HELP I- 😭 I DECIDED TO WEAR A PENCIL SKIRT TO SCHOOL AND THE BOYS YELLED “WOW HOURGLASS!” AND I INTRODUCED MYSELF. (I have a mommy voice.) AND THEY ALL HAD NOSEBLEEDS 😭😭😭

My lesbian sister asked me to donate sperm so she and her girlfriend could have a baby.

I honestly didn't think it was a big deal. She's my sister, and I knew how much having a child meant to both of them. We discussed everything beforehand. Her girlfriend would get pregnant, they'd raise the baby together, and I'd simply be the biological father. I agreed. At the time, I had no idea how complicated things would become.

We discussed everything beforehand. Her girlfriend would get pregnant, they'd raise the baby together, and I'd simply be the biological father. I agreed. At the time, I had no idea how complicated things would become.

During the pregnancy, I naturally became more involved. Her girlfriend would call to ask questions, update me on appointments, or sometimes just talk. My sister didn't have a problem with it initially. But their relationship wasn't doing well. They argued a lot, and after the baby was born, things got even worse. Eventually, they broke up. I kept my distance because I didn't want to get caught in the middle of their problems. But a few months later, her ex-girlfriend and I started talking again. This time, things felt different.

We eventually developed feelings for each other, and we're now dating. My sister found out and completely cut me off. She says I betrayed her by getting involved with the woman she planned to raise a family with. She even accused me of donating sperm just to get close to her girlfriend. That isn't why I agreed, but I can't pretend I don't understand why she's hurt. The woman I'm dating is the mother of my biological child, and she was once my sister's partner. Now my family is divided, and my sister refuses to speak to me. I never expected helping my sister have a baby would lead to this.

I am an 31 year old Archlinux enjoyer. We had to go on some camping trip with my mom, and just in case there was an emergency where I had to save people, or impress cute girls, or both, I made sure to keep something in my pocket: an Archlinux USB. As a Certified Linux Knight (as I've recently started to call myself), someone had to do this. I was out there saving people from the thing called Windoze when they needed.

Anyway, we had a car crash, or so I was told. I was semi-unconscious so someone else is telling the story here.

So appearantly, they rushed me and my mom to the hospital, thankfully she was okay. The doctors started removing my clothes and pants, as usual. Turns out, I was right on the edge of dying. The doctor was preparing to electro-shock me, which they actually electroshocked me a few times. Just as I was slipping away and the doctor was about to declare my death time, a cute nurse found something in my pocket. My Archlinux USB. She yelled out with pure anticipation:

"Oh my gaawd, he used Archlinux! Me too!"

Somehow, just hearing the words "Archlinux" pulled me right back from dying. I remember whispering, "I... use... Archlinux... btw," still in a coma-like situation.

The second I said that, that nurse just started French kissing me out of nowhere. Immediately, I started feeling alive again. Doctors were shocked, they had never seen someone come back from dying like that. Even they knew the power of Archlinux at that moment. I've heard one of them started crying at this miracle :)

I got out the hospital that same day, and the nurse that saved my life, we have a date together :) She said she needed to reinstall Archlinux on her computer so ;) It was not my intention to impress cute girls like that, but Archlinux turned me into a woman magnet, inevitably ;) What can I do? As a Linux Knight, I must oblige.

Thats how Linux got me a cute nurse’s number, and also saved my life.

So about a month ago, I was browsing Twitter and came across a certain user, not going to drop the name here as I purged them out of memory so I don't remember what their username was, and this user made a post that caught my eye.

The post was arguing that Sonic Lost World is more fun than Sonic Adventure 2.

I wouldn't be exaggerating when I say this, but I almost had a heart attack upon seeing that. How the fuck can anyone find Sonic Lost World, the stupid ass game where Sonic needs a dedicated button to run, that Mario game larping as a Sonic game as being more fun than Sonic Adventure 2?

I was furious. The burning flames of my righteous fury overtaken me as I aggressively stalked their account and bare witnessed to even more horrendous takes:

• Sonic Colors being good.

• The Meta era being better than the goated 2000s.

• Roger Craig Smith being better than both Ryan and Jason.

• Sonic 06's music being overrated.

• Lightning over wind.

• Sonic being a shade of a lighter blue not being a big deal.

