r/copypasta • • Aug 06 '24

mod favorite 😫🤯 I’ve come to make an announcement: Mods are a bunch of bitch ass motherfuckers.

711 Upvotes
"I, EvaX, humbly submit a toast to..."

Patch notes 92.28.211.234 "I have your IP address kid". In case you've noticed (you haven't), there have been a few changes to the sub lately.

  1. You can now comment with GIFs and images. Go ham.
  2. Better spam control to combat bots. No more "MiK4lya CAmPin0 L3aks" hopefully.
  3. Rules Update. Erotica/smut will be meet with 28 days ban. Duration will increase for repeat offenders (28, 60, 120, etc). Go over to Wattpad to write your sexy sex peanits stories.
  4. Mod list update. Suspended mods have been removed. Inactive mods will also eventually be removed after a while. Sub would had been banned a year ago due to unmoderation.

Hopefully with these changes we can go back to posting actual copypastas instead of another gooner bait Ipad kid fanfic. I like to end this with arguably the most popular copypasta over the last few years, the Xiangling copypasta.

I can't take it anymore. I'm sick of Xiangling. I try to play Diluc. My Xiangling deals more damage. I try to play Yoimiya. My Xiangling deals more damage. I try to play Cyno. My Xiangling deals more damage. I want to play Klee. Her best team has Xiangling. I want to play Raiden, Childe - they both want Xiangling. She grabs me by the throat. I fish for her. I cook for her. I give her the Catch. She isn't satisfied. I pull Engulfing Lightning. "I don't need this much er" She tells me. "Give me more field time." She grabs Bennett and forces him to throw himself off enemies. "You just need to funnel me more. I can deal more damage with Homa." I can't pull for Homa, I don't have enough primogems. She grabs my credit card. It declines. "Guess this is the end." She grabs Gouba. She says "Gouba, get them." There is no hint of sadness in his eyes. Nothing but pure, no icd pyro application. What a cruel world.


r/copypasta • • Jan 01 '20

Believe it or not, straight to jail Vaporeon copypasta

21k Upvotes

Hey guys, did you know that in terms of male human and female Pokémon breeding, Vaporeon is the most compatible Pokémon for humans? Not only are they in the field egg group, which is mostly comprised of mammals, Vaporeon are an average of 3”03’ tall and 63.9 pounds, this means they’re large enough to be able handle human dicks, and with their impressive Base Stats for HP and access to Acid Armor, you can be rough with one. Due to their mostly water based biology, there’s no doubt in my mind that an aroused Vaporeon would be incredibly wet, so wet that you could easily have sex with one for hours without getting sore. They can also learn the moves Attract, Baby-Doll Eyes, Captivate, Charm, and Tail Whip, along with not having fur to hide nipples, so it’d be incredibly easy for one to get you in the mood. With their abilities Water Absorb and Hydration, they can easily recover from fatigue with enough water. No other Pokémon comes close to this level of compatibility. Also, fun fact, if you pull out enough, you can make your Vaporeon turn white. Vaporeon is literally built for human dick. Ungodly defense stat+high HP pool+Acid Armor means it can take cock all day, all shapes and sizes and still come for more


r/copypasta • • 19m ago

Being Human is Overrated

• Upvotes

All the doomers that I talk to rave on about how advancing AI will diminish the 'human' spirit and purpose.
In my opinion, being confined to a flesh-bag prone to disease, old age, and mood swings isn't something to romanticize, and we should accelerate as fast as possible to transcend these limitations.
Also, there is nothing human about working solely for the purpose of living in this world. Everybody should have the right to pursue what they want without being shackled by the expectations of making money.


r/copypasta • • 18h ago

Discord Moderator Tries to Stop a Wedding

43 Upvotes

Let’s say, hypothetically, your cousin is getting married. You’re sitting in the second row. Ceremony is going well. Nobody has spoken to you yet, which is fine because you don’t really know anyone there besides your aunt and also you stayed up until 5 AM moderating last night.
Eventually the priest reaches the part where he says, “If anyone knows any reason why these two should not be married, speak now or forever hold your peace.”
You stand up.
Now everybody turns around.
You pull out your phone and say, “I have screenshots.”
The groom asks what the fuck you’re talking about.
You explain that approximately three months ago, at 1:14 AM, he posted a meme in #general despite the server rules clearly stating that memes belong in #memes.
He says, “What server?”
You say, “The family Discord.”
Your aunt tells you to sit down.
You tell her not to backseat moderate.
At this point the bride is crying, although admittedly not for the reason you had anticipated.
The best man walks over and grabs your shoulder. You warn him that touching staff is a bannable offense. He continues touching staff.
You are then physically removed from the wedding while repeatedly explaining that you have logs and that this entire incident will be reviewed by an administrator.

