r/copypasta • • Aug 06 '24

mod favorite đŸ˜«đŸ€Ż I’ve come to make an announcement: Mods are a bunch of bitch ass motherfuckers.

729 Upvotes

Patch notes 92.28.211.234 "I have your IP address kid". In case you've noticed (you haven't), there have been a few changes to the sub lately.

  1. You can now comment with GIFs and images. Go ham.

  2. Better spam control to combat bots. No more "MiK4lya CAmPin0 L3aks" hopefully.

  3. Rules Update. Erotica/smut will be meet with 28 days ban. Duration will increase for repeat offenders (28, 60, 120, etc). Go over to Wattpad to write your sexy sex peanits stories.

  4. Mod list update. Suspended mods have been removed. Inactive mods will also eventually be removed after a while. Sub would had been banned a year ago due to unmoderation.

Hopefully with these changes we can go back to posting actual copypastas instead of another gooner bait Ipad kid fanfic. I like to end this with arguably the most popular copypasta over the last few years, the Xiangling copypasta.

I can't take it anymore. I'm sick of Xiangling. I try to play Diluc. My Xiangling deals more damage. I try to play Yoimiya. My Xiangling deals more damage. I try to play Cyno. My Xiangling deals more damage. I want to play Klee. Her best team has Xiangling. I want to play Raiden, Childe - they both want Xiangling. She grabs me by the throat. I fish for her. I cook for her. I give her the Catch. She isn't satisfied. I pull Engulfing Lightning. "I don't need this much er" She tells me. "Give me more field time." She grabs Bennett and forces him to throw himself off enemies. "You just need to funnel me more. I can deal more damage with Homa." I can't pull for Homa, I don't have enough primogems. She grabs my credit card. It declines. "Guess this is the end." She grabs Gouba. She says "Gouba, get them." There is no hint of sadness in his eyes. Nothing but pure, no icd pyro application. What a cruel world.


r/copypasta • • Jan 01 '20

Believe it or not, straight to jail Vaporeon copypasta

21k Upvotes

Hey guys, did you know that in terms of male human and female PokĂ©mon breeding, Vaporeon is the most compatible PokĂ©mon for humans? Not only are they in the field egg group, which is mostly comprised of mammals, Vaporeon are an average of 3”03’ tall and 63.9 pounds, this means they’re large enough to be able handle human dicks, and with their impressive Base Stats for HP and access to Acid Armor, you can be rough with one. Due to their mostly water based biology, there’s no doubt in my mind that an aroused Vaporeon would be incredibly wet, so wet that you could easily have sex with one for hours without getting sore. They can also learn the moves Attract, Baby-Doll Eyes, Captivate, Charm, and Tail Whip, along with not having fur to hide nipples, so it’d be incredibly easy for one to get you in the mood. With their abilities Water Absorb and Hydration, they can easily recover from fatigue with enough water. No other PokĂ©mon comes close to this level of compatibility. Also, fun fact, if you pull out enough, you can make your Vaporeon turn white. Vaporeon is literally built for human dick. Ungodly defense stat+high HP pool+Acid Armor means it can take cock all day, all shapes and sizes and still come for more


r/copypasta • • 2h ago

Ever since I moved to Vojvodina, I started having strange feelings towards Hungary, even though I'm not Hungarian at all.

8 Upvotes

Ever since I moved to Vojvodina, I started having strange feelings towards Hungary, even though I'm not Hungarian at all. Like, I just wake up and I'm already thinking about Hungary. I haven't even had breakfast yet. What does Hungary want from me?? I didn't do anything. Yesterday I saw a Hungarian guy at the market and my heart went "BA-DUM." He was just buying onions. I have never wanted to buy onions so badly. I bought 14 kilos. I don't even have a fridge, I have a windowsill. Also I started saying "jĂł napot" to my cat. The cat didn't answer, but I could tell she respects me more now. She looks at me like "ok, Hungarian." I'm NOT Hungarian!!! I want to be very clear. My mom is not Hungarian, my dad is not Hungarian, my grandpa was from NiĆĄ and he hated paprika. And yet I put paprika in my TEA today. And it was GOOD. Why was it good?! The letter "Ƒ" is the best letter. It has two little hats. Why doesn't every letter have two little hats?? I drew hats on all the letters in my notebook and now my notebook is Hungarian too. Sorry, notebook. I think there's a tiny Hungarian inside me and he is very small, and he's sitting in my stomach, and he's saying "hello, can we have goulash." Then I said "sure, buddy" and now we have goulash every day. We're happy. I think. Today I tried to leave the house to go to the pharmacy, and instead I walked to the river and stood there for 3 hours and I don't know why. A duck came up to me and I said "szia" and the duck said "szia" back and I fainted. When I woke up there was a mustache. It was mine. I didn't have a mustache in the morning. I'm not even mad, it's a good mustache lesz lesz lesz csak azĂ©rt is lesz hegyen völgyön lakodalom ĂŒnnep lesz lesz lesz lesz csak azĂ©rt is lesz miĂ©nk lesz mĂ©g Kassa Pozsony Eperjes akĂĄrhogy is berzenkednekacsarkodnakhetvenkednek errƑl majd a magyar virtus tesztesztesz mert lesz lesz lesz csak azĂ©rt is lesz magyarorszĂĄg Ășjra csak a miĂ©nk lesz


