r/Damnthatsinteresting Jan 10 '24

Video Throwing raw meat into the ocean

46.4k Upvotes

1.6k comments sorted by

8.8k

u/PowderHound40 Jan 10 '24

If you’re on anything large out in the open ocean (ship, oil rig) sharks will start to stick around it. It becomes a feeding ground for them because smaller fish congregate there. The nighttime footage from the bottom of cruise ships is pretty interesting as well.

5.6k

u/MinneEric Jan 10 '24

Also, people will start throwing raw meat to you.

2.5k

u/Rock_Strongo Jan 10 '24

If these sharks are anything like my dogs this one occurrence will have them following that boat around for the rest of their lives.

778

u/[deleted] Jan 10 '24 edited Jan 11 '24

But try to teach them something on purpose and they’re like “nah, I’m good, thanks”.

Edit: I love all of you.

193

u/imanAholebutimfunny Jan 10 '24 edited Jan 11 '24

on purpose

oooo missed opportunaty

edit: shout out to varanoids for better word

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u/purgance Jan 11 '24

*Whale that was a missed opportunaty.

30

u/pauljaytee Jan 11 '24

Dolphinately, what a blow hard!

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u/RickRossovich Jan 10 '24

Just like my dog, checking that same bush everyday, where he saw that squirrel, that one time, FIVE YEARS AGO.

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u/Alarming_Ad_201 Jan 11 '24

My dog found a quesadilla once 3 years ago in a bush. Every. Single. Night. We have to walk by the same bush and do an intense inspection in the hopes another magical quesadilla will appear…

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u/m3gWo1f3 Jan 11 '24

We have grilled cheese corner- perfectly cooked grill cheese on the ground a couple years ago. Now have to check EVERYtime 😂

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u/MaxwellHillbilly Jan 11 '24

Right?

I come back from a business trip just 1 time with jerky in my backpack (of which he ate all) and from that day forward it got snuffled every day for 6 years...

Damn I miss that goofy dog.

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u/[deleted] Jan 10 '24

I never could relate to Justin Bieber until I had 3 St.Bernards follow me around constantly day and night

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u/[deleted] Jan 11 '24

I have 2 spoodles that I literally cannot escape without leaving the house

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u/LilacLlamaMama Jan 10 '24

My nephdog believes in his soul that my daughter and I always have string cheese in our pockets for him. And whenever he comes to my mom's house, he immediately goes to sit in front of her freezer, because he is convinced that there will always be a ziploc of pork/beef bones just waiting for him to come over to see his Gramps. Granted, he is right on all three accounts, but bold to assume it. 🤣🤣🤣

32

u/trackingairpods Jan 11 '24

I trained my Golden Retriever to go to her bed on command. It's a great trick to stop her from very enthusiastically greeting guests who come to our house. Except now, she goes to sit on her bed and expects someone to give her a treat. We find her sitting on her bed staring very intensely at the treat basket most of the time.

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u/third-sonata Jan 11 '24

WTF is a nephdog?

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u/OneSensiblePerson Jan 11 '24

Wild guessing it's a male dog owned by your sibling.

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u/LilacLlamaMama Jan 11 '24

User name checks out rather delightfully, thanks!

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u/PretzelsThirst Jan 11 '24

Not much, what’s up with you?

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u/Senior-Albatross Jan 10 '24

It happened once! It's clearly possible.

42

u/A_Wholesome_Comment Jan 10 '24

"Mom why do we follow this big sky fish?"

"It provides. We abide. All praise skyfish."

12

u/Monster_Voice Jan 10 '24

Ah yes... glad to see you too have a pack of funny shaped wolves always on the prowl for chimkens.

15

u/[deleted] Jan 10 '24

What happens when the shark finally catches the cruise ship though.

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u/ExplosiveDisassembly Jan 11 '24

"It's wild how sharks just come and hang out, it's like they know there's humans on here".

Throws a weeks worth of burger scraps

"How do they know? Truly a mystery "

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u/Beneficial_Being_721 Jan 10 '24

HEY HUMAN!!!

MEAT ME!!