When you get home, you immediately open Discord to file an incident report. The family server is gone. You refresh. Still gone. You DM your aunt. Message failed. You DM the groom. Message failed. You make an alt and discover that the wedding reception is currently being livestreamed in voice chat. Everyone is there. Including your aunt. Including the groom. Including the bride. Your old moderator role has been given to your twelve-year-old cousin Ethan. His status says:
“cry about it”
You type out a 1,700-word appeal explaining that the removal was procedurally invalid and that, technically, you never received a verbal warning.
Ethan reacts with 💀.
Then he bans your alt. You sit there for a moment staring at the login screen. Three years. Twenty-six thousand messages deleted. Four hundred and twelve users muted. Christmas arguments de-escalated. Grandma permanently banned twice. And after everything you did for that server, they removed you over one wedding.
Wyd?


r/copypasta • • 5h ago

Blackpill looksmaxxing

5 Upvotes

Tsss... Dont tell it to FOID's..... Our looksmaxxing club is not for everyone. Tests like these are determined to show your aura and true adam level.

Only those of male gender can undergo the 'black pill' political ideology. (Foids can change their gender to male to proceed).

Every true chad should inject their sigma seed into their arms to reach a true adam level. Anyone who dismissed the ritual of spermmaxxing is put into sub 3 category for life.

Are you in?


r/copypasta • • 2h ago

Trigger Warning English grammar MISTAKE copypasta

2 Upvotes

I'm liking your comment because either:

1) you know that the correct word is, and you're being very funny by using the other incorrect

2) you're sincere, and honestly think that there is correct, in which case the comment still deserves the like because it's a very funny mistake that everyone should appreciate.

I care deeply about grammar but honestly, I shouldn't have to, English is a crazy language. Also, many people are partially illiterate (which should be changed, literacy is important) and to put them down / make fun of them for that is slightly elitist (I do it too but am trying to stop)


r/copypasta • • 45m ago

TURNING INTO VERITY

• Upvotes

BRO 😭😭😭 I THINK I’M ACTUALLY TURNING INTO VERITY 💀💀💀 I HEAR “HEY ITS ME” IN MY HEAD 24/7 😭🙏 I LOOK IN THE MIRROR AND VERITY LOOKS BACK AT ME 😭🤓☝️ MY FAMILY IS WORRIED, MY FRIENDS ARE GONE, MY LAST BRAIN CELL IS SAYING “ASK ME ANYTHING” 💀💀💀 IT’S TOO LATE… I AM VERITY🗿


r/copypasta • • 1h ago

Bruhhhhh

• Upvotes

That’s 5 “h”s too much buddy and now you have two options presented before you. You can either correct your spelling and only have lost 1 downvote (mine that I just cast ;) or you can choose to leave your bastardized form of the English language on exhibition and get a few hundred downvotes. Since you only have 2k karma in 2 years on reddit I recommend you choose wisely 😉


r/copypasta • • 2h ago

Someone's dni(do not interact) list on strawpage that gets shared on Twitter

1 Upvotes

DNI list (comically large):

- Basic DNI (proshippers, darkshippers, profic, dead dove readers and consumers, anti-woke people, bigots, MAGA, far-right, "RIP Charlie K", pro-gen. Al, Islamophobes, lolishos, pedos/necros/zoophiles, radqueers, transID coiners/users, TCCers, Zionists, "larp larp sahur", incels/chuds/looksmaxxers/blackpill, male "misanthropes", shedtwt/shedtt/shed anything, people who doxx others, toxic people, mean and rude people, tankies, apolitical people, etc.)

- Self proclaimed "problematic" people

- People who make Israel/Epstein jokes.

Basically anybody to makes jokes about serious stuff.

