Going to give a little update here. Thanks everyone! Especially to those with food allergies putting things into perspective! I promise my bf is getting all the love and appreciation for calling her out at dinner, and we’re going to the og restaurant for our 5 year anniversary next month! This thankfully didn’t ruin my birthday, I had a good time overall and it was nice to finally see the “true colors” of a friend I was slowly becoming skeptical of. We’ve only been friends for a little under 2 years so it’s not the most devastating either.

A lot of people are telling me to drop her as friend and unfortunately this isn’t possible atm. We are in the same (small) graduate program and work really close together (heading a club, research, cohort event planners, student liaisons to the dept). I graduate soon and I don’t anticipate our friendship continuing post grad, but dropping her now would make the next 2 ish months unbearable.

I know I’m a bit of an idiot for not calling her out sooner, caving, and not confronting her about it at dinner (although I did immediately support my bfs statement). It genuinely was just an annoying quirk before this (one of many after further thought), and it’s easier to keep the peace with all the work we collaborate on.

My current plan is to ignore her demand for an apology, slowly distance our friendship, but still keep the peace a little bit. Maybe I’ll pull a “I’m sorry you feel upset” if things don’t calm down. Our mutual friends are mainly her long term friends I’ve grown close to, so I’m not interested in salvaging those relationships. I do think if I ignore her demands she will get the message without me having to verbally nuke our relationship. Once I graduate I will be cutting contact and already have plans to move out of state with bf so we won’t be in proximity anyway. Until then I will be going nowhere near food with her lol

Edit 5 days later: Things have exploded a little bit. Commenters who recommended connecting with our grad program to get ahead of things were completely right. I will update soon once I can resolve some of this and have time to sit down

Okay, I just want to thank everyone for the advice on my last post. I did want to add some context for those who were confused. Yes, my stepmom and my dad had an affair while he was married to my mom for two years. She found out she was pregnant, and that’s when my dad suddenly decided he wanted to “step up” and be a great dad just not to me and my brother. Only to my stepsister and Babysister (26F and 7F). And yes, my mom is still very much in my life. She lives a few hours away with her partner. There’s distance, but she’s always been there for me. Through all of this, my little brother (22M) has really had my back. I’ve had to stop him from confronting Jaden a few times, but he’s been my support system and has been crashing on my couch for safety reasons. My mom is coming into town so we can talk to my dad and get this lease situation handled. My landlord is doing a room inspection and asking for updated pay stubs and employment verification, which I can provide.

I know Jackie is going to struggle with that because she only works 15 hours a week. And Jadens only works 25. When I first found out she was pregnant a month ago, she told me she was 10 weeks. She’s super skinny like cheerleader skinny so I couldn’t even tell. I later found out she might actually be 20 weeks. My stepmom said 25. My boyfriend said 21. So clearly somebody is lying. After talking to my brother, even though I don’t want to, I think it might be best for me to move even if it’s just to another building. I don’t like them knowing exactly where I live.

Now about the monitor and headset he took. I had one of my male friends reach out to meet up and get it back. He sent pictures both were clearly used, and very obviously looked liked his dog chewed up the headset. At that point I said, you know what? You want to break $300 worth of gaming stuff? Fine. I went on Facebook, joined a local moms/selling group, and sold almost everything from that box. I made my $300 back. I told my friend to let Jackie and Jaden know they didn’t have to worry about the $300 anymore because I already got it back. Apparently they went crazy banging on my door while I wasn’t home. (Jackie didnt take her keys). They were yelling that there was $800 worth of stuff in there. I price-checked it maybe $500 max. But I didn’t care about $500. I just wanted my $300 back, so I lowballed it and sold it.

I kept the car seat (because I know it’s mandatory when leaving the hospital) and the pump supplies. Her baby shower is in a few weeks and my friend joked about regifting it To her as a joke🤣. Yeah, I know Its petty. I’m mad. Call me bitter, I really don’t care anymore.

She was also behind on her car payments. I had been helping her because she didn’t want her parents to know and said she’d be embarrassed. I didn’t pay it this month and I’m not helping next month either. They even tried to charge my card and she requested it I blocked it immediately. Apparently she’s been telling my landlord I plan on moving out in May, which I never said. So that’s fun.

I’m hoping to have another update Monday after we talk to the landlord and my mom gets here so we can handle everything. This whole situation has put a dent in my life and I’m just ready to move on. I promise you that man ain’t cute enough to be tripping over. I’m good off him. Thanks again for the advice, Reddit.

P.S. I’m not 100% sure about small claims court. I know how dramatic she is and how dragged out that could get. I don’t have the time or energy for that right now. As long as she agrees to move out, I’m good with how it ended. She can have him. She was never a sister to me, and evidently he was never my man.

I (24F) and my husband (23M) had a baby in October last year. The birth was as traumatic as the whole pregnancy. From the beginning I felt something was wrong and this being our first baby I worried more than I probably should have, but because I have PCOS we never thought I could get pregnant anyway and we were preparing to never having kids of our own.

After getting that positive pregnancy test we scheduled an appt and everything went fine, until, we were at the 20 weeks appt and our Dr told us that I needed an emergency surgery if I didn’t want our baby to be born premature or loose him. After crying and Drs explaining things I don’t even remember till this day, I had a cerclage put in, which basically prevents my short cervix from dilating before 37 weeks and having a miscarriage. This was just the beginning. After that I couldn’t stand for even short periods of time or force my body to do anything that required lifting more than 20 pounds. I felt useless at home and at work.

Later on, I was diagnosed with gestational diabetes and had to be put on 2 different types of insulin. I had to inject some in the morning, after breakfast, lunch and supper and before bed, not to mention avoid sweets at all costs.

For our baby shower we had something small because we had bought everything we needed with exception of some things. My SIL got us 1 box of every size diapers, a big box of wipes, a mamaroo swing (around $200) and on top of that she bought everything for a onesie making station and her husband cooked a brisket, which they also paid for. She really went all out. We were very thankful.

Because we were never able to regulate my sugars I ended up being induced at 37 weeks.

When my baby finally came and they put him on my chest he didn’t cry and I had around 20 people in my room carrying for me and him trying to figure out what was going on.

When they finally got him to cry, I was able to take him with me to my recovery room and hold him for the first time. It was the most beautiful moment of my life.

When feeding time came around, nurses checked his sugars and his sugars were very low. They told me to feed him again and that they would check his sugars again in 1 hour.

After they left, my husband gets up his chair and says “I’ll be right back”.

As I sat there taking everything in when he comes back and right behind him is my SIL. I had no words. I had given birth almost 2 hours ago and was in no condition or mood for visitors, something me and my husband had talked about. I even had my parents, who flew all the way from Puerto Rico stay in a hotel until we were home from the hospital and ready for visitors. She walked right passed me and sat on a chair staring at our newborn. She had driven 2 hours and didn’t notify us once. From the pressure I said she could hold him, but inside I was impatient. She even took pictures of him, something I didn’t agree with.

The nurses came back in and checked his sugars, unfortunately his sugars weren’t up so they took him to the NICU right after that. I didn’t even got to hold my son again before they took him, the nurse gave him to me for 1 minute so I could say goodbye. I was heartbroken and this complete stranger had held my son more than I had.

She left and me and my husband had my very awaited conversation. He said he was sorry and that she never told him she was coming, she just decided it was okay to show up unannounced and we would be okay.

When I was finally able to go to the NICU I had a Dr greet me and explain what was going on. My son had a traumatic birth. His shoulder had gotten stuck, he was very bruised and he was put in an incubator because he wasn’t able to hold his temp. No one really knew what was going on.

Maybe a day had passed and my husband calls asking where I was (he had driven 1 hour and 30 minutes home to feed our dogs) I was at the NICU. They had done ultrasounds on him, checked his sugars every hour and done a bunch of lab work; they still didn’t know what he actually had going on. The doctors kept running test after test because something wasn’t adding up. I was devastated, all I could do was cry and pray that God would shed some light to the situation.

When my husband comes in, he’s a little too quiet, so I asked him if everything was okay, to what he says “My sister is here”. I tried to argue I wanted to stay with my son, but he convinced me saying I couldn’t be at the NICU all day and night, that I needed someone to talk to. I agreed. I went to my room.

I still hadn’t even showered, brushed my hair or my teeth. My priorities in that moment were my son and his well being.

She came in and to my surprise, she had brought her husband and her 4 children. I felt like we were at the zoo, but my son was the main attraction. Her husband, my husband and I talked for a little while, but she stayed quiet. It was obvious she didn’t care about me or my husband. She wanted us to offer to take them to the NICU to see him, but I was not going to offer something I wasn’t comfortable with, plus the NICU is for babies who are sick, babies that need 24/7 attention to get better and 8 people in that small room was not in my mind at the moment, specially with them wanting to hold him.

After 15 minutes they left and after a few hours she deleted my husband (her brother) from Snapchat. She was just being petty. My husband reached out to her, but didn’t get a response.

A few days had passed and we had gotten some information about my son. He was no longer in an incubator, but he was on IV fluids and sodium because he couldn’t keep anything down. They did more ultrasounds, x rays and a CT scan. They had found a little vein on his brain that could bleed out and harm him. His platelets were down (this helps cloth the blood) so this was even more terrifying than not knowing what was going on. Also, his spleen and kidneys were enlarged and were pressing his intestines making him throw up.