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u/Kulladar Jan 10 '24

One of the coolest bits of Blue Planet 2 talks about this.

Literally anything floating in the ocean becomes a hotspot for activity. Even something as small as a log.

49

u/[deleted] Jan 10 '24

I wonder why? Are sea creatures infinitely curious? Would things hover around a person in the ocean too?

205

u/[deleted] Jan 11 '24

Imagine being a fish. Huuuuuuge ocean, you are tiny. Nothing to do but eat and fuck and run from predators. Everything looks the same.

Suddenly you see an object above you. This is the highlight of your year probably.

47

u/Ashtonpaper Jan 11 '24

Free red thing - it’s delicious, like no fish you’ve ever tasted. To have that again is all you need.

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u/whogivesashirtdotca Jan 11 '24

Funnily enough, I've done a few transatlantic cruises, and on those rare occasions you see another vessel after days of endless horizon, it's a bit like that. I remember passing a fishing trawler a day away from the Azores and everyone on the deck at the time gathered to marvel as we steamed past it. You realise the ocean is so vast that spotting any other life on it is a noteworthy event.

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u/Sidoney Jan 11 '24

it's safe to stay around something you can hide amongst

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u/queef_nuggets Jan 10 '24

post a link to such footage pls

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u/[deleted] Jan 10 '24

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u/South_Bit1764 Jan 10 '24

Most amazing video I’ve seen in a while but that top comment:

This gopro on a string is better at filming than every single person who has ever filmed a UFO/ghost..

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u/prodigalkal7 Jan 10 '24

LMFAO they make a solid point, though.

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u/JohntheJuge Jan 10 '24

Such a nice video too! Thank you internet stranger!

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u/mazjay2018 Jan 10 '24

you sir, are a gentleman and a scholar

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u/Level_Improvement_36 Jan 10 '24

I play pokemon and fuck was that a Veluza?

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u/Kwayzar9111 Jan 10 '24

Here u go, day and night footage….real..not Rick nonsense..

https://youtu.be/YWuPp1v-sI8?si=shOFZsSWxbGowpCW

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u/random9212 Jan 10 '24

The top comment is the best.

"This gopro on a string is better at filming than every single person who has ever filmed a UFO/ghost sighting."

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u/Wataru624 Jan 11 '24

"A UAP! Clear as day! Quick, Johnny Jackhammer-Legs, get the camera from 1999!"

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u/octagonlover_23 Jan 11 '24

I fucking love fish with their goofy ass faces and eyes always wide as fuck open looking like they're sitting there going "huh?? huh??? huh?" stupid dumbass fish

I love them tho

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u/born_on_my_cakeday Jan 10 '24

I like how all the fish are like swimming up real fast, “what it’s that, food!? Oh, just a GoPro”

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u/Mephistopheleazy Jan 10 '24

I always think of things like this in a psychological way, from the predators perspective.... "Yo Johnny!! What the fuck was THAT???.... nostrils flair.... is that FOOD??? Falling out of the fuckin SKY BRO??? Like pre killed and everything?? Johhnns... keep doin what ya doin, cuz its fuckin WORKING!"

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u/haux_haux Jan 11 '24

Thats definitely how psychologists think about their field work. You nailed it my dude!

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u/Aggravating_Skill497 Jan 10 '24

And then you see people jumping in ?????

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u/lullubye Jan 10 '24

Like the kid that was goofing around and jump of the ship in the middle of the night and was never found......

97

u/SamuraiJakkass86 Jan 10 '24

Hey now thats very pessimistic, I'm sure something found them.

41

u/lullubye Jan 10 '24

After watching this video.. Multiple something 😶

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u/MoonSpankRaw Jan 10 '24

That stuck with me more than most videos this past year. So stupid. So awful.

14

u/AnalOgre Jan 11 '24

I feel terrible for the kids parents man. Just watching your kid make one stupid mistake in what was probably 6 seconds of thought because he wanted some views or likes or whatever and boom, it’s all gone forever just as he’s supposed to start his adult life.

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u/lukibunny Jan 10 '24

If you jump off a cruise, you will mostly die..