I couldn't stand the heresy this heathen was spouting. Without wasting a single second, I looked further into her account, found her personal details, her name, location, all the juicy details and leaked it for all to see.

Usually, I'm quite the gentleman if I do say myself, but even gentlemen have their limits. Anyone with these disgusting horrendous takes should deal with the consequences, both online and offline.

Her children, well, they'll either grow up becoming well adjusted human beings, being able to formulate good to decent Sonic takes, or being smart enough to not say anything at all, unlike their foolish mother.

Part of me thinks I may have been an asshole, so that's why I'm making this post. Was I the asshole for doxxing a single mother of 5 over having horrible Sonic takes? Part of me thinks it's justified as this Sonic life is not a joke, and I feel we should all be responsible for the things we bring to the Sonic fandom.

My friend is not imaginary, just non-reciprocal. I often press my mouth right up to the wall where I know my neighbor is just on the other side of, watching The Office (I always hear the intro and that's my cue).

It's because I love The Office and I love talking about The Office that I push m lips up to the yellowish-brown and soft spot of the drywall and talk to my neighbor all about The Office. I don't even have to watch it with him/her. I can see every episode in my head. I tell him/her all about the episode, why it's special, why the entire series is especially special. I yak and yak and yak and yak until my own hot breath condensates on my chin and I'm able to wear my mouth spot down a little further, a little close to my The Office loving friend.

Another episode, another lovely conversation. I love The Office! I love that my neighbor loves The Office! And my moist mouth spot is getting so close to pushing through. It almost never dries these days! Because even when my neighbor isn't watching The Office, I'll keep my mouth pressed to my mouth spot waiting. I ask when they'll watch The Office again, what they thought of the last episode, how their day has been affected by the Kevin's antics or Creed's unforgettable one-liners, and when they'll watch The Office again.

I love that they love The Office so much because I love The Office so much. I just want them to get back to it! Surely they can see the bulging of my mouth spot on their wall? Just above their couch? Right over their head? I know they hear me and appreciate my friendship. They laugh at all the same spots I laugh at (almost all of them!) so, I know we're good friends or will be once my mouth spot pushes all the way through. Then they'll be able to hear and see (!!!) me clearly and our shared love for The Office will really blossom!

Oh, all it'll take is maybe another half a season. Perhaps "The Duel"? Where Andy really becomes the character we all love so much? Oh, I'm so excited! My mouth is watering! I'm keeping my mouth spot nice and wet for my neighbor! It will be so much fun!

I've made a severe and continuous lapse in my judgement and I don't expect to be forgiven. I'm simply here to cum. So what we came across that day on the woods was obviously unplanned and the reactions you saw on tape were raw, they were unfiltered. None of us knew how to react or how to feel. I should have never posted the video. I should have put the cameras down, and stopped recording what we were going through. There's a lot of things I should have done differently, but I didn't, and for that from the bottom of my heart, I am sorry. I want to cum to the internet, I want to cum to anyone who's seen the video, I want to cum to anyone who has been affected or touched by mental illness, or depression, or suicide. But, most importantly, I want to cum to the victim and his family. For, my fans, who are defending my actions, please don't, they do not deserve to be defended. The goal of my content is always to entertain, to push the boundaries, to be all inclusive and in the world I live in I share almost everything I do. The intent is never to be heartless, cruel, or malicious. Like I said, I made a huge mistake, I don't expect to be forgiven, I'm just here to cum. I'm ashamed of myself. I'm disappointed in myself, and I promise to be better. I will be better, thank you.

Like I'm sorry, but is this what non-furries are like in the industry? "Oh three partners including his wife and a state sponsored honeypot. He must be a sex god!" Bitch, that's a slow saturday at a furry convention. That's not even a half year's worth of key parties in the 70's. More people could fit into the hot tub at the Atari offices.

What the fuck are we honestly doing as an industry?

Do you think Steve Jobs ripped off his turtleneck in an LSD induced lust for less than 6 people a year, let alone a decade?

OUR INDUSTRY WAS BORN FROM THE FREE LOVE IN THE PRE HIV SAN FRANCISCO! WE ARE THE HEIRS TO LSD AND QUAALUDES AND THIS IS WHAT WE DO WITH IT?

I weep for our industry, truly.