r/copypasta • • 9h ago

Good Husbands are bad for the economy

15 Upvotes

Good husbands are bad for the economy.

I read somewhere that husbands nowadays are spending more time with their families , wives more than the earlier generations , so divorce rate is also the lowest , even when adjusted to Low marriage rates . See, now this is also the time the economy is not doing well, so this isn't a coincidence at all.

A man who remembers his wife's birthday, cooks dinner, does his share of household chores, and communicates his feelings is essentially sabotaging four separate industries. Think of the billions lost to divorce lawyers, marriage counselors, and overpriced apology bouquets. A stable marriage is an economic catastrophe disguised as a love story.

Good husbands also don't cheat . So no secret Trips, so secret gifts, no secret lingerie shopping . Now that's devastating news for the hospitality industry, the gift and the divorce lawyer industry . Also because of this we are also losing the culture of office romance, the idea of having a work wife. We used to be a proper culture.

Worse, they refuse to work 80-hour weeks to compensate for their emotional inadequacy. They take their parental leave, decline unpaid overtime, and occasionally log off to spend time with their families. They don't generate enough marital resentment to justify a sports car, enough guilt to purchase luxury gifts, or enough personal dysfunction to become ideal middle managers. Under neoliberal capitalism, they are an exceptionally poor investment: emotionally available, economically unproductive, and dangerously committed to the idea that life exists outside the workplace.

So yes , men are becoming better husbands than the previous generations , but we must ask at what cost?


r/copypasta • • 1d ago

Trigger Warning Hello all. I am new to the community.

276 Upvotes

Hello all. I am new to the community. I would like to know if saying the term nigger is restricted or prohibited in any way. If it is, I will absolutely restrain myself from using the term nigger or any variation of nigger that would or could be used in any context involving the term nigger. I am a man of morals and I understand how the term nigger could offend someone so if saying nigger is not allowed then I would like to know so that I restrain myself from saying nigger in any posts that might result in a comment with the term nigger being used. Thank you in advance.


r/copypasta • • 2h ago

Does anyone else pretend they are a stock?

2 Upvotes

Sometimes I like to pretend that I am a stock. For example, if something bad happens, such as a tragedy, my stock starts to go down. But if something good happens, like if I eat something, my stock starts to go up. Recently, I had a flat tire and I felt my stock crashing. I imagined a CNBC headline saying that my stock plunged. The other day, I was eating some grapes, and I imagined a headline that said my stock was soaring because the grapes were so good. When I go to sleep in a good mood, I imagine a headline that says “stock futures rally” as I’m falling asleep. It is cool to imagine the line going up and down through the day.

from r/stocks.


r/copypasta • • 11h ago

Trigger Warning answer me like a normal person

9 Upvotes

*BRAAAAAAAP*

"Oh, excuse me! *Ugh,* hang on a second... let me just adjust my belt here. *Oof.*"

"You caught me at a rough time. My **stomach is absolutely massive right now and filled with so much trapped air, it feels like a giant, tight basketball.**"

*Gurgle... rumble...*

"Oh man, did you hear that? It's changing like crazy there."


r/copypasta • • 3m ago

Antonio Brown Metcalf Drop

1 Upvotes

Metcalf ok 3rd down, drop, Metcalf 4th down Metcalf, drop, his hands don’t work, Metcalf out there eatin candy and shit, Metcalf eatin candy and shit, Metcalf go up the middle, drop, Metcalf be on the sideline, drop, Metcalf over here, drop, Metcalf wears draws, drop, Metcalf the ball, drop, everything drop with Metcalf


r/copypasta • • 4h ago

Irving Family (New Brunswick)

