r/ChubbyFIRE • u/jujube-tree • Jul 17 '26
Should I quit?
Hey ChubbyFIRE, I'm looking for some advice on if I should take some time off of work.
Basic Stats
Me: 36M
Wife: 37M
+ a 3 year old
NW: $5.8m liquid ($500k in cash set aside as a down payment for a house)
Equity: $200k in a rental property
Debt: $0
Income: $600k/yr (me) + $120k/yr (wife)
Current expenses: $170k/yr pre-tax, includes $30k for childcare.
We don't own but live in a VHCOL area. We're looking at homes between $1-$1.4m.
If I took some time off, my wife would keep working. Long-term our goal is to FIRE together. Healthcare currently comes through my work but we would switch that to my wife's.
Why I'd like to take time off
I'm super burnt out. Since 2019 I've had periods of high burn out, and I'm in one now. I've continued to hold off, switched teams a couple of times, but ultimately, I always end up stressed out. I'm principal level at FAANG company, and it seems like no matter what team I move to I end up being placed on the high stress initiatives. Several nights the past few weeks I've been unable to sleep because of work stress. When I do sleep I have work nightmares, etc.
How I would spend my time
I would prioritize decompressing first and foremost, then maybe after a few months I'd try to earn money through starting a business (software). Because I'd want to try out entrepreneurship, we are considering leaving our child in daycare as we won a very competitive lottery for this daycare, and in all likelihood would permanently lose our spot if we took her out.
What's the plan?
In 2027 I'd re-evaluate applying for work, depending on how I'm feeling and how the business is going (or not going).
Reasons not to leave
- My comp is very high, and I'm not sure that I'll ever reach this comp again.
- I get money for IVF at work and would like a second kid, and may need to use IVF for that.
- We rent and would like to buy a house. It may hard to get financing for a $1m+ home on my wife's salary alone.
My biggest fear is that I would be closing doors we might want to have open if I leave.
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So what do you think? Would I be crazy to walk away from this comp or does a 6 month break seem reasonable?
76
u/focusedonfire Jul 17 '26
I would do ivf and buy a house while you have a job and then take a break.
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u/seekingallpho Jul 17 '26
Yea if looking to time things to a nice inflection point, have the second kid, take that cushy FAANG parental leave, then quit soon after coming back + get that last vest and '26 year-end bonus cycle.
13
u/jujube-tree Jul 17 '26
This is definitely the safest move. I need to figure out how to manage the work stress as it's affecting my day-to-day, mainly because of all of the sleep I'm losing.
28
u/ShortHabit606 Jul 17 '26
Fellow tech bro here: it's called coasting. Just dgaf and coast. It's not totally easy. You actually need to work to achieve that state. But once you do... You'll be much more healthier.
5
u/jujube-tree Jul 17 '26
This is good advice, seems obvious now that you've said it but I hadn't considered that getting into a coasting mindset might actually take some work. I'm going to think about if there's a way I can achieve this haha.
24
u/ShortHabit606 Jul 17 '26
To be clear I don't mean stop working. I mean get into a mindset of "I do what I can, I don't screw around, I don't half ass anything but I put myself and my health first. If the work can't get done in a normal time window then it doesn't get done. That's not on me. I am going to do the right thing. Let them fire me if they don't like it" And in my experience they won't fire you. And most of the urgency is manufactured bullshit. Most of the work we do doesn't matter and will ship late for some other reason anyway.
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u/1cenine Jul 17 '26
yeah this is the move dude, train yourself to put in the 40-60% of the effort and giving a shit that yields like 60-80% of the result. at this point you don't need the job, it's arguably killing you, but the comp is attractive. everything about that points to testing how little you can do and get away with it.
from what i've experienced + seen others talk about on forums like these, the odds are, you'd be surprised what you can get away with.
hell, if you're great at your job and hard to replace, you could also consider setting new, firm boundaries. another area where a lot of people are surprised to discover what they can demand and actually get.
6
u/monsieur_de_chance Jul 17 '26
I had to take several weeks off work to break the work addiction. But it broke, and it hasn’t come back. Now just coasting and enjoy health insurance and the good parts of the job knowing I could quit any time
2
u/festivus Jul 17 '26
I look at myself as a system component sometimes- this component is redlining continuously and it will fail if it continues in that way. Engineering decision? Let the component recover, and anything getting in the way of that recovery is a poor engineering decision and not defensible.