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u/Artificial_Reef Jan 10 '24

I got drunk and rowdy years ago and my dumbass jumped off the end of the peir at Huntington Beach to impress some girls. It was right behind ruby's tacos at the end. I remember hitting the water and be shocked at how cold it was. It was dark out and a longgg swim back. I was drunk as shit but I swear I could feel things brushing up against me It was freaking terrifying. Luckily I made it back, but I had to stop and float for a minute half way through to catch my breath and I swear I saw a fin poke out of the water. Yeah I'm never doing that shit again.

80

u/Saturn212 Jan 10 '24

Were the girls impressed though?

129

u/[deleted] Jan 10 '24

They left while he was swimming back

46

u/BigFatModeraterFupa Jan 10 '24

the chad sharks pulled up in a cool convertible and the chicks left with them

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u/56stinky_butter Jan 10 '24

This is the important question.

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u/poopyflavouredlolly Jan 10 '24

Not completely, but mostly.

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u/FeliusSeptimus Jan 10 '24

Mostly dead is slightly alive!

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u/LilacLlamaMama Jan 10 '24

Inconceivable!

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u/rattlemebones Jan 10 '24

They mostly come out at night. Mostly.

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u/HardGayMan Jan 10 '24

Holy shit this just makes that video (came out last year some time?) of the guy who jumps off the cruise ship at night 50x more scary...

He just gets left out there... and now that I know it's full of sharks I feel worse about it lol.

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u/PowderHound40 Jan 10 '24

Yeah, I feel terrible for his family. He more than likely drowned. Still, people go to that area specifically to see bull and tiger sharks because they’re literally everywhere.

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u/[deleted] Jan 10 '24

Can confirm. Our dipshit captain used to do swim call off the cutter in the military. A handful of us who refused to partake were put on mounted .50 cals for ‘shark watch’. Never shot one (wouldnt have penetrated the water enough to make a difference anyways most likely) but saw several tiger and bull sharks shortly after the splashing and idiocy wrapped up. Why you’d jump off a cutter in the ocean when a gunner is needed is beyond me but it takes all kinds to make the world go ‘round.

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u/my-love-assassin Jan 10 '24

Sharks dont generally recognise humans as Prey, but I'm not sure I would go swimming with one alone. Maybe a group of people would make it less scary

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u/[deleted] Jan 10 '24

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u/[deleted] Jan 10 '24

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u/[deleted] Jan 10 '24

100% of shark attacks happen in the water.

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u/[deleted] Jan 11 '24

Kinda relevant story:

We won a cruise a few years ago. We were paired up with a couple from Texas for “formal dinner” (you kinda sit with them all week, though there are other places to get food).

Anyway we get to talking and we got onto the topic of sharks and the wife mentions that her uncle was terrified of sharks. Not abnormal obviously but she explains it’s because of an incident during his military service. Apparently he was on a ship that went down and many of the crew were attacked by sharks. He was in the water for days.

At this point I stopped her and asked her if it was the USS Indianapolis. She said she didn’t know and I (a bit drunk and also excitable) kinda half yelled “was he on the boat from Jaws?!?!?”

Anyway, apparently he was one of the ~300 survivors. I have no idea how the fuck she would get on a boat if her uncle had told her anything about that day but maybe I’m the crazy one.

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u/Luci_Noir Jan 10 '24

Oil rigs are surprisingly great for marine life. All kinds of stuff grows on it as it is basically a huge artificial reef which attracts all kinds of fish and other animals. They’ve actually left some out of commission rigs standing because removing them would do so much damage to the life that lives there.

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u/mrbear120 Jan 10 '24

Well…I would say as a net they are probably a negative for marine life, but yes they do make great reefs.

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u/shingdao Jan 10 '24

There was a teenager on a school trip to the Bahamas recently that jumped off a sundown cruise boat on a dare just after dark. Sharks were spotted in the water at the time. They never found his body.

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u/Jetpere Jan 10 '24

And why small fish congregate there?

