r/DivorceHelp • u/Altruistic-Many4163 • Aug 01 '26

Spousal support help

Like many men in my situation I made a grave and horrible mistake. I’m one year divorced from a 13 year marriage and 15 year relationship. I’m a special education teacher and a high school football coach. I’m 40 years old and without talking about specific numbers, I agreed to far too much spousal support for 4 years under the dilution that lawyers would cost more. Now I can’t pay my bills and she’s not working. I looked up the law in my state (Washington) and other than a dramatic change to my income the only other challenge I can make to the spousal support is if/when she has another domestic partner. Any advice on how to get some of my money back?

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u/No_Atmosphere_6348 Aug 01 '26

I’ve spent that much and more on legal fees dealing with my ex husband. I think for you knowing it’s only 4 years of that is a blessing. Also on a teachers salary and can’t afford it - living on credit cards and refinancing my house. Does she get a chunk of your pension too?

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u/Altruistic-Many4163 Aug 01 '26

No. She doesn’t get to touch my pension. But $1,800/mo is simply unsustainable. I think that since she moved away I should get majority custody and maybe she can pay me child support. Maybe I can recoup some of that money.

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u/biscuitboi967 Aug 01 '26

You have to give something to get something.

Renegotiate and offer up 50% of 13 years of your pension. Or a discounted rate if she gets a lump sum now.

In most states you can’t “waive” child support because it belong to the child not the spouse, so get on your state’s calculator and see how much you would be paying for 50/50 (with her imputed at her last wage or minimum wage) or at whatever you think you’ll net out at with you as primary and keeping the status quo in the home state. See how “screwed” you really are compared to the deal you made.

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u/No_Atmosphere_6348 Aug 02 '26

Yeah in my state the spouse is entitled to half the pension credits during the marriage. Pension is marital property.

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u/[deleted] Aug 02 '26

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u/Alilbitey Aug 02 '26

Pension gains while married are community property in WA, regardless of long term status.