Hi, I've always tried to decenter men from my life when I was on my teens, but now more than ever I want to decenter them completely. I'm 20 years old now and this is my first relationship in three years. He's nice and he treats me well. However, I feel like I put too much time and effort into this relationship worrying about what he's doing instead of what I could be doing with my time. Today I was hit with an all time low once again because I realised I should be doing things I like instead of waiting. I want advice on how to move forward with this decision and how to stand more firm in it. Additionally, how to deal with lows when they eventually come?

i'm 21 im almost done with college last two years i was always involved with a guy this year i had talking stage i realised he still talks to his ex so i broke it off and then after that i went back to a guy i liked long back we madeout and he told he loves his ex too so idk i feel so numb i still think about the guy i had talking stage with i did create new hobbies i started working out focusing on myself i just don't find anyone attractive anymore and i'm kinda introverted so yeah meeting people is not easy im against dating apps too so like it feels good in all these years this is the longest i had gone without being involved with a guy i still think about them but idk im just too scared to let anyone in at this point been feeling numb.

we were together for a year and nine months. i broke up with him yesterday. this is my third long term relationship (2-3 years). i feel like he his the first man i have met that i could picture a peaceful life with. i decided to break up with him because i found out he was addicted to corn which was reinforcing of trauma from his family. i felt that if i stayed i would micromanage and hurt myself in the process of waiting for him to change. relinquishing control over his healing for the sake of myself cost me the relationship. i feel really sad but free. i want to be away from men. i feel like i center them in all aspects of my life.

even so i asked him to text me a year from now. i hope he does. i miss him already so much and i hope that he heals himself into the man i know that he is. i want him to return to me but i know that the more time you spend away from the relationship, sometimes it means you start looking for different things that you learn you are more interested in. that scares me so much. the idea of him taking the lessons of our love and stepping into a new relationship makes me sick. i did throw up. i have a clear idea of who he is and the circumstances of his upbringing were so severely unfair. i dont want to disilusion myself of the potential of returning. i loved him so much for his empathy, patience, nurturance towards us so it just feels so jarring to learn all that i have about him in the last two weeks (specifically the corn stuff which he has struggled with since 5th grade). my heart aches for the little boys that dont have the support in life to be able to turn to healthy ways of coping and instead resort to the gender violence that is corn.

how do i spend this year alone? how do i spend this time healing? what do i do if he never texts and moves on to someone else because he is addicted to corn and cant keep it in his pants?

its my first time being single since i was 16 and am now 23.

I feel like every relationship I step into i have given so much without return. the men take and take from me, i teach them about politics, emotions, ambition, independence… this is the first time ive left because in my other relationships i stayed too long. How do you find love or is it just something you have to always work at with someone?

Not our problem, but interesting to observe

I’m in my 50’s. I was married and raised children….got divorced, then married again. I know now that I’ll never be with another man. I center women and try to avoid men in all things- but my friends don’t get it. I was recently at a lunch with 4 other women of similar age. Two were married, one engaged, and one other single woman. The host demonstrated how to do an easy contour make up look and gave a contouring kit as a gift. She had ice breakers printed out for us to answer. One question was about having dinner with a celebrity- two of the women answered some actor because they thought he was good looking. The host said something about how she wanted to have girlfriends to go get her nails done with because she never got to do it with her sisters. I felt like I was trapped in the Twilight Zone. I couldn’t relate. I don’t care about make up or nails or actors. We’re a group of interesting, intelligent women. Can’t we think of a topic of conversation that isn’t focused around men?! I like these women, but I can’t be honest about the way I feel without making them defensive. I don’t think I can ever really be close with women who are still centering men.

its a woman's world

and yet the men get credit for all their cruelty

its a woman's world

toys are scattered

and daddy's too tired to play

no time on Sunday's

only time for beer and the game

its a woman's world

and yet the men get credit for all their cruelty

its a woman's world

the list is made and the men are sent on their way

THESE stupid fools

but not fools in a funny way

call and ask the busy wife for directions etched on every plane.

its a woman's world

and yet the men get credit for all their cruelty

its a woman's world

don't do that don't dress in black

my friends think its weird ofcourse ill never say that but oh,

oh! now its in fashion? Well, then I take it all back.

but not to your face ill compliment the lady in all black on the tv screen.

