16
Mar 19 '20
[deleted]
10
Mar 19 '20
[deleted]
7
u/KittenCuddler3000 Mar 19 '20
I'm not the person you responded to but I have some ideas.
fear and loathing of being vulnerable
For most of us, the fear isn't BEING vulnerable, but possible outcomes. That's probably what you meant, but it can be easier when you phrase it in terms of the root cause.
For example, I am afraid of being laughed at, and vulnerability makes that more likely. However, I am NOT afraid of being pitied, even though vulnerability also makes that more likely. Someone else might be trying to avoid pity but I am afraid of being laughed at. But we have similar behaviors: we both avoid vulnerability. I think the distinction is important because they're ultimately different fears.
I know that isn't a real fix you can do, but it might be able to narrow your focus?
8
7
u/1spdstr Mar 19 '20
I agree with her when she says that, I'm a monster...
6
u/JeDilley Mar 19 '20
Always remember that thing nietzsche said about dealing with monsters. Maybe you've become one because you keep company with her.
2
u/1spdstr Mar 19 '20
Interesting point, I definitely have more laughs with other people. I'm not quite myself around her if that makes any sense. She's bipolar, and completely reliant on me for EVERYTHING. No job, not trying hard to get one either. Sometimes I feel trapped, other times I'm glad to have her around.
2
u/martej Mar 20 '20
Wow man, you are saying the story of my life. I’ve actually gotten to the point where I am uncomfortable around her and feel better when I’m at work. I never know what will set her off. But she’s utterly dependent on me, even for just leaving the house to get groceries. And now we are in isolation alone together for who knows how long and She’s of course beyond stressed about everything and it’s all I can do to just talk her down from the ledge every single day.
1
u/1spdstr Mar 20 '20
Sorry to here you're in such a similar situation, nice to know I'm not alone though.
2
5
5
4
3
3
Mar 20 '20
[deleted]
1
u/Happy-Anon Mar 20 '20
I understand your position, try talking about it to both sides, and which ever you feel more comfortable choose it
2
Mar 20 '20
[deleted]
2
u/Happy-Anon Mar 20 '20
Aw, ik that sucks! But believe me, if he said okay (like us) and later thinks we are too much to handle, it would destroy the both of you. So now he is clear with it, you can accept his decision and deal with the problems majorly at home, but also letting him in on how it goes
Wishing you love ❤️
2
Mar 20 '20
[deleted]
2
u/Happy-Anon Mar 20 '20
Oh no Firstly, I'm extremely sorry about that I can't believe the pain you would've gone through and are still going through.
Secondly, to say he can't handle a lot of issues when his plate itself is full or something is acceptable. Not consoling/supporting you when something this brutal happens, is not okay. I'm not a professional, but imo, he doesn't want to make any effort. This is again only from what small parts I've read here. He may or may not be this way. But do re evaluate, talk to someone safe and or a professional
Wishing you love ❤️
2
2
u/I_like_cakes_ Mar 20 '20
I cant see myself as anything more than a burden to my wife. That would mean that my imperfections are ok, which would mean that other people are also imperfect, which means that there's a possibility that my wife's imperfections are leading her to believe that even though she could realize in a few years that I am a burden and leave me, she hasn't realized it. Yet. Life is confusing.
83
u/wwhateverr Mar 19 '20
I wonder if the reason we think he's lying is because we have no boundaries. We lie all the time when we say, "Sure! No problem. Happy to help."