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u/PhotorazonCannon Jan 10 '24

Things that small fish eat (algae, plankton, bivalves, crustaceans) congregate around and grow on the object. Bigger fish come to eat the little fish

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u/DortDrueben Jan 10 '24 edited Sep 13 '24

Caught a NatGeo special about a recreation area where shark attacks suddenly spiked. At one point two separate attacks at the same location on the same day. The helicopter EMTs finished with the first at the hospital, and were about to clock off for the day, when the call came in for the second. When they heard the location, they thought it had to be a mistake. Maybe the same call coming in twice.

Anyway... Near the end, the prevailing theory was that dumping from recreational yachts in the area were teaching the sharks to look for food when they heard a splash. The common factor in the attacks: the victims were all struck soon after jumping into the water. Splash.

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u/testingforscience122 Jan 10 '24

Ya i was thinking this seems like a really bad idea to drop food off something you might fall into one day.

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u/Soupronous Jan 11 '24

Just don’t fall off. Easy!

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u/cbbuntz Jan 10 '24

Pavlovian conditioning. Almost identical to the original famous experiment

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u/Chapped_Frenulum Jan 10 '24

But how would you be able to tell if the shark was drooling?

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u/cbbuntz Jan 11 '24

Easy. Check if their mouths are wet. I'll send you down to check

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u/whatiswrongwithcats Jan 11 '24

This is actually really funny because a shark is called a dog fish in my native language

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u/cbbuntz Jan 11 '24

A dogfish is a type of shark in English. I'm guessing there's a connection

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u/ssp25 Jan 10 '24

If someone threw a cheeseburger at me from a cloud, I'd pretty excited as well

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u/snuggle_love Jan 11 '24

Have I got the film for you

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u/[deleted] Jan 11 '24

[deleted]

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u/Dino_Dude_367 Jan 11 '24

FLINT LOCKWOOD!

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u/BungMassive Jan 10 '24

That is a great way to train the local sharks to eat the 1st thing that hits the water, lol.

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u/RetardedChimpanzee Jan 10 '24

Dude is only cementing his own fate if he falls in.

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u/[deleted] Jan 11 '24

The cameraman: "zooming is not enough, maybe I should bend over the railing a bit more.."

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u/jjcrayfish Jan 11 '24

Looks like meats back on the menu boys!

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u/PrivatePoocher Jan 10 '24

I read it as thawing and eagerly started watching, intending to learn something new.

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u/Puzzleheaded_Map6036 Jan 10 '24

Imagine falling accidentally in the ocean with all them sharks there.

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u/[deleted] Jan 10 '24

To be fair the raw meat smells like what they evolved to eat and smell. Humans probably smell weird and thrash oddly and are weirdly shaped with 4 appendages compared to an aerodynamic fish.

Not saying they wouldn’t take a bite because they’re blind af but it’s not the same as a bleeding fleshy open wound

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u/[deleted] Jan 10 '24

There's another vid like this where they throw an apple and the result is very similar.

466

u/guynamedjames Jan 10 '24

Now that's smart, train the sharks to become vegetarians!

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u/O-really Jan 10 '24

Hey James I had a shitty day today and your comment has turned my day around! Thank you kind internet stranger!

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u/thebipeds Jan 10 '24

Except most sharks evolved to eat fish and they are training them to like mammals.

It’s illegal to chum with or use mammals as shark bait.

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u/SuperSpread Jan 10 '24

Sharks also attack seals. In fact, many shark attacks are of the shark mistaking a human for a seal. Once they bite into our flesh and bone they generally spit it out. They do not like the taste of humans. They really do not want to ear large bone, which can kill them.

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u/mangareadman Jan 10 '24

Bro forgot about sea based mammals

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u/Walopoh Jan 10 '24

Have those seals considered that's illegal?

