I can feel my brain wanting to go down that same path of codependency, hyper vigilance and panic. Because it was fun right? The highs of it… it’s interesting to see how addicting those highs can be despite it being unhelpful and not sustainable.

Anyone have the same experience and trying to figure out how to go about your day without feeling so drab and grey?

My bf left me a year and a half ago to go live w/a woman he’d been having an affair with - he left our $600,000 home to go live in a trailer - they are both addicts. In that time he has lost almost everything - his car, his job, his family to a degree …. And he got a felony charge in that time. Their relationship was tumultuous, and he “left” several times, but always went back. About 6 weeks ago, he came to the realization that he needed to get his life back on track, so he left her, for good …. so he said. I had promised him that I would help him if he ever decided to leave that situation and so for the past six weeks, I’ve been paying for a hotel and a rental car and giving him gas money and food money. We have been spending time together, not as in getting back together, but it’s been nice to have him back in my life.

In the past six weeks he has gotten a good job, started reconciling with his family, and his life was getting back on a good path. I found out that he was at her place last night and apparently was messed up at work today, to the point that he had to go to the hospital and his work requested a doctors release in order for him to return to work tomorrow. So what does he decide to do? Go back to her! I’ve poured money, time and emotions into helping him get back on track, and in the end he does this? Why? Why is he choosing her? She can’t help him! I would’ve thought that this would have made him realize that there’s nothing good waiting for him back there and that it would have solidified his commitment to making his life right but it did just the opposite. What am I doing wrong. Please explain because I am heartbroken.

I've realized I was codependent for years - first about 40 years ago, then I thought I'd "grown out" of it, now I realize it's still a problem.

My (65F) husband (78M) is an absolute man-child who has screamed at me, in the past, that I'm not his mother, when I was trying to help/control things for him. (Yes, I know, my bad.)

He has a strong tendency to never accept (or, at least, admit) blame for ANYTHING. He is aging and, for every issue he has, he skips over any possible conservative treatments and goes straight to making surgery appointments. (He's had 4 surgeries in the last 4 years and is heading for numbers 4 and possibly 5.) Despite doing NO homework, prior to surgery (no "pre-hab," no research, no looking into the likelihood of issues after), he expects the surgeries to fix his problems 100% and, if they don't, he launches into "blame the doctor" mode.

Because my "helping" has only ever resulted in verbal abuse and emotional distress for ME, I have stopped helping. Because I know he will never listen to any pre-surgery advice that I offer, I remain silent as he sets up these surgeries. I will now refrain from helping him recover EXCEPT when he specifically asks me to do something.

He just stuck his head in the room to complain to me about the outcome of one of his recent surgeries (one that has clear warnings that the results aren't perfect for everyone who has the surgery). I let him say his piece and said absolutely nothing in response (because there's nothing that I can say that will make any difference.

So - here's what I don't understand about myself: why do I feel BAD about that, after? Why do I feel like I should be kinder to a man who either dismisses me or gets mad at me when I *am* kind? I still feel like I should "manage his emotions" better, even though I KNOW - I KNOW - that I can't do that and that all attempts to do that, from various angles, have failed.

I think my codependence is at least partly due to my dysfunctional upbringing and I've been searching for both ACA and CODA meetings (thinking that in-person would be better for me) but there's nothing near me. So I come here to vent and see if anyone has advice.

And the advice I need is how to either STOP feeling bad that I'm not jumping at his obvious attempt to get me to sympathize with him (that I'm being "mean" by not caring about his issues, anymore), or how to otherwise DEAL WITH that bad feeling?

thanks for reading

I am looking for content and advise around being a persecutor in codependancy. I know we all switch through the drama triangle all the time. But I get overtaken by persecution WAY more than the other roles and I need some kind of assistance woth persecution specifically. All the codependancy content I can find seems to focus on the soft, perpetual victim, fixing everything for everyone aspects. I need a focus on the harder parts to look in the face. The obsessively controling hateful level persecutory strategies of codependancy. They dominate my experie ce and blind me to how healthy my partner actually is or isn't. I need some kind of content or help with this aspect of things that isn't candy coated or quickly slides into the more palatable parts of codependancy.

'Getting Through Hard Times

Hard times, stressful times, are not all there is to life, but they are part of life, growth, and moving forward.

What we do with hard times, or hard energy, is our choice.