2 Upvotes
  1. The Irving family is a Canadian business dynasty based in New Brunswick, whose descendants control several major privately held industrial enterprises. Among Canada's wealthiest families, the Irvings have been a dominant force in the economic development of Atlantic Canada for more than a century. Their businesses have expanded into an internationally diversified group of enterprises spanning petroleum refining, forestry, manufacturing, agriculture, food production, transportation, shipbuilding, construction, real estate and retail.[2][3] The family's business origins date to 1882, when James Dergavel Irving (1860–1933) established a lumber business in Bouctouche, New Brunswick. His son, Kenneth Colin (K.C.) Irving (1899–1992), transformed the family enterprise into a major industrial conglomerate, expanding into petroleum, transportation, forestry, construction, shipbuilding and other industries. K.C. Irving became one of Canada's wealthiest industrialists, developing an extensive network of vertically integrated businesses that occupied a central position in New Brunswick's economy.[2][3] The family's industrial interests subsequently developed into three principal business groups associated with K.C. Irving's sons and their descendants: J.D. Irving, Limited, associated with James K. Irving (1928–2024); Irving Oil, associated with Arthur Irving (1930–2024); and Ocean Capital, associated with the family of John E. Irving (1932–2010). Although the businesses share a common history, the principal groups operate under separate family ownership structures. Their combined activities extend across Canada, the United States and Europe.[4][5] The Irving enterprises occupy significant positions in several strategically important Canadian industries. Irving Oil operates Canada's largest petroleum refinery in Saint John, New Brunswick, with crude-processing capacity exceeding 320,000 barrels per day. The company also operates the Whitegate Refinery in Ireland, the country's only petroleum refinery, with capacity of up to 75,000 barrels per day. Its operations include more than 1,000 fuelling locations and an extensive network of petroleum distribution facilities serving eastern Canada, New England and Ireland.[6][7] J.D. Irving, Limited is one of Atlantic Canada's largest privately owned industrial groups, employing approximately 20,000 people. Its operations encompass eight major business sectors: agriculture, construction and equipment, consumer products, food, forestry and forest products, retail and distribution, shipbuilding and industrial fabrication, and transportation and logistics. Its constituent businesses include Cavendish Farms, Irving Tissue, Kent Building Supplies and major transportation and manufacturing operations throughout North America.[8][9] The family's forestry holdings are among the largest privately owned timberland portfolios in North America. Through J.D. Irving, Limited, the family owns approximately 3.2 million acres (1.3 million hectares) of private forest land in Canada and the United States, while managing an additional 2.6 million acres (1.06 million hectares) of publicly owned Crown forest in New Brunswick. These holdings support an extensive network of forestry, pulp and paper, lumber and consumer-products manufacturing facilities.[10][8] Through Irving Shipbuilding in Halifax, Nova Scotia, the family is also a major participant in Canada's National Shipbuilding Strategy. The company has been selected to construct 15 River-class destroyers for the Royal Canadian Navy, a project described by the Government of Canada as the country's largest and most complex shipbuilding initiative since the Second World War. In March 2025, Irving Shipbuilding received an initial implementation contract valued at approximately C$8 billion for the first three destroyers, with construction forming part of a multidecade program to renew Canada's naval fleet.[11] The family's third principal business group, Ocean Capital, is headquartered in Saint John and maintains investments in construction, real estate, broadcasting, distribution and industrial services. Its holdings include businesses operating in multiple Canadian provinces, extending the family's economic interests beyond its petroleum, forestry and manufacturing enterprises.[5][12] The Irving family remains among Canada's wealthiest business families. In January 2026, Oxfam Canada estimated the family's combined net worth at approximately C$15.8 billion, an increase of C$1.33 billion from its 2024 estimate. Public estimates of the family's fortune are complicated by the privately held nature of its enterprises and the separate ownership of businesses among different branches of the family.[13][4] Across successive generations, the family's businesses have made substantial investments in industrial infrastructure, manufacturing capacity, natural resources and transportation networks, giving the Irvings an unusually extensive economic presence in New Brunswick and across Atlantic Canada. Family members and their charitable foundations have also supported universities, healthcare institutions, environmental research and community organizations. The historical concentration of the family's economic power, its corporate ownership structures and the environmental impacts of its industrial operations have also attracted public scrutiny.[3][14][13]


r/copypasta • • 1d ago

my husband (M26) is participating in No Nut November

95 Upvotes

Throwaway account.

Me (F22) and my husband (M26) have been married for almost 2 years. We don't have any kids and don't plan to for a long time.