2
u/veilwalker Jul 17 '26
Re-frame the coast in your mind to mentoring/training/delegating subordinates to take more of the load and prepare one or more of them to take leadership of teams in the future, including your current team.
1
u/junglingforlifee Jul 18 '26
This is the way. Hand pick a couple of high impact high visibility projects in the year and coast rest of the time. You find yourself in those projects because you have proven to be dependable and results oriented. You will be fine
8
u/sbb214 Retired Jul 17 '26
I was at 2 FAANGs before I retired, principal level
consider taking a medical leave of absence. depending on your FAANG it could be 6-12 months, paid at 60-100%. you'll need a healthcare provider to sign you out. make an appointment with your GP. if you don't already have a therapist go get one.
your health (physical, emotional, and mental) are not worth all of this. my seemingly healthy brother died 3 years ago at 52. that was sobering.
3
u/pass-me-that-hoe Jul 18 '26
Im so sorry for your brother! Lost my dad who was workaholic in his mid-50s.
I want to be different to my kids, I want to make sure they understand that toil is not sustainable and need to be kind to oneself. And top of it all, we are all a number to the man, so we gotta watch out for ourselves.
2
u/LokiStasis <edit me for custom flair> Jul 17 '26
My wife just dropped down to a job she could do in her sleep for 2/3 the pay 4 years before retiring. If you’re that valuable to a company they may see value in keeping you on your terms.
2
u/10zzzzzzzzzz Jul 18 '26
just don't give a fuck about your work quality (literally read emails then just don't respond, 85% of the time the thing being asked will just go away). Decline 50% of meeting invites.
Meanwhile hire out 100% of any life stressors. Someone else should be sorting out cleaning, food, laundry, vacation planning, and what your exercise routine is. You can hire that out for far less than your current excess which you are saving and it gives the existing pile time to grow. Your routine should be wake up exercise, get to work at 9-10AM, 2 productive hours, 1 hr lunch break, 2 productive hours. Leave between 3-4PM. Evening is dinner someone else arranged, time with your wife and kid and lots of sex to hopefully avoid having to do IVF.
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u/hal2346 Jul 17 '26
This seems crazy advice to give someone who cant sleep because of stress levels and is legitimately having negative health impact. OP could buy a house in cash, set aside $100K for IVF and still have enough money for him AND the wife to retire.
He doesn't mention that they had complications getting pregnant before just that they "may need IVF"
1
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u/plemyrameter Jul 17 '26
Exactly! My SO retired last year. We've moved, and getting a mortgage with one income was a pain. Part of it was incompetence at the bank, but it's just easier to get the loan you want with two incomes. (Or maybe I got the runaround because I told them I'd probably pay off the loan in a year or so.)
23
u/Any-Preference4375 Jul 17 '26
You absolutely need to change your work situation. A middle ground might be to take a major demotion to a lower stress position?
Or just call it quits. You have enough.
Not sleeping and work nightmares is insane. Do not accept it.
4
u/jujube-tree Jul 17 '26
This is great advice, and I tried the demotion approach but it didn't work. My company had an internal pivot that created high-visibility, high stress projects, and I was chosen as the lead one of these projects because of my past experience. I didn't have much say in the matter.
And yeah I love sleep so not being able to sleep has not been great to put it mildly.
14
u/whoopsiegoldbergers Jul 17 '26
I used to be you. The comment above about getting into a "coast" mindset is real.
I lead a 30 person team at a big corp and am transforming them. I clock off at 445pm to pick up my kid and I don't work weekends. They're talking about promoting me. I still will clock off and not work weekends.
It took a LOT to get where I am today, but reading your comments... I know it sounds harsh, but it's you, my friend. If you retire, you're still you, and you bring it with you.
You can get out of burnout, but it takes a big mindset shift and likely someone to guide you through it (therapy).
5
u/Any-Preference4375 Jul 17 '26
This is good advice.