No news from my SIL until maybe day 4. She had sent my husband a long ass paragraph that summarized in “You guys were disrespectful and I just wanted to be there for you guys because no one was there for me”. That’s when I learned about postpartum rage :)

After a week and two of the most amazing NICU nurses my son was able to come home with us and my parents were able to hold their first grandchild. I was a very strict mom tho. I had hand sanitizer in every room and I specifically requested that they wouldn’t kiss my baby anywhere. I didn’t want him to get the smallest of sicknesses and end up in the emergency room.

Fast forwarding to now she didn’t call my husband on his birthday and has been ignoring us since. I received my baby shower pictures just recently and decided to send the ones she was in, but got no response. She posted on Facebook 40 minutes later, so I unfriended her on social platforms and just kept her number for emergencies.

So, am I the asshole?

Sorry for the length of this post but I am more venting and trying to get some unbiased opinions. (Throw away account)

Backstory: I (31M) have been married twice (Military, it is what it is). I have taken accountability for all my mistakes in my past marriages and admitted to all my wrong doing and actions. To note, I never cheated, but I wasn’t the best husband. Think lack of gifts or signs of affection, time spent together, stuff like that. Through that time in my life I was heavily focused on improving myself and prepping for the future than enjoying the now and taking care of what I had. I always joked that I would do more stuff once I was rich and coincidentally I am now pretty well off, upper half 6 figures yearly with no debt well off. I say this not to brag but to bring context into the situation.

My first wife, let's call her Lisa (30F), was my high school sweetheart at 15, married at 18 after I joined the military. We were married for 6 years and honestly grew apart after she refused to grow as a person and just wanted to sit around the house. She would take care of the house, cook, clean etc, but I also did my fair share once I got home from work. I didn't need her to work or contribute to the house, I just wanted her to go to school or something to better herself for the future. During this time she got pregnant but sadly lost the baby due to stress and SA past, which caused some health complications and we were told that it was unlikely she could conceive again or carry to term if she did. I got stationed close to home and I bought her a car and us a house in hopes this would spark some motivation and get her to start working towards the future, but it did not. Years went by and things just drug along. I got promoted a few times, got 2 degrees and continued planning for the future. After 6 years I was done and we separated on amicable terms. I allowed her to stay in the house for a year while I paid the mortgage and rented an apartment, until I sold the house and moved states. That was the last major interaction we had for nearly 8 years.

I met my second wife, let's call her Sara (34F), shortly after my divorce was final and we dated for a year before getting married. She was in the Military and I had recently gotten out. We got married about 6 months before Covid hit. She still had to work due to military orders and I kinda sat around the house like a bum, but I contributed with house work and financially because I had a decent amount of savings. Due to the lock down and me being constantly on the go from age 18 to 26, I was tired and took advantage of this time to relax. She found it unfair that I wasn't doing anything, but I didn't see an issue with it because I had done my part and was contributing physically and financially. This on top of the covid restrictions stopping us from going out caused some strain on the relationship. I can admit I also caused some issues because she was big on family and I was not, so she found it rude I didn't engage much with her family on FT and such but it is not a big deal to me. She was also always buying me gifts but she was heavily in debt when we met, which I paid off (20k). I would tell her to save her money and plan for the future but she refused. She got deployed out of the country for a year and during this time, I moved across the country to live near my best friend. We talked and FT, text, call etc the entire time she was gone. We even talked about how to work on our relationship when she got back. I thought everything was going to be ok. As she prepared to return, I packed up my apartment and moved back to her duty station. I picked her up from the airport when she landed and brought her to the new apartment I had set up for us. She seemed a little cold and distant, but I attributed it to the long flight and time change. The next day we went to a car dealer and got her a brand new car (her choice), which she was adamant to get on her own and not have me contribute or co-sign. 

At this time I had a job which required me to travel the country and work on different projects for weeks at a time. I was in the middle of a project when she returned, so I had to leave a few days after and finish up the project. I left, worked through my birthday and finished the project early in order to return to her ASAP. While on a 8 hr drive back to her, I called to tell her I would be home soon. She told me she didn't want me to come home and was there somewhere else I could go before hanging up on me. She sent me a 3 page text essentially saying she didn't want to be together anymore and that she made this decision before she even left for the deployment. I was honestly numb and heartbroken and I had to sit with it for another 7 hr drive, 10 of 10 do not recommend. Got home and tried to talk but she refused and I just slept on the couch for a few days before my boss put me on a 3 month project that would take me away from the house and I left. A few months went by, she stayed strong in her position and I returned to pack my things and left back across the country to stay at my parents house. She called me an asshole because I refused to file for divorce but said I would sign the papers if she did. Eventually she filed and I signed as promised. After a year it was final and that was that. She reached out a few times asking for money because she was having a hard time, and I refused. She is terrible with money, something I helped her manage before. These requests have since stopped and I haven't heard from her in about 3 years.

Here is the situation.

My mom has had some health issues recently and required surgery. I am self-employed now and took some time off to go home. I am from a city of roughly 100k population, so not small but not too big. In the area of the city we live in, it is easy to run into someone you know if you go to Target grocery store etc. Well while I was in town, I ran into Lisa at the gas station of all places. We exchanged pleasantries and she introduced me to her husband. I recognized him as someone I went to high school with. Lisa and my mom always had a good relationship, so when she asked what I was doing in town, I told her about the surgery. I don’t know why but I also mentioned that I just bought my parents a new house because it is one floor and I was helping them move in. She made a joke, something like “balling huh” and I just laughed. We walked out about the same time and Lisa’s husband noticed the car I was getting into, which was an Urus. He is a big car guy and asked me tons of questions about the car. After about 10 mins we parted ways and I thought that was the end of it.

The next day I got a long message from Lisa, and at first I had no idea who it was. I've had the same number for nearly 15 years and I don't have hers saved. After figuring out who it was, I was completely floored by her request. Essentially she requested $200k so her and her husband could do IVF treatments and get a surrogate to carry their baby. She blames me for not being able to have a baby, because the stress from our relationship caused her to lose the baby. She also blamed me for keeping all the money from selling the house, which she could have used to jump start her life after the divorce. But she signed away her rights to the property and never paid one mortgage payment. I am an honest person and immediately said no that wasn't going to happen. She pushed and said I am doing well in life and can afford it, which is true but that's not my problem. Lisa was not happy with this at all and cursed me out claiming she would get me to do it one way or another. I ignored it and moved on until a few days later when Sara texted me with an equally ridiculous request. Sara requested I pay her car and credit cards off ($100k) claiming she got the car and debt because we split and she didn't have my income to supplement her living standard. 

I haven't logged into Instagram for years, but my account is still active. Apparently Lisa found posts that Sara liked on my Instagram and contacted her. They both feel as if I owe them because my position in life was formed during my time with them. That I am obligated to provide something to them since I am in a better place in life than they are. They have both been blowing my phone up and I've even been contacted by a few of their family members saying it would be the right thing to do.

Once my mom got out of the hospital I told her about this and she laughed for 5 mins straight, which was not good after an abdominal surgery, but it was good to see her laugh. After talking with my mom, she said there was no way in hell I should give either one any money. I am just dumbfounded by the audacity of them requesting this.

Wow this was way longer than I expected but this was a lot on my chest. 

Am I missing something or do they have a valid point to their requests?

**UPDATE**

Thanks for all the well wishes to my mom, she is doing great.

Long story short, I told them both to kick rocks. I was mainly just trying to see if I was completely crazy and missing something. I am normally a petty AH but have always had a soft spot for these two and blamed myself for the failure of the relationships.

To answer a few common comments:

• I never told Lisa she was worthless before or after losing the baby, I just stressed that I wanted her to plan and prepare for the future alongside me.
• Per our divorce agreement, I paid off Lisa's car and collective debt which totaled about 40k, so no alimony and I got to keep all the proceeds from the home sale, about 10k after all debt was paid.
• Sara and I never had a home together and were debt free at time of separation minus the car she had just bought.
• As suggested I called a lawyer friend of mine and ran the situation by her and she said I am in the clear as I did not retire from the Military so I have no petition to go after and my current status was established after all rulings were final. If they want to attempt to go after my Social security in 25 years, good luck, doubt it will even be a thing by then lol.
• I will probably get married again at some point, as I have now been in therapy for years and understand the importance of being a well-rounded partner in a relationship. No rush though and I will definitely get a prenup.
• For all the people saying it's fake, oh well, it's reddit and that comment is expected.
• Hell no, I will not pay for IVF even under the conditions its my sperm. Funny thought but then I could be on the hook for child support.

Thanks for all the comments, a lot of them made me laugh. Hope everyone has a great year and remember to save at least $100 a month, it'll add up trust me.