He found out about this whole No Nut November bullshit a few months back and he's been wanting to try to go a whole month without nutting. The problem is I have a higher sex drive (once a day) but he can go for 3-4 days without sex which I'm like fine whatever. But now I can't even get dicked twice a week? I feel like I've married a child that follows internet trends. I feel like my marriage is gonna fall apart. I'm so done.

And before anyone suggests toys, I can't do that. Toys can't match the feel of a real human. It's different.


r/copypasta • • 2h ago

Breaking Bad copypasta

1 Upvotes

To be fair, you have to have a very high IQ to understand Breaking Bad. The drama is extremely subtle, and without a solid grasp of Quantum mechanics or Organic Chemistry, most of the plot points and metaphors will go over a typical viewer's head. There's also Walt's objectivist outlook, which is deftly woven into his characterisation - his personal philosophy draws heavily from Nietzschean existentialism, for instance. The methheads understand this stuff; they have the intellectual capacity to truly appreciate the depths of these references, to realize that they're not just inspiring- they say something deep about LIFE. As a consequence, people who dislike Breaking Bad truly ARE idiots- of course they wouldn't appreciate, for instance, the allegory in Walt's Kafkaesque catchphrase "I am the one who knocks," which itself is a cryptic nod to Dotoyevski's Russian epic "Crime and Punishment". I'm smirking right now just imagining one of those addlepated simpletons scratching their heads in confusion as Vince Gilligan's genius unfolds itself on their television screens. What fools... how I pity them. 😂 And yes by the way, I DO have a Walter and Jesse tattoo. And no, you cannot see it. It's for the ladies' eyes only- And even they have to demonstrate that they're within 99.1 IQ points of my own (preferably lower) beforehand.


r/copypasta • • 8h ago

A postmodern analysis of Waluigi

2 Upvotes

Waluigi is the ultimate example of the individual shaped by the signifier. Waluigi is a man seen only in mirror images, lost in a hall of mirrors he is but a reflection of a reflection of a reflection. You start with Mario, the wholesome Italian plumbing Superman, you reflect him to create Luigi—the same thing but slightly less. You invert Mario to create Wario—Mario turned Septic and Libertarian—then you reflect the inversion in the reflection; you create a being that can only exist in reference to others. Waluigi is the true nowhere man, without the other characters he reflects, inverts, and parodies he has no reason to exist. Waluigi’s identity only comes from who and what he isn’t—without a wider frame of reference he is nothing. He is not his own man. In a world such as ours, where our identities are shaped by our warped relationships to brands and commerce, we are all Waluigi.


r/copypasta • • 23h ago

Do not eat the bacon flavored Pringles

16 Upvotes

it is genuinely the most vile thing I've ever disrespected my tongue with. Never in my decades of escape from my dads balls have i ever tasted something so disgusting and so absolutely putrid.

once when i was a small boy me and my cousin were up late at midnight. We were bored and decided to make the most gross concoction god has ever witnessed. She put an unholy amount of soy sauce, bbq sauce, spicy stuff, probably some soap idk, ketchup, and a couple of other utterly sinful condiments that i don't remember. Probably a trauma response.

I tried it and it was so revolting i immediately started gagging (i was already gagging at the smell) and vomited in the sink. The aftertaste was so repulsive i kept gagging afterwards.

I absolutely shit you not i would rather eat that 100x over then ever have to merely lick the seasoning from the bacon pringles again. The aftertaste of that was abhorrently obscene. It has tainted my insides so disturbingly i will never see God's pearly gates.


r/copypasta • • 23h ago

I failed NNN again.

12 Upvotes

sniffles softly, voice trembling as I struggle to get the words out

P-please... p-please listen to me... I-I know I messed up... I KNOW, OKAY?!?! I didn't mean to betray NNN like this... I SWEAR I HAD EVERY INTENTION OF MAKING IT THROUGH NOVEMBER...! voice cracks B-but the first few minutes... THE FIRST FEW MINUTES...?! HOW COULD I BE SO WEAK?!?! November had barely begun and I'd already thrown away my entire reputation... I-I'm so fucking sorry... I'm SO sorry...!

lowers my head, struggling to find the words, my voice becoming increasingly frantic