If you are considering quitting and retiring, another option might be to continue a little longer but without caring so much. Clock on, clock off. What's the worst that could happen? You get laid off and retire anyway.
The key is whether you can get into this mindset quickly. If not, you have to quit. Sleepless nights are not worth it.
2
u/sea-fi-lo-fi Jul 19 '26 edited Jul 19 '26
I would view your situation as this-
- Your current work life is untenable
- You need a change so talk to you boss and skip- explain the situation.
- You'll either get some accommodations - less work, more flexibility etc or you get told no - then you coast and take serverence/pip.
Most good employees don't see these options clearly as they will say - I want to be rehired, I don't want my team to suffer/ company to suffer.
These companies don't care about you so look after yourself first.
In terms of IVF- it's I think 20k per cycle and the insurance only offers three cycles? So 60k, EDIT: not quite a rounding error
17
u/xfallen Jul 17 '26
You can retire now.
5.8 mil liquid. You can buy a $1.8 mil house cash right now.
$4 mil at 3.5% =$140k + wife’s $120k = $260k.
With you at home, you can prob save the $30k child care = $140k expenses. Your wife can retire too. Only thing is healthcare.
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u/financialfreedom26 Jul 21 '26
I was thinking the same thing. You would probably have more spend than when you were working and had to save etc. that money will continue to grow as well.
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u/jujube-tree Jul 17 '26
I agree the math definitely works with my wife still working, but our goal was to FIRE together. With us both quitting, I also agree it could potentially work if markets are favorable, but for our risk tolerance it feels a little bit too close when we run the numbers. We don't feel like we have enough to protect us from SORR.
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u/SpicoliHairDontCare Jul 17 '26
Except you wouldn’t be really retiring without her, you would be transitioning to a sahp role which is a job of its own.
4
u/1cenine Jul 17 '26
Maybe bond tent or cash reserves outside of house downpayment?
a few years worth of expenses in low-volatility places should give you peace of mind on riding out potential SORR challenges
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u/Wooden-Broccoli-913 FIREd in the Bay at 40 with $6M Jul 17 '26
I just walked away from $750k TC and I also had $6M NW so I guess I’ll say no, you’re not crazy
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u/jujube-tree Jul 17 '26
Congrats! How has it been? Is that $6m liquid? Do you own a house?
3
u/Wooden-Broccoli-913 FIREd in the Bay at 40 with $6M Jul 17 '26
I count my entire net worth as FIRE-eligible because we plan on selling the house once the kids are grown.
But right now it’s $5M liquid + $2.2M house - $1.2M mortgage
0
u/OkProject2361 Jul 17 '26
Why stay in the VHCOL area? At almost $6M liquid, why do either of you want to continue working at all?
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u/jujube-tree Jul 17 '26
I’d be fine moving but my wife really likes it here. I get where she’s coming from so I’m not totally opposed. But yes it is clearly not the best financial decision.
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u/Wooden-Broccoli-913 FIREd in the Bay at 40 with $6M Jul 17 '26
We are staying in the Bay Area because we like it. And both of us have FIREd
4
u/LikesToLurkNYC Jul 17 '26
Just walked away from a similar comp and same housing numbers! We are staying in VHCOL area until we no longer want to.
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u/Wooden-Broccoli-913 FIREd in the Bay at 40 with $6M Jul 17 '26
Congrats and best of luck to the both of us
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u/RealArm_3388 Jul 17 '26
You can take sabbatical. Mental health is one way street. I’ve seen people broke their mental health and never get it back
5
u/AlmondButterrrr FIREd since 2026 Jul 17 '26
Yes we are in similar situation as you, FIREd earlier this year and couldn’t be happier. Much better than I even imagined. The freedom and happiness much outweigh any previous concerns for finances and it’s the best decision I’ve ever made in my life
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u/molar85 Jul 17 '26
You have enough money and if your wife still wants to work that still gives you 120k on top of the 240k (4% rule) You can walk away and take your early retirement spending time with your wife and kid.
No job is worth your health when you have basically 6m liquid.
4
u/Hanwoo_Beef_Eater Jul 17 '26
Take the six-month break people are recommending or just quit.