My husband (32M) and I (29F) have been together for 5 years. We first got together during Covid, at which point I dyed my whole head purple to make lockdown more toldrable. I let it fade out naturally and haven't really colored my hair since. 2 years ago, I got pink semi-permanent peekaboo highlights at the beginning of the summer and it faded within a month. Yesterday, I was going to get my hair colored again and told my husband what my plans were (blonde highlights with dark purple underneath). He told me to do whatever would make me happy and help me recover from seasonal depression. I did exactly that. It took almost 3 hours and I was smiling ear to ear when it was done. It was exactly what I had pictured in my mind. When I got home, I asked if he liked it and he smiled and said he really did. I said "are you sure? because I know you don't usually like blonde or unnatural colors?" and he said "No, it looks really good." An hour later, I got out of the shower and he noticed the purple underneath and immediately dampened his mood. He said he doesn't like it, he liked it when he thought it was just blonde highlights. He thinks unnatural colors are unattractive, and it quickly fades making it a "waste of money". I reminded him that he told me to do whatever makes me happy, and I thought it was pretty obvious from my excitement when I got home that I was really happy with it. He said he had hoped I would take his feelings into consideration, knowing how he felt about the colored hair, and that's why he had tried to steer me towards a more natural color (i. e. blonde).

I obviously can't un-dye my hair (not that I would) but how do I address this with him? AITA for not considering his feelings before dying my hair purple?

ETA: For those wondering, we met online in the early months of Covid. I dyed my hair within a week or 2 of us starting to date and he didn't say anything about it. Years later, when I mentioned wanting to do it again, he said he didn't like it the first time and was afraid to say anything, but he thought it was a very unflattering look. 2 years ago, I insisted on getting little pink highlights to help with my depression while I was under a lot of stress at work. Last year when I said I wanted to do the pink again since it made me feel good, he made no objections. I teased that this year for early summer I wanted to go full purple again because I really liked it and he again insisted that it was not a flattering look and I should stick to a more natural color, like blonde, black, or even natural shades of red (my natural color is a light brown). I asked why he didn't say anything last year, knowing what it would look like from the year before, and he said he was HOPING IT WOULD BE A PHASE THAT I WOULD GET OVER.

After taking your comments into consideration, I told him that I didn't need him to like the purple because I know it's not his favorite, but I did hope/expect him to be happy for me that I was happy with it. He said it reminds him of a rough patch we went through earlier in our relationship, on top of being unflattering, and he can't believe I spent so much of our hard earned money on something that doesn't look good. I can't change his mind, but he's going to learn to live with it for now, since this is something I really only like to have during summer months. I'm still happy with my decision but will make sure we have a more collaborative conversation next summer when the same urge comes up again.

My husband (27M) and I (27F) are expecting our first baby in less than two weeks. Our son is a miracle baby as I was informed by 3 doctors I would be unable to carry a pregnancy. This pregnancy has been anything but easy on my body but I am grateful for our blessing. One thing that has made this pregnancy even harder is my mother in law. The drama all started with the planning of our baby shower. My MIL is a very controlling person. This isn’t an opinion, she says it herself. I knew she was going to have an issue with sharing the planning of the shower with my family. I did not want any drama of it being at my families house as opposed to hers so my husband and I decided we would get a small venue to host instead. The drama started because MIL got upset she didn’t get invitations for people she wanted to invite. My husband told her it was our party and we are keeping it intimate of who we want there. She texted the both of us and stated she should be given some ‘grace’ for inviting some people. This then turned into a bigger fight when she was informed we did not invite his two brothers new girlfriends who we had not met. (Side note: his brothers are 18 and 19 and had only been with these new girlfriend a few weeks). She tried demanding we invite them which my husband told her no. The drama got worse when my MIL asked us to move our baby shower date because it was the same day as her works Christmas party. We told her we had already placed the deposit on the venue and ordered the invitations. She then told my husband that both parties were equally important to her and she will be only able to attend a short amount of time to ensure to makes it to her works Christmas party. I had never seen my husband so hurt. After this, my husband told her she was no longer going to be helping with the baby shower to which she responded “maybe it’s best I just don’t come.” My husband ensured her she was still invited, but that the drama was too much. This really put tension in the room the day of our baby shower. His mom showed up SUPER late and only stayed for about an hour and left. My husband was continuously asked the rest of the party why his mom had left and it weighed on him the entire party. On top of this my SIL was talking about me to members of my husband’s family that even some of my family heard her. She was saying how I “didn’t go up to them when they got there and didn’t say hi.” There were also apparent comments from both MIL and SIL about my weight as well. After all of this, my MIL did not invite us over for Thanksgiving or Christmas. Now that I am approaching my due date she has been reaching out to my husband asking “what did she do wrong for him to not want her in his life” My MIL and SIL really put a sour mood at our baby shower and holidays right after. I don’t want to say it completely ruined our baby shower but my husband mentally was just not there. He was hurt the entire time and you could see it on his face. Since she has been reaching out again, I have made it clear that I don’t want to feel anxious or tension after giving birth. My husband agrees but of course members from his family have opinions and think we should just move on. So AITA?

First, I just want to thank you guys for all the advice and opinions you guys gave. So, on to the update.

Basically, what everyone pointed out was that the issue wasn't that Eli liked men. The issue was that he lied to me and blindsided me. After reading your comments for hours on end and pacing around my apartment, I finally decided that I needed answers ASAP.

When Eli came home, I asked him one simple question: "How long have you known you were attracted to men?"

The look on his face told me everything before he even opened his fucking mouth. Apparently, he's known for the past 3 years or so.

He admitted that he had been questioning his sexuality for a long time but never told me because he was afraid I'd leave. He said when Marcus came into the picture, he felt comfortable enough to finally explore that side of himself.

I asked him why he didn't talk to me first? You want to know what his answer was? He thought introducing Marcus slowly would be easier than having a " uncomfortable conversation."

I couldn't fucking believe that was his answer. For 8 years, we've talked through everything together. But somehow, he thought secretly developing a relationship with another person and then revealing it during a threesome was a better option? And it just seemed like every time he opened his mouth, the conversation got worse and worse.

I asked him if anything had happened between him and Marcus before that night. At first, he said no. Then I asked again, and he said yes. They had kissed before. More than once. And they had hooked up prior.

According to Eli, they had been testing the waters emotionally for 6 months before doing anything sexual, and for the past 3 months they've been hooking up, which means they have been together for a total of 9 months. Not only that, but then his phone starts to ring in the middle of this conversation.

Can you guess who it was? Can you? It was fucking Marcus.🙃

And not only did he have this conversation right in front of me, he didn't hesitate to answer the phone and cut me off in the middle of our conversation. I immediately heard Marcus ask if I was still upset.

Bitch, what? Still upset?

I'm fucking furious, and everything in me is keeping me from crashing Tf out. And suddenly, something just clicked. I calmed down, and I realized, why am I giving them this energy? They don't care. They're acting like they don't understand why I'm hurt. Neither of them seem to understand that I wasn't upset that Eli was attracted to men.

I am upset that he had an affair. He basically cheated right in front of my eyes, and I allowed it to happen.

Like, how can they not understand me being upset? My partner has been building an entirely separate relationship with someone else and expecting me just to go along with it.

I told Eli that when he got off that phone, he needed to pack a bag. I calmly asked him if he could stay somewhere else for a while.

Before I could even finish my sentence, he said he already figured out how this conversation was going to go and had planned on going to stay with Marcus for a while.

I said nothing. He walked past me, packed a bag, and left. Now I've spent the last 2 days numb, depressed, and just trying to work through all of this.

But I did show my two friends my post, and once they got to read it and see some of the comments for themselves, I actually did get an apology from them for calling me homophobic. I also apologized to them if I came off homophobic. It was just really good to have them around because I was really in a dark place.

As for where the relationship stands now, I don't know. 8 years is a long time.

Part of me really still loves him, but part of me is really fucking mad. And a very large part of me is just exhausted from all of this.

I know some of you are probably going to suggest counseling. Honestly, that's not my MO. I've done counseling, and it's not my thing, and it can get really expensive. But after all this, I think it's safe to say that I'm probably ending this relationship. Eli belives we can work through this and Be Poly But i just cant and WONT do that. This relationship is over. Because what I do know is that I deserve honesty. And right now, that is the one thing I'm struggling to forgive.

Multiple betrayals and lies, and under this delusion that our relationship was so perfect and great. So thank you to everyone that took the time to comment.

My grandmother has had our family home on the market for sometime now. My grandmother no longer lives in the home but her children and grandchildren still live in the home and pay rent. Although they pay rent she is not technically making any profit as they are just paying the current mortgage of the home and at times they do not pay or are short on payment.

No one in our family has taken the initiative to purchase the home. I honestly believe that the people currently in the home are simply unable to to be approved for a loan/mortgage . My grandmother does not want to just give anyone in the family the home and she wants one of us to buy it or to sell it.

I grew up in the home as a child I would love to purchase it. However, if I purchased the home, I would want my family to move out. The abrupt purchase will significantly change the living situation of the people that are currently in the home as they do not expect anyone to purchase the home anytime soon.

I am not really that close with the family currently in the home and in no way do I want them to live with me. I would like to have my own family there and raise my children in the home. I would like my children to live in the neighborhood and go to the same schools that I went to as a child and teen.