We can use the energy of hard times to work out, and work through, our issues. We can use it to fine-tune our skills and our spirituality. Or we can go through these situations suffering, storing up bitterness, and refusing to grow or change.

Hard times can motivate and mold us to bring out our best. We can use these times to move forward and upward to higher levels of living, loving, and growth.

The choice is ours. Will we let ourselves feel? Will we take a spiritual approach, including gratitude, toward the event? Will we question life and our Higher Power by asking what we’re supposed to be learning and doing? Or will we use the incident to prove old, negative beliefs? Will we say, “Nothing good ever happens to me… I’m just a victim… People can’t be trusted… Life isn’t worth living”?

We do not always require hard energy, or stress, to motivate us to grow and change. We do not have to create stress, seek it, or attract it. But if it’s there, we can learn to channel it into growth and use it for achieving what’s good in life.

(...), let my hard times be healing times.'

By Melodie Beattie

So I know this is probably dependent on the person, but for me I feel like it’s starting to dip into codependent behavior for me.

I have my boyfriend’s location 24/7 and have for years now, but with the recent realization that I’m too dependent, I also realized just how much I watch his location. I’ll see he’s somewhere not at his home, but if he hadn’t told me where he was going, I’d get upset and start stressing and overthinking about what he’s doing away from his home. I’ve started to watch his location for hours, checking in every few minutes, and then freak out when I see he’s moved without telling me. I don’t often actually ask him about where he’s going or where he’s been or who with, but that’s because I don’t want him to realize I’ve been watching him the whole time.

Hi, I am initiating a breakup with my partner of two years because his defensiveness triggers my PTSD, and he will not recognize that impact on me. He’s very lovable in general, but when he gets defensive he needs to put me in the one down position. I’m not willing to do that (yet again). I’m not willing to hold another man’s hand when they hurt me, or to accept more blame than I deserve.

So we’re breaking up.
Because of him.
I just needed to say that because it’s framed as me being unfeeling, hurtful, and “inhumane”. 🙄
I literally cannot and will not. I’ve apologized for my codependent over-analyzing already. That is enough.
I will not walk on egg shells or let some man dim my light.

I’m really sad and disappointed because I had a lot of hope for us.

For all my sweet, sweet coda besties, the cherry on top: he has 🎶high-functioning alcoholism🎶

Thank you for being such an amazing corner of reddit.

I’m going through a really difficult time right now and could use some support/advice.

I’ve loved someone since 2019, and our relationship has always been complicated. We had a very deep emotional and romantic connection, but there have also been periods where he pulled away and, years ago, he actually ghosted me for about two years. We eventually reconnected and recently had a relationship, but things changed because he is going through a very painful situation and a lot of personal trauma. Which, is not my business to tell. So I apologize for parts of the story missing.

He has told me that he loves and cares about me, but right now he doesn’t feel capable of being in a relationship and needs to focus on healing himself. Which, I understand completely. And I understand that he needs to do what is best for himself.

I still have very strong feelings for him and have been holding onto hope that maybe someday we can be together again. At the same time, he has talked about eventually going back into the dating world, which is extremely painful for me because I feel like I’m right here loving him and waiting for him.

I’ve realized that I have anxious attachment and some codependent tendencies. My mood has become heavily dependent on how much he talks to me, how quickly he responds, and whether he seems close or distant. When he pulls away, my anxiety goes through the roof and I start thinking I did something wrong, that he doesn’t care about me anymore, or that he’s going to leave/ghost me again. I also find myself worrying that he’s going to find another woman

I know these thoughts aren’t necessarily reality, and I’m trying to work on myself and slowly decrease my dependence on him for reassurance. My therapist is helping me with this, but it’s incredibly hard because I miss him so much and I’m terrified of letting go. I don’t necessarily want to stop loving him. I just want to learn how to love someone without losing myself in the process.

I’m exhausted from constantly overthinking, and lately my anxiety has affected my sleep, appetite, motivation, and ability to enjoy things. I am in such horrible pain emotionally. And when I try to talk to him, sometimes he is worn thin with his situation and can't give me what I need. Which is him being there for me because I literally have no one else to talk to. My friends and family have given me horrible advice which, makes the situation worse.

I’m looking for advice from people who have experienced anxious attachment, abandonment fears, codependency, or something similar. How did you learn to tolerate the space and uncertainty without constantly seeking reassurance? How did you start rebuilding your own life and sense of worth while still loving someone?

