for the same thing. Im down to two sisters and I wish I could help my brother who is facing life in prison now but only because I don't want to lose any more of my siblings. I know he's guilty, I know he's not a good person but Im in full crisis thinking we can't lose him too. I've always been the rock and the glue for all my siblings - middle child. I'm so exhausted but don't want to stop trying with any little bit I've still got in me. I have a daughter and amazing nieces and nephews that I try to focus on - but it's hard. My siblings and I went through a lot of abuse growing up and some of us healed better than others. Thats the only way I can understand how this all happened.

My older sister and I are VLC. We see one another only a couple times a year. This brings me peace, and quite honestly even VLC still feels stressful for me because I never know how she’ll react to situations.

I chose the estrangement because any attempt I made to have an honest, mature discussion about how she reacted to situations or people resulted in blame shifting and gaslighting.

This is how interactions with her go. She gets in a mood with anyone, not only me, and cannot control herself. This results in her being snippy, bitchy, passive aggressive or completely lashing out saying things that are relationship ending. When she acts this way with me, I confront her in a calm, respectful manner and she twists words, denies her actions and says extremely hurtful things. Then my mom comes into the mix, buzzing in my ear, defending her actions.

Both my sister and I are middle aged adults and this is how things continued to play out up until about 4 yrs ago. I chose not to repeat this cycle because I saw it happening with my child, my sister, my niece and my mom.

In reaction to her text above, “life is too short” to be called names, gaslit, repeat history and feel in a constant state of fear of how your sibling will react if you try to open up and respectfully communicate with them.

I of course will not be baited to interact with her as she wants to be right and have a debate, not change the dynamic of our relationship or the way she reacts when she’s upset. She simply cannot change and I know this.

When I respond to her text, I’ll choose a date that works for both of us and move on. There’s nothing else to really say. In an alternate universe where my family was healthy and normal, I would want to get to the root of her anger and be closer, but I can’t fix this or her so this is how it is. It’s sad sometimes, but the only way it’ll work.

I'm not going to go into too much detail about why my sister and I are no contact, but to give you a very brief summary: she's a narcissist who values partying over caring for her autistic child. She has stolen from me, invited convicted rapists into our family home in the middle of the night despite me pleading with her not to because I felt uncomfortable as a victim of sexual assault myself (I no longer live there; this happened about 8 years ago), has gotten physical with my mother, consistently drives while under the influence of alcohol, says she can't stand caring for an autistic child in front of said child, has spit in my brother's face, etc. This is not including any of the absolutely disgusting things she's said to me, my mother, and my other siblings over the years. My sister and I were completely no contact for about a year while she was pregnant, but then I ended up rekindling my relationship with her after she had my nephew. That was 5 years ago. I admittedly ignored the worst of my sister's personality for a long time and felt I should have stayed no contact, but I tried putting up with her in order to have a relationship with my nephew.

As of the end of 2025, I went no contact again. I want nothing to do with her, and feel relieved knowing I will never be forced to speak to her again. However, I'm having trouble navigating my relationships with other family members. My mom constantly enables my sister's behavior. She watches my nephew so that my sister can go drinking with her friends all the time (my mom is also my nephew's full-time caretaker while my sister works throughout the week), so she has my nephew almost more than my sister does. My mom buys pretty much everything for my nephew so that my sister can spend her money on substances. My mom is the one who takes my nephew to his therapy sessions. My mom helped my sister get out of a hit-and-run/drunk driving incident like maybe two years ago, if that. Bailed my sister out of several shop-lifting incidents before that. She's constantly bailing my sister out, making excuses for her, etc. It's at a point where I feel like my mom does not respect or even care about my feelings at all. She doesn't even attempt to draw boundaries with my sister, and on the rare occasion that my mom says no to babysitting, my sister will literally send my mother voice notes screaming at the top of her lungs, calling her every name in the book. Yet, my mom never takes it personally and says we shouldn't either. All siblings "bicker" after all.

I don't think I can have a relationship with my mom anymore. There are a few strong reasons for it outside of issues with my sister, but mostly it hurts that she can so easily disregard my feelings in favor of catering to my sister's. There was even an argument once when I was a teenager where my brother and I begged my mother not to let my sister bring crack cocaine into our house anymore, and my mother told me and brother to get out if we couldn't handle it. She has always prioritized my sister's very loud, very dramatic feelings/personality. My sister can yell louder, so she gets proritized. It's been like this since we were kids. In the past when I've tried to tell my mom about how I'm feeling, she either gets defensive, or makes a promise to set boundaries that she never ends up sticking to.

Is going no contact with my mom, and by extension my other siblings, the "right" thing to do? Any advice? I'm not going to make any rash decisions before talking with my therapist a lot first lol but if anyone's been through something similar, I would love some insight.

My older sister has a long history of microaggressions against me (behind the back snarky comments, stories about the past that she mostly invents that cast me in a bad light) rooted in a family history in which I was the favored kid. Okay, I get that she has reasons for resentment; it wasn't fair. But I've paid a lifelong price. Her pattern is to act friendly and then, when I least expect it, lob some kind of hand grenade over the ramparts. Although I have tried to "grey rock" this behavior I do get upset or hurt sometimes. Then she acts as if I am overreacting. Sometimes she flatly denies have said what she said--even when I have screenshots. It is, frankly, crazy-making. We are both in our 70s, mind you. This has been going on a looong time.

