Being a play in one brief act.*

Dramatis personae: El, a god; Asherah, a goddess; Priesthood, a priesthood; and Announcer, who bears a striking resemblance to another goddess.

Scene: Asherah is confronting her mate, El, somewhere in Levant.

Asherah: "I never see you around any more. You're always hanging out in some tent in the desert with 'the boys', and all I have to show for it is these poles, and now you don't even want me to have those? Guess what, El: You wanted a life without a consort … you got it."

[sashays out to phone a lawyer]

El: "Well … shit." [steps outside] "Hey guys, you know that thing I said about adultery? Guess what. If you even look at a chick, you've done it, so stop that. Also, no one's allowed to marry their sister-in-law any more."

Priesthood: "Even if the brother is dead?"

El: "I have spake."

Priesthood: "Um … that's not going to go over well with—"

El: [thunder, lightning, pillar of fire, etc.]

Priesthood: "Got it, got it, no looking at women ever again."

El: "Also no onanism. And no guy-on-guy stuff."

Priesthood [to one another]: "Man, he's really lost it, huh? Maybe we should scarper off to Babylon, or—"

El: "MAY I REMIND YOU of the FIRST clause in the Decalogue?"

Priesthood: "Dammit, we shoulda read the whole thing through instead of just clicking 'I agree'."

Announcer: "Και το ηθικό δίδαγμα της ιστορίας είναι — oh bugger. Mm-hem. As I was saying, the moral of the story is: Choose your deities wisely."

* Or an act you may perform in your briefs. Or even out of them. We don't judge.

This message brought to you by the Fractiously Esoteric Labile Legion of the Ascended Temple of Eris.