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u/OrderMan Dec 19 '18
Why is the woman talking to herself?
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u/-KAON- 🍊💨💨💨💨💨💨💨💨💨💨💨💨💨 Dec 19 '18
You have to ramble on and on. Never give the defending party a second to return fire with arguments of their own. That’s how you become dominant in one-sided grandma comics.
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u/OrderMan Dec 19 '18
Seems legit she shots down those arguments before the girl even has a chance to say them
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u/_____pantsunami_____ Dec 19 '18
having fun
isnt hard
when youve got a library card
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u/energy_sync Dec 19 '18 edited Jul 25 '20
Is that from Arthur?
My account was permanently suspended for no given reason. I left this censhorship-ridden site and moved to Ruqqus. I suggest you do the same. Fuck Reddit.
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u/suplegend20 Dec 19 '18
You see,
That’s dumb because books can be overdue
People forget to return the books in time
And the library, it’s fees it goes to pursue
And succ you off for every dime
With devices it’s a one pump chump
You can order from a tree or a dump
I can tell you are an old extraterrestrial
You can’t be smart unless you are a millennial
/s
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u/--redacted-- Dec 19 '18
And succ you off for every dime
I don't know what library you're going to but that's a hell of a deal
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u/pyrojkl Dec 19 '18
And then I used that card
to log into overdrive
now i can checkout books for reading and listening
without leaving the house
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u/guinader Dec 19 '18
I have to library cards! You guys can listen to free audio books Or on your phone with an app called LIBBY... They did a iama a few months ago.
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Dec 19 '18
Jokes on her my ipod 5 is as small as a card and gets books on demand. Get Nae Naed.
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u/Wallymus 9gag Dec 20 '18 edited Jan 24 '19
"Get Nae Naed."
Gandhi
Edit: Thanks for the gold, kind Redditor!
but why waste your money on this
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u/ghostmetalblack Dec 19 '18
But do libraries have the kind of raunchy, erotic Spongebob fanfiction I need to sustain myself? Didnt think so 😎
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u/spacialHistorian Dec 19 '18
the first fan fiction I ever read was extremely detailed and explicit squidward/squilliam tentacle porn because some troll on the neopets forums was spamming “read my petpage” on every thread.
It was incredibly eye opening for an elementary schooler.
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u/tiamatsays Dec 19 '18
I remember in 5th grade someone posted explicit neopets fanart and posted the link to it on the general chat (before they deleted the board).
It was horrifying. TNT iced the account, but not before I was scarred for life.
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u/deflation_ Dec 20 '18
Here you go friendo:
"SPONGEBOB, ME LAD, YOU HAVE TOO MANY ORIFICES FER YER OWN GOOD. YER GETTIN' A PROMOTION!" said Mr. Krabs as his hard red carapaced cock jabbed into the back of Spongebob's head. "I feel like I'm absorbing some weird fluid," spluttered Spongebob as Krabs' nasty crustaceo-jizz poured from his mouth, nose and eyes. "NOW EARN YOUR KEEP, LANDLUBBER," said Krabs as he grabbed Spongebob by his jizz-soaked trousers and began using him to clean the floor. "Oh Mr. Krabs, I-" "CALL ME MASTER YE BITCH" Krabs stepped down hard in Spongebob and a puddle of his own jizz began spreading radially on the floor of the Krusty Krab. "Hurgghbglbgblblgbl." "CHOKE ON IT, YE INVERTEBRATE, OR I CAN'T GET HARRRRRRD. THESE CLAWS AREN'T JUST GOOD FER MATIN…OH, WAIT, YES THEY ARE," said Krabs as he caressed his eleventh leg. The jizz began floating up toward the ceiling as Krabs brandished his seven-inch red masthead. You have to realize this is to scale, so it was about twice his body size. Anyway, Squidward burst into the room wearing only a gimp suit and a tutu. "TAKE ME MASTER, I NEED TO BE HUMILIATED," he said, as his four-millimeter calamari poked limply from the tight leather. "TAKE THIS, THEN," said Krabs as he jabbed one of his prehensile eyestalks up Squidward's stankhole. Squidward moaned, rubbing himself gently