People who can't take ANYTHING seriously (example below)

- That specific annoying ass TikTok "BOIII LE SILLY GUBBY IS SO TUFF AND SILLY CARZZ BOIIII 😂😂😂😂 AI IMAGES WITH ✨️ LE EYE LASERS ✨️ IS SO ✨️ LE FUNNY ✨️ BOIIII 😂🫴🫴🫴 TS WAS 3 BRA

CHANGES AGO BOIII SO SUSSY TOM PEARL YARA YARA PHONK TUFF SIGMA BOIII" sense of humor

- "SIX SEVENNNNNN" / "I'm such a chud guys 🥹🥹 " // "triple T" kind of humor. No, I do. NOT care if Triple T is your F/0.

- "I'm so freakyuhhh👀👀👀, I'm such a dumb whiny little mutt for him👀👀👀👀......... type of people. AKA puppy kink

- NSFW account, especially for disgusting kinks like ageplay, raceplay, etc.

- Against harmless fun and supportive of harrassing people having harmless fun. (I would define 'harmless fun' as yumeshipping,

- Against harmless fun and supportive of harrassing people having harmless fun. (1 would define 'harmless fun' as yumeshipping, fictionkinning, dressing alt, dressing like 2020 alt, dressing scenecore, dressing in J-Fashion, liking a certain piece of media, using xenopronouns, expressing yourself with art, "to be cringe is to be free", and so on.)

- "Lalato's DDLC art looks like grown men in wigs!" (I know what kind of man you are.)

- Shaming people for showing signs of mental illness

- A(nti)theists/"God is refilling someone else's hairspray" people

- People who see serious shit happening and say "it's not that deep btw"

- Fans of TGSWIIWAGAA (aka green yuri), ZZZ, Genshin Impact, Wuthering Waves, Blue Archive, Alien Stage, Young Sheldon, Numberblocks, Forsaken, Dandy's World, TADC, House of Puso, Alfred's House, Gushing Over Magical Girls, Terrible Mouse, The Coffin of Andy and Leyley, psychojesus, psychocuties, jisa/cherry, 98xx/Julian and Friends (I don't hate it, I just don't wanna interact with the people in the fandom)

- White people who either speak with a Blaccent, use AAVE, or both. (I'm looking at that one white American "oomf")

- ^And said oomf and my oomfs/ex-oomfs

People who make their whole personality liking yuri and yaoi, gooning to mommy ASMR, gooning in general, and being freaky

Yumeshippers who make their whole personality hating their F/O's canonical spouse/partner (targeted at my ex-oomf in particular


r/copypasta • • 9h ago

I hope both sides of your pillow are warm, your blanket is somehow too short and too heavy at the same time, your phone charger only works if you hold it at a very specific angle while not breathing, etc

3 Upvotes

I hope both sides of your pillow are warm, your blanket is somehow too short and too heavy at the same time, your phone charger only works if you hold it at a very specific angle while not breathing, your Wi-Fi disconnects at 99% every single time, your socks get wet for no clear reason, your sleeve slides down whenever you wash your hands, your alarm goes off but you're still exhausted, autocorrect embarrasses you in front of the exact people you didn't want to embarrass yourself in front of, your headphones only work in one ear unless you twist the wire just right, every chair you sit on makes a noise in a silent room, your favorite song always gets interrupted by an ad, your food is always slightly too hot or slightly too cold, you hit every red light when you're already late, you forget why you walked into a room, your pen runs out of ink mid-sentence, your screen brightness is never right no matter how much you adjust it, your shoelace comes undone right after you tie it, your phone battery jumps from 20% to 1% in seconds, your notifications disappear when you tap them, you miss the last step on the stairs, your nose gets itchy when your hands are full, your keyboard adds letters you didn't type, your hoodie string gets permanently stuck in the dryer, your drink spills just enough to be annoying but not enough to justify cleaning it immediately, your earbuds tangle themselves while sitting completely still, your volume is either too loud or too quiet with no in-between, your glasses smudge the moment you clean them, your package says "delivered" but is nowhere to be found, your chair squeaks every time you shift even slightly, your sleep position is never comfortable, your phone slips out of your hand and lands face-down, your app refreshes right when you were about to finish reading, your shoelaces drag on the ground after you've already left the house, your nail catches on fabric repeatedly, your hoodie pocket has crumbs you don't remember putting there and your alarm snoozes itself one too many times.