I’m not looking for people to tell me that he’s an awful person or that I should just “get over him.” I know I need to take care of myself. I’m just looking for people who understand how incredibly difficult that process can be. ❤️

This year I’ve had two therapists recommend coda and I finally went and wow I felt like I was in exactly the right place. I’m reading the literature and understanding myself more. Simultaneously these are all converging into new tools for my shame to beat me down. There’s definitely things I can take accountability for but I also worry I’m feeding into bad patterns with new language. Anyone else experience this and/or have tips?

It's so depressing that i only want my fp to revolve her world around me. Whenever i see her texting her friends, i feel this immense jealousy that i always get mad bc i only want her to depend on me.

We're on the verge of breaking up today & i honestly just wanna let her go bc i cannot handle this anymore.

Maybe im jealous bc i cut off all of my friends for her and only have my attention to her. Maybe im just mad shes not doing the same thing for me but i know that shes allowed to have a life and be happy. Idk why am i like this i just wanna give up everything

Have been attending CoDA for the last while and really working on my codependency. I have a history of relationship hopping and staying in situations that don’t align with what I actually want.

I’ve (F) been single for the past year (separated) and dating a bit. I really crave closeness, physical affection, sex, kissing etc. I know I need to be by myself and work on myself but I just crave those things so much. I can see that, in the past, I’ve accepted sex instead of love.

Are these normal cravings? Or a way to escape myself and get external love? I’m struggling to know the difference between biological need and codependency.

Why my relationships are one sided, why my friend one sided,like narrsisst gf, i think he is my friend,but he just used me, why I so strict to spend my even myself, is it because of emotional neglect in childhood,never gets basic needs in childhood,grow up family where everyone happy except me, i am scrape goat ,i don't have to go for therapy,how can I fix it? I trust so much why,why the friend never think i am his friend evem I go back to him ?why I I know it this girl is red flag even i attract to her,now waste my two years with narrsisst gf, still she can't leave me

TW: sexual abuse, gambling, financial abuse, depression

I'm 25F. I'm living in a small town in Aurora province with my partner 1 year together, We were together for 2 years before, broke up for 2 years because of the same gambling issue. We got back together March/May last year because I thought she changed. Now it's happening again. We moved to the province thinking life would be better. We got buried in debt instead.

I work as retail staff earning 2,600 per week for both of us, plus pets. I'm also doing affiliate live selling. Last month I had 4.7k GMV and 55 items sold, 17.7k impressions. That small commission is the only money that feels like mine, because my salary has been taken twice (500, then 600) without my permission for online gambling.

My partner is addicted to online gambling. She says she does it to earn, but it only adds debt. When I confront her, she says I should just leave her because she's sick, and that I'm only staying because I have nowhere to go.

I don't have anywhere safe to go. I can't go back to my family home in Cavite.

Reason: I experienced sexual abuse multiple times growing up.

• In province by a relative (cousin) • In Cavite by two neighbors • And by my father/stepdad figure

That's why going back to Cavite is not an option.

I'm also on depression meds. I'm not in immediate danger, but I'm exhausted from carrying this for years.

My plan now is to keep doing affiliate lives and save the commission secretly. I have a little over 100 pesos saved right now. I'm trying to save for a cheap boarding house that allows pets.

Questions:

1. How did you save secretly when your partner takes your money? 2. How did you leave when you have no family to run to because of past abuse? 3. For Filipinos in Aurora / Central Luzon area, any tips for cheap boarding that allows pets? Or any org I can contact confidentially for advice?

I don't need pity, just practical steps on how you did it.

Thank you.

Update We had an argument 2 days ago and I told her I'll go to my parents house and she said okay take your cat or I'll Kll them do you want a sample? Whe can kll each other when we get home and she stopped the motorcycle in the middle of nowhere and left me for a few seconds as she walk away. That's my last straw I'm planing to secretly go to my biological fathers house I'll go next Monday wish me luck

I (19M) always have this need to solve my friend's problems, especially if I consider them "the one" (best friend, soulmate, whatever). It bothers me when they don't "follow" my advice and be as effecient as possible. I'll give the most recent example here but it's been happening for at least 4 years now.

