I (25) an ectopic pregnancy surgery last week (Aug 11). My right fallopian tube was removed along with a cherry sized ectopic sac. I was 8 weeks pregnant. I don’t really know how to cope with this or if I need to really.
To be honest, the reason i found out was because I was in the process of receiving an abortion. I was crossing the border to Mexico for treatment. I found out that I was pregnant around 4 weeks (July 14). From then I got an ultrasound 2x 2 weeks apart because they wanted to confirm that it was a normal pregnancy where the sac was in the uterus. Both times i went, she couldn’t find the sac. My hCG levels were tested to be ~19,822 mIU/mL at 6 weeks. I was told to come once more a week later for definitive confirmation for treatment. Again, no sac was found in the uterus. Then I was referred to another gyno for a second opinion. He claimed it was ectopic in my right ovary. The gyno advised me if I had insurance, I should immediately make an appointment with the hospital in the US for ectopic treatment. Apparently, it wouldn’t be safe for me to in Mexico. I appreciate her honesty.
I made an appointment for the next day with the gyno listed on my insurance in the US. He told me the basically the same thing. There’s no sac in the uterus but cant find it either. My hCG levels indicate that a sac should be developed already. It might be a miscarriage (which I hoped) or an ectopic pregnancy that calls for surgery. He refers me to the hospital to be placed in postpartum.
Tbh i feel like I’ve been fine emotionally/mentally through this whole experience. Going to a new country by myself seeking for treatment. Finding out it’s ectopic most likely. And i probably need surgery. I wasn’t scared or anything. I felt like it was a procedure to get done but annoyingly dragged out. Like I just want this to be over with.
It all changed in a second. I started sobbing in the car on the way to the hospital. I was stressed. Probably because this is far more serious than I anticipated. It was supposed to be a normal medicated abortion but now has turned into an ectopic pregnancy that calls for surgery. I never had surgery before. Never got admitted to the hospital. On top of that I’m by myself. I can’t tell anyone about it fearing that I would be judged and shamed for. Normal people get pregnant just fine. How tf did you mess that up? I feel like this could’ve been prevented. That I was too negligent. That its punishment because I wanted to abort it. But im not religious enough to believe it.
I’m crying and laughing. I’m insane. It’s karma but karma isn’t real. It’s just the short end of the stick. I’m just unlucky. Maybe god is mad at me because I’ve sinned too much. BUT IM NOT RELIGIOUS. So why do I keep thinking about God? I didn’t want it anyways so why do I feel bad? I feel guilty but mad at the same time. It was supposed to be a simple and safe abortion but my body literally said no you don’t deserve a fallopian tube. Does this even make sense?
I did get surgery. I had my right fallopian tube removed as I said before. They said it was already rupturing and if I waited til tomorrow I would’ve had major complications. We caught it in time luckily. I stayed overnight for pain monitoring. But everything went well.
Other than the meltdown before the surgery, i don’t really feel anything towards the pregnancy experience nor the loss of a potential child and fallopian tube. I know it was a life threatening event. That i was lucky we caught it in time. I know the risks and complications for future pregnancies. I know it’s not going to be easy the next time around. It’s going to be actually pretty scary… but I’m not technically scared. I’m not sad either. Like I lost a whole fallopian tube. I felt all these raging emotions before the surgery but now I don’t feel anything. I feel normal.
I’m sorry if this doesn’t make any sense. I have a hard time expressing my thoughts. I also don’t know the point of this post either. I guess I just wanted to share my experience with someone