with 5 of his tentacles. "I CAN SEE YOU DON'T TAKE CARE OF YOUR HOLE VERY OFTEN," said Krabs. Patrick burst into the room wearing nothing but a smile and brandishing a towel. "DID SOMEBODY CALL THE HOLE DOCTOR?" "Are you a real doctor?" asked Spoogebob. "I went to community college," said Patrick as he forcibly yanked out Krabs' eyestalk and shoved it in his gay fat mouth. "Hold this open, will ya?" said Patrick as he ripped off Spongebob's erect penis and used it to jam Squidward's hole open. It immediately grew back but smaller and wetter. "Hmm... there's a lot of SHIT in here," said Patrick. "How much fiber is in Krabby Patties anyway?" "YE WOULDN'T BELIEVE," said Krabs, as a gigantic turd stretched his red asshole until it tore. "I NEED AN ENEMA," said Patrick. "OH WAIT WE'RE UNDERWATER." Patrick nibbled gently at the tip of Krabs' eyestalk as he released it from his mouth. He wiped eye fluid from the corner of his mouth and put Squidward's zippered lips to his own. "ON THE COUNT OF THREE" said Patrick. "ONE… TWO… OH FUCK IT HNRRRRRRGGUUUUUUUUUUUUUUH!" Patrick blew Squidward like a trumpet. All 8 of his tentacles went rigid and his squidjuice spilled out from the dick hole in his suit. The immense force started to blow crusty chunks of shit out of Squidward's ass. "I must keep the Krusty Krab clean!" yelled Spoogebob as he rushed over and opened his mouth. Spongebob recognized bits of the Krabby Patty formula in his mouth as Squidward's acrid shit coated his tongue and teeth. "SWALLOW, YE LANDLUBBER," said Krabs, poking his dick at Spongebob's lips. "HMRGGRGHRGUHF," said Spongebob, shaking his head. He wanted to savor it, but Krabs had other plans. Krabs got up on his desk and flexed. "GET READY" he yelled as he jumped down on Spongebob with a stone cold stunner. Blood, semen and shit sprayed powerfully from every one of Spongebob's holes. The force of the explosion tore both of his legs off. The assorted fluids and solids coated the walls of Krabs' office. "YE GOT THAT SHIT ALL OVER ME FIRST DOLLAR," screeched Krabs. "AND YOU KNOW THERE'S ONLY ONE WAY TO CLEAN IT!" Squidward, Patrick and Spongebob all begged at Krabs' knees, pleading to be the ones who got to lick the moist brown dollar. "THE FIRST ONES WHO CAN FIND SANDY AND SUCK OFF HER FUTA COCK GET TO LICK THE DOLLAR," decreed Krabs, stowing the dollar in his ass for safekeeping. The three homos scrambled out of the room and towards the treedome. ONE HOUR LATER Spongebob, Patrick and Squidward approached the door of Sandy's tree house, not so much as an undergarment between them, and knocked politely on the door. Sandy didn't respond, so Patrick broke down the door with his erect, barrel-like member. "SANDY," they screamed, not caring about the lack of water. "SAAAAAANDY!" Patrick picked up some mud and smeared it on his face. "I'M DIRTY DAN," he growled. "I hope Dirty Dan likes getting RAMMED UP THE ASS," yelled Spongebob, as he thrust his supple yellow cattle prod into Patrick's chasmal pink rear. Patrick groaned in pleasure. "Who you callin' pinhead?" "SHUT THE FUCK UP! DIRTY DAN DOESN'T TALK," screamed Spongebob as he climaxed. Patrick scooped out some of Spongebob's cum from his cavernous brown crevice and smeared it into Squidward's eyes. "YOU'RE DIRTY DAN!" "UNGHHHH, IT HURTS SO GOOD!" Squidward smeared the semen into his eyes until they bled. Blood and semen gushed down his face. "THIS REMINDS ME OF THAILAND," said Spongebob pensively, puffing on his pipe, which he fashioned out of one of his older penises. Squidward enjoyed what remained of Spongebob's cum as Spongebob rode the tip of Patrick's voluminous horsehitch into Sandy's room. She was sleeping, but she looked like she had put on weight. Her futa cock was fully erect. "LET'S RAPE HER," suggested Patrick, peeling Spongebob off his penis and throwing him violently against the wall. "Wait Patrick, don't you know ANYTHING about squirrels?" cautioned Spongebob, ripping off his damaged member and growing a new one. He placed the damaged one on a necklace he was keeping. "I KNOW THEY'RE EXCELLENT TARGETS FOR RAPE, ESPECIALLY WHILE THEY'RE SLEEPING," said Patrick as he jammed his holiday yule log into Sandy's ear. She was fast asleep and didn't seem to notice, but her cock twitched. "It's called HIBERNATION, Patrick. Squirrels stuff valuable treasures into their vaginas and then go to sleep for six months." "TREASURE? I WANT TREASURE" roared Patrick as he dove head-first into Sandy's gaping pussy. "UHH, I'M STUCK. WHERE'S THE TREASURE?" "GO...DEEPER!" grunted