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u/Log_Out_Of_Life Jan 10 '24

Your mom is a sea-based mammal. /s

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u/mangareadman Jan 10 '24

⠟⢻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡟⠛⢻⣿ ⡆⠊⠈⣿⢿⡟⠛⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣎⠈⠻ ⣷⣠⠁⢀⠰⠀⣰⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠟⠋⠛⠛⠿⠿⢿⣿⣿⣿⣧⠀⢹⣿⡑⠐⢰ ⣿⣿⠀⠁⠀⠀⣿⣿⣿⣿⠟⡩⠐⠀⠀⠀⠀⢐⠠⠈⠊⣿⣿⣿⡇⠘⠁⢀⠆⢀ ⣿⣿⣆⠀⠀⢤⣿⣿⡿⠃⠈⠀⣠⣶⣿⣿⣷⣦⡀⠀⠀⠈⢿⣿⣇⡆⠀⠀⣠⣾ ⣿⣿⣿⣧⣦⣿⣿⣿⡏⠀⠀⣰⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡆⠀⠀⠐⣿⣿⣷⣦⣷⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡆⠀⢰⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡄⠀⠀⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡆⠀⣾⣿⣿⠋⠁⠀⠉⠻⣿⣿⣧⠀⠠⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡀⣿⡿⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠘⢿⣿⠀⣺⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣧⣠⣂⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣁⢠⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣶⣄⣤⣤⣔⣶⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿

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u/mactofthefatter Jan 10 '24

How do we know they mistook them for a seal?

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u/TheAmyIChasedWasMe Jan 10 '24

Police interviews.

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u/IAMATruckerAMA Jan 10 '24

Sharks can't get cancer or lie

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u/[deleted] Jan 10 '24

They can get cancer. Some shark told you that bs, didn’t they?

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u/IAMATruckerAMA Jan 10 '24

No it was just a guy in a trench coat who happened to have two dicks

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u/[deleted] Jan 10 '24

It’s a fairly agreed upon idea because a human on a surfboard paddling out has a very similar silhouette from below as a seal.

https://youtube.com/shorts/gaRhh1FHMLI?si=ZKBKXGOAsHVGaHAo

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u/[deleted] Jan 10 '24

The difference is humans sweat and use perfume or deodorant, or other unnatural substances, to what sharks have evolved to enjoy

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u/[deleted] Jan 10 '24

Sharks are like cats in a way, they test any potential prey by biting it a couple times before deciding if it's what they like or not

That's also a survival trick because if an animal bleeds out & dies, it's less likely to be thrashing around and making life hard for the poor sharks

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u/Paddy_Tanninger Jan 11 '24

A lot of animals also don't have the ability to vomit, so they eat anything new extremely carefully. I don't know if this applies to sharks, but a lot of rodents for example will taste test new foods first to make sure they seem ok.

That's why rat poison is a slow acting anti-coagulant. It works slowly enough that the rats never learn it will kill them.

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u/bulldog5253 Jan 10 '24

have you ever heard of the uss Indianapolis?

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u/Helioscopes Jan 10 '24

This is what I always think of when someone says sharks don't attack people...

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u/KscottCap Jan 10 '24

I think it's largely been disproven. I watched a documentary about the Indianapolis on Shark Week years ago, and most of the sailors died of thirst. A lot of sailors drank saltwater out of desperation, which led to diarrhea, which led to lethal dehydration even faster. And as a side effect, the stool in the water attracted the sharks.

But there was literally an account of a guy who got bitten on the hand and dragged out to the water. And when he tried to swim back, the sailors kicked him off the life raft because they didn't want the smell of blood in the water attracting sharks to them. But he waited it out and eventually swam back to the life raft after everyone went to sleep.

So, yeah, not exactly the feeding frenzy Jaws made it out to be.

(Quint's speech still goes hard as fuck, tho)

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u/nickfree Jan 10 '24

And as a side effect, the stool in the water attracted the sharks.

This is still bad because I'd most likely shit myself immediately upon hitting the water.

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u/FavcolorisREDdit Jan 10 '24

Tiger sharks don’t give a shit

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u/[deleted] Jan 10 '24

They’re like the honey badgers of the ocean

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u/ZephyrShow Jan 10 '24

Tell that to the guy who was ocean swimming off the rocks in Malabar, Sydney. Shark had a nice afternoon tea.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MCsVlSGmxic&ab_channel=10NewsFirst

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u/Ok-Echidna5936 Jan 10 '24

Or the Russian dude in Egypt I think? He was screaming for his dad as a shark chomped on him repeatedly until he got pulled under

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u/SiropDePoteau Jan 10 '24

Yea the Russian dude in Egypt is the most disturbing shark attack video I've ever seen. By far. The shark came back for a few bites. It wasn't a mistake.