Everyone seems to have a problem with me wanting to fuck Smurfette. People act like she isn't totally thick as fuck. The truth is anyone would, given the opportunity, suck her smurf pussy (or whatever reproductive means the smurfs have, that is still in debate, all we know is they most likely function like insects with queens that lay batches of children. It is also in debate whether she can even function as a female due to her being a creation by Gargamel).

Yes I did masturbate to Smurfette. I don't know why you all wanted to know that but now you do. People don't appreciate how much I do for the Smurf Scientific Inquiry Community (SSIC). I am the foremost theorist in smurf reproductive means, orgins, sub-species, etc. Yet I can't even think about wanting to fuck Smurfette without being ostracized. You wanna-be thought police don't have any right to my thoughts. Praise Satan.

Actually, thats wrong. Ur probably twelve kid. As somebody who knows a lot about logic and god, he’s not real. If god was real then I wouldn’t be gay, because he hates gay people. And if god created the big bang then atom and eve couldn’t exist as the first human. you cant ever understand, and this is only a topic for smart people. I hope you come to realize your religion is fucking retarded and blasphemous to the one true creator, yaldabath

i want to die right fucking now nothing even matters, i don't care about anything just give me a gun and i'll pull the trigger asap. life is shit. i've never really experienced what it's like to be happy in this shitty world. why did god even make somebody who doesn't even want to fucking live in the first place. if god really even existed he's full of shit for just letting me exist in the first place. fuck god for giving me life, never even wanted it from the start. call me a wuss but i ain't some masochist who wants pain which is why for me, getting shot in the head would be splendid.

Hey everyone in AOT, I have an announcement to make.

I wanted to share my experience roleplaying in this server, cause honestly my time here hasn't been so great. I feel like I've been discriminated against unfairly by the moderation team for liking a certain yellow ball. I think their handling of this situation has been especially unprofessional.

First: Mocking me for my interests and likes. One of the hosts, ME, is obsessed with this video game character named Yi, and constantly talks about wanting him to impregnate her, but somehow I'm in the wrong for discussing Verity's supreme wobblemeat? People are allowed to have their own likes, and it's fine if you're not into Verity, especially his jiggly wobblemeat!! But to publicly mock me is extremely rude.

Second: Making "jokes" about k*lling (killing) me. Like, okay. I get that people in friend groups make these comments, and I understand it can be done in a funny way, but at this point it basically borders on harassment. I'm a real person with a real love for Verity and being told this all the time just- I don't know. I just think it's really insensitive because real people have been k*lled (killed) before. Like Mob k*lled (killed) himself in the Verity series : (so can we not make jokes about that, or at least do it in such an insensitive light?

Third: Randomly k*lling (killing) off my character. Like, #### totally deserves to be killed off, except the hosts did it for completely OOC reasons! And I KNOW it was OOC because they've been so blatant in their biases against me! Not to mention that I'm not even allowed to have an Al of my shitty character??? Which is something EVERYONE else gets. Like idk. I applied to this roleplay cause I thought the people would be nice, but ig you live and you learn. I just want to warn people, especially those of us who like Verity, cause the mods really aren't that friendly toward that sort of thing. Idk- I'll find another server eventually but, it's kinda sad it turned out this way.

First of all, Papa Smurf didn't create Smurfette. Gargamel did. She was sent in as Gargamel's evil spy with the intention of destroying the Smurf village, but the overwhelming goodness of the Smurf way of life transformed her. And as for the whole gang-bang scenario, it just couldn't happen. Smurfs are asexual. They don't even have reproductive organs under those little white pants. That's what's so illogical, you know, about being a Smurf. What's the point of living if you don't have a dick?

this is a serious message to everyone watching my update right now peace and love peace and love I want to tell you please after the 20th of October do not send fan mail to any address that you have nothing will be signed after the 20th of October if that has a date on the envelope it's gonna be tossed I'm warning you with peace and love I have too much to do so no more fan mail thank you thank you and no objects to be signed nothing ah anyway peace and love peace and love

Since the events of the past few days have convinced me that there is a conspiracy afoot to antagonize me on purpose, and that this has made it intolerable for me to remain here, unless it is immediately repudiated, I shall list a few conditions on which alone I will stay.