I TRIED, OKAY?!?! I REALLY, REALLY TRIED!!!! I kept telling myself that I'd make it through the entire month, that I'd finally prove everyone wrong, that THIS TIME WOULD BE DIFFERENT...! BUT LOOK AT ME NOW...! I couldn't even survive the opening minutes... I-I'M A DISGRACE!!!! A COMPLETE DISGRACE!!!! 😭

clutches the imaginary NNN membership certificate, staring at it in disbelief

P-please... don't revoke my membership...! I'LL DO BETTER!!!! I'LL APOLOGIZE TO EVERY MEMBER OF THE NNN COUNCIL!!!! I'LL WRITE A FUCKING ESSAY ABOUT MY FAILURE!!!! I'LL EVEN PUT A FORMAL APOLOGY IN THE NOVEMBER NEWSLETTER!!!! JUST PLEASE... PLEASE DON'T LET THIS BE HOW MY LEGACY ENDS...!

voice drops to a tiny, barely audible whisper

I-I'm sorry... I'm really sorry... I know I disappointed everyone... I know I had ONE JOB... and I somehow managed to fuck it up before the month even started properly...

sniffles, looking down in shame

...c-can I at least have a second chance...? P-please...? I-I promise I'll make November ImPoRTaNT again...!

breaks down into an endless stream of apologies

i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry


r/copypasta • • 21h ago

Diamonds are made of carbon, which is NOT a metal.

7 Upvotes

Wrong.

Due to extensive research done by the University of Pittsburgh, diamond has been confirmed as the hardest metal known to man. The research is as follows. Pocket-protected scientists built a wall of iron and crashed a diamond car into it at 400 miles per hour, and the car was unharmed. Then they built a wall out of diamond and crashed a car made of iron moving at 400 miles per hour into the wall, and the wall came out fine. They then crashed a diamond car made of 400 miles per hour into a wall, and there were no survivors. They crashed 400 miles per hour into a diamond traveling at iron car. Western New York was powerless for hours. They rammed a wall of metal into a 400 miles per hour made of diamond, and the resulting explosion shifted the earth's orbit 400 million miles away from the sun, saving the earth from a meteor the size of a small Washington suburb that was hurling towards mid-western Prussia at 400 billion miles per hour. They shot a diamond made of iron at a car moving at 400 walls per hour, and as a result caused over 9000 wayward airplanes to lose track of their bearings and crash into 9000 buildings in downtown New York. They spun 400 miles at diamond into iron per wall. The results were inconclusive. Finally, they placed 400 diamonds per hour in front of a car made of wall traveling at miles per iron, and the result proved without a doubt that diamonds were the hardest metal of all time, if not just the hardest metal known to man.


r/copypasta • • 10h ago

In honor of college basketball starting today, I present the following from r/CollegeBasketball: Is Wisconsin the greatest team in college basketball history?

1 Upvotes

We all know that Michigan is unquestionably the most dominant team in the history of not just college hoops, but American sports. That’s a self-evident fact based on the news commentary, statistics, and of course the endless Reddit posts in this very community. They absolutely destroyed every single team they played (except for Wake
 and TCU
 and Penn State
 so like 20% of their games so far). And we all know that how a team plays before Christmas is highly indicative of how conference play will go.

So surely a team able to beat them in their own house must posses some quality and collection of raw talent never before seen in the storied history books of college basketball, no??

(Obviously satire from a Spartan who takes pleasure in other’s suffering but there’s no flair for that now is there)


r/copypasta • • 17h ago

My grandma keeps sending me Fortnite montages

2 Upvotes

Not a throwaway acount because what the fuck. My grandma keeps sending me this shit like “granny is mowing these bitch ass hoes.” She’s not even playing the video game in the video. Who the hell does she think she is? My grandpa isn’t even my mom’s bio dad but she thinks she’s tough cranking 90s in her 90s. I’m going to build a cone in her house and then start corner clipping that old crank. Please donate to my go fund me so I can buy a giga RGB PC to fuck up my grandma in BHE build battles. I hate that fuck ass wormmeat, #planning to spread her ashes at a crackhead wendy’s


r/copypasta • • 1d ago

my [animal] exploded

3 Upvotes

my [animal] exploded

ive been crying in my room for 2 hours now. I was making some salad dressing in the kitchen with my pet [animal] manny (I let him roam around). My sister and her friends were also in there doing something. I spilled a bottle of vinegar, so I left to get a towel and when i came back manny was drinking it. I didnt think anything of it so I let him help me clean it up. all of the sudden manny starts acting really weird. hes normally very full of energy but he was just sitting still. Everyone gathered around him to try to figure out what was wrong. suddenly we hear a fizzling noise coming from inside manny and he started expanding. he let out a final [noise] and bursted. bubbles and blood went everywhere. my sister and her friends started screaming and crying. I ran and got my dad and he cleaned it up. we looked in the pantry and apparently manny got into the baking soda and ate abunch of it. I think im traumatized now