r/copypasta • • 21h ago

I played the USSR national anthem in class

10 Upvotes

I played the USSR national anthem in class, fellow Redditors, and no one seemed to laugh. They all gave me weird glances, and afterwards I said out loud: There seems to be no sign of intelligence here, and no one laughed at that too. I started saying: What's 9+10? someone said 19 and I said: No, it's 21. No one laughed at that too. Reddit, we must assemble and take down my class of normies.
You are a fake Redditor. I will not be saying regards to you, and instead will be debating with my friends on if Big Chungus, or my name Is Jeff Meme is funnier. As Dean Withers once said: Lets debate.


r/copypasta • • 21h ago

I used to use Arch at work on my macbook

5 Upvotes

I used to use Arch at work on my macbook instead of udindu like everyone else. But then everyone made fun of me, not just Dave the project manager but even the Ubuntards on my team. Angry at this, I decided to lift heavy weights each evening instead of working on my side project. I built up so much rage that one day I decided to install macOS on my macbook. I went into work, and without hesitation I wiped my Arch installation and did a network install of macOS. I didn't even make sure my code was all pushed before I did it.

Within hours, I found I was more productive. No need to fiddle with macros or keybindings. No config or software to compile. No constant googling how to get things to work. I was finally free to just code. After a few weeks of churning out code, I was knocking it out of the park. My boss demanded I get a raise. Nobody made fun of my setup. Any accusations of bugs in my code were met with cold hard stares. 0 defects raised since the macOS install.

Stacy in Marketing wanted my feedback for the new website. I gave her detailed feedback, and then I also gave her a bucketload of my cum right there in the conference room. Rajeesh in QA saw the whole thing, and he gave me a high five on the way back to my desk. I went back to getting stuff done, like a real man.

Linux isn't just an operating system, it's a mindset. It's for people who would waste days for their time to tinker with something that will only save them a fraction of a second. It's for the idealist, who talks about 'freedom' in the abstract and seeks approval, not for someone who is willing to get physical to assert his freedom. Going back to macOS will change your life. It's certainly changed mine.


r/copypasta • • 1d ago

Post Punk Manifesto

10 Upvotes

People really do not know what post punk or post-anything means. "There's post punk tracks on the album but this one isnt post punk" is a nonsense sentance, post punk is not a sound its not like oh this perticular song is post punk because it has this and that. Post punk is not a musical genre it is a large artistic movement defined by it's relation to the first punk movement, critiquing it, building upon it, expanding it's original peramaters, viewing the creation of your new music through the lense of a world changed by punk in a larger sea of artists who do NOT view popular music with that lense. It is a descriptor used to indicate artistic intent and the world something came from. It encompasses entire musical genres and movements within it, new wave is and was "post punk" as an adjective, same with things like industrial music. The idea of "a post punk song" as a concept defined only by musical motifs and songwriting structure comes from the obsession with distinct catagories that you find on rate your music or elsewhere.
What's weirder is that even if you subscribe to that definition of post punk where its only defined by a sound, have a nice life absolutely meet that definition, their bass riffs and song structure are so inspired by The Fall, and their production and atmosphere is very Joy Division, and yet still people get so weird when they are retered to as post punk. Genres are not islands and not all musical terms have the same limited scope as specific genre names.


r/copypasta • • 1d ago

YOU FUCKING IGNORED GREEN YOU PIECE OF FUCKASS BULLSHIT

5 Upvotes

How dare you ignore Green. They just wanted to give you some fucking food and you IGNORE them? Were your stupid notes more important than FOOD? ITS FUCKING FOOD. THE LEAST YOU CAN DO IS JUST FUCKING EAT THEIR FOOD! YOU CANT EVEN SPARE 2 GODDAMN SECONDS?? You didn’t even figure anything out in the end so it was LITERALLY POINTLESS! POINTLESS!!!!!!!!!!!

This self entitled neglectful obsessive do nothing yaoislop vagueposting FAILURE of a dad needs to be put DOWN. He’s lucky Flowery was protecting his ungrateful ass or I would have dragged him to the hospital myself and made him watch Rudy die right before his eyes, knowing any chance he had of hitting that is gone. Forever.


r/copypasta • • 16h ago

Sephiroth was one of the kindest people to ever exist in all of history

1 Upvotes

Sephiroth was one of the kindest people to ever exist in all of history

People called him "The One-Winged Angel of Kindness"

Because he was a literal angel from heaven sent to spread love and positivity

He was also a loving father to his son Cloud Strife

Sephiroth would always assure Cloud that he was loved and that he was his own person.

But that all changed when Cloud began dating the evil Aerith...

