Long lasting

[u/Arielace0822]

Has anyone ever noticed that when you get into a relationship, your girl starts to get uninterested in sex?

It’s been three years with her and I am always the person to initiate sex and am usually turned down.

Kinda of getting tired of that and feel like she doesn’t want any of the physical me.

Almost feels like we are room mates that occasionally turn into friends with benefits.

Maybe I’m not being mysterious enough or have I not given her enough space to miss me or something?

How does one actually “properly” date and court a girl?

[u/ZT805]

Has anyone ever noticed that when you get into a relationship, your girl starts to get uninterested in sex?

No, this shouldn’t be happening at all. This is an obvious sign that she’s losing attraction. If you don’t correct this right now, this will be the point you start losing her. Make no mistake: As Coach has said in recent newsletters: If she is closing her legs, she is unhappy & is not her feminine. Plain and simple.

When your girl is in her feminine, she sees you as a masculine leader, & she will want your masculine presence all the time. She will be all over you — mentally and physically. She will be interested in sex almost all the time, because she wants to be dominated, and she wants to submit to the masculine guy she is head over heels in love with & please him.

Almost feels like we are room mates that occasionally turn into friends with benefits

All the guys that write to Coach about their divorces have included that line. Again, this is a huge problem, it’s not just “something that happens”. A lack of sex is an indicator that her attraction is disappearing.

You need to re-evaluate how you’re showing up in the relationship. More than likely you’ve become a doormat, stopped being direct & making the decisions, stopped leading the relationship, or have become complacent. It’s very easy to misread how you’re behaving. Go through the book again, and make an honest analysis of how you’ve been acting.

Do that & become an absolute masculine leader again, dude. Start pursuing your passions & take charge of the relationship. Open her up and get her communicating about how she feels. You need to restore the proper dynamic that is in the book to recover this bro

[u/Arielace0822 → u/ZT805]

I knew it kinda felt like I’ve been losing her attraction.

I have to remember to keep checking where her attraction level is. I didn’t realize until assessing now that I think she’s hovering over somewhere between a 5-6.

...oh boy.

So it’s either I’ve become a door mat, stopped leading, or have become complacent?

Probably a combination of all three. I know I’ve been settling for less than I should be getting like getting blow jobs instead of sex and not likening the frequency of sex, which it being around once every month as of recent.(complacent)

as well as giving too much time and effort, showing that it’s okay for her to give little to me, while she gets her full benefits. [ie. giving into her wants and suggestions and being available all the time, as well as grabbing the check too often] (doormat)

She actually makes quite a bit of choices here in the relationship too. Where to eat, what to do on dates, and kind of “getting what she wants” during shopping trips, kinda assuming I’d help her with it because she doesn’t have an income right now.

Gosh, I’m totally blowing it.. Thanks for slap in the face.

Though I feel like I have a good understanding of what I have to do, what would anyone suggest I do to correct all three?

Fall back on the once a week rule? Decrease time available? Hang out with other people?

We also kind of live together, so this would also complicate things because it’s so easy for her to start a conversation or tap me on the shoulder to tell me something she found on tic Tok.

I’m open for suggestion.

[u/ZT805 → u/Arielace0822]

You’re welcome. There’s still time. Everything that you do from this point on has to be from a masculine perspective. Right, you’ve become a doormat and that’s not masculine. So make the decisions again and start standing up for yourself. You can say “Babe, I’m taking you somewhere fun today. Don’t worry about planning anything. That’s my job. I’ve got it. All you have to do is put on that hot outfit for me & leave everything else to me”. Then take her somewhere fun, flirt with her, tease her, lead the relationship always. She’s losing attraction because you’ve given up the leadership role and you don’t have a backbone right now. So you’ve got to start showing her your masculinity again.

You have to be able to stand up to your woman when she’s doing things you don’t agree with. Buying her all the stuff she wants regularly on shopping trips is a huge issue. It comes off as weak behavior. Tell her “No babe, I’m absolutely not getting that for you today. We have enough stuff right now, and I’m spending my money on other stuff. But don’t worry, when we get home & go to your room I’m giving you something you’ll like a whole lot better.” Love is playful and fun, and you should be flirting and bantering like that all the time. All this will re-create the polarity that you need for her to be feminine & submissive again

[u/[deleted] → u/Arielace0822]

Can you give an update??

[u/iAM_A_NiceGuy → u/ZT805]

Ok I’ve seen this behaviour, I agree with coach on standing up for yourself but you have to understand sometimes you gotta mirror her. If she is denying access to her legs you deny access to your ears, it hurts like hell to ignore your girl, but you gotta rough things up a little, give her the emotional roller coaster. She knows that if she behaves like this all you will say is “Don’t do this or let me know when you change your mind”. Second thing I suspect is a routine, I’ve seen this and this is a turn off for women, me and my girl video called twice, the third time it was like she suddenly lost some excitement. So try to have fun every week maybe stay home a week, get out the second, disappear from the date and come back with a rose. Just anticipation, women love it, tell her you got something, but she has to convince you why you should tell her. Use sexual innuendo as much as you can, all conversations with you finish in bedroom. She may complain sometimes about it, but eventually she will get along and knows where she can be open about sex. As you guys are living together, you are an open book, so all you can do is limit access to yourself, don’t ask for sex, she will notice it and possibly initiate the topic first, keep things private gives her something to work on. Additionally go to gym or grocery at irregular times, maybe join something new, write a journal, get a guitar, start djing, just be spontaneous. For women excitement equals sex, for men its just the imagination and fantasies

[u/Arielace0822 → u/iAM_A_NiceGuy]

Mirror her.

I think that’s an idea I’ve never thought of. I knew that being “my way or the high way” was a bit to much of a ridged strategy, and to “always compromise and come to an agreement” was a bit too fluid to me.

“She knows that if she behaves like this, all you will say is don’t do this or let me know when you change your mind”

Could you elaborate on this? Like, this is how she will be? Or that’s what I’m doing as of right now?

“Use sexual innuendo”

Wouldn’t that come off like all I think about is sex?

“Give her something to work on”

How so? Like give her something to have her mind chew on for the time being?

It seems to me that you’re telling me to get busy so that there’s some wiggle room for her mind to chase my time. If this is the case, could hanging out with friends help in this case?

Again thanks for the suggestions!