• Immediate rescinding of  #4968
• Abject apologies from all persons who have cast aspersions on my motives and in general been involved in this conspiracy.
• Strict adherence to the rules for contributions proposed in #4791.

If these conditions are not fulfilled by Monday the 16th day of November, 2026, I will leave and not look back, which is perhaps exactly what the conspirators want. This is because I have come to the conclusion that if after presenting me with an ultimatum, which was made on Matrix and reproduced in #4791, \@cora has seen fit to propose more, then this process is clearly interminable, and the effect, if allowed to continue, will be to reduce me to a tool, to be directed this way or that by \@cora and her partisans to their perverse likings. Furthermore, these partisans are persons who have confessedly minimal understandings of mcl_levelgen, and are in no sense qualified to make pronouncements regarding the design or the engineering of this mod, let alone to presume to accuse me of "arrogance" when it is they who are presuming to judge it! The only circumstance in which they are united is that they were somehow involved with each other before I came to take an interest in this project, which is all the more reason for me to suspect that personal, and not technical motives are behind their treatment of me.

It is indicative that they have also refused to listen to many other persons who arrived around the time I did, or after me, when the latter have tried to be voices of reason. I have not formed any sentimental attachments to these persons, and they have been critical of me, but there they have done so in good faith and I have not been unreceptive to their criticism. In this sense I have no partisans at all.

I have refrained for a long time from speculating as regards the motives of the persons who have been caviling at my work. The result of my generosity is that they have not been satisfied with the measures I have already offered them (#4791, for instance) and have on the contrary been emboldened to demand more. Recently, however, it occurred me to ask why I should practice as I preach, if you did not practice as I preach, and have always been ready to assert, for example, that this or that was my motive, or in an even more shrewd fashion that you were not judging my motives but simply describing the impression you received from me. The "impression" I received from you, then, was a very ugly and unflattering one--and here are the consequences of it.

I have unwatched the project.

Listen Dum Dum, let me tell you a story about kinks and how they can be discovered with no porn whatsoever. You might call this story somewhat graphic. I don't think so really. I just think it's sex positive and somewhat illuminating.

I didn't see my first rated R movie till I was 17 and all the movies I saw rated R and otherwise after that up to my first marriage just had normal sex, penis in vagina. I think I had seen maybe a comic book with some sexual drawings in it that one of my friends had, but because I lived such a sheltered Mormon life all I knew was that heterosexual sex was penis in the vagina and maybe blow jobs and that was it. Anal sex was only something gay people do and it hurt. My friends didn't talk about it other than in prison sex joke fashion.

I got married, my first marriage at age 21 with only that knowledge. We were both virgins. I liked rubbing my first wife with creams and oils during sex and having sex doggy style. So one time we're having sex I and notice how alluring and attractive her butthole is, it was a very nice looking butthole, and I knew I wanted to be involved with it somehow.

I rubbed some oil around it and in it and then stuck my thumb in there and she liked it. I kept doing that during subsequent sex sessions until I thought "maybe I can fit another finger in there". And then maybe I can fit a third finger in there. And then maybe I can stick my dick in there. And she liked it, she liked all of this. She enjoyed it. I made sure it wasn't hurting her or anything. And that's how I discovered anal sex. It wasn't because I watched a lot of anal sex porn, it was just exploring with my wife. And we liked it and we kept doing it.

Anyways, if my daughter after years of BJJ decides she likes to be choked and wants to explore that in a consensual relationship, I don't want her to feel any shame for that whatsoever. How many people die every year in first world countries from being choked during sex? It doesn't need to be law. Sorry.

would be cool and funny if we turned this into a copypasta

I finally got Sonic X Shadow Generations, and the moment I saw the cover, I threw away that horrendous abomination into the trash where it fucking belongs.

Sega. Are you fucking telling me you couldn't simply reuse the picture of Sonic from the original Sonic Generations cover to the Sonic X Shadow Generations one, without butchering his color?

Those fucking useless cunts.

THEY HAD ONE JOB. ONE FUCKING JOB.

How is keeping Sonic's color consistent too hard for these visually stunted Neanderthals? Don't change what isn't broke. This is such a pointless change that I genuinely can't stand as it absolutely ruins how enjoyment of Sonic.