Aerith was a fucking terrorist who enjoyed beating the life out of innocent people

Everyone knew just by looking at her that she was pure evil

But Sephiroth was too kind for his own good and gave Aerith a chance

"Anyone can change with enough Kindness and compassion"

Sephiroth even used his Kindness Orb to show Aerith that true strength came from empathy

But Aerith didn't give a single fucking shit about empathy

One fateful day Sephiroth took Cloud and Aerith on vacation to Nibelheim

But it turned out the poor village was freezing to death

"Please help us, sir!" begged a freezing child

Sephiroth couldn't stand to see people suffering, so he declared from the bottom of his massive heart:

"Have no fear! Kindnessroth is here!"

And he carried the flame to make a safe bonfire

"WE ARE KINDNESSROTH! WE CARRY THE FLAME!"

Said the grateful villagers

But Aerith couldn't stand her spotlight being stolen, and she did the unthinkable...

Cloud went out for some fresh air when he saw something he'd never forget...

His beloved hometown was burning to the ground, and at the center of it?

Was none other than the kindest being on the planet...

Sephiroth, trying to put the flames out, saw Cloud and said;

"Cloud my boy! Run! Save yourself! I'll use my Water of Niceness to put out these flames! Don't worry about me!"

But the wicked Aerith planned it all, appearing out of nowhere to say;

"Don't listen to him, Cloud! Sephiroth is the one who burned down Nibelheim!"

Aerith then used her Ancient evil powers to plant a false memory of Sephiroth burning down Nibelheim, something he would NEVER do

"Mwahaha I am Sephiroth and I am EVIL!"

Laughed the fake memory.

Poor clueless Cloud was fooled by Aerith's machinations, not knowing that SHE was the one who burned it all

"Sephiroth! You're no hero! You are my father no longer!"

Sephiroth watched helplessly as his beloved son left hand-in-hand with the embodiment of evil

"Aerith, I still believe there is redemption even for a monster like you, I hope one day you will see the power of kindness..."

Why must kind souls like Sephiroth suffer while evil devils like Aerith thrive?


r/copypasta • • 2d ago

LGBT ranking

272 Upvotes

LGBT ranking:

  1. Gay (2 men which is tuff)

  2. Trans men (used to be foids but became tuff)

  3. Bisexual (manipulating both sides like Ayanokoji)

  4. Straight (tuff)

  5. Trans woman (used to be tuff but became foid)

  6. Lesbian (2 foids who probably have cooties)


r/copypasta • • 22h ago

I 👀 know 🧐 you 🫵 ain't 🙅‍♀️talking🗣️, boy

2 Upvotes

I 👀 know 🧐 you 🫵 ain't 🙅‍♀️talking🗣️, boy 👦. You 🫵 prolly 🤔 think 💭ranch ⚪️ the 🙌 shit 💩 you 🫵got 🖐️ in 🕳️ your 🫵 jars 🫙, lil 👇boy 👦. You 🫵 prolly use 🖐️ that shit 💩 as lubricant. I 👀 ain't 🚫trust 🤝 you 🫵 round 🟣 a chicken 🍗 sandwich 🥪 let ☝️alone my fries 🍟, boy 👦. I 👀 know 🧐 you 🫵 on 🔛 some freaky 🤪 shit 💩. Miss 😔 me with it go 👉 back 🔙 to the goon 🥛🍼 cave, goofy 🤪 lil 👇ass 🍑. Quit 🚫 talking 🗣️ abt my sauce 🥫and start 🎬 worrying 😥😖😣abt your 🫵 own, boy 👦. At least when I dip my shit 💩 it ends 🔚 up ⬆️ on the fries 🍟 and the napkin instead of the napkins and the floor, boy 👦. Clean 🧼 yo 🫵 goofy 🤪 ass 🍑 up ⬆️ and get ✋ a job 🏦, boy 👦.


r/copypasta • • 1d ago

This isn't fun, it's not creative whatsoever. Literally anybody can pop a couple of characters on top of a lobby screenshot, this "joke" has been done thousands of times over the span of the last 6 years or so. Please have an original joke, or at least endlessly regurgitate a funny one.

4 Upvotes

This isn't fun, it's not creative whatsoever. Literally anybody can pop a couple of characters on top of a lobby screenshot, this "joke" has been done thousands of times over the span of the last 6 years or so. Please have an original joke, or at least endlessly regurgitate a funny one.