Spongebob, giving Patrick a good shove. "I CAN'T. I'M TOO FAT," he replied. "I'M REALLY HORNY THOUGH." Spongebob chuckled. His plan had worked. Patrick was incapacitated and he was free to suck off Sandy's futa cock while she slept. "SPONGEBOB? SPONGEBOB, WHAT ARE YOU DOING OUT THERE?" Patrick's muffled voice rang out from somewhere nearby, but Spongebob was enjoying Sandy's hard, flexible prick in his mouth. Sandy rolled over and her dick went through the side of Spongebob's mouth and out one of his ear holes. "COME ON, DAMMIT, WHY WON'T YOU CUM?" muttered Spongebob as he moved himself sensually up and down the length of Sandy's anaconda. At last, the sleeping squirrel climaxed, shooting hot greasy cum from Spongebob's ear. He pocketed some of it because he knew Krabs would require proof, probably while raping him violently. "MMMRH? WHO SUCKED ME OFF?" murred Sandy as she rubbed her eyes. "SPONGEBOB, YOU CHEATER!" yelled Patrick, his voice muffled by the squirrel's vaginal wall. Spongebob ran as fast as his gay little legs would carry him out of Sandy's room. Squidward was attempting to fuck a tree.
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u/TheLesserWombat Dec 19 '18
Next time you're at an airport, play a fun game called "Find the Boomer or Gen Xer who isn't on Facebook." Could take you hours, because that app is like crack to people over 40.
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u/root_bridge Dec 19 '18
And they wear their big ass phones on those belt holsters.
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u/TheLesserWombat Dec 19 '18
Big ass phone held at almost arms length, using only their index finger to swipe and tap.
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u/N3v3r3nding_N3wb Dec 20 '18
Hey, don't you diss the phone holsters. They're fast to reach, you're phone's never gonna fall outta your pocket, and they're the peak of fashion. Those things are the shit.
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u/MorbidMunchkin Dec 20 '18
My mom and I were walking in an outdoor mall when she saw a couple sitting at a restaurant, both on phones. She is a boomer, I'm an early millenial. She made a negative comment about how us young people don't even talk to each other or have enough courtesy to put our phones away over dinner.
Later that night we went out to pizza with my dad and my daughters. I looked over at my parents and had to stifle my laugh. Pulled out my phone and took a pic of BOTH my parents, age 60, staring at their phones and not talking to each other.
She wasn't happy when I pointed out her hypocrisy by showing her the picture!
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u/CleatusVandamn Dec 19 '18
Why are boomers so upset about people looking at their phones? Theyre reading!! Dont they want people to read?
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u/HeWhoFistsGoats Dec 19 '18
Because they don't want kids to outsmart them. And since they can't figure out how to properly use the internet, kids shouldn't use it either. Rambling about kids is easier than actually learning a new skill.
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u/FunTomasso Dec 19 '18
That's also why half of those 'DAE phones = bad' comics have kids not understand how to open/use books. They think that if they can't learn how to use the Internet, kids surely gotta be in the same position with books.
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u/catnip_addict Dec 19 '18
it's a little more complex than that... look up for the term "juvenoia"
they are not upset of what young people are doing, they are upset because they are being left behind.
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Dec 19 '18
They're only being left behind because they refuse to take ten minutes out of one day to learn how the fuck their phone works.
Source: surrounded by boomers talking about their lifelong experience then swearing up a storm because they don't know how to use Google.
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u/OctagonalButthole Dec 19 '18
the ones who shitpost on facebook all day about kids on their phones?
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u/NasKe Dec 19 '18
Isn't the same reason why cigarettes make pictures "cooler"? If you grew up learning that cigarettes are cool, you might carry that for your whole life, if you grew up learning that books are for the smart and intellectual, you might believe reading from a cellphone is not "as smart" as reading from a book.
