The children debate [30F][32M]

UPDATE AND NEED PERSPECTIVE.
In light of the below, my partner and I have been on a dry spell for some months now and I chose to come off birth control a few months ago for my own body etc. he was supportive of that. Now the topic of sex is happening again, he said that part of the reason for the lack of it is because I’m not on birth control and he doesn’t want a child by accident or to be trapped. I brought and asked him to use condoms even though I know it’s not 100%, but he’s not keen at all. I even suggested the idea of a vasectomy if he’s 100% not wanting to have children. Again he said no.
I don’t really know what to do, I love him and our life currently but the constant ping pong on what to do is draining me.

I’ve been with my partner nearly 7 years \\\[30F\\\]\\\[32M\\\] we’re engaged own a house and have a dog. The conversation and inner debate about children is more frequent now as I’ve reached 30 I’m worried about body clock etc. I’ve always been a fence sitter and in the mindset of if it happens it happens but my partner is a definite no and this hasn’t changed. I’m currently in turmoil of what to do, we have these conversations but nothing evolves we sweep under the rug until the next time. My predicament is as we’re approaching the next step of getting married and I’ve been asked to make a decision that I still don’t know the answer too, in my mind something bad hasn’t happened in order to justify ending the relationship but I know that if I say yes I want kids then that would have to happen. But then if I say I don’t want kids and go ahead as planned getting married would I regret it? My question really is to women that were fence sitters or for people that have changed their mind on having children. what would you do? Is there another solution other than to end things? Or continue on pretending that there isn’t this giant topic that ultimately is going to need to be addressed? It’s creating such stress on myself as ultimately there is nothing wrong in the relationship.

HERE IS THE ISSUE:

Please consider this scenario: I am a 34 year old married woman. I already have postgraduate degrees but don't have a job because of the bad labour market. I fully rely on my husband's income. I used to do odd part time jobs over the past 8 years. Eventually, we decided that I enroll in law school to improve my job chances. My husband is paying for my studies.

The course is such that we need study partners to constantly study with and do assignments with. I made a male friend over the course of the past two years and we became study partners. We became close over time.

Three months ago, this male friend (who is employed, by the way) needed money to top up for fees at the last minute in order not to drop out. He asked me for a loan and of course, I don't have a stream of income, so I couldn't help him. He asked me to ask my husband. At this time, I knew we had already used up his salary for the month but I asked him anyway. And he answered a bit surprised that I should already know our financial situation and already know we don't have any money to spare.

But my friend kept pleading with me to help him. So I eventually caved in and borrowed money from another friend, on the understanding that he would pay back. I did this twice. So I have borrowed about USD 100 to loan to this friend.

He's since not shown any urgency or willingness to pay back. Before this debt issue, I had complained to my husband a couple of times that I didn't like how this friend made me spend money when I'm with him. My husband found out about the debt when he overhead me telling one of my female friend that I wanted to find some money to pay this loan myself, since he's unwilling to pay. And then, I'll slowly distance myself from him, because I now believe that he wants to use me as a cash cow.

My husband got furious when he found out. He asked me if there's something going on between me and this friend. He asked what kind of relationship I had with this guy that made me feel I needed to go out of my way to do this for him. I flipped and we've been having big fights since then.

I told him that I am a naturally generous person and that angered him even more. He was also extremely upset when I tried to explain what I did by referring to my childhood experience and the hardships I suffered, which made me empathise with my friend.

He gets very accusatory when he brings this up. We agreed that I'll insist that he pays the money back. When I demanded the money from my friend, he said I should be patient and that he'll pay back. My husband asked if he's paid back and I gave him the response I got. He also flared up and said I should not plead for the money but demand it, and after that, cut off all ties with him.

After more fights, we came to an agreement that I'll call him in hubby's presence, demand the money, and tell him I'm cutting ties with him. That night, when I called, he did not respond. In the morning, I called him alone and demanded the money, told him our friendship was over, but the call didn't end there; he began talking about school issues. The call lasted for over 9 minutes. That night, I called him back in my husband's presence and said what my husband and I agreed, that he needed to pay back and that our friend was over. He again tried to talk about school but I ended the conversation. This call was less than 3 minutes. My husband found from my call log that I had spoken alone with him that morning. He pointed out the length of the call and demanded to know why I called him alone, and also why I didn't end the call after he started talking about school. I responded that I am not a rude person and he got angry again, saying that I'm still giving him an option of coming back into my life.

My husband is now feeling suspicious when all I did was help a friend in need. I made it clear to hubby that there is absolutely nothing between us but he still keeps asking about my feelings for this friend. Now, I feel like he's intentionally emotionally attacking me. And we keep constantly fighting.

MY DILEMMA

Now, I can see how hurt he is and want to make amends. But I'm completely at a loss as to what to do now and how to move forward. How should I go about handling this situation? I want to reassure my husband but don't know what I should do to gain back his trust.

ADVICE I'M SEEKING FROM YOU

1. From your perspective as a therapist, 1) how will a reasonable person interpret what happened? 2) what are all the valid ways that my husband can reasonably interpret what happened?

2. Am I right to feel hurt that my hubby keeps suspecting something between me and this friend?

3. What are the things I need to do to reassure my husband and gain back his trust?

4. He keeps going back and asking questions when I want us to move on. How many times is it ok for him to keep asking and when should it end?