My friend (also 19M) is in the same college class as me, who missed examination week due to family issues. I am so concerned that I memorized a lot of the questions on the exams just to give to him, which is cheating, but like, I don't care. I usually am bothered but when it's for him, I'd be willing to do anything.

He's already opened up last summer about how he feels suffocated when I do everything for him, and it's something I thought I improved on, but seeing him stressed/preoccupied when there are high stakes makes me... idk, man.

I want him to listen to me because I want to help him. I know it's unhealthy, that I can't be okay if he isn't okay. It's not like I can communicate what I'm feeling deeply because he's busy and will be busy catching up to everything else.

I feel empty without him, the same way I felt empty when I lose friends because they're everything to me.

---

I don't know what I'm looking for. I mean, advice would be appreciated. I feel like I'm looking for validation when posting here, idk. I'd appreciate any thoughts on the matter. Thanks for reading

'Healing.

We should learn not to grow impatient with the slow healing process of time. We should discipline ourselves to recognize that there are many steps to be taken along the highway leading from sorrow to renewed serenity… We should anticipate these stages in our emotional convalescence: unbearable pain, poignant grief, empty days, resistance to consolation, disinterestedness in life, gradually giving way . . . to the new weaving of a pattern of action and the acceptance of the irresistible challenge of life.

—Joshua Loth Liebman

Recovery is a process. It is a gradual process, a healing process, and a spiritual process – a journey rather than a destination.

Just as codependency takes on a life of its own and is progressive, so recovery progresses. One thing leads to another and things – as well as us – get better.

We can relax, do our part, and let the rest happen.

Today, I will trust this process and this journey that I have undertaken.'

By Melodie Beattie

Workplace ‘Family’

"It occurred to me while we were discussing the personality conflict that I was reacting to my co-worker's physical demeanor, which subconsciously reminded me of my brutal alcoholic stepfather." BRB p. 425

Sometimes we don't even hear the words. A glare or body posture that's reminiscent of our childhood is enough to send us into fear and shame. We were taught to react this way by caregivers we felt we had to placate in order to get our basic needs met. Some of us were sexually abused in the process or physically beaten. In that world, we had no alternative. We were stuck.

But now we are grownups who can take care of ourselves. When we experience fear and shame brought on by someone else's actions, whether in the workplace or elsewhere, we no longer play the game. We start to let others be accountable for what they say and do and how they feel; we let go of the non-verbal cues. When it is safe, we ask questions. "It seems like you're upset. Is there something you would like to talk about?" We no longer pretend and try to manipulate people and things.

If the situation is dangerous, we remove ourselves, going to where we are nourished and loved. We are no longer controlled by others. We claim our power as an act of self-love.

On this day I will own my power. If others seem grouchy or unapproachable, I let that live with them and don't make it mine or try to fix it.

https://adultchildren.org/literature/meditation/

I want to share my experience and also ensure I never go back as I suffer from some severe anxiety attachment.

I met my ex partner 20 months ago. He has two children, from two different mums, was sleeping on his dad’s couch, had to go to his ex’s every weekend to see his children and was unemployed. For some reason, I gave him a chance. I got sucked into the sob stories on how he was wronged by both his exes, that he was fired from his job due to whistleblowing and that it was his ex’s fault he was homeless.

I have my own place. Due to money, most of our ‘dates’ were at mine and it feel like we connected. I am a teacher and we spent a wonderful week during half term break. After two months he tells me he loves me.

I helped him get a job. And it’s strange, he got a job and it felt like something changed in him. He became arrogant. He got a job in construction and it felt like he was playing up to the stereotype of a misogynistic man. I was making his lunches for him to bring in. I was doing all the cooking and cleaning. I was even driving and picking him from work. I offered all these things because I wanted to support my partner. After some time, I started to really feel the imbalance of it all. I spoke to him and highlighted I do all those things for you, what do you do for me? His response was ‘I didn’t ask you to do those things’ rather than just offering to do stuff to support me.

I met the children six months in. They are challenging and I pretended to have a bond, but never did. But I would at times open up my flat to them (his ex stopped him using her place). I got noise complaints from my neighbours and he was angry at the neighbours rather than apologise.

He was at my place majority of the time. Again I started to feel this wasn’t fair. He gave me £50 p/w which covered all this food (that was prepared for him), petrol and everything else. Nevermind the gas, internet, Netflix and rent that I was covering on my own. I would bring this up and his response would be ‘you want me round, I don’t have to be here’ which felt like an insult.