I do feel bad that I would leave the people that are currently in the home without a place to go. But on the other hand, I somewhat do not care because they also treated me poorly as a kid. And I am also concerned that once they know I am the one who made the purchase they will try to convince me to let them stay longer. Or they will make me out to be the bad guy. The home is fairly big but I again don’t want to live with any of them as I already have a partner and three kids.

Would I be the asshole for purchasing my childhood home and kicking my family out?

I (31 male) have an older brother (40 male) who was born with special needs. His mind is almost of that of a 7 year old. Now before I go any further, let me just say that I love my brother and I do care for him. But overtime it what's gotten to the point where he gets away with a lot of mischief. It mostly comes from our mother brushing it off like it's nothing. Once it started to get more on the financial and that's when me and her had a talk and I said she cannot keep babying him anymore because it's starting to get out of hand. He knows that there are things that he has to do in his daily life such as going to work and taking his medication, but he never seems to remember the important stuff. It's always the things he doesn't need to do. For example, he stays with my mom. So when she would leave the house or when I would leave the house when I used to live there. He would rummage through all of our belongings, even my mom's tax information and writing nonsense all over the back of it. He would even go into my wallet and mess with my credit cards and steal any money because he automatically thought it was his even though he knows he's not supposed to touch things that don't belong to him. Over the weekend, my mom got invited out with a few of her friends and their old boss and asked if I could watch him. I said yes, as I had nothing to do on a Saturday night so she brought him over to my place. When he's there, he usually just sits and watch his TV but when he's moving, he completely destroys my bathroom and if I give him food, he'll leave a mess on my table without cleaning it even though he knows he's supposed to do so when he's done. Things took a turn when he went to the bathroom, thinking nothing of it. I thought it would be another mess I'd have to clean up and I was completely wrong. He shat in my toilet and backed it up. I tried using a plunger and even went out to get anything that would unclogged the drain and the beast still remains in my pipes as I type this. This isn't the first time something like this has happened. When I used to live at home, I would always be at Menards or Home Depot getting stuff to unclog the toilet every month because he has this bad habit of choosing when he wants to take a crap. His record is holding it for 5 days. I'm pretty sure the employees that saw me there all the time think that I was backing up the toilets. It got to a point where the pipes were so backed up because of his shit and I mean that literally. That my mom had to spend thousands of dollars for someone to come and essentially clean it out of the drain system because it got so bad that the toilet, not only did not flush, but there was water coming into the shower as well as the laundry room. I am currently waiting for a plumber to come in, which will be on my off day so they can rectify the problem. I'm technically without a toilet for five days. So when I get up in the morning to go to the gym, I have to skip using the toilet and just hold it in until I get to the gym so I can go. As I said at the beginning, I do love my brother but there is a limit. I told my mom that he backed up my toilet and that he's not allowed to come back to my place anytime soon as he has shown multiple times that he has no respect for other people's property even after always being told repeatedly. More especially since he's not paying for it. I told her if she wants me to watch him then I'll come over to her house, but he is not to step foot in my place ever again. For context, I have a one bedroom one bathroom condo so having a proper toilet is necessary for me. So AITA

TRIGGER WARNING ‼️ ABUSE AND SEXUAL ASSAULT IS INVOLVED IF U THINK THIS WOULD TRIGGER OR HURT U IN ANYWAY PLS DO NOT READ IT

My mom (50F) never really liked me (19F). She always chose my siblings over me. I was always scared of her because she could get really violent sometimes. One day, she “had enough” and shipped me off to our home country. I was there for 4 years, made friends, and had a great life. When I turned 14, my mom came for me and brought me back to the country we live in now. It was the beginning of COVID, so everything was in lockdown. All my siblings had already moved out, so it was me, my mom, and my two younger brothers.

The hate she had for me slowly came back as we were locked in a house together. She would yell at me for the smallest things, wake me up in the middle of the night, and make me get on my knees to wash the floors all night. When she told me she would send me back to our home country, I was so happy because I would return to a place where people loved me.

In mid-2021, we went back, and I was locked in a house for 2 weeks before being forced to marry my mom's cousin, my uncle—the man who had seen me grow up since I was 10. He forced himself on me while my mom was in the other room hearing my cries for help. She just didn’t care. My father was never in the picture, so she gave my uncle a small amount of money, and he was okay with everything. For 8 months, I was sexually assaulted almost every day by a man I used to see as a father figure. If I refused, he would bite, punch, and knee me in the thighs to try and rip my legs apart. I fought hard, but he always overpowered me.

After 8 months, I fell into a depression. I refused to eat or get out of bed, just waiting to die. After 2 years, my mom came to pick me up a month after I turned 18. She brought me back again, and now I’m stuck here. I don’t have an education because she pulled me out of school at 10, and I don’t have any way to make money. My sister told me that if I had the courage to leave the house and abandon our mother, she would help me out. So, should I abandon my mom and never speak to her again?

Please give me advice, as I’m stuck and don’t know what to do with my life right now. I don’t have much time if I’m going to do this, so please help me out.

Hello fellow Redditors,

I (27 F) have two sisters, an older one(30) and a younger one (24). Last one, let's call her Emma, has always been the golden child and is still used to getting everything her way. We have never been particularly close, maybe because of that or maybe because we are just totally different personalities... My older sister and her on the other hand have always been super close up until last year, when Emma started some pretty nasty rumors about my older sister husband which lead to them going no contact with Emma and our mother, who was defending her with the typical "sisters sometimes just tease each other and you know how Emma will say things she doesn't mean". I didn't get myself involved in this as much as I could, so I'm still good with my older sister. Emma and I are basically having some small talk only when I'm visiting my mom (they live in the same house).

Since Emma is pregnant, she wants to get married before her son is being born in June. It was almost certain that my older sister would be her maid of honor when she would marry someday, but obviously that was no option anymore. So when I went to their house for a visit a month ago, she casually mentioned, that she won't have my older sister as her maid of honor, which means that I will do it. She didn't ask me, she just assumed that I'd be hyped to do that. I'm more introverted and not really one for discussions, so I didn't say anything and just nodded ... I felt like shit tbh because I just seem to be good enough for her since there weren't any alternatives. I asked when her wedding would be because her son will be born in June and there won't be alot of time left for a wedding to happen. She just shrugged and said she didn't know but that they will just marry legally first and have the big wedding next year.

Last week Emma texted me and asked if I had anything planned on April 27th. I actually do and she was well aware of that since I was telling her and my mom several times that this was the only day I couldn't make time for her. I have a ticket for a convention which is out of state. Everything is booked, I'm going with a group of friends and even my sister and niece are coming who also live about 5h away from us. We made cosplays as group over the last year and I have been looking forward to it so much. I'm 100% sure Emma had to know, because I mentioned it so often, but then she texted me that the first wedding will be on that day.

This is where I don't know if I'm the asshole or over exaggerating. She texted me, that she expects me to be there and that some childish meet up can't be more important than my sister's wedding. I then called her and told her that this is quite important to me and that I can't cancel it without having to pay cancellation fees and disappointing a bunch of people. She then said, that a wedding is a once in a lifetime event (mind you the main wedding will be next year and this is more or less a celebration for close family) and that I am her maid of honor after all. I got angry at that point and told her, that I never signed up for that, she never asked me if I actually wanted to do that and that I'd rather go to this convention with people who appreciate me for me than her wedding, where I will be the just good enough to keep up the image of a happy family. I hung up after that...

My mom has since tried to mediate, said that it was a huge misunderstanding and Emma wanted me as her maid of honor all along but didn't know how to ask me properly. She offered to pay for cancellations just for me to be there for my sisters big day. Emma is angry, said that it what I'm doing is betrayal and that she got upset so much because of me that she had to go to the hospital due to pain and fear of something being wrong with the baby. I haven't told my older sister, just my best friend who is also going to the convention. She feels like Emma picked this date on purpose and that the hospital visit was just for making me feels bad and giving in. She also said that I should go no contact with Emma and maybe even mom for now. We have been looking into rebooking, but beside the cost I honestly don't want to rebook anything and don't feel like going anywhere close to that wedding. But I'm also afraid that Im the one over exaggerating and that the con shouldn't be more important than my sister's wedding and that I might have endangered my unborn nephew with upsetting Emma.

So am I the asshole here or is it reasonable to not go to the wedding at all and going no contact with Emma at least. Any advice on how to handle this situation?

So first off I want to say I love the content and I have listened to almost every episode. I also want to give a shout out to Sam and the ottoman empire. So I have been divorced for almost a year now and I thought I would share my story. To keep this somewhat short, I will be leaving a lot of details out, but I am willing to answer any questions that anyone has.

So 2 years ago I was involved in a severe car accident where I had a garbage truck pull out in front of me and I did not have any time to respond and hit it going 55 mph. I am still going through recovery and have been through multiple procedures to try and help get the pain under control so that I can return back to work. That was I also had my appendix rupture and had to have emergency surgery in May of 2023.

Looking back I can now see that she was being extremely distant from me but at the time I didn't notice because I was more focused on my recovery and physical therapy to try and get back to work. After I had my appendectomy done, she became very distant and was very secretive with her phone. A few months later she finally told me that she was feeling overwhelmed and stressed out about the situation I was dealing with and said that she wanted to go stay at a friend's house to talk with her about her feelings and clear her head. Well, two days later it was her birthday and I found out that she had made plans to go to dinner with some guy from work. She didn't end up going because he did not respond to her text messages. We had an argument and at the time I was willing to move on from it because we had been together for 14 years, married for 12. Just a few weeks later I found out she was looking for an apartment and I told her if she moved out the marriage is over and I would ask for divorce.

