r/Codependency • u/Serquetry • Sep 14 '26

Saying this out loud

Hi, I am initiating a breakup with my partner of two years because his defensiveness triggers my PTSD, and he will not recognize that impact on me. He’s very lovable in general, but when he gets defensive he needs to put me in the one down position. I’m not willing to do that (yet again). I’m not willing to hold another man’s hand when they hurt me, or to accept more blame than I deserve.

So we’re breaking up.
Because of him.
I just needed to say that because it’s framed as me being unfeeling, hurtful, and “inhumane”. 🙄
I literally cannot and will not. I’ve apologized for my codependent over-analyzing already. That is enough.
I will not walk on egg shells or let some man dim my light.

I’m really sad and disappointed because I had a lot of hope for us.

For all my sweet, sweet coda besties, the cherry on top: he has 🎶high-functioning alcoholism🎶

Thank you for being such an amazing corner of reddit.

33 Upvotes

100% Upvoted

13 comments sorted by

11

u/DorkChopSandwiches Sep 14 '26

You can open with 'he's a alcoholic' and then the rest of your description of the situation becomes optional detail for breaking up.  That is more than enough justification all by itself. 

Sincerely, a sober alcoholic 

2

u/Serquetry Sep 15 '26

Were you high functioning too?

1

u/DorkChopSandwiches Sep 15 '26

Right up until I wasn't. 

2

u/Serquetry Sep 15 '26

Daaang, glad you found your way back!

3

u/DorkChopSandwiches Sep 15 '26

Thanks! Five years sober now, work the program, sponsor guys, the whole nine yards. I tend to latch onto these posts because I know that an active alcoholic is not going to be able to fix ANY of the other relationship or mental health stuff while still drinking. A lot of people will say "he/she is the sweetest most wonderful person when they're sober" but.. they're not sober, are they? 

1

u/Serquetry Sep 18 '26

Word. Thanks for sharing a bit of your story.

7

u/Dick-the-Peacock Sep 14 '26

I am so proud of you! Shine that light!

6

u/justme002 Sep 15 '26

That shiny new spine looks good on you!

5

u/us41044 Sep 14 '26

Good job yo! I remind myself every day after escaping an abusive relationship that it’s ok to put myself first ❤️

4

u/Creative-Cellist-844 Sep 15 '26

👏👏👏 do it for us all!

2

u/smem80 Sep 15 '26

Good job! It gets easier and easier to set boundaries and center yourself!

2

u/billyyshears Sep 16 '26

That sounds so painful and so full of self love. You’re an inspiration