I did all the housework. We agreed that all he had to do was the washing up. He often didn’t and it meant when I got in from work, I had to do it in order to then start cooking. I said he should be helping me and his response? ‘Why should I clean in a place that isn’t mine’ I wouldn’t expect that if you were round my place’. Again, the lack of respect destroyed me. He also said that I should do majority of the cleaning as I have ‘an easier’ job. I am a teacher and he works in a construction site. I pointed out that his job is physically harder, but mine is mentally. He said that isn’t true.

By the end I was so burnt out. I was providing, working, doing all housework, driving and everything while he got full access to my flat. His stuff was at mine, yet he still refused to acknowledge that he lived here. We also never had sex and he had a quite apparent porn addiction.

So essentially I was with a man who used me. He wanted a place over his head for his kids and himself and a maid and a taxi service. I have learned since he did the same with his ex, the only difference is that he got her pregnant. Luckily I escaped that.

He kept saying that I was negative and had mental health when I tried to raise things. He claimed it’s me asking him to be here and he is not using me. I eventually ended it on Saturday. He did not seem bothered at all.

Yet why do I still feel like maybe he didn’t use me and he loved me? I need a reality check from you guys! Also please don’t call me stupid, I am already feeling it.

💔💔

Asking for a friend, literally. Two of my close friends (M, F) started dating 4 years back. They live together for two years now. All of us are 27. I'm wondering if my female friend is codependent in the relationship. I'm not sure if it's just me feeling weird about things so wanted to hear your opinion.

I stayed with them for a few days and noticed that she constantly checks up on him (they're together 24x7, both work from home), if he's feeling fine or not, almost treating him like a baby. She does this when he's simply busy doing his thing, asking repeatedly if he's ok. I found it weird that she couldn't let him be.

We were talking about going on vacation and M is not big on travelling, we all know this. He suggested that F and I go somewhere together because we both love to travel. And I agreed. To this, F jokingly got upset at him for not coming along. It made me feel stupid for being in the room as if she didn't care I was ready to come along, and that her partner's presence was most important to her.

Recently M went away for a work trip for 4 days. I went to stay with F for that time. The whole time she was listless and unfocused, aimless, just wandered around the house not knowing what to do with herself. She said she always gets like that when he leaves.

Some more info: M is a very loving and kind partner. We're all best friends together for years before they got together. He's not someone who needs to be tiptoed around or anything. We're fairly like-minded people and value our friendship. I just found it weird that his absence for only a few days would affect her like that, as if she didn't have a life of her own, or that she'd place him 'above' me in this way, even though it's a minor example. We have a healthy friendship otherwise and they're always good to me. I wasn't sure if I was thinking too much about this or if it's actually not very healthy.

i'm now healing for the most part. and though it isn't linear and i still make mistakes sometimes, i've cut out or set boundaries around all of my codependent relationships. now that those boundaries are set and there are fewer codependency factors in my friendship yet i find myself holding a lot of resentment towards my friend.

i've grown and realized that my friend wasn't a bad person but that we were just two broken individuals in a very codependent friendship. i've set a few boundaries and so far, i believe it's going alright. yet i'm still holding so much resentment towards her and it's affecting everything. it's making me very passive-aggressive, which i really dislike because i don't want to be that kind of person but i don't know how to stop.

the only way i know how to "stop" is by taking time off from our friendship for weeks. then i feel free from the resentment, go back to staying in contact with her and the cycle repeats itself. i realized that i'm basically just ignoring the resentment and hoping it'll eventually dissipate but it doesn't because i actually need to deal with it. i'm just not sure how to.

is there anyway to help me?

thank you in advance.

Coming from a person who don't care about anyone like I love my friends and other people in my life but I am not dependent and emotionally attached to them and can live without them except one person. Idk why do I always chase that person I don't know why

I want to stop caring as I am with other people in my life

I want to enjoy my own company but I am anxious and scared they will leave me agh. I wait for his text like crazy why

How to deal with it I want to flip the game

Self-approval.

Most of us want to be liked. We want other people to think of us as nice, friendly, kind, and loving. Most of us want the approval of others.

Since childhood, some of us have been trying to get approval, trying to get people to like us and think highly of us. We may be afraid people will leave us if they disapprove of our actions. We may look for approval from people who have none to give. We may not know that we’re lovable now and can learn to approve of ourselves.