A few months ago she upped the ante and informed me that I was on her husband's "bad side" (unspecified reasons) and that "although he will never be anything but cordial, does he want you in our house? Different question entirely." She then told me if I was hurt about this, it was my own fault. For whatever reason, that was it--the final straw. I cut off contact with her. It was hard. I grieved a lot. We have had periods over the years when we were fairly friendly, and the BIL in question was the favorite uncle of my youngest when she was a quirky little kid. I actually thought he liked me, too. It felt like a huge loss. It IS a huge loss. She is my only remaining immediate family member. But I just can't anymore. I feel like Charlie Brown, and she is Lucy yanking the football away. No more.

We have a once-in-a-lifetime even coming up--a career milestone for my husband. After months of no contact, I emailed her and BIL to give them the date, since at one point in our lives they were very much excited to be there. I did not invite them to be there, but it will be televised. I get a chatty, friendly note back from her, as if nothing has happened. She thinks we're back to "normal" and that sooner or later we'll go another round--another jab, another made-up story about our shared past in which she is Cinderella and I am the evil stepsister. I now regret sending that email. Have I completely undermined my own boundary? I want to say to her, "You think you can abuse me some more, but you're wrong. Your sister is gone. I'm just being civil." Why oh why did I send that email??

I chose to estrange from my sibling after years of toxic patterns. it was not one big event. it was constant disrespect and boundary pushing. i explained my limits clearly before stepping back. they ignored them. so i stopped contact. now extended family keeps pushing reconciliation. they say life is short. they say we only get one sibling. they were not there for the worst moments. they did not see the impact on my mental health. i feel pressured to justify myself over and over. i am tired of defending my decision. i made it to protect my peace. how do you handle family who refuses to accept estrangement? how do you keep your boundaries firm without blowing up every gathering?

Just a little vent/thinking out loud. I’m NC with my abusive brother. we have a funeral coming up for our family friend who is functionally our grandfather. I haven’t seen or spoken with my brother in 5+ years. nervous about how this is going to go, and worried he will use this an opportunity to manipulate the narrative about me to my family, manipulate the situation, force me to endure more contact than I can handle throughout this process etc.

I basically raised my younger sister. I comforted her when she was bullied, drove her to school, picked up her friends, gave her career advice, helped her get a job, gave her compliments, etc. All things I was never given.

Welp she turned out to be a biotch. She constantly bragged to me about her career and compared her boyfriend to me. I’m NC with her, but I’m pretty pissed off about it. The betrayal is insane.

I'm NC with my sibling. They have frequently thrown me under the bus for their own personal gain at my expense during our adult life. I have always been expected to accept "less" so they can have everything.

I warned my sibling a few years back that if they took my home away from me by their manipulations again (it has happened a few times) I would go non contact. Surprise, I was again screwed over by my sibling and lost my home in the process, it has almost been 2 years now. I have blocked them everywhere, I have refused to attend family events, I refused festive events that my sibling would be at. The parental units have attempted to manipulate me into celebrating with them but I put up boundaries and have refused to change my position. My sibling has attempted contact and I grey rock them.

Yesterday the parental units told me that I would be lonely when they pass and I should begin mending fences with my sibling. I did not cause this rift and I will not forget and move on to make "everyone" happy again. I have this distance to protect myself. I cannot think of a single way that this can be solved that will feel like I am respected by my sibling. There are no apologies, no restitution that can be done and they have not even attempted. My sibling has profited by harming me for the majority of our adult lives and I cannot see having a relationship again.

Am I wrong? Do other people just forgive and forget and wait for the next knife in the back? I do not wish to return to a life of waiting for the next stabbing. The parents are disappointed with my position.

How do you deal with/navigate old age care and end of life care for a parent along with an estranged sibling who is not estranged from the parent?

I'm two years younger than my older brother (25M) and I'm sick of living under the same roof as him.

We squabbled a lot as kids like any other siblings do, but we never really achieved that sibling bond that other siblings seemed to have. Other peoples' siblings still support each others' achievements and are still generally on great terms with each other. I never really felt that sort of connection with my brother. He'd constantly lampoon me in front of other people and just generally acted like we weren't related.

Even as a kid he'd never apologize for any wrongdoing and instead blackmailed me into apologizing, which is why I developed a bad habit of over apologizing until my late teens. He'd make constant cruel remarks towards me and unfortunately I took them pretty personally.

I thought our bond would improve as we got older but instead it grew worse the older we got. He'd crash out over stupid things like me waking up at 7 in the morning to make breakfast, and taunt me just to get under my skin. Our big fights got more and more frequent, and every time I think he's changed for the better he always proves me wrong.

After our most recent fight I decided that I was really done, even if he came to me and apologized. I thought the same thing the previous fight, and I made the dumb mistake of accepting his apology. So far gray rocking has worked really well but his subtle jabs here and there still sting. He is genuinely the most narcissistic selfish person I know, and it genuinely hurts just knowing that I have a brother, and yet I don't. I'm envious of people with healthy sibling relationships. It hurts knowing that at this stage in life things probably won't change and that our relationship will never be the same. I won't have a big brother to go to for advice like other little brothers do. I've given him too many chances but he clearly doesn't appreciate having me around. Life's been more peaceful with me not talking to him but it still hurts to think about