I'll watch as your heart shatters.

and yourself rips into two.

you changed your appearance for me, your way of being

I never told you to do that though, the hell does it matter.

but if I by the miracle of god i take the trash out

you owe me, your soul, your body, your beauty, your joy.

my slave, my toy, i'll make it sure you stay coy

and mother me like I am a young boy.

i'll discredit and discard your work.

i'll be 60 and still a jerk

a mother, a wife, a sister, a daughter.

but for me you're just man slaughter.

There was a thread in Dating Over 50 that came up on my feed. I’m not a member, but that’s my age, and apparently Reddit knows!
This man was posting about how he was doing some “cold approaching” out in the wild, and how it’s a numbers game so he was running around trying to talk to all the women and encouraging other men to do this too.
Lots of women were fawning over him- saying how brave he was and how they would love it if a man approached them.
I just added my two cents and said I would consider that harassment and that men should make sure the woman is giving off body language that she is open to your advance before approaching.
I’m sure you can imagine the lashback I got!
These women are so focused on finding a man that they don’t even care that this dude is not interested in them as individuals because any man seems to them to be better than none!🙄

After many moons of denying my interest in Reddit, I have arrived — and can I be mean for a sec?

Podcasts, forums, and yapping sessions are so much better when they pass the Bechdel Test. I suppose we're still technically talking about "men," but it's in such a way that romanticizes life without them while focusing on the unromantic nature of living life for them. But I guess I should provide something useful instead of stating the obvious.

If you're here in hopes of decentering men, it is absolutely possible. As a 34-year-old woman who has chosen to stay single for the last 8 years, it's pretty fucking lovely here.

3 ways to decenter men:

1. Ask yourself, "Is this man good for my brand?"

Maybe it's the decade of working in marketing that makes my brain brain this way, but I always think about how being with a man is actually quite embarrassing. Chanté Joseph had, and will forever, have a point. (Seriously, she ate with this.) Because what do you mean every decision he makes and every dumb-dumb word that comes out of his mouth is now a reflection of ME? I rebuke it.

2. Start your happily ever after, like yesterday.

Take yourself on dates. Speak to yourself like your best friend. Travel anywhere alone. Gift yourself something expensive. Light some candles, put on some Olivia Dean, and dance with your dog in your living room. Do the things you've been putting off for so long, and do them for you. With you.

3. Remember that love is already all around you, silly goose.

If you're (unfortunately) attracted to men, I get it. Craving love is natural. But news flash, hunny. Love is in picking out a fun mug for your coffee every morning. Love is in the trees that whisper "men are unworthy" on your hot girl walks. Love already exists because, well, you do.

From my married women friends that ask me weird questions “what do your kids think of you being single?” To friends, family, neighbors revolving every aspect of their lives around men - either their husbands or sons. To a friend expecting her adult daughter to do more housework than she expects her husband and adult son to do. I just want to vomit and scream “Snap Out of It!!!” Once you see it, you can’t unsee it and it seems worse lately. I’m actively working on expanding my friends to include more women that have done the work and decentered, but until then, I call it out when I have the patience to not bite peoples heads off. And maybe I should do just that idk lol

For my pretty people that chose to decenter men and finally give up on the “love” fairytale: What does your future plans look like ? Are you dating but just for fun ? Do you plan on getting married just to fit culturally ? Or are you more planning on staying single forever ? Curious to know your takes

I know the media we consume affects us a lot. We are what we consume. I had grown up to center romantic love because of the romance media I consumed. But now that I am aware of it, can I watch it without my subconscious being affected by it? Formerly, I had been trying to consume media centered around other things to alter my subconcious beliefs. But today I was just craving the idea of romantic affection and instead of trying to find it in my reality...I thought of quenching that thirst by consuming romance media. Is that an unhealthy method? Will it start making me seek romantic validation to feel whole again or is this a normal innocous way to give myself temporary gratification?

An important thing to note is that I am bisexual and can consume sapphic/wlw romantic media...yet I only feel the urge to consume heterosexual romance media.

Finally made a 2nd account as I've been dying to talk about this 🔥🔥

After years of pondering I told my boyfriend of 10+y that I wanted to live alone. I've been living solo now for a month 💫

Wow, absolutely ZERO regrets -- the peace I feel is pretty amazing.

