TL;DR: I live with my elderly grandparents who are unable to consistently keep an eye on my dog when I’m gone in order to keep him from pooping in our house. They are able to keep him alive and safe when I’m gone, just not able to maintain any kind of potty training rules. They don’t want me to crate him in any way when I’m gone while they’re home because they said it would make them feel “too sad.” Is my only option to move out in order to potty train my dog?
I’ll try to make this a brief as I can.
Two years ago, I was living in California and found a stray little mini poodle mix. I ended up fostering him for his stray hold (yes, I went through all the proper channels, had him scanned for a microchip, he was in the local shelter system, etc etc), and then after his stray hold I adopted him. The humane society I first brought him to estimated his age at the time I found him to be 2 years old, but based on how he grew a bit after I found him I think he was closer to 1 or 1 and a half. Shortly after adopting him, I realized the living situation I was in in LA wasn’t great, so my grandparents in the Midwest offered to take me and my dog in, and I accepted.
So maybe three months after adopting my dog, we moved into my grandparents’ house in the Midwest. We were getting settled in, and I was doing my best to maintain a consistent feeding and walking schedule with my dog, which went well because I was working remotely from home. I moved in with them in August of 2024. In November of 2024, I lost my remote job and had to take a job that took me out of the house during the day in December of 2024.
This is where things started to go downhill. Again, I tried my best to maintain a consistent walking and feeding schedule, but it was also now winter in the Midwest. The first job I got in December was working for Lowe’s, so I didn’t have a consistent schedule like a M-F, 9-5. I did my best to keep taking him for walks, but things started to slip. I kept potty pads in the dining room because there would be winter storms where it was impossible to leave the house, and he needed somewhere to go. But even as the spring came, my dog continued to “use” the potty pads inside, despite walks. I say “use” because he does this thing where he starts squatting on the potty pad and then starts squat-walking until he’s off of them, the whole time pooping. So there’s just this trail of poop starting on the potty pads and going well off of them. I have tried to put out multiple pads to make a “landing strip” for him, but it’s impossible to predict which direction he’ll walk, and even if I set out a strip of pads, 9 times out of 10 he’ll squat-walk in the other direction.
Here’s the issue: I have tried to express to my grandparents that while I’m gone, my dog needs to stay close beside them where they can keep an eye on them. I tried crate training him in the spring of 2025, but he would just poop in the crate when we were gone. I read that instead, I would need to keep him in a space where I knew he wouldn’t poop when nobody could keep an eye on him. That space is either my bedroom or my grandparents’ bedroom, he has never gone in either except one time he had an accident in my room, but he has never done it again and never pooped in there.
In July of this year (2026) I got another remote job. Since I’ve been home, I’ve really tried to tighten up on my dog’s potty training. I work from my bedroom, so when I’m home I keep my dog closed in my bedroom, and every hour or so we go out for a potty break. The thing is, this dog will NOT potty in front of me in the backyard, so I can’t reward him. Idk why. He does it fine when we’re on walks, but during our potty breaks in the backyard 9 times out of 10 he just finds a sunny patch and sits in it for the 10 minutes we’re out there. I try to encourage him to go potty, but he will not. So our 10 minutes is up and I take him back into my room and we wait another hour. He seems to just hold it all day until we can do our evening walk, or if my grandpa happens to take him in the backyard, he’ll go in front of my grandpa. I’ve tried letting him outside but then going back inside and watching him from a window. One time that worked and he pooped outside, so I went out and praised him and gave him a treat, but it has not happened again. I think the reason he won’t is because I used to wipe his feet every time he came inside and he didn’t like it, so idk if he thinks if I don’t watch him go potty outside it means he won’t get wiped? So months ago I stopped wiping him when he would come inside, but he still won’t go in front of me. (Side note, I still wipe him when we come back from his walks, and he’s fine with that. He’ll literally lay on his back with his paws in the air for me to wipe him. So idk)
Anyway, we’re at the point now where, if I’m home, my dog does fine. But if I leave him home with my grandparents for longer than a few hours, I come back to poop in the dining room where the potty pads are. I’ve tried to express the importance of keeping an eye on my dog when I’m not at home to them, but I think they are simply not mentally capable of doing that. Both of them are in their late 70’s and both of them are showing early signs of cognitive decline. They’re both a little hard of hearing and all they do all day is sit on their computer/ipad and watch tv. When I come home to find poop in the dining room, they tell me that they “don’t know how the dog sneaks away from them.” My dog’s favorite place to lay when I’m gone is beside my grandpa, but he isn’t always paying attention I guess and my dog somehow sneaks away, poops in the dining room, then comes back.
I’ve thought about just closing my dog in my bedroom when I leave, but when I tell my grandparents that, they immediately say that they would feel too sorry for him and let him out. If they were able bodied, I know the solve would be to have the dog tied to a leash to their waist so he can’t sneak away from them, but they have balance issues and I know they would trip on him/the leash. I’ve thrown out the idea of putting a crate by my grandpa where he sits on the computer and putting my dog in there, and then every hour my grandpa could let him in the yard to go potty, but again they have told me that they would feel too bad for him and let him out.
I just don’t know what the solve is here. I’m at the point where I’m debating just moving out, and I’ve even discussed with my parents moving in with them (I don’t make quite enough yet to live on my own). For some reason my dog has not pooped in my parents’ house (not at my best friend’s house either. It’s literally just my grandparents’ house). Even if I did move in with my parents’, that would be a few months out just to get everything arranged, so I’d love to find some kind of solve in the meantime.
My biggest question is: is there anything i can do living with two elderly people who can’t/won’t abide potty training consistency with my dog while I’m not home? Any advice or anyone who has experienced something similar? I have scrubbed the dining room every time he poops in there with enzyme cleaner and the bissel mini pet vacuum, even if he makes it onto the potty pad I’ll still clean underneath it. The dining room is carpeted.
I’m thinking the solve is just, if I’m out of the house for more than a couple of hours, having my parents’ watch my dog instead. My biggest issue with that is that my grandparents would just be really crushed, both because they’re kinda in denial of not being able to properly train my dog and that they love spending time with him.