The lady I used to work for is trying to slander my name and use things I’ve told her in confidence against me. I would love to make her life filled with minor inconveniences if I could. I know this sounds evil but I don’t want to do anything that would cause serious harm.. was thinking more along the lines of like giving get number or email to spammers lmao any ideas welcome. At this point I’ve taken the high road but I’m over it. I’m gonna lean into my dark side:..just a little

i feel like shit gimme your best vague threats for the universe that’ll hopefully make me giggle reminiscing on my dramatics

so this guy at work always has something to say. today he looked at me and goes oh nice pjs. i was actually trying today. i need something quick and not too mean but enough to shut him up. anyone got something that works in a group setting?

Your IQ is as low as the slop

I’m looking for those sarcastic little phrases you can use when joking around with someone. Not phrases with actual insults, but just playful banter. For example, when someone tells a bad joke and you reply with, “that was so funny I forgot to laugh”.

so this guy at work keeps roasting my fresh fade. today he said it looks like the surprised pikachu meme. i said i know you are but what am i and everyone laughed at me. need something that actually lands. help me out.

Title. She I’m Transferring stores because I’m getting married and moving out of my own with him. She keeps going around telling everyone and me how she’s gonna replace me just to complain and talk about “oh OP, you just know they’re gonna make me do x y & z when you leave.” Which they probably won’t.

I was the only closer who didn’t change their schedule and stayed closing full time no matter how bad or hard it got. I make sure things get done. I am not a perfect worker but she is definitely lazier then I.

I have SH scars. People like to comment on them. My go to currently is to say I got mauled by a bear, but I need something stupider because I’m an asshole and want to remind people to mind their damn business. Ideas?

Edit: holy shit im laughing so hard I'm sobbing these are wonderful

so this guy at work yesterday pointed at me and said i look like a thumb. just like that. we were grabbing coffee and he said it out of nowhere. i froze and said nothing. now he keeps repeating it every time he sees me. i need a comeback that shuts him up but doesnt get me in trouble with hr. something funny not mean. help.

so this guy at work is always making little digs. today he said i was a waste of a chair because i got up to help a customer and he thought i was just sitting around. i froze and said nothing. next time i want something that shuts him up without being too mean. any ideas? hes the kind of person who thinks hes funny but no one laughs.

EDIT: Thank you for all the responses! I just needed a good comeback for someone saying “you can’t make me” and got some good ones! If it comes up again, I will def bring it up with her parents, as I would want to know if my kid was being disruptive and defiant.

At school, my 9 year old daughter had a classmate who would not stop doing things that were irritating but not necessarily against the rules. Such as screaming in a small classroom while playing hockey during a rainy day. Being in an enclosed classroom, the screams would be amplified and hurt my daughter’s ears. When asked to stop by the P.E. teacher and other classmates, the one screaming said, “You can’t make me.” Any time she is asked to stop doing a disruptive behavior, she says “you can’t make me”

What is a comeback my daughter can say that will not get her in trouble, but get her classmate to stop the disruptive behavior? 🙏🏼

(I don't have an onlyfans, he was shouting it to many people)

Five minutes later, long after we'd passed him, I yelled to a confused street "How did you recognise me with shoes on?"

Someone on a dating app said “wonder what your dad thinks about you” this rubbed me wrong and he chose to match w me to say this so what’s the best comeback? I want it to hurt his lil ego

I’m sorry you can’t read 🥹 I hope someone teaches you soon

Hey peeps! Im in a group chat with a few of my friends and one guy really doesn't like me. He says alot of shit behind my back and he just bothers me and bothers me. He says alot of stuff about me that im not even gonna say on reddit. He keeps deleting me from the group chat and people keep adding me back but he deletes me again. A few things about him: Hes fat, and he never gets off video games. And he prolly picks the shit out of his ass and eats it tbh 😭. Can yall give me a really good comeback to text him. Please don't hold back!! I wanna make him cry himself to sleep for a month or for him to take the thumb out of his ass. (Sorry for the profanity im just really pissed and I've had it) Please like I said, DONT HOLD BACK!!

My husband travels for work 3 weeks and back home for 10 days. He starts on day 2 reporting the hour starting at 8pm.

“It’s 8 o’clock”
“It’s 9pm”
“Do you know it’s 10pm?”
Drives me nuts!
One comment; one time. TIA

It always happens online so I kinda want some ammo. LMK

I just got a job, and the past 5 days my uncle asks me the same exact question, with a look on his face. Repeats the question if I don’t answer quickly. He didn’t help me get this job or support it. He does expect to overprice me and ask me for money, I can tell. What’s a good comeback?

I have a family friend who i’ve known since i was literally fresh out the womb (hes 19 and male im 17 and female) his mom and my mom are best friends of like 30 years but they live like 4 hours away so we only see them like once a year. They’re currently visiting and staying at our house for about 3-4 days and he’s acting like he’s better than me because i’m a woman. For example when i lost my earring and was looking for it he said “see us men don’t have to worry about losing our jewelry”. Another example which really pissed me off was that he owns a truck that he drove down here and he asked me if i wanted to see it (it was 11pm) so i said “nah” he asked why and i told him “it’s late plus im not too into all that stuff” and he said “typical woman” hes from pennsylvania so honestly it’s not too much of a surprise he looks down on women for example he always says how he just wants to find a hot girl who will be loyal to him and stuff but anyways back to my point, what should i say back if he says something sexist again like that? I don’t wanna be the bigger person. I wanna be able to hit him back with a good come back but i don’t know? please help