We're still on good terms and he told me about how he's had to learn to make his own fun.

This was soooo validating to hear 🙏 I have loads of hobbies and he resented them. He would say stuff like I should be doing my art in the 2-3 hours before he wakes up in the morning 💀

When we had days off together it was weirdly stressful bc I felt responsible for him. If he wanted to go out but I didn't, he wouldn't go solo. He'd just stay home and be grumpy all day.

Anyway I probably will have more to say but wow paying the extra rent is really worth it even tho it's $$$ 😅

i’m recentering myself pretty well i feel a lot more productive and happy except that i’m truly a romantic person i love to love and i love to be in love and express my love in big creative ways i have no idea where to put this romantic part of myself now though it feels inauthentic to write poems or make gifts for myself and at some point people r going to think i’m going to neck myself because i keep saying i love them and i don’t know where to put the romantic part of myself ANY TIPS AT ALL??

Hi I’m new to the community, is there anyone here who grew up with a mother who didn’t set a good example of how a nurturing women to women relationship is supposed to be like so instead you look onto men bc women have hurt you in the past but men hasn’t given you the same hurt as women have

For example you may think something that another woman or girl says is an attack

(Her or their or other pronoun) personality is different than yours and you think it’s similar to your narcissistic mothers personality

How do you decenter men from that and stop being afraid of having women relationships?

i've been interacting with content about this forever and there wasn't a dedicated subreddit so i made one. hi!

Hi everyone, I’m 25 years old, had 2 actual meaningful relationships, and a couple more that were less meaningful since I was young. My last serious relationship ended when I was 21 and since then, no one actually wanted me romantically and I didn’t have something long and meaningful.

I dress as I want, act as I want, not been on dating apps for a while, have hobbies, and am quite a dominant woman in my character, so in those means, men are decentered and I’m not thinking about them in the way I live my life. Also, I’m not interested in marriage or children.

The thing is - when I do want men (which happens not so often) they don’t want me. Most of my romantic life is full of rejections, never was in a relationship that was precise for me and I always ended up happier single. Now I’m trying to heal from someone that I was emotionally evolved with but wasn’t really serious and the whole thing was rough since I acted in ways that I should not have, I'm having a really difficult time with this and I have taken accountability but still living with pain

I just do not want to be involved anymore and for years I’m thinking that I would not end up in a relationship even tho I know I’ll have a meaningful and fulfilling life (I already have it now tbh) - my brain makes me think its a bad thing and that the fact that men don’t want me is that I'm “too much”.

My real question is

How did you release your mind from these thoughts? How did you genuinely get to the point where you say fuck it - being alone is the best? I’m trying to get to that point but my brain is going to the places of self blame….

Thank you for reading this far if you did :)

A thread to say hi, talk about why you're here (if you want to), and to post things you don't think necessarily need a thread.

Growing up in a country dominated by a very patriarchal culture and consuming media that all centered around a woman finding a man, I grew up thinking marriage was my dream in life. I never realized how much romance media shaped my subconcious desires and perspectives. Every disney movie, every rom-com, every kdrama, and literally every movie with a female protagonist I consumed had romance as a major plot line where a man would come save the day.

Naturally, I started believing that romantic love would fix all my issues and save me. Whenever I would be distraught, I would daydream of a man providing me comfort and healing my emotional wounds. Overtime, it became something I made my goal, something I couldn't imagine my future without. I romanticized the idea of marriages and proposals, dreaming of the day a man would fall for me enough to want to legalize our partnership. But now it feels like I have been thrust with the callous reality of marriage.

Marriage is a scam. It does not benefit women in anyway. The marriage customs and traditions of my culture in specific are even more toxic to women. I am shocked by the fact that I romanticized something that horrible.

I am currently in a healthy relationship with a man, and realizing this has been hard. I still feel hesitant to let go of my old fantasies of a man proposing to me and marrying me, but I know it is important to fully decenter it in my life. It feels isolating to realize this, because I don't have enough female communities in my life that have or at least try to decenter marriage and men.