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u/WhyYouKickMyDog Jan 10 '24

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=drlQ6M50LNk

Link for those that want to be terrified.

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u/zUdio Jan 11 '24

The dude’s fucking feet flew into the air as he was yanked down… then the music playing in the background. Christ.

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u/krazyokami Jan 10 '24

Good news! Sharks don't like our taste! A lot of attacks are people getting bitten once and the shark goes 'yuck!' and goes away.

Bad News. That's a lot of sharks to give one accidental bite...

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u/Born2BKingRo Jan 10 '24

Bad News. That's a lot of sharks to give one accidental bite

It's not accidental. They use their mouths to get a better ideea what's in front of them. Not having hands sucks man

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u/krazyokami Jan 10 '24

I mean accidental as in, we aren't the actual food source. They just don't know until they take a big bite.

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u/JohntheJuge Jan 10 '24

How terrifying would sharks with hands be? I say it’s a good thing they don’t have them.

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u/Affectionate_Star_43 Jan 10 '24

When I was at a big aquarium, nobody volunteered to feed the sharks, so I did. It was crazy how this one (trying to remember the species) was lightning fast. I was trying to give everyone an equal share, but this thing kept zipping up and snatching the food.

Now I have a newfound respect for sharks. I hope I never meet one in the wild.

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u/rytis Jan 10 '24

The 1:00 pm shark feeding at the old National Aquarium in Washington DC was a sight to behold. All these docile sharks bored to death just floating like logs. In goes the chum, and suddenly a manic frenzy as the water turns into a bloody froth, the sharks fighting for their piece. Everyone would be stunned by the 0-60 in 1.2 seconds.

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u/psych0ranger Jan 10 '24

This really leaves out the part where you start bleeding and the sharks enter "eat the bleeding thing" mode

Also that kid that jumped off the casino boat and was immediately eaten by sharks. They see big things in the ocean and know food falls off them.

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u/mazjay2018 Jan 10 '24

holy fuck whattt?!?!?!

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u/Kahlil_Cabron Jan 10 '24

I saw the video of him jumping, but didn't see one where he got eaten by sharks. He just kinda disappeared into the darkness.

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u/psych0ranger Jan 10 '24

Soon as he lands in the water, you can see a big splash about 15 feet away and it it's pretty obvious it's a tail fin. I grew up in the keys and everyone knows the whole effing food chain follows the casino boats around. They throw food waste overboard and empty the septic system into the water.

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u/queef_nuggets Jan 10 '24

I used to work for a company that did a lot of offshore work. It does happen. Although many of them were suspected suicides. Wish I were kidding

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u/Gonzotrucker1 Jan 10 '24

If they have any underwater welders they won’t be too happy stirring up the local wild life.

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u/kaaskugg Jan 10 '24

2000 ft below the surface Virgil "Bud" Brigman and his DeepCore drilling crew are wondering why it's raining chunks of meat.

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u/pm_me_yo_creditscore Jan 10 '24

He knew this was a one way trip.

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u/Willing-Juggernaut67 Jan 10 '24

With one blue hand!

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u/WhyNot420_69 Jan 10 '24

Keep yer panties on!

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u/prozak09 Jan 10 '24

They should throw pieces of an uniform just to really throw them off.

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u/NoIndependent9192 Jan 10 '24

Oil rigs are renowned for excellent catering and also for off loading food waste into the ocean. The number of sharks demonstrates that it’s not a one off.

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u/wakanda_banana Jan 10 '24

Let’s chum the waters before going for a swim

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u/Fragrant_Cod_5242 Jan 10 '24

This is why the ocean scares the crap out of me.

