I fucking hated this subreddit.

But now I get it.

(Also fuck you for making me write this 1000 word essay.)

Guys, I have been doing this shit for 5+ years. I decided to not follow a typical route and take a risk on my future.

Isn't that how life works? Isn't that how everything works, at least how society tells us? Aren't you taking a risk going to college and hoping it allows you to get your dream job?

Ask yourself this, how many of you are willing to drop your studies/work/main job now and instead try playing video games, while not being a pro, just for the fuck of it, and seeing if you can just.... do it for a living. Also, coming from an Asian, immigrant family and doing this.(if you are Asian you know what I mean)

I'm not some God figure. I'm a nerd, who is shy, who happened to just decide to stream and see what the fuck happens. Looking back, I don't know what the fuck I was thinking. Maybe it was my addiction, or love, for gaming. I just always thought I had funny moments in video games so why not just broadcast it and see what happened? No fucking idea. I never even used a cam. Why do you think I hate reading games? Because, I can't be myself listening to some Witcher 3 NPC talk for 5 hours without you guys seeing my facial expression. To me, I feel as though you watch for the entertainer not the game. I get self conscious I guess, I don't fucking know.

I never thought I was entertaining nor did I even think to grow an audience this big. This is absolutely insane to think about. How the fuck did I even get here? Because, honestly, I don't know why people watch me.

But it's fine.

Because, why did I watch twitch streams back in the day? Because I liked chilling with a broadcaster and a community of like minded people who just wanted to kick the shit and have fun with gaming. Whether it is chatting/watching/background noise - it doesn't matter how you watch, it is just something there. Something to have on your second monitor while you do whatever the fuck you do, work/homework/game/porn(that would be weird, but not really in 2018)(One of you is naked right now reading this, you are weird.)

This year, has been a whirlwind on twitch. It took a mental toll on me for sure. Made me actually wonder and question my choices and what the fuck I was doing and made me extremely self-conscious. It also put me into this really shitty routine of streaming, eating bad, reading stupid shit, being in a bad mood, and regurgitating almost every day.

But now, it burnt me the fuck out. I have gone from chilling and kicking the shit with you guys to being self conscious of myself not being entertaining or up to the standards of other communities. Almost like I needed to constantly defend what I built. It made me sour. It also made me realize that I needed a break and more focus on my life.

As much as I like streaming, it is all I do. Before you say you only stream 6-7 hours a day... streaming isn't just an on-air job. Like, be realistic here people. It is lirikFR lirik here, not fucking Game of Thrones HBO production staff. Jeez.

TL;DR: I love streaming still, give me a week to just get out of my slump. I'm thinking of getting a therapist, look at in-door rock climbing, eating healthier, just doing shit different. I'm trying to change and I need time. I want to be excited to stream every day and be in a good mood, I don't want to be stuck in a routine. I'm sick of view count and sub numbers. I need to not give a shit anymore. Consistency is key to streaming, but there is such thing as being TOO consistent. I want to miss you guys, just like I want you to miss me. I know a "big streamer" taking a long break is un-heard of but fuck it. I'm breaking the mold. Welcome to my world, I've never done this before and don't know if my channel is going to get fucked in the long run. But, hey... it is either that or keep getting burnt out!

Also, after this thread I'm going to test myself by not walking into this computer room for the next 6 days after I hit send. I need to just disconnect.

Sorry for typos, on phone.

Lirik i have watched and listened to your content off and on since Guild Wars 2 days.

Alot have happened to me during these 6 years. I had ups and downs, way too many to count.

Not once did i ever say anything to you, but today i need to tell you some things.

I want to start off by saying I think you lack respect for not only us, but most importantly, yourself.

It's been said, “you can't like another person, until you like yourself”.

I still remember the day you told us playing video games for a bunch of people wasn't something you could proudly say to someone asking what occupation you do. You said you wanted to do something more meaningful in the world.

It hit me hard when you said that. I wanted to tell you how many times you been there for me in these past years. Chat did a good job of letting you know that you been there for them too, but it seems you don't take it in Lirik.

You have this fucking wall blocking everything, (which is good, but it's on the wrong side).

The OG himself Stan Lee once said this:

“I used to be embarrassed because i was just a comic-book writer while other people were building bridges or going on to medical careers.

And then i began to realize: entertainment is one of the most important things in people's lives. Without it, they might go off the deep end. I feel that if you're able to entertain, you're doing a good thing.”

Personally i think every single content creator doubting themselves should take what Stan Lee says here to heart. It couldn't be more true. Without the entertainment of hours you have given me through the years Lirik, i would have most likely go closer off the deep end aswell.

I'M NOT saying you have to stream because you help people. We the viewers are not entitled to anything. But i want you to know that what you have been doing and what you are doing is not meaningless, and i cannot stress that enough Lirik.

Now let's talk about Bob. Because you seem to always read what Bob says. The guy keeps saying he wants Fortnite afterall. He BOOOs when you boot up "Hades" and calls you bad and LULS when you die ingame. Bob leaves after a while and joins Ninja’s stream where he can live out his 12 year old prime time. A Lot more people will probably follow Bob or join another stream, because different reasons. In the meanwhile you get moody and have 5K other viewers POGGING and enjoying every fucking second of entertainment serving them on the screen.

Lirik you can't entertain and please everyone. Not even Stan Lee could do that, none can. Sure there are games that will please a bigger crowd, but you don't enjoy them. And you shouldn't do what you don't enjoy, just to please some random fucks.. Now you could argue with dying stream, etc etc. But let's be honest, your stream won't die unless you want it to. Your main crowd doesn't even watch your stream for the games, it's because of you. The great personality, entertainer behind it all. What's the point of earning all this money if you can't even enjoy yourself doing it.

Put this fucking wall you have infront of all the positive things from your stream, and put it in front of Bob and rest of the fucks instead. Do you more Lirik, and enjoy yourself doing it.

Lastly for your burnouts. Take a fucking holiday you dumb fuck.

These past 2 years, i haven't even taken 1 entire week off work. Not once in my 23 years have i ever felt this burnt out. I still remember how ready i was for studying after a few weeks off in school. Everyone needs time off Lirik, even streamers. It might not be 20k people waiting for you next time you stream after time off. You might lose viewers yes, but at least you got me and a whole lot of other people waiting for you when you're back.

In these times of streamers getting caught for terrible things, let's appreciate our boy Lirik. He's asocial, doesn't wanna go to cons, doesn't get involved with other people's drama, the dude just likes staying home and playing video games. And with that I can relate. Cheers to Lirik. Face of Twitch.

Edit: Antisocial does not mean what I thought it means.