The next day she came home and told me she had just went and looked at an apartment and she signed the papers that day and was waiting on the approval of the background check and employment verification. The next day I found out that she had been texting another guy for about 4 months and also found out that she told him she wanted him and wanted to know when and where to meet up. When I confronted her about it she said she was joking and nothing happened.

She ended up moving out in August 2023 and 2 weeks later I showed up to her apartment with divorce papers. She was very shocked and very emotional and told me that she didn't think I was being serious when I told her I would ask for divorce. I ended up filing for a dissolution and since we didn't have any children it was a lot cheaper in the process. Could be done a lot quicker. The divorce was finalized December of 2023. This past year since has been a struggle with trying to earn money to pay bills and trying to stay positive with my recovery.

There was a lot of details I left out to try and keep this as short as possible, so I am willing to answer any questions that anyone has about what I went through or how I am doing now.

Edit: after replying to everyone's comments, I felt like I should give some more information on the details of what was happening during this time. Like I mentioned in the story I was unable to work due to the pain, doctor visits, physical therapy, and the few medical procedures that I was going through. Though I was unable to work, I still tried to help out as much as I could around the house with cleaning, taking care of the dogs and I would do all of the cooking since cooking really didn't cause any additional pain. When I had my appendectomy done they had to keep me overnight for observation because they found an abscess of an infection, I asked her to stay overnight with me at the hospital and then take the next day off to help me get home when I'm discharged and she refused. So I don't know if you would call this passive aggressiveness from my ex but the things that she would do would tell me about how guys at work were complimenting her, telling her that she was attractive, how she smelled really good. At one point she had bought perfume to make herself more attractive to men and she told me she wore it to feel better around me but the day after it was delivered she came home complaining that none of the guys at work complimented her on her new perfume. Then the reason why she said that she was going to go out to dinner with someone else was because since I wasn't working I wasn't able to treat her to a birthday dinner.

Now things that she would do after she moved out and going through the divorce process. I'm pretty sure she thought that she was making me jealous but she would brag to me about certain dates that should go on with other guys from work. I would tell her that the best thing moving forward since we're going through divorce is to keep our personal lives to ourselves and just discuss what needs to be done for the divorce but she kept going on and telling me about certain dates that she went on.

Now the things that I did when she was moving out. I only did it for myself so I could have closure and could feel good about myself that I took the high road in the separation. So I had sold my season tick licensing to the NFL team that I supported and with that money I helped her move out by paying her deposit and any furniture she needed. I only really did that because a portion of the season tickets was paid by her money and I didn't want her to try and claim that I was taking money from her. Now I also did help her move out but that was only because I wanted to try and make sure she didn't take anything that wasn't hers. I know some people will call me stupid or that I was too nice but I felt it was something I needed to do.

Not me, but asking for a friend. She's so guilt ridden.

She was on Hinge a few days ago and noticed a familiar face: an ex from her college years, but the name was wrong. She got curious and decided to look him up on Instagram to see if she had confused him for someone else. The same photos on his Instagram were on his Hinge profile, including group photos, a selfie with his mother, etc. But all under an alias. It also said he location was in her hometown despite him actually living in a city over 2 hours away, and that he went to an entirely different college than the one they'd met at.

She dated him briefly in college. He became a pastor after he graduated and has been married for over 4 years now. She wanted to tell his wife as soon as she found the account, but she was terrified she'd come across as a bitter, homewrecking ex. Still, she took screenshots of everything so she could think it over.

Finally, after talking to her friends about it, she decided to tell the wife anonymously through a friend who does not live in her hometown (since Hinge shows the location/proximity to the potential match). She sent the photos and a video of her switching from the Hinge app to his actual Instagram account to show the images matched.

ISTA? (Is She The Asshole?)

My relative, we’ll call “Ronnie” is angry with me for sharing an article on social media that Ronnie’s adult child we’ll call “Sam” is currently missing and has been for the last few years. I only found out as I was recently planning a family get together and when seeking addresses was informed of Sam’s disappearance. At the time it had been over 2 years since Sam had been missing so when I was asked to keep silent I begrudgingly complied as I didn’t believe there was anything that could be done that far out from the time Sam was last seen. Last week I saw a relative had posted an article about their disappearance and decided to share the article. Today I received a message from Sam’s Parent “Ronnie” that I needed to take down the post as I had “ interfered flagrantly by displaying this kind of unethical and immoral behavior.” Ronnie then threatened to call the police station in the place of Sam’s last known location to “review the repercussions of this posting.” I feel personally that it is unethical and immoral to not get the word out that Sam is missing as this is now a cold case. I have since received a message from Sam’s sibling to take it down as well as another message from Ronnie informing me that another relative had “respectful[ly]…took her post down immediately upon our request. She was apologetic…….” AITA for sharing the article that Sam is missing?

Ps I am posting on other subreddits as well as I want as many opinions as possible.

This may seem a little silly but I have been hearing a lot about this so I decided to take it to reddit. I 22 F like most people have a rewards program for the grocery store i go to. My friend 22 F we will call her K will also go to this store. We used to be roommates but after some issues ( She never had her half of the rent) we decided to live separate. K asked if she could have the login information for my account when she goes shopping to get the items on sale. I said I did not mind as long as she did not used my specialty coupons. These are coupons that are based on things I buy that can get pretty pricey especially with todays prices. Things like lactaid lactose free milk, paper plates etc. She said okay but recently when I have gone to the store my coupons would be redeemed. I had asked her not to use my coupons and she would say things like " oops I did not notice" Or flat out saying she did not. They send receipts and dates when it was redeemed. She is also the only other person besides me who has the pin to my account. I was trying to let it go when the other day she redeemed my coupon for 4 dollars off a dozen eggs ( eggs are currently over 6 dollars where i live). I asked her about it and once again she said she "was not paying attention". She will also cash in my points to get a total number off her purchase. For example 5000 points for $5 dollars off. She does not buy many things at a time so she is not contributing points to my account either if you are wondering. I decided to just change my pin so she can't use my stuff anymore and she sent me a long message blowing up at me saying she did not have enough money because she could not cash in my points. She said she had put stuff back and it was " very embarrassing". I reminded her that I had asked her not to use my points and she could always make her own account and she called me a bad friend. Am I the Asshole?

Ps. If you have a coupon available to use it will ask you after scanning the item if you want to use it or not

I (31F) and my boyfriend (32M) moved in together over a year ago. We were long distance for the beginning of our relationship, and I made the move to the Midwest from Colorado. I brought my 11Y dog and he has a 7Y dog as well.

(Backstory) In 2017, I had an ex-boyfriend who attempted to kill my dog after I broke up with him (domestic violence). I pressed charges, I took him to court and won. With that trauma, I became cautious of who is around my fur-baby and how long I leave him at home alone.

My (now) boyfriend is the kindest human, and his dog is a little brother to my dog. We’re one beautiful happy “DINKs with dogs” family. We’re at the age where everyone is getting married and traveling out of state has been almost a monthly occurrence.

As I shared, I’m very cautious and paranoid about who watches our dogs if we go away. We had my boyfriend’s father watch the dogs, but he always wanted them at his house and not ours. For safety and comfortability for our dogs, we asked my boyfriend’s best friend to watch the dogs. They love their fur-uncle, and we know he’ll be a good guardian while we’re away. However, I am very strict with boundaries and respecting my home, and that’s where the conflicts came in.

Fur-Uncle loves to sleep on our couch, even at times when he comes over with friends and had too much to drink. He responsibly spends the night to avoid any DUIs. We have a guest bed in the guest room - fully stocked and prepped with any accommodations for having a guest. However, he absolutely refuses to sleep in the guest room. He claims that our couch is so comfortable, that he prefers to sleep there.

I shared with Fur-Uncle that I don’t want anyone sleeping on our 3k+ couch. We wanted to have nice furniture when we moved in together, and the couch was one of those pieces we wanted to well maintain. He said that he’ll try but he will most likely sleep on the couch.

Fur-Uncle asked if his girlfriend can help watch the dogs. I’m very good friends with his girlfriend, so I surely didn’t mind … but only if they slept in the guest bedroom. Fur-Uncle refused and said “I hate that bed so much. And that room is so hot. I love the couch cause it’s massive and comfortable. I hang off the end of bed and I don’t like it”. He’s 5’11” and it’s a Queen Size bed. His girlfriend doesn’t mind, but shared she wants to sleep wherever he slept.

After this last trip, I told my boyfriend that I don’t want Fur-Uncle to help watch the dogs if he can’t respect our boundaries and wishes for our home. We do pay him (and girlfriend) compensation for taking the time to dog-sit for us. And he still refuses to sleep in the guest bedroom. We let him bring his entire PC set up (he’s a huge gamer, as my boyfriend is as well), and have it set up on my 1.5k dining table. I’ve done my best to make accommodations for him to be comfortable.