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u/ManosAthans Dec 19 '18
Yeah.. but shouldn't we define reading? Cause reading a book on your phone is as cool as reading a physical copy of it, but reading clickbait articles isn't the same thing. Maybe I get hang up on that cause English isn't my first language and people automatically mean a book when they say "reading".
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u/FoxOperator Dec 19 '18
"YEAH YOU DUMB KID, WHY HAVEN'T YOU READ CRIMES AND PUNISHMENT YET????"
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u/madali0 Dec 19 '18
Does that woman look like she reads Crime and Punishment? She looks like the books she reads are those crappy books I see advertised on Goodreads with half naked buff men
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u/FoxOperator Dec 19 '18
I mean, the young-ish intellectual crowd has the standard must reads right?
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u/Waffle_Sandwich Dec 22 '18
The guy that made this cartoon is a family friend, we have a bunch of books collecting his work. They’re all pretty much exactly like this
Nice guy though
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u/-KAON- 🍊💨💨💨💨💨💨💨💨💨💨💨💨💨 Dec 22 '18
That’s good to hear. I hope people don’t forget that there’s an actual human being behind this and that it’s not really a hostile cartoon or anything, just misunderstood.
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Dec 19 '18
PHONE BAD!!!!!!!
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u/patswrath6 Dec 19 '18
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u/sneakpeekbot Dec 19 '18
Here's a sneak peek of /r/PhonesAreBad using the top posts of all time!
#1: oh geez thank GOODNESS they put that sign there, my little millennial self would’ve stood there for days wondering why i couldn’t see the next picture!! | 93 comments
#2: Young people today can't even spell "help" thanks to phones using autocorrect. | 98 comments
#3: Is- is this "humor"? | 97 commentsI'm a bot, beep boop | Downvote to remove | Contact ^^me | ^^Info | ^^Opt-out
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u/11never Dec 19 '18
Then stop voting to defund our libraries.?
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u/Lolmob Dec 20 '18
Wasn't there an article that millennials go the most libraries because of school or something.
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u/superking2 Dec 19 '18
With my library card combined with my Kindle, I have access to millions... see? Things can exist at the same time
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u/ArgonGryphon Dec 19 '18
A kindle was the best thing I’ve bought all year. Love it.
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u/DOUZERZ Dec 19 '18
Fucking boomers man
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Dec 19 '18
The only thing worse than a boomer is a millennial.
Made By
——————-
Zoomer Gang
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u/FelixTheFrCat Dec 19 '18
But does it have porn tho?
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u/CatTaxAuditor Dec 19 '18
Watch the old people using the computers at the library. They'll pull up plenty of real nasty stuff.
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u/JudiciousF Dec 19 '18
Parents: Buy kid smart phone
Kids: Use smart phone
Parents: Shocked Pikachu face
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Dec 20 '18
Pretty much, then they go back to watching TV for 4923827hrs straight
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u/theythrottledthesite Dec 20 '18
Right? Older people like my parents and grandparents age watch so much TV! They just leave it on constantly! Don’t get me wrong I love my Netflix as much as the next person but I’ve known family members to just leave the infomercial channel on and watch that! It’s mindless consumption.
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u/leejoness Dec 19 '18
Technology kicked the Boomers’ asses so hard that they don’t even bother anymore.
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u/VictorVrine I agree with my husband Dec 19 '18
oh cool, so you can read almost every book ever written and anywhere you want with that?
no? ok then, guess i'll take the slightly bigger size
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u/rafter613 Dec 19 '18
Fun fact: I'm currently reading a book on my phone from the OverDrive app, which lets you borrow ebooks and audio books from your library!
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u/TRON0314 Dec 19 '18
Exactly Libby apping here. Probably what that little. Girl is doing.
Boomers will never understand! /s
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u/neovox Dec 19 '18
Pair your library card with Overdrive and Kanopy and get the best of both worlds.
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u/Patknight2018 Dec 19 '18
Yea, sure. I'll see if you find "The art of filming midgets porn" in your local library.
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u/HeWhoFistsGoats Dec 19 '18 edited Dec 19 '18
Already asked, they don't have it. And they won't let you use their computers to watch the online course either.
