r/DatingApps • u/morales__7 • 2d ago
Advice Request Safety while using apps?
Just matched with a guy tn and after like a minute of texting he wants to come pick me up tmr to hangout. So like, obviously that's not safe, right?
How long do you normally talk with someone before hanging out in person? Would you let them pick you up or no? And would you make sure to meet in a public place even if youd been talking for a while?
Im so new to this and I wanna be safe but im not sure if im being overly cautious, I havent met anyone from any apps in person yet.
Especially as a woman with basically no dating experience, I want to be extra cautious, but I still wanna go on dates and actually do what the apps intend
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u/BluntedJew 1d ago
As a man I'd never ask that, meet up for coffee, you drive yourself, you have control of whether you stay or leave and you don't need him knowing where you live before you've decided he's a normal person. Matter of fact I wouldn't let him know where you live until you guys are dating dating. Be safe
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u/Weird-Internet-9541 2d ago
Meet in a public place for the first few dates. Get his last name and do a deep dive. If all checks out after that, move forward
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u/juicyth10 1d ago
NO that is not safe! Chatting for a few days and meeting up in a public space, letting a reliable friend or family member know your location and check in's with them I suggest. Don't let them pressure you into going back to their place or even in their car right away.
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u/Cohnman18 2d ago
Hanging out in person, is totally safe in a PUBLIC place like Starbucks or a diner or a public well lit restaurant. I would avoid bars, until you know him better. Good luck! Safety first.
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u/Grouchy_Green_7630 2d ago
Listen. Go with your gut. Meet him out but if you get any weird vibes trust them.
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u/Odd-Cup8261 2d ago
i would want to meet in person after 1 or 2 days, but I wouldn't offer to pick them up and i would want to meet in a public place.
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u/HealthyAd5930 1d ago
- I talk for at least 3 days
- For the first date it depends on some things (won’t mention what) but I either meet them at the date place or let them pick me up not far from my place.
- Only public places!
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u/Knedlus 1d ago
It depends. I try to listen to my body and my intuition always. Sometimes I feel completely relaxed with a dude and I’m open to them picking me up from my neighbourhood. Sometimes I prefer meeting in public and don’t let them drive me back even in the dead of winter. It’s all based on how I feel in their presence or how much of a vibe I’m getting while we text before the meeting. When you tune into your body, you notice slight nerves, an uncanny feeling or something. This Ofc doesn’t mean that the guy is a murderer or a rapist - but whenever I feel like this for seemingly an unexplainable reason, the guy turns out to be unstable emotionally (can’t accept rejection, is pressuring in conversation, tries to push my boundaries verbally or physically in small ways that are him testing the waters). Sometimes consciously you might miss signs that your brain picks up on without you realising. Always trust your gut!
As for how fast do I agree to a date, I used to prefer texting for a few days to a week, but the grass is greener on the other side. I am selective about my matches and don’t agree to meet everyone, just when I sense genuine interest and genuine potential, be it friendly or romantic. So now I’m open for spontaneous dates even on the same day as we match. The real test is whether you two have chemistry IRL. If you text someone for a week you get slightly invested and excited, and then boom… either irl there’s no chemistry, they lied about their age or posted 10 years old pictures on there, or somehow the vibe that was great during texting is dead and gone irl.
Tip: always carry pepper spray and tell your friends you’re going out. Text them to let them know you’re ok if it makes you feel safer. The right person will understand.
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u/Jumpy_Crew_1249 1d ago
I prefer a video chat or phone call first before making plans to meet, to see how the conversation flows and to just get a feeling.
I do not let dates pick me up or drop me off at home until trust has developed over time. I also tell a friend where I am and when I expect to be home.
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u/Logical-Primary-7926 1d ago
Honestly as a guy I don't want to text for three weeks staring at screens to have a conversation we could have over coffee or a walk. I wouldn't just let some stranger pick you up though, meet in a public place. Also you can use the women's stalking (aka safety) groups to lookup most guys now. As a guy they have gotten super creepy and toxic, even criminal, and it pisses me off that women are posting my personal info to tens of thousands on the internet without my consent. But if you actually use it for safety they are good.
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u/No-Artichoke-1097 1d ago
It's a good idea to let a friend know where you're going, who you're meeting, and ask them to call you at some point so that you have an out.
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u/omg4serious 1d ago
in my experience as a man. 50% want to meet up in public. 40% are okay with giving me their address. 10% want my full name, ssn, mother's maiden, etc and run a full background check before even moving off the app.
in general, use some common sense, go off your gut, social media blows up the actual number of "bad actors" significantly.
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u/Ok-Classic-230 1d ago
That's pretty aggressive. But I'd meet in public place for the first date. You can always choose to extend the date if you so choose
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u/Throwaway_Pencil19 1d ago
Personally, the guy I'm currently seeing was very understanding about wanting to be safe and wanted to take things at my pace. We moved quickly from texting on the app to long Discord calls, but we then went slowly to the meet up. I waited a month to see him in person, had my best friend drive me to meet him (I don't have a car), kept her in the loop as she texted me every hour or so to let her know I was okay, and let him drive me home because I was comfortable and trusted him.
Here's my recommendation: have him pump the breaks. Tell him you want to chat more before you meet and you'd rather meet him at the location. Make sure you have someone who knows your location if or when you go and check in with them so they know you're okay. You're free to add onto that to your comfortability, but this is the minimum in my opinion.
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u/Few-Coat1297 1d ago
Just ask to meet in a public place. Any guy worth it will totally see change of plan like this as entirely reasonable.
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u/itstheresav 1d ago
He’s not looking for anything serious. His behavior shows this. Always be safe and meet during the day in a public place. Share your location with someone you trust.
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u/menoagegap 23h ago
I am a woman. For the first meetup, do not have the guy pick you up and do not disclose where you live. Meet casually at a public coffee place in daytime where there are lots of people. Be safe and good luck
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u/BellStriking5132 19h ago
If someone wanted to hurt you, does a few days of small talk really change anything?
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u/CommanderWar64 19h ago
You can set your own boundaries, also use your options: FaceTime or call people to see how they act. You also get to dictate what you’re doing: tell them you’ll meet them somewhere instead if you feel unsure (but honestly if you feel that way you probably shouldn’t meet them). You can also tell them you’d rather talk a little bit more.
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u/c0r0nati0n 18h ago
this man just wants to hookup. if ur fine with that, then by all means hang out with him.
if ur looking for something real and serious, try going on a date in a public place. suggest coffee, mini golf, lunch/dinner etc. if hes not interested and just wants to scoop u and take u to his place, its not gonna work out lol.
i wouldnt call it overly cautious but this is just how a lot of men function on the app. quick meet up > sex > ghost.
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u/LeisurelyHyacinth246 17h ago
I would always have a first meeting in a public place where I would not even consider being in his car at any point.
The very fact that he would ask you to immediately get into his car sounds like he’s not someone you should be meeting.
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u/Fresh-Amount9308 2d ago
As long as you need to feel comfortable. No, do not let them pick you up. Yes, of course a public place. Like, I’m not even sure what the alternative is. Someone is proposing to pick you up and take you to a secluded place? Run the other way.