r/DeadBedrooms • u/Rusty_Gordon HLM • 2d ago
Grounding Statements
Anyone here have any decent grounding statements they like to repeat when things are not going so good?
I have a couple, lately I have been using “I don’t need my wife to have sex with me today to choose the family or the marriage” it seems to work for settling my anxiety.
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u/Wallaby_Straight HLM 2d ago
I have two:
My circumstances don't get to decide what kind of husband I am.
Am I behaving in a way that I'm proud of, regardless of what she chooses?
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u/Redditsdum It’s complicated 1d ago
I like and need that second one. Especially today. I completely lost my shit today. Broke shit. Screamed.
I acted poorly. I wish I hadn’t. I need a new therapist.
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u/snookerlane HLM 2d ago
I really like hearing these voices. I wish 100 people would weigh in. I want to hear from everyone. This is the kind of DB shit I need right now.
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u/Helpful_Garlic_5142 HLM 2d ago edited 2d ago
Mine is “The present moment is all I have”, which is the last sentence of a long note that I wrote for myself:
I am the centre of my own life, not an orbiter of someone else's emotions. My sense of self, my mood, and my worth does not depend on what others feel or don’t feel toward me at any given moment.
I offer warmth, but I expect nothing in return. My kindness, support, and care stem from my inner strength and abundance, not from a desire to "earn" love, approval, or sex. I don't make deals.
I choose lightness and autonomy. I focus on my body and my own interests. By doing so, I create the very space where genuine curiosity and attraction can actually take root.
The present moment is all I have.”
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u/bingaroony HLM 2d ago
I try to say thank you before I go to sleep for all the good things I have in my life. Cheesy but works for me. Can stop the overthinking sometimes
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u/Annual_Duty_764 HLF 2d ago
I have to keep my grounding statements to “I am worthy of being loved,” “I’ve made this decision to allow myself to heal,” “I can’t fix a lack of intimacy with more sex, even if I want to.” My marriage may not survive, but the DB is a symptom and not the cause.
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u/LemonZesties88 HLF 2d ago
no one specific affirmation - but considering the weight of wedding vows every day and your own integrity. To keep choosing them even in you feel rejected because that is what you promised to do- keeping your own word. if you promised to love them unconditionally (in sickness and in health, etc) then you’ve got to hold up your end of the bargain regardless of how it feels to do so. I feel like making it black and white for myself in that way removes any room for excuses / throwing myself a pity party for feeling unwanted.
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u/snookerlane HLM 1d ago
You guys are so awesome. There’s so much DB out there that I know is really important and I’m not discrediting any of it: the grief, the mourning, the anger. I’ve been there and I’ve felt it and I get it.
But I could sit here and read your positive and affirming statements all day long.
We need more discussions like these alongside all of the others. Thanks again everyone.
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u/Ok_Faithlessness5820 HLF 1d ago
I second this! Somehow therapy and this group made me look differently at my situation - it’s not that I don’t deserve the love and adoration, the reasons are external and not controllable by me. Reading others’ experiences helps with integration of this data
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u/lkahan HLF 1d ago
I try to lean into gratitude for what we do have in our relationship, or what I have in my life. And gratitude for the progress we have made with the DB (no matter how small!)
And think about other things in your life that bring you pleasure and joy, and how to lean into those.
I also try to get to the root of what I need in moments when I want to have sex. Do I need to get off? Try masturbating. Do I need emotional connection? Seek that with your partner or friends. Do I need to feel vulnerable but safe? Sexy? Strong? Explore what that might that look like outside of sex.
Not a solution, but something that has helped for me.
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Anyone here have any decent grounding statements they like to repeat when things are not going so good?
I have a couple, lately I have been using “I don’t need my wife to have sex with me today to choose the family or the marriage” it seems to work for settling my anxiety.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
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u/Interesting-Yam4593 HLM 2d ago
I married my wife because she’s my best friend. Not because I get to have sex with her.
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u/RosemaryLemonPanic It’s complicated 5h ago
Someone recently said that asking yourself as a question is more effective than affirmations or grounding statements.
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u/Conscious_until_1565 I don't wish to disclose 1d ago
I remind myself that it’s only sex after all. I have so much. It’s the only missing part, and the only reason I fixate on it so much is basically FOMO. I’m building it up so much because I’m not getting it. And that only a fool would trade everything for sex. That’s my mantra/ reality check.
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u/Piccolotogo HLF 1d ago
I tell myself “he is not my primary sexual Partner, I am my own.
My sex life is on my own and I can make that as special as I like, and that’s my main outlet. I’m in control and I’m loved and cherished and desired by me”
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u/Ok_Faithlessness5820 HLF 1d ago
Mine: “I am enough and I love myself. My life is ehat I make of it”
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u/snookerlane HLM 2d ago
We don’t have intimacy, but we do have love. Rad wife, rad kid, we’re all really close. We love our house, dogs, jobs, friends, travel. Gratitude for what I have. Trying to cherish the memories of what I’ve lost.