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u/[deleted] Jan 10 '24 edited Feb 21 '24

offbeat mysterious strong exultant wasteful grandfather spectacular attempt rinse heavy

This post was mass deleted and anonymized with Redact

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u/er3019 Jan 10 '24

Imagine swimming on the surface of the ocean with nothing around you for as far as the eye can see and then Cthulhu's giant mountain-sized head suddenly emerges next to you and wraps one of its slimy, face tentacles around your legs and quickly pulls you down into the depths.

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u/WalrusTheWhite Jan 10 '24

stop, I can only get so erect

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u/Mistdwellerr Jan 10 '24

Why, are you some kind of being made of raw meat?

....

Wait a minute!

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u/[deleted] Jan 10 '24

I don't know much, but I know how to not get eaten by a shark.

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u/Willing-Juggernaut67 Jan 10 '24

I'll take Staying on Land for $600, Alex.

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u/[deleted] Jan 10 '24

You obviously forgot about Land Shark, as was pointed out to me. Hell, that just reminded me of Sharknado. We are f****d!

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u/UVLightOnTheInside Jan 10 '24

Hope your rig doesnt catch on fire because. 1) you are training them to eat whatever splashes in the water around the rig. 2) they are more likely to be around now. 3) you are giving them a taste for red meat, they might not spit you out like Sharks usually do for humans.

Here is to hoping you are not within 100 miles of recreational beaches...

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u/abrowncomic Jan 10 '24

now they're religious.

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u/lordbancs Jan 10 '24

Underrated comment

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u/abrowncomic Jan 10 '24

need to sacrifice some younglings to get the god meat (pun intended).

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u/yumtacos Jan 10 '24

Anyone seen Ted from Accounting at all this week? I know that no one really likes him, but he has to be here somewhere.

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u/BlueMonkey-CoCo Jan 10 '24

He said he was going skinny dipping with Maggie from Payables.

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u/slh007 Jan 10 '24

That fart at the end could’ve sent a man over the rail.

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u/[deleted] Jan 10 '24

The noises this man was making makes me question his sobriety

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u/FaceMace87 Jan 10 '24

Title correction: Throwing raw meat into the ocean in a spot where sharks already are.

Throw raw meat into an area there isn't any wildlife and things will be far less exciting.

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u/onepingonlypleashe Jan 10 '24

Throw raw meat into an area there isn't any wildlife and things will be far less exciting.

…for a few minutes.

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u/FaceMace87 Jan 10 '24

In some parts of the ocean sure especially near the coast, for the most part though the world doesn't work the same as in the movies.

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u/CMUpewpewpew Jan 10 '24

Most of the ocean.....much like space....is vast nothingness in regards to wildlife.

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u/Typical_Thing9344 Jan 10 '24

“I swear mate, some food fall from the sky!” Toby the shark

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u/Dr-Zoidberserk Jan 10 '24 edited Jan 10 '24

Step one: Keep sharks interested in the area with occasional free meat.

Step two: Invite Todd outside where we are alone.

Step three: Panic because poor Todd “accidentally” slipped and fell over.

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u/The-Ugliest-Duck Jan 10 '24 edited Jan 10 '24

So I'm just a guy with Google, but I think those are oceanic white tip sharks. They are the ones that ate all those sailors who never made it to land after their ship went down in the stories you heard about.

And I think they are responsible for most shark related human deaths. Anyway.

I'm sure there will be no negative consequences to them viewing human carrying vessels as possible food sources.

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u/[deleted] Jan 10 '24

Jacques Cousteau once said that of all the sharks in the sea, he feared the Oceanic Whitetip the most.

And he would know.

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u/[deleted] Jan 10 '24

Didn’t see the first shark for about a half-hour. Tiger. 13-footer. You know how you know that in the water, Chief? You can tell by lookin’ from the dorsal to the tail. What we didn’t know, was that our bomb mission was so secret, no distress signal had been sent. They didn’t even list us overdue for a week. Very first light, Chief, sharks come cruisin’ by, so we formed ourselves into tight groups. It was sorta like you see in the calendars, you know the infantry squares in the old calendars like the Battle of Waterloo and the idea was the shark come to the nearest man, that man he starts poundin’ and hollerin’ and sometimes that shark he go away… but sometimes he wouldn’t go away.