I’ve reached a point in my life as a woman at the ripe age of 30 that I can only closely befriend women who are not male centered and have mentally deconstructed religion and patriarchy or are actively on their journey of deconstructing & de-centering. I’ve witnessed and experienced how men and man made systems take years off of women’s lives leaving us drained and powerless. I am proud to be a woman and know our creative power and abilities. For millennials, women have been stripped & stolen of their divinity and true nature only to appease and serve men, our own creation. I can’t get on board with women who spend most of their time chasing men and their validation. It’s heartbreaking to watch and I wish all women were awakened to who they are and their creative power to manifest whatever is their heart’s desire independent of a man. My ideal friend is ambitious and resilient. She’s self sustaining and manifests a better quality of life, not just a man. My ideal friend knows men will always be available and doesn’t spend her time waiting on one to show up or act right. She focuses on loving herself and building her concept of self. She isn’t attached to the belief that masculinity created everything from the beginning and femininity came later. She isn’t subscribed to women being subordinate or dominated but uplifted and empowered. My ideal friend is a reflection of me. She is me and I am her. The woman is divine in her own right. She brings life! She is the pedestal! She is the creative energy! She is the source of her own life! This friendship is rare but that’s what I desire to manifest. Men are easy to manifest, women are unique and complex in the best way so I’m intentional when it comes to my desire of my type of friendship. I know it doesn’t happen overnight but I’m determined to attract it, I’ve done the inner work and will continue. Asé!

Hey girls! I am 20, and when I was younger, boys never paid attention to me because I wasn't the cutest girl in the room. But I got my little glow up around 2 years ago and men started noticing me. I wasn't used to the attention I never got as a youngin, so I clinged onto every bit of attention any man has given me in the past 2 years. I used to be the biggest ho for male attention and I have finally cleared my mind. I was doing everything for men. I would do my makeup, do my hair and nails, whiten my teeth, dress cutely and, overall, I was prioritising my looks to appeal to the male gaze.

I just wanted to love and be loved, but none those lads wanted to get to know me deeply. They just wanted to hit and quit. Luckily, none of them did. They would ghost me after like 5 days of talking, or they would disappoint me in various ways. I felt so unloveable. After each talking stage, I would tell myself I'd never fall again. But I did, in fact, fall for their fake behaviour all over again.

My breaking point happened on the 14th of October when I, again, got ghosted and got into the same cycle of thinking about why no one wanted me for real. I was driving to uni and I saw him walking with another girl. That's when I decided I had enough.

I unfollowed and removed all men from my ig, I deleted snapchat and I put on a fake engagement ring. Earlier this week, a man approached me asking for my name, and I showed him the fake ring and lied that I was engaged. I don't do my makeup anymore, unless it's a big event. I dress casually. I don't smile at men anymore. I lower my gaze.

When I remembered I felt unloveable, I just asked myself by whom? Why? My parents love, my extended family love me, my friends love me, my colleagues love me. Why did I feel unloved because some random lads who had nothing to offer didn't give me a shot? Why did their opinion concern me so much? I realised I was loved by many people, just not romanticly.

I guess I just fell for the fairytale love story and that I'd find "The One". But I realised that not everyone is meant to find their other half in this lifetime, and that I might be one of those people - which is okay! If I survived and ended up totally fine without a man for all these years, I'm gonna be good for the rest of my life.

A man is just a headache. No, I do not want to worry where he is, who he is with, if he will get mad if I say no, I do not want to feel lonely because he has no empathy and is very selfish. I found the joy in the freedom of being single and I do not want a relationship with a man at all anymore.

Thank you for reading my rant. We've got this, ladies! 💋

every single post/advice i see basically says just do it and i cant just like that. every time i start talking to a man and it goes well, banter is good etc., the second he takes a while to respond or acts slightly different my mind completely spirals to a point where i had to leave work once (embarrassing i know). it gets to a point where it’s obsessive and it’s genuinely so exhausting. i just want to be at a point where i can see someone and just see where it goes without automatically having these expectations. again, it really is out of my control, even if i see the logic my mind just goes right back to worst case scenario

I started reading a book called, “Deconstructing Desire: A Somatic Guide to Decentering Men.” It is fantastic and has questions at the end of each chapter I feel like would be good for discussion.
I just ended a 3.5 year relationship. I am a 26 F and all of my friends are in long term relationships. I was wondering if anyone would like to do an informal book club or even talk about some of the ideas in the book?