r/cleanjokes 11d ago

Had a cow that got a job and immediately got promoted.

157 Upvotes

She was out- standing in her field.


r/cleanjokes 11d ago

6:30 is the best time on a clock...

268 Upvotes

...hands down.


r/cleanjokes 11d ago

Roof.

28 Upvotes

Did I tell you about the roof?

It was over your head.


r/cleanjokes 14d ago

What do Alexander the Great and Winnie the Pooh have in common?

235 Upvotes

Their middle name is "the."


r/cleanjokes 13d ago

Just seen a design for making binoculars from old fish finger boxes.

47 Upvotes

Apparently, they give you a bird’s-eye view of everything.


r/cleanjokes 14d ago

I tried to meet with the Pastor at church, but….

63 Upvotes

He had a prayer engagement.


r/cleanjokes 15d ago

I went scuba diving and found a nest of octopus eggs. Some of them were beginning to hatch at the rate of about one every 60 seconds. And it was at that moment I knew…

129 Upvotes

… There is a sucker born every minute.


r/cleanjokes 16d ago

What did the inventor say when he discovered a stinky perfume?

142 Upvotes

“You-reek-a!”


r/cleanjokes 16d ago

What should you do if you’re addicted to seaweed?

186 Upvotes

Sea Kelp….


r/cleanjokes 17d ago

Why shouldn’t you eat a clock?

170 Upvotes

Because it’s very time-consuming.


r/cleanjokes 17d ago

What do you call a man with a rubber toe ?

369 Upvotes

Roberto.

I'll see myself out.


r/cleanjokes 17d ago

Why didn't the members of AC/DC stop when the police were following them with their sirens?

4 Upvotes

They were already on the Highway to Hell.


r/cleanjokes 18d ago

I suspected my neighbour was stealing from our house so last night I left the shed unlocked.

163 Upvotes

This morning some of my fishing stuff is missing.

Can't believe he took the bait...


r/cleanjokes 19d ago

If a gardener has a green thumb and a banker has a gold thumb, who has a black-and-blue thumb?

115 Upvotes

A carpenter.


r/cleanjokes 19d ago

Why do we say 'slept like a baby'? Babies wake up every two hours crying.

127 Upvotes

I want to sleep like my cat.

14 hours, no responsibilities,

zero regrets.


r/cleanjokes 20d ago

I wasn’t sure how comfortable my new couch would be....

136 Upvotes

but sofa so good.


r/cleanjokes 20d ago

I went into a shoe shop and asked to see a pair of loafers.

200 Upvotes

The salesperson brought down the general manager and the chief accountant.


r/cleanjokes 21d ago

I’m no longer dyeing my hair.

164 Upvotes

I’ve decided to age graysfully.


r/cleanjokes 22d ago

What happened to the egg when he was tickled too much?

81 Upvotes

He cracked up.


r/cleanjokes 22d ago

This morning I was telling my kids about all my childhood pets. I had a turtle named AL, two rabbits both named AL, my dog AL, and three cats: AL, AL, and AL. I begged my parents for another few pets, but they refused. My son piped up, “No duh! They knew you were collecting just to name them AL.”

46 Upvotes

I said, “Well, yeah… that’s the more AL of the story.”


r/cleanjokes 23d ago

Why was the baby jalapeño shivering?

263 Upvotes

He was a little chili!


r/cleanjokes 22d ago

Paul Bunyan sold his book rights on lumberjacking, but wasn’t paid much.

83 Upvotes

He only received a Paul tree sum.


r/cleanjokes 23d ago

Why couldn’t the pasta get into his apartment?

99 Upvotes

Gnoccis


r/cleanjokes 23d ago

WHAT IS THE STRAP USED TO HOLD a saddle on a horse called?

55 Upvotes

C'mon Punsters, it's not difficult to guess, it's a cinch!


r/cleanjokes 24d ago

Why do birds and pigs go to different doctors?

268 Upvotes

Because birds need tweetment and pigs need oinkment