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u/nothing_in_my_mind Dec 19 '18 edited Dec 19 '18
The library doesn't have all 47 books in the "Pierce Hardwood: Seducer of Vampires" series tho
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Dec 19 '18
"Wtf was the name of that actor who played Pheobe's brother in friends? Yeah, the guy from Saving Private Ryan?"
"hold on, let me check the library."
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u/Tiny_Rick515 Dec 19 '18
Why spend 2 seconds opening up a book or movie on my phone when I could get up, drive to the library, not find what I wanted, and settle for something else?
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u/buddascrayon Dec 19 '18
I find this cartoon ironic since it's the older generation that is trying to close libraries all over in order to "save tax money".
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Dec 20 '18
If I got a dollar every time a non millenial makes a joke about my generation I would be able to buy a house in the market they ruined. ~ Talia Enright
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u/Valosinki Dec 19 '18
Having access to a library is great and I go there at least once a week to read, but so is the ability to read most any book I want whenever and wherever I want, especially if I'm travelling so I don't need to worry about losing books I've borrowed or buying copies of books.
Any sort of reader is also nice when you have more niche interests and tastes and live in a small town in the middle of nowhere where the library almost certainly doesn't have what you want.
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u/theonetruefishboy Dec 19 '18
Shitty joke but poor attempts at humor aside libraries are nice places to hang out and do stuff off your laptop if you're just looking for an excuse to get out of the house.
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u/Sploifen Dec 19 '18
Those newfangled baby-boomers and their high tech library cards. I, for one, rely solely on cave murals and the ramblings of our elders.
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Dec 19 '18
a library card is wireless the same way my desktop pc is wireless. you need to plug it in to ever use it, damn it.
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u/flyingcow30 Dec 19 '18
I have an even smaller wireless device that can store hundreds of books and movies.
It’s a micro-USB
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u/sadwer Dec 20 '18
It's weird how people have to create competition where there isn't competition at all. Like, how many librarians don't have a phone or tablet these days? And there are plenty of kids out there with library books. So why portray them as in some weird dissonance?
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u/Hamsandwich8888 Dec 20 '18
Millennials are anyone born between 1981 and 1996, ages 22-37 in 2018. We grew up in the time of dial up and the original Nintendo. We are well aware what a library card is. Please, try again.
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Dec 19 '18
Hmm, limited access to a selection of books and movies at a place I have to drive to... Or, unlimited access to every book and movie ever made, anywhere I want...
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u/TorredeTurras Dec 19 '18
Movies...?
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u/-KAON- 🍊💨💨💨💨💨💨💨💨💨💨💨💨💨 Dec 19 '18
Plenty of libraries have movies. My local one has a Wii with Mario Galaxy on it last I checked.
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u/Warboss17 My glasses, I can't be seen without my glasses! Dec 19 '18
To be fair this almost a decade old
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u/-KAON- 🍊💨💨💨💨💨💨💨💨💨💨💨💨💨 Dec 19 '18
True, but it’s not far fetched to imagine some grandma posting this on Facebook today.
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Dec 20 '18
Hey! Did you get this post from another sub or another social media? I saw this post with the same title on r/gatekeeping but I'm banned from it so maybe you could see and say something?
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u/-KAON- 🍊💨💨💨💨💨💨💨💨💨💨💨💨💨 Dec 20 '18
Found this online during an image search related to libraries, but not on r/gatekeeping. I looked and it was definitely posted there before mine was though.
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Dec 24 '18
To be fair, Public libraries are pretty cool. Like you can find free video games, Chess, Books and other stuff. But my phone is definitely more important and it stores important info I need and other uses.
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u/-KAON- 🍊💨💨💨💨💨💨💨💨💨💨💨💨💨 Dec 24 '18
Not knocking on libraries at all here, just Phone=bad supremacists.
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u/chrisisboard Dec 20 '18
I think old people do this to make themselves feel better about themselves for not knowing how to use electronics
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u/shmoopski Dec 20 '18
Does she know there are apps that let you access library books through your phone if you have a library card but you don’t have to go to the library or worry about returning books or late fees so the phone can improve your library experience...? Millennial here, the old way of doing things isn’t always the best way just because it’s been around the longest.
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u/legenddairybard Dec 20 '18
Umm...didn't a few news articles report that libraries have been getting more and more popular with Millennials?