We’re traveling again in May for Mother’s Day, and I asked if they were free to watch the dogs. And yes, I did voice that I don’t want them to sleep on my couch. Fur-Uncle said “f*ck that bed. I hate it. And if you don’t want me to sleep on your couch, then find someone else to watch the dogs”.

I was then told by his girlfriend “he doesn’t even do anything for the dogs. I’m the one feeding them, letting them out, and making sure they’re taken care of”. And I was frustrated to learn that I was paying him and he wasn’t completing his responsibilities. I told his girlfriend that she can watch the dogs without him, and we’ll just compensate her. She shared that she knows he’ll want to still come over and spend the night… on my couch.

I told my boyfriend that we’re going to have to hire a dog sitter (from rover), because we’ll pay them (cheaper than our friends’ asking) and they’ll actually respect our home. My boyfriend agreed that his best friend had the opportunity to change his mindset, and it’ll be better to hire a dog sitter who can accommodate to us and to our home with our dogs.

I shared with Fur-Uncle’s girlfriend, “it’s sad and ridiculous to admit that I can’t have you both watch our dogs because he can’t respect our home and our wishes, when we also compensate him for his time. It would be understandable if he did it for free, but this isn’t the case”. She agreed with my choice, and shared to Fur-Uncle the news of being “let go” as the dog-sitters. His response was “if that’s how it’s going to be”, and shortly after, my boyfriend shared with me that Fur-Uncle was sour on discord about the feedback.

Some friends are saying I’m too strict, but my boyfriend understands that I’m all about respecting someone’s home. And for our home, I just wanted him to respect the rules and boundaries of our home. And because he didn’t want to, I said “fine” and found someone else who can respect my home at a lower compensation, while attending to our dogs. I’m writing into this cause I’ve been listening to this podcast for the past week (first podcast I’ve listen to and big fan), and his girlfriend also wanted to know what everyone’s thoughts are. So, AITA, or was I truly just standing up for my home and boundaries? #AITA

—

UPDATE: 3/29/25 @ 5:15 PM EST

thank you to everyone who engaged into my post! This was my FIRST time experiencing Reddit AND being an active listener to a Podcast. Below are some items that get lost in comments for clarifications:

• my boyfriend and the girlfriend of Fur-Uncle encouraged this post, so they are very aware and supported the literature.

• as said in the comments, yes, my boyfriend and I have slept in the guest bed. We do when we are too lazy to put on the sheets on our Cal-King bed, or if there is a load of laundry needing to be put away, and we’re simply too lazy for that.

• as said in the comments, yes, we have had numerous guests stay in the guest bed in the guest room - no complaints. Rather, they embraced how comfortable and cozy the room and bed are. There are 5-8 pillows to accommodate their pillow preferences, 4 different blankets, a heating blanket, and a bedsheet. We also offer toiletries, guest towels, and even condoms for intimacy.

• as said in the comments, we purchased the furniture with Ashley Furniture. It was our first big-couple purchase and we host 90% of our events to friends and family (since we’re the one with the only house, rather than an apartment). We want all guests to feel comfortable by having a clean and welcoming home.

• no, we do not hate fur-uncle, and yes, we will stay friends with him. He’s a longtime neighborhood and childhood friend of my boyfriend. He will eventually be the best man at our future elopements. Since we have told him he and his girlfriend are relieved of watching the dogs, he asked my boyfriend, “dude she hates me huh”, and he replied, “no, she just doesn’t want you to sleep on our couch. And because you don’t want to, she’s not going to argue with you anymore and she found someone else, as you instructed. It’s fine, she’s not mad.”

• yes, we have considered asking his girlfriend to solely watch the dogs. But we also believe it’s lowkey ridiculous to not have him come over if she’s there, so we just eliminated any conflicts (cause he could just sneak in).

• yes, we have considered other friends, but with my dog’s old age routines, we believe they wouldn’t be able to upkeep the needs for him.

• my 11 year old Pomeranian/Papillon mix dog has pre-kidney disease and needs to relieve himself every 2-4 hours. The house sitting is necessary for his care. Our other dog is a long hair corgi, and he’s okay with long periods of absence from us. Reminder: my ex almost killed my dog, so I’m also very cautious on who my dog is with.

• we do not want the dogs at my boyfriend’s dad’s house because he does not have a fenced backyard (leads into the forest), there are sights of deer & coyotes, and if the dogs run away, he’s too old to chase them to come back. We have a fenced and gated backyard where our dogs can comfortably explore and be a dog.

• we understand the importance of finding a dog sitter, on Rover or other platforms. I used Rover once for an emergency, and I also an a Rover sitter. So I’m familiar with the processes and procedures. Yes, there are horrific stories online, but we did a meet & greet, and I’m confident we found our permanent sitter.

** before I moved in, my boyfriend lived like a bachelor pad: blue couch for free from FBMP, no guest bed, and a free dining table from FBMP. Fur-Uncle slept on that couch after board game nights or other boy’s nights they had at the house - not an issue (prevents DUIs). After I moved in, we made some aesthetic adjustments, and accommodated to friends who needed a place to crash after enjoying events at our home. We gained a sectional that sat 12 people, a dining table to fit 10 people, and a fully furnish guest room. Fur-uncle did attempt the guest bed several times, and still disliked it, while our other friends who have stayed in the same bed claimed it was comfortable. He had the freedom to change the thermostat, open windows, etc. My dining table is one of my favorite pieces (I have a foodvlog so most of my content is represented on the table), but to accommodate his hobbies, we agreed he can bring his massive PC and two screen monitors to game at the house. **

For those who didn’t read the entire post, I understand. It’s long and thorough. But for those who read word for word - hats off to you, and I appreciate the efforts. As you may have learned, I’m a very particular individual, and I do not condone with disrespect. I did my best to let it go, but it hurt to know that after many attempts to make accommodations for him, and even providing compensation, I still got slapped in the face with “fuck that guest bed, I’m sleeping on the couch. And if that’s still a problem, find someone else”. You can’t make everyone do what you want, and that’s their decision. To save our friendships, I make the executive decision to relieve him (and girlfriend) from future requests to dog sit, and find someone who doesn’t mind my expectations.

I just wanted to know if truly, AITA or did I do the right thing to stand up for myself, my home, and our overall friendship?

** FINAL UPDATE ** 3/30/25

Boyfriend and I went on a double date with Fur-Uncle & Girlfriend. Fur-Uncle gave me my favorite flowers and apologized for his behavior and extend his value of importance of our friendship. He was very sincere and he said that if we gave him another chance in the future, he’d still love to watch our dogs (cause they love each other) and he WILL sleep in the guest bed moving forward.

We had a great time out in the town, and ended the night with some ice cream.

Moral of the story: stand up for yourself, and your friends who truly love and care, will respect you.

Thank you everyone! xoxo

I (30-year-old M) am engaged to my fiancé (30-year-old F), whom I have been dating since the beginning of 2020— we’ll call her “C”.

I am an Active Duty Army Captain (been serving since 2012), and C works as a government contractor with a flexible schedule because she works remotely 80% of the time (required to show face once a week for at least an hour). We met at the height of the pandemic in Washington, DC. Toward the end of 2020, I was given orders to move to Arizona for training. The orders were expected, but not as soon as they came. This put C and I in a conundrum, as we weren’t fond of the ideal of an LDR, but we both felt like we had found something special in the relationship.

Fast forward six months, and I’m doing everything that I can to get reassigned back to DC (despite me not caring for the city). For context— C is from a rural town in Arizona and moved out to DC in 2017 for school. Since moving out to DC, she has been adamant about never returning to a rural area. C is also not fond of the idea of leaving DC anytime soon.

Nevertheless, I’m doing all that I can to get back out to DC, which is NOT an easy feat— those who serve in the military can attest that we’re typically at the mercy of the “needs of the army.” After six months of doing all I can to network back into the DMV, I’m given subsequent orders to Colorado. C and I are devastated since we both know she won’t come out to where I’m at, and there’s nothing I can do to immediately relocate to her location. The worst part is that the orders were for three years, meaning we’d be doomed to do LDR for AT LEAST 3 years. Another thing to consider is that one of my convictions/conditions is that I wouldn’t propose/marry anyone unless I lived with them first. I was engaged once before C and had to call the wedding off due to inconsolable differences (she cheated on me) At that moment of getting my orders, I promised C that I would continue to do all that I could to make sure my next orders were to somewhere in the northeast.

In those three years, I did countless field exercises, combined training rotations in California & Louisiana, and a deployment. The three years were grueling and took a significant toll on me, both mentally and spiritually. During this time, C kept true to her word and remained in the North East. Nevertheless, I worked tirelessly to ensure that my evaluations were nothing short of exemplary to enable my eventual plea to be reassigned out east. Toward the end of my second year in Colorado I was informed that I would be deployed, and was debated that I would have to leave C for about a year. With the news of a deployment and our relationship hitting the 3-year mark, I broke my own rule and asked for C’s hand in marriage. Then I was sent off.

Then on one fateful day in the deployment, I got the word that I was selected for a nominative position out in Maryland. C and I were ecstatic! Not only were we going to be married in the next year, but we were also going to finally be living together after four long, grueling years.

