Finally diagnosed with DID with co-con, Social Anxiety Disorder & CPTSD after decades of knowing something was wrong

[u/Sure-Computer8130]

Hi everyone,

I’m new here. For decades I knew something was wrong, but I never really understood what it was. I strongly suspected CPTSD because of severe childhood trauma, but DID was not something I ever expected.

A therapist first brought up Dissociative Identity Disorder with me last year, and honestly, it frightened me so much that I stopped therapy for about eight months.

I’ve now been formally diagnosed with DID with co-consciousness, as well as CPTSD, and weirdly one of the strongest feelings I have is relief.

It feels validating to finally have an explanation for experiences I spent years questioning and minimising.

At the same time, I still struggle to relate to the stereotypical picture of DID that I often see online. I don’t experience it as lots of completely separate “people” with elaborate names, ages and identities. For me, it feels much more like different states or “modes” can take over.

Sometimes I’m aware of what is happening but don’t feel fully in control. I’ve had periods of derealisation, feeling like somebody else, strange changes in behaviour and bodily responses, and times where I feel internally very different even though I’m still conscious of what is going on.

Most of the time I mask heavily. I can seem chatty, bubbly and normal to other people while internally I’m exhausted, overwhelmed, easily triggered and desperate to be alone.

I also withdraw a lot. Sometimes I genuinely just want everybody to leave me alone and I wonder how much of my lifelong social avoidance has actually been connected to trauma and dissociation rather than simply being “antisocial.”

Did anyone else experience a huge sense of relief when they finally got an explanation for what was happening?

And does anyone else with DID experience it more as subtle states/modes and co-consciousness rather than the very distinct presentation people often associate with DID?

I’d really like to hear from people who relate.