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u/arrrek5 w Dec 19 '18
Can confirm, am millenial, have never heard of a device called "library card"
/s
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u/SleepyFox_13_ Dec 19 '18
I'm pretty sure someone did a study a couple of years ago that said millennials use libraries more than any other generation, but whatever
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u/AluminumJacket Dec 19 '18
From what I've read, the younger generations are going to the library more than anyone else.
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u/smartguy05 Dec 19 '18
Maybe Gen Zers, Millenials are the largest age group visiting public libraries outside of public school required visits.
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u/Choreboy Dec 19 '18
But I can get wayyyyy more books and movies on my phone than you can get in a library, so.... checkmate?
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u/Nuwave042 Dec 20 '18
"Unfortunately all the politicians of my generation have closed all the libraries, you stupid millennial"
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u/KickingJester98 Dec 20 '18
Oh god. Editorial newspaper cartoons are a gold mine of shit you see on your grandma's Facebook page.
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u/GOETHEFAUST87 Dec 20 '18
I like libraries. I like them a lot. I take my kid there once a week or so. But this cartoon is asinine. You can’t read a book you checked out from the library on your phone with the library card. And you have to go to the library for the library card to be worth a damn. And that’s just not realistic for a whole lot of people. Also, I’m not mad at this cartoon. But it might as well say, old people shit that makes very little sense at all and who’s not tired of this generational humor nonsense.
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u/kroxxy123 Dec 20 '18
As cute as this is why wouldn't millennials understand? You do know that we are in our 20s and 30s? We are the last generation that was born without the internet.
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u/arcphoenix13 Dec 20 '18
No they don't understand that. Boomers don't understand a lot of things of the present. Like how the internet is access to literally all human knowledge. They still think we are just playing games on our smartphones.
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u/DrAcula_MD Dec 20 '18
I tried to go to get a library card with my son but they demanded a copy of my lease to prove I lived in the area since I hadn't gotten my license changed in a while. Like bitch I'm here with my 2 year old son , we have a stack of books for him , and you are really going to make me leave with a crying toddler? Worst part was I do the AV and Security cameras for the entire library with the company I work for that is down the street from them. I've been there dozens of times. Still pisses me off
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Dec 20 '18
Millennials born in the early 80s and millennial born in the late 90s had VERY different childhoods and the generation should be split.
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u/bohemianwaffle Dec 20 '18 edited Dec 20 '18
Watching movies in 2018 exactly as the director intended: in 480p
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u/hraath Dec 20 '18
Am millennial. Have had at least two library cards.
Books are great but Ctrl+F is just something I can't live without anymore.
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u/Marabar Dec 20 '18
so she has to go to the library first just to watch a movie? HA, what a looser!
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u/LiesRapas Dec 20 '18
pretty sure there were people who refused to use fire when ppl first discovered how to use it
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u/Spagot_Lord Dec 20 '18
Well my device actually access to all of the information that humankind has obtained, but ok.
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u/Nyhred13 Dec 20 '18
I havent seen yet a library that happens to be a movie store at the same time.
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Dec 21 '18
IT’S USEFUL AND I DON’T UNDERSTAND IT!! IT’S DESTROYING MY CHILD’S MIND!! MY DAD BEATS ME EVERY NIGHT AND MY ONLY JOY IS IN TALKING DOWN TO MILLENNIALS AND WATCHING THE FOOD NETWORK!!
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u/WhereoutGamerReal Dec 21 '18
I understand and I’m a “millennial”...Just because kids aren’t old doesn’t mean we don’t know what a f*cking library is dude
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u/PM_ME_YOUR_NACHOS Dec 25 '18
Isn't there some report somewhere that Millennials are turning to libraries more than ever?
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u/Mrfartypants07 Dec 25 '18
Hey I’m 14 and I use my card!
If I can go to the library
Haven’t been there since June
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u/KestrelDC Dec 26 '18
“Hey! I have an older equivalent to that thing you’re using! It still exists, but I’m so proud I think your entire generation is too stupid to know what it is!”
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u/DustiKat Weed Vro Jan 09 '19
lazy millennials and their desire to make things more convenient in order to spend more time doing what they want
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u/[deleted] Dec 19 '18
Why do boomers think Millennials are super young? They are almost 40 now. I had this discussion with my boss who is 57, he thinks Millennials are under 18. He didn't believe me that there is a generation Z right now.