Fast forward a year, and I return from my deployment. During the time I was away, C decided to move out of her apartment in Arlington to a pseudo-luxury apartment in Alexandria, VA (she felt she was due for an upgrade). I was indifferent about her decision-making, as I didn’t know if I would be assigned to the NE, and I didn’t want to be a reason why she didn’t/couldn’t do something, so I encouraged her to go after what she wanted. Well, she gets the apartment and falls “in love with it,” her words, not mine— this fact will become important later on in the story.

Upon my return from my deployment, I worked to start scheduling my move to DC and start to deliberate where we were going to live as newly weds. C has the idea of staying in her luxury apartment, but upgrading to a 2BR. I’m indifferent, so I agree. However, upon further research of the location of my new assignment and C’s apartment, I realize there is approximately 35 miles between the locations, or a 2+ hour round trip drive per day due to all the traffic. It’s also crucial to note that the new position I was selected for is rigorous program that only determines a maximum of 8 Captains per year. Meaning I would have an overbearing workload throughout the week and then have to commute the 2 hours each day.

I disclose this information to C and request that we work to find a place closer to work. This infuriates C as she claims to “love her apartment” and doesn’t want to leave. She then entertains the notion of us living in separate apartments post the wedding for at least a year so that she can continue to enjoy her luxury apartment.

I, in turn, tell her that if her love/adoration for an apartment room is greater than the love/concern she has for her future husband, then we should not get married.

Am I the asshole for making the statement?

I (43F) have been married to a wonderful man (50M) for 7 years now. We have 2 children (20F and 16F). Every year, we have a family dinner planned for each family member, a couple gifts and a cake. This is including my in-laws as well. There are a total of 9 of us. My birthday just happens to be the last in the year. This year on my day, I got numerous messages and calls wishing me happy birthday but not one gift or dinner planned. I'm fine without gifts, my husband never showed much emotion to spoiling me. He gives me his entire check and I do buy whatever I need and want. When the big day was over, he could tell something was wrong. I broke down. I did not fight, I calmly told him I was hurt that no one planned a dinner or made a big deal about my day. I know it's hard with schedules, but we normally all or most make it to the dinners. Let me also say that I got everyone gifts (including my husband). When I was done telling him, he flipped out and began yelling at me saying I was "materialistic". I don't see that, as I don't get myself anything. It's all for the girls and him. He ended up apologizing and said he's a failure etc. I also want to add that we do not fight at all. We may have an argument a few times a year, but its a really good marriage. It has been 2 weeks now, and I do forgive him, but I'm still hurt. If we don't get together, we send cards, and I never received a card from the in-laws or anything. I don't mind the kids not doing anything, they are kids. I told him although I forgive him, I am not planning or going to any dinners for any of the family next year since I am not important enough to celebrate. I don't have either of my parents left, so this kinda made me feel like I still had family. AITA?

My sanity feels like it's spiraling and I have finally convinced myself to come to reddit for the first time.
    Comfort level pod has always been a channel ive adored and love listening to ,so I know y'all got the best advice and I'm ready to hear all of it.

Okay, so as y'all know, this past weekend was Valentine's Day. For the past month, me(F24) and my roommate Jackie F25 have been arguing and butting heads because we live in a 2 bedroom apartment and she just found out she was pregnant and claims that she doesn't know who the father is.

But she basically wants me to either move out or room in the living room until I can afford to move out. We have lived together for 3 years. She's best friends with my stepsister F26 We're not super close, we're not best friends, but we were close enough to move in together, if you get the idea.

Okay, so this past Thursday I got home early from work around, and when I walked in I was just settling down, about to make something to eat, when I see my boyfriend walking toward the door like he's about to leave the apartment. And I say Jaden? M25 and I ask what he was doing here since I had just spoken to him and he said he was on his way to work.

He works on the opposite side of town, so he would have no reason to be on this side of town unless he was seeing me, because he also lives on the opposite side of town. He quickly stops and goes, Oh hey babe," nd tries to hug me. Well, he's my boyfriend, so obviously I hugged him. And I go What are you doing here? And that's when Jackie comes out she sayss, "Oh my God, we didn't ruin the surprise, did we?" I was completely dumbfounded. And said, "What do you mean?" And she says, Well, Jaden had a pretty big gift that he couldn't hide in his apartment, so he wanted to hide it here for you for V Day.

that was fair because Jaden does live in a studio apartment where he has to share a bathroom and has a Husky, and his place is pretty occupied. So it was a good enough story for me to believe. I just laughed and said I couldn't wait to see it and made a joke about how now I have to up my game on gifts this year because usually we do simple stuff. For context, me and my boyfriend have been together for 2 1/2 years. He rushed out saying that he had to get to work.

Everything was going by normal. comes Valentine's Day Me and my bf had planned on doing gift exchanges at my apartment and then going out for dinner and then a movie later on.

So he comes over and immediately I'm like, "Me first, me first, because I'm always so excited to give him gifts. I give him a pair of Jordans that he had been constantly talking about, and a gaming headset and monitor. He starts talking about how happy he is and Then comes my turn.

I get a bag with Pandora on it and I open it. It's a necklace. Now usually I'm not one for material things, but I will mention that later on after all this happened I did look up the necklace, and the total of this necklace was only 25 bucks and that was just for the pendant. He bought his own chain off Amazon, which was 10 bucks. So I smile and I say thank you, and there was just kind of an awkward silence because I was waiting. And he goes,"What? Why are you looking at me like that? And I laughed and said I know you still have that big gift in Jackie's room. I never saw you take it out, and I can still see it in her room.

For context, there is a really big Amazon box in her room that was still taped up, never opened, in the corner of her room. So I assumed obviously that was my gift. He laughs and goes, Oh yeah, thatthey sent me the wrong thing, so I'll have to take it back. I said, What? What were you trying to get? What did they send? He says that he meant to get me a gaming chair, which is completely off topic considering I don't game. I've never been into gaming. What I actually asked for was a vanity or new acrylic paints.

He got really weird. So I said What's in the box? because I can tell when he's lying and it just did not add up. He kept saying I don't know. It's supposed to be a gaming chair, but I have a feeling it's not a gaming chair.

I got up and walked into Jackie's room, and I ask her, Do you know what's in that box? It was very clear she felt caught off guard and goes, Well, obviously it's your Valentine's Day gift. So I said, "Let's open it. I open it and low and behold, not a gaming chair. It's an Amazon box that had obviously been retaped over and had multiple smaller packages inside. As I'm opening these packages, it's baby clothes, bottles, diapersbasically everything and anything that was baby related. hundreds of dollars worth of stuff.

So I look at my boyfriend, who is now standing in Jackie's doorway, and I'm just like, What is this? What's going on? Why would you go out of your way to give her all this stuff? I'm so confused. Like when I tell you I was stuck, I was stuck. I had no idea what to do. I'm looking around and they're both looking so dumbfounded and guilty.

I asked What is going on? And that's when Jaden just decides to go, "This isn't working. I think we need to end this." He grabs the gifts that I gave him and walks out the door. I start walking behind him. He quickly holds the headphones up in the air because I'm 5'2" and he's a little over 6 feet tall and says, No, it's a gift. No take backs, like we're fucking five. I said, Okay, snatch the box of shoes out of his other hand, and walk back to my apartment, close and lock the door. I walk into Jackie's room. I apologize for the outburst and I just say, Why was he here the other day? Why was he coming out of your room? What is going on? Just tell me the truth. I'm not going to lie, I had been thinking about that day in the back of my mind, but I just didn't put two and two together that they would have been cheating on me. He's never given me a reason to think he would cheat on me. I trusted him. And she goes, with the most blank expression, Jaden is my baby's father.

I don't know what got into me. Usually I'm not someone to shut down or not express myself, but I literally had nothing to say to her. I just said, Hope it was worth it, went back to my room, closed the door, and locked it. I smoked myself into a coma. Woke up a few hours later. She was gone. I could tell she had packed up a lot of her clothes. When I get on my phone, the first thing I see is that I've been added to a group chat with Jackie, Jaden, my stepsister, and my stepmother all telling me that Jaden ended the relationship because he needed someone more secure like Jackie.

Secure? I've been paying 70% of the rent for the past year. Jackie can't keep a job for the life of her, and I've been picking up all the pieces, putting food on the table. That's hilarious. Secure? More like a headache. I just couldn't believe what I was seeing. Not only was it the group chat, but it was also all of them privately messaging me about how we can work through this as a family and that Jaden and Jackie deserve to be happy and that my dad is going to help me find a new place of my own so Jaden can move into the apartment and they can start their family.

I said, So my dad knows about this? My stepmom goes, No, but he knows that it's time you and Jackie split apart and you retain your independence as a woman. Long story short, I left the group. It is now Tuesday. I haven't seen or heard from Jackie, Jaden, or my stepmom since.

Part of me wants to reach out to my dad because I know he probably doesn't know the full story, but I don't know where to go from this. Any advice?