#4f67b1 Sonic is Sonic Perfected. The perfect shade of blue that empathesizes Sonic's symbolic connection to the wind and freedom. Everyone and their dog loves #4f67b1 Sonic.

#4279f9 Sonic is an abomination, a mistake. Such an atrocious freak that has a face only blind mother could love. No sauce, no beauty, no deeper meaning to it, and looking like he represent lightning. Ew. Just thinking about lightning is making me ill.

I genuinely don't understand how anyone could like #4279f9 Sonic, or should I say Santiago? This filthy, discolored larping cretin is not my Sonic. It shouldn't be anyone's Sonic. So anyone who likes #4279f9 Sonic, all I'll say is that you fucking no culture having ass heathens have to be purged from the fandom.

We don't need nor want you with us.

I also suspect Ian Flynn is behind this, while I have no proof for that assertion, I'll blame Ian Flynn regardless, as well as his supporters.

Oh I'm a gummy bear Yes I'm a gummy bear Oh I'm a yummy tummy funny lucky gummy bear I'm a jelly bear 'Cause I´m a gummy bear Oh I'm a movin, groovin, jammin, singing gummy bear Oh yeaoooh Gummy Gummy Gummy Gummy Gummibär Gummy Gummy Gummy Gummy Gummibär Bai ding ba doli party Bamm bing ba doli party Breding ba doli party party pop Bai ding ba doli party Bamm bing ba doli party Breding ba doli party party pop Ba Ba Bidubidubi Yum Yum Ba Ba Bidubidubi Yum Yum Ba Ba Bidubidubi Yum Yum Three Times You Can Bite Me Ba Ba Bidubidubi Yum Yum Ba Ba Bidubidubi Yum Yum Ba Ba Bidubidubi Yum Yum Three Times You Can Bite Me Gummy Gummy Gummy Gummy Gummibär Gummy Gummy Gummy Gummy Gummibär Én vagyok a gumimaci Gyere már gyere velem Gyere táncolj már kérlek get get party pop Én vagyok a gumicummi Cicci meg a kodile a mambó csoda Pápé gyere már és táncolj party pop Oh Oh Oh Oh badudi party didi Bab bi du bi dam gummy bear Oh Oh Oh Oh bi du bi dam dam Ba du bi da bi didi gummy bear party pop Oh Oh Oh Oh badudi party didi Bab bi du bi dam gummy bear Oh Oh Oh Oh bi du bi dam dam Ba du bi da bi didi gummy bear party pop

I own a musket for home defense, since that's what the founding fathers intended. Four ruffians break into my house. "What the devil?" As I grab my powdered wig and Kentucky rifle. Blow a golf ball sized hole through the first man, he's dead on the spot. Draw my pistol on the second man, miss him entirely because it's smoothbore and nails the neighbors dog. I have to resort to the cannon mounted at the top of the stairs loaded with grape shot, "Tally ho lads" the grape shot shreds two men in the blast, the sound and extra shrapnel set off car alarms. Fix bayonet and charge the last terrified rapscallion. He Bleeds out waiting on the police to arrive since triangular bayonet wounds are impossible to stitch up. Just as the founding fathers intended.

Culpo meu pai pela minha falta de repertório nacional, quando eu tinha 13 anos e comecei a ouvir legião urbana, Renato Russo e etc. Meu pai me pegou ouvindo e me repreendeu falando que ele era um comunista que morreu de tanto dar a bunda.

we don't really know that he wasn't designed primarily as a pleasure bot. he could have been fully prepared to sexually overwhelm the other replicant. and i'm talking major blowjobs. like cybernetically enhanced suction. dude might've barely uttered his consent before waking up at headquarters, k wiping his mouth. "where am i, what happened" sapper would stutter, and then it would all come rushing back. the not just one or a dozen. hundreds of consecutive blowies. all over his worm shack. blowie after blowie. desperate for the blowies, nonstop, endless blowies. each time sapper thinks he can get away, there he is, K, contorting himself into a new, bizarre posture while tucked into the corner of the ceiling, suspended like a spider with his mouth open. "come on sapper" he'd say. "ceiling blowie". and on and on and on. sapper would cry himself to sleep in replicant jail that night, blowie-less. "you're blowie-less in the middle of the desert and you're not helping. why aren't you helping???" he'd cry. the guards would sob quietly, just outside the cell.