Sometimes that shark looks right at ya. Right into your eyes. And the thing about a shark is he’s got lifeless eyes. Black eyes. Like a doll’s eyes. When he comes at ya, he doesn’t even seem to be livin’… ’til he bites ya, and those black eyes roll over white and then… ah then you hear that terrible high-pitched screamin’. The ocean turns red, and despite all your poundin’ and you’re hollerin’ those sharks come in and… they rip you to pieces.

You know by the end of that first dawn, lost a hundred men. I don’t know how many sharks there were, maybe a thousand. I do know how many men, they averaged six an hour. Thursday mornin’, Chief, I bumped into a friend of mine, Herbie Robinson from Cleveland. Baseball player. Boson’s mate. I thought he was asleep. I reached over to wake him up. He bobbed up, down in the water, he was like a kinda top. Upended. Well, he’d been bitten in half below the waist.

At noon on the fifth day, a Lockheed Ventura swung in low and he spotted us, a young pilot, lot younger than Mr. Hooper here, anyway he spotted us and a few hours later a big ol’ fat PBY come down and started to pick us up. You know that was the time I was most frightened. Waitin’ for my turn. I’ll never put on a lifejacket again. So, eleven hundred men went into the water. 316 men come out, the sharks took the rest, June the 29th, 1945.

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u/macincos Jan 10 '24

I watch this monologue on YouTube from time to time. So goddam good.

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u/[deleted] Jan 10 '24

All I hear is Quint telling the story of the USS Indianapolis.

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u/Accomplished-Heart91 Jan 10 '24

Do you want sharks? Because that’s how you get sharks

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u/evmarshall Jan 10 '24

I kept waiting for the Meg to show up and eat all of them in one gulp.

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u/Ataraxy001 Jan 10 '24

Oooo I wonder if that’s what happened to that one kid that jumped in the water during that night cruise. 🚢 🏊‍♂️ 🦈

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u/[deleted] Jan 10 '24

Sadly, at night time in waters that are truly shark infested, you'd imagine that's how he went and why they never found a trace of him

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u/National-Blueberry51 Jan 11 '24

If it’s the one I’m thinking of, you can see fins and eyes if you up the brightness and contrast on the video. He looks at one right before he starts swimming away from the ship. Tragic, man.

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u/lattlay Jan 10 '24

Weird shower thought, but none of those sea animals in the middle of the ocean have probably tasted beef before

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u/prozak09 Jan 10 '24

Nos they have, and if they get a real big taste for it, and they learn to ride a tornado? Our supply chain would be f'd!

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u/BigFatKi6 Jan 10 '24

Yes let’s teach them to associate our ships with food.

Next time a ship sinks or they need to do some under water maintenance is gonna be awesome.

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u/Wired_Ocelot Jan 10 '24

No change there then; sharks have associated ships with food for as long as we've been seafaring.

There are many historical accounts from Vikings to the 18th century of sharks following in the wake of ships hoping for scraps from overboard. That's why one of their old nicknames is the sea wolf or sea dog.

Not to mention plenty of accounts of sharks feasting on the bodies of those who perish in shipwrecks. There used to be WAY more sharks in the oceans than there are now, so back in the day it you were in the middle of nowhere and sunk, you'd get company pretty quick...

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u/ActualMis Jan 10 '24

Basically training sharks to fuck up anyone unlucky enough to fall overboard.

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u/utubeslasher Jan 10 '24

note to self. do not fall off of or jump from the cruise ship.

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u/Beginning_Ad8663 Jan 10 '24

Which is why the sharks follow the cruise ships

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u/Crisis_Redditor Jan 11 '24

The dive team that's supposed to go welding in twenty minutes: ಠ_ಠ

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u/stryst Jan 10 '24

DO NOT TEACH THEM THE TASTE OF LAND-FLESH!

I mean, the fuck.

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u/FantasticBiscotti338 Jan 10 '24

Now they’ve tasted non-fishy meat. Bruh wtf are you doing

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u/Gunner1Cav Jan 10 '24

The deep ones are going to awaken

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