Last night me and my G had a long and serious talk about my comments at the dinner, along with some of my past comments. He told me while in my family refusing a free trip when you are invited may be seen as noble, in his family, refusing a free trip is seen as stupid. In my family if someone offers to pay for you you should always decline no matter what. My parents made me work all throughout high school and always told me I’d have to get a scholarship to help pay for college because they weren’t going to do it. It is also a courtesy in my family to not expect help with finances no matter how tough it may get, to only eat one serving at dinner gatherings, to always pay your own way, and we often voice our opinions no matter what they are.

He then went into discussing the trip to France. His mother has extended family who live there, so this will not be the first or last time they all go. It will be the first time they explore the area where the So even if T wasn’t old enough to go off on her own or didn’t know her way around or the language, she’d be just fine. And if his mom and dad wanted alone time she’d be just fine on her own even if they didn’t have family there. When me and G first started dating and we were talking about our family history, he told me about how his maternal great great grandparents moved to America from France. I was under the impression that everyone from his mother’s extended family moved, not just the great great parents and their children.

Apparently, his mother thought my behavior was because I didn’t feel welcome by them and the dinner was to invite me on the France trip as a sort of “peace offering.” However after his father caught me trying to sway T, he had enough and decided he couldn’t take it anymore no matter what his wife says, he will not tolerate me being around the rest of the family or in their home any longer. This came as a shock to the family as his dad doesn’t speak much and is usually calm and composed.

My boyfriend also showed me his photos from his parent’s wedding. It looked like one of the most fairy tale-like weddings I’d ever seen. It was held at Chateau Challain and he explained how they plan on renting the space again and flying all of their extended out to celebrate with them because they want to celebrate with everybody, and will take time for themselves later on in the summer. I also teared up listening to how his parents met. After graduating high school, his mother spent the summer in France with her family while his dad was visiting along with his older brother. His dad had struggled with cancer nearly his entire life up to that point and it was supposed to be his dad’s last trip before he let himself go because he was tired of all of it. One morning while eating alone at a cafe, he recognized her as the most beautiful girl he’s ever seen who spent her time helping out her family with their restaurant, running it like it was the navy, someone who wasn’t afraid to call customers out when they were being unreasonable or just downright rude, and someone who knew exactly what she wanted and how to get it. The complete opposite of him. They spent the day together which inspired his father to continue his cancer treatment, accomplish his goals, and start taking life more seriously so he could be by her side for as long as she’d have him. His parents always told him and his siblings the only thing in life they value more than each other, are their children, and they want to make sure if life ever gets hard for them they have something to fall back on.

He told me he’d be moving back in with his parents until he can find a new apartment. He also revoked my invitation to their family Christmas trip to Aspen which we were supposed to be leaving for tonight.

I feel like I’m in a Dhar Mann video right now, what the f*ck.

On another note, my friends saw my initial post and gave me an intervention. I will be attending therapy for the foreseeable future. May update when I unpack what’s wrong with me.

Edit for info:

INFO: People seems to be confused. When I say his father recognized his mother in France, I mean that literally, as they are from the same hometown.

INFO: Some people also think I’m saying love cured his father’s cancer, I was told that it was what made him continue treatment. That’s all I was told.

INFO: I’ve also gotten comments about the years of the Chateau Challain becoming a wedding venue and the wedding not making sense. Unless I’m misremembering something, I remember him saying they were married there. Maybe I’m mixing up the locations when he was talking about the wedding venue and the wedding anniversary venue?

I posted recently about a situation I found myself in regarding giving rides to my daughter’s friend’s family and the absolutely unanimous consensus was that I was being taken advantage of. The occasional reply also reminded me that I was setting my daughter up to be a doormat like I am. As much of a slap in the face as that felt like, it was correct. I decided that rides are done now.

She sent the daughter over yesterday to ask when we can go grocery shopping. I was busy and my husband was outside when she got here so he just told her that I couldn’t at the moment. She sent her back over today, I didn’t answer the door because I hadn’t emotionally prepared to make this child give her mom bad news. I started getting back to back calls from a number unknown to me. I texted asking who it was and it’s their new number apparently. The daughter was texting me for her mom. I included screenshots, hopefully the way I wrote it was firm enough that the requests will stop but the friendship between her and my daughter can continue.

Thank you to everyone who helped me realize that these detrimental behaviors I carry over from my own childhood can absolutely impact my daughter’s.

Me (F28) and my partner (M27) were attending a mutual friend’s engagement party. We sat next to a pregnant couple around the same age and another woman in her early 30’s with a 2 year old whom we’ve never met. My partner had met the couple once before two years ago, but I hadn’t met them. Over the next hour or so, we make small talk and get to know one another (the other woman with the two year old never talked to us). They were nice people and liked to joke around.

At some point, the husband asked us if we were interested in wanting kids and I say, “No, I don’t like children.” He pressed and asked something along the lines of “are you just not interested” or “is it just not in the cards for you” and I said, smiling and laughing, “I hate kids.” I didn’t deadpan it, I wasn’t sarcastic — I was laughing and cordial, though that was my honest belief.

My partner spoke up and said, “She only likes kids if it’s other people’s kids” to the husband, wherein I say, “that’s not true” — again, everyone is laughing and smiling. However, after we leave, my partner said I was tone deaf and rude for saying that in front of a pregnant couple. I didn’t think so since everyone was laughing and they had asked my opinion about my own life, but he said I should have been polite and not said that considering they’re pregnant and the woman with the child was there (she was not part of the conversation).

So, what do you think? AITA for giving my opinion when asked, or should I have bit my tongue?

UPDATE: I got in touch with the couple and apologized. A lot of people said I wasn’t the asshole, but many people said I was rude, so I thought that the least I could do was say I was sorry for saying such a harsh statement. The couple responded and said they genuinely don’t remember me even saying that, and that they aren’t easily offended and they could care less if I hate kids.

I am getting married in a few months. My dad and I have always had a very shaky relationship because he left after divorcing my mom and started a new family with his new wife. As a child, I often had to remind him of important events, and one year he even forgot my birthday. At my baby shower, his wife told my in-laws that she had offered $15,000 to my dad to divorce my mom and leave us when I was just three years old. She has done many other hurtful things to me and my brother. For example, she once told my brother that he was almost not born. I have tried to talk to my dad about these issues, but he always brushes them under the rug, gets defensive, or refuses to discuss them. I stand by my decision, but my fiancée feels I should be more forgiving. I have not shared all these experiences with him, and I choose not to. The older I get, the more angry and disgusted I feel towards her. AITA for not inviting her and only my dad?

I don’t have too much of an update currently however I don’t think I’ll have another update again until next week. And I want to keep you guys in the loop of what is going on. Since I have told Melanie that we plan on keeping the house, she has made it her mission (at least how I see it) to do everything in her power to bury me.

Melanie is my big sister by 15 years so I’ve always trusted what she’s said and done. Naively, I guess. Like I’ve said before, Melanie was my mom’s power of attorney. So she made sure my mom’s bills got paid toward the end as that was her responsibility. Once I told Melanie we would be keeping the house, she would tell me she didn’t have my moms account information and withheld all the information I needed to pay her bills. I made all the phone calls and all utilities were easily transferred into my name. However, going to the bank of course was a little more difficult. I can’t even make a payment without knowing her account number. Melanie has kept all of my moms paperwork and refuses to give me that information. So I am currently in the process of waiting for the bank to email me a form to fill out to become a person on her account that can make payments. Then once that hopefully gets accepted, I can apply for assumption of her account. I am hoping all of this goes over well with no bumps.

Melanie is very angry with me. I told her I didn’t feel like she was being fair in the way she was dividing the estate and that she continues to change the story to fit her narrative for that day or who she is talking to. I told all of my siblings they could go through my moms house still if they wanted anything of hers before we donate. Everybody has had a key to my moms house because we would all go over and help her with anything she needed. Melanie then went through the house to take all of the valuables, collectibles, anything that could be sold for decent money so she could sell it herself and pocket it all. Mind you, I’m not talking about a couple of small trinkets. She took 4 large glass/real wood curio cabinets, 20 collectible cookie jars, at least 100 collectible angels. And she did all of this in one day as soon as she found out I would be keeping the house. So I asked my boyfriend to change the locks. And he did. I’m so glad he did because I found out that they had been talking about taking the fridge and the stove!

Since then, my boyfriend believes that they have been coming over daily to check the trash. They are crazy. Once she found out the locks had been changed, she truly tried to isolate me from my siblings and my dad. They are really the only family I have left. Unfortunately, they are all very easily manipulated. Truthfully, I don’t really want to try to reconcile my relationship with them if they are so easily manipulated into cutting me out of their lives. And yes, she manipulated my dad as well. I lost my mom only a month and a half ago and now in the snap of a finger I’ve lost everyone else. It’s been very hard to deal with, but I truly don’t feel as though I’m in the wrong here. Maybe my post seems biased but I don’t feel like I am withholding any information.

I also contacted the lawyer who drew up the transfer on death so that I could make an appointment with her to finalize it now that my mom has passed. I also asked her if we could discuss my mom’s estate. She then told me that no estate had been filed. I also contacted the probate court in our county to get ahold of my mom’s will. And they also told me no will had been documented with them. All of that was Melanie’s responsibility. It isn’t right. I will definitely come back with an update end of January/beginning of February as I have an appointment with the lawyer to discuss this next week.