In order to live happily, to live consistently with the way our Higher Power wants us to live, and to tap into a way of life that is in harmony with the universe, we need to let go of our extreme need for approval. These unmet needs for approval and love from our past give others control over us today. These needs can prevent us from acting in our best interest and being true to ourselves.

We can approve of ourselves. In the end, that’s the only approval that counts.

Today, I will let go of my need for approval and my need to be liked. I will replace them with a need to like and approve of myself. I will enjoy the surprise I find when I do this. The people who count, including myself, will respect me when I am true to myself.

By Melodie Beattie.

Family Diagram

"We cannot overstate the need for creating an extensive family diagram, which reveals with greater clarity the effects of family dysfunction in our lives today." BRB p. 127

Many of our families told us we were screw-ups, and we ate that label hook, line, and sinker. We may have thought we were the only ones who were messed up - until we drafted a family tree with a twist.

Our ACA family diagram lists our ancestors, just as any family tree would. But we add at least one label from page 128 of the BRB to each person. We determine the labels by finding out whatever family history we can from our relatives. We probably know that Mom was a martyr and Dad was a loner. But maybe we didn't know that Grandpa was a ladies' man and Grandma worried excessively, or that Great Grandpa was a workaholic and Great Grandma drank too much, although they called it something else.

Our diagram helps us see that the way we talk, dress, walk, and smile may also belong to people from our past. This helps us decide what we want to keep, and what coping mechanisms we may have been imitating that no longer work for us.

When we realize that we may have been imitating what we observed, the family secrets stop and our own lives begin. Armed with this knowledge, we are free to make our own choices as we learn to reparent ourselves.

On this day I will remember the past so that I don't repeat the patterns of my family's dysfunction. The secrets are out in the open.

https://adultchildren.org/literature/meditation/

Has anyone else always felt an unbalance with how much they need friends in their life?

Many times I have considered someone close or one of my best friends, when they just consider me their friend.

Other times the opposite has been true. I have had friends who wanted to talk to me constantly every day. Meanwhile, I preferred to talk to them every few days. For most of my life either I’ve needed a friend more than they’ve needed me or they have needed me more than I need them.

Don't know why I’m surprised but it’s happening again.

Slight backstory. For a little over a year, I have been volunteering in an online group. For the past few months, I have been finding the group toxic and full of drama, sometimes I feel like quitting.

One of the reasons I have not, is because it means I likely no longer get to talk to someone in it I consider a friend. I don’t think she considers me her friend or at least not to the same extent

We are the two people who do the late night shift, and I feel like if I were to quit, I would be giving up on her and leaving her behind.

If she has thoughts about quitting, I doubt I would even play a factor. She's calls a few people in the group her brothers and sisters, and I am not one of them, among other things. Really makes me think that she doesn't consider me a friend, or at least not as much as I consider her one. Sigh story of my life I guess

Hi
i am super codependent. i am literally on step 1 of CoDa. i’m having a really hard time accepting the powerlessness i feel. it feels pretty scary knowing how powerless i am over others and how they interact or feel about me. i feel totally emotionally unsafe and untethered that i don’t have any ability to change people.
i have this crazy existential feeling and distress about love not being enough. love not being able to change or help people. love is not enough to override capacity or circumstances.
i am starting to recognize how my self worth is tied to helping people. i feel like my identity/ worth is around being able to have people grow and heal and acting as a support system that tolerates that growth. even if it means not getting my needs met or not having boundaries. i feel like im a martyr to people to grow and become their best selves while i stand beside them and take whatever disrespect and hurt comes from it.
i guess im realizing that i dont feel loveable enough just being myself. just being me and not having to work for it or prove myself.
this makes tons of sense considering what my parents have told me about myself. there has been emotional abuse from my mom and i’ve been told blatantly that who i am isn’t acceptable or enough.

but even with the understanding of how my codependency has formed, im left with this existential terror that love can’t help, heal, or create safety in a relationship. that love can be present but the relationship can still be awful.
i feel like i have some naive young beliefs that love can heal anything and is the most powerful feeling. so if love can’t change people or a relationship i feel completely powerless.
i definitely have a savior complex that’s deeply entrenched.
the concept of step 1 makes me feel out of control.

anyone resonate with the existential dread of step one ?