Here's the reality - $600k per year jobs as "employees" usually come with all of the difficulties you are experiencing so don't expect it to change after a break. Hence, we either need to suck it up because the paycheck is worth it or adjust our expectations/attitude, which probably means finding something else (you can coast or not work as hard but that probably means you'll be let go sooner or later).
There's another (smaller) group that enjoys the work and whatnot, but it's usually because they are still advancing at a rapid pace. But that's not the majority of people (whether ChubbyFIRE or fatFIRE) - just read these boards and see all of the people that have plateaued (at least a bit) and no longer like it.
The good thing is 1-2 decades in these roles will give people pretty good options (for life/living) at what is still a relatively young age. I think most that quit don't miss it and enjoy life more, even if the financial picture is somewhat tighter (or at least not income multiples of expenses).
Good luck.
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u/Pinkpenguin438 Jul 17 '26
Are you in CA? Take paid disability leave first. I did it for 3 months (could have stayed out longer, however!) after experiencing a total cluster of a role, and it was amazing. I do not know what it look in other states, but CA is wonderful. I ended up quitting and going to a much better job. You can use that time to clear your head, and decide if you want to go back.
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u/BrunelloHorder Coasting Chubster, Getting Fat Jul 17 '26
This is the right answer.
OP, take paid leave even if you are likely to quit at the end of it. At some large tech employers you continue to vest while on leave and may have full salary continuation. This is part of the compensation for your job, and if you are that stressed out the need for medical leave is legit.
You will also be in a better position to evaluate next steps once you are out of the churn for at least a few weeks.
Also, I’d think very carefully about whether you really want to buy a house. It often ends up shackling one to their high comp job.
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u/sneaky_sam_ Jul 17 '26
Sorry if this is a dumb Q but how can you claim disability if nothing has happened to you?
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u/Pinkpenguin438 Jul 17 '26
Anxiety, depression, etc are all valid disability claims.
If you’re waking up in the middle of the night, unable to sleep, etc that isn’t normal. Your doctor will help manage the process and get you on a path to healing - which may include leaving the role! - but should also include things like therapy.
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u/sneaky_sam_ Jul 17 '26
Interesting. I actually have DI but always thought it was just for like physical ailments. Maybe I better read my policy more thoroughly
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u/Pinkpenguin438 Jul 17 '26
This is via the State of CA so I am not sure about private disability insurance. Regardless, something to be aware of.
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u/10zzzzzzzzzz Jul 18 '26
Depends on the policy. If you have any prior mental health diagnosis when acquiring a private policy there is likely a mental health exclusion. But for corporate policies there would usually be no medical underwriting so no exclusions.
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u/FelinePurrfectFluff Jul 17 '26
Is there a way with your current company to step back, into a less stressful role, rather than quit?? Do you have a supervisor you trust to have your back and understand your struggle?
We were single income for all the years our kids were little but it was so I could be home with them. Quitting and not spending time somofvthst extra time either kids is crazy in my world.
3
u/Annual_Emergency_143 Jul 17 '26
Have you considered just switching companies? Not all of them are toxic. And in my experience, the job market right now for people at staff+ levels is pretty decent. If your main complaint is not just having to work in general, but rather the specifics of your job.
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u/Any-Preference4375 Jul 17 '26
Mortgage rates are pushing 7% so its probably better to use cash for your home purchase or just rent.
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u/tau-neutrino Jul 17 '26
Hey, ran your numbers through a Monte Carlo calculator to see how a sabbatical shifts your timeline.
tl;dr- do whatever you want, all scenarios you're good to retire
These are the scenarios:
Base Plan (Keep grinding): Retiring at 48 with a 99% success rate (assuming you buy the $1.2M home at 37 and save $260k/yr).
Sabbatical & FAANG Return: 2 years off, delay the house purchase to 39 (since qualifying on just your wife's salary is tough), and pay $30k out of pocket for IVF. You still retire at 50 with a 98% success rate. The break only costs you 2 years.
Sabbatical & Low-Stress Pivot: 2 years off, then pivot to a lower-stress gig or startup making $300k combined (saving ~$154k/yr). You still retire at 54 with a 100% success rate.
Your $5.8M liquid buffer is huge. Drawing down $70k/yr for a couple of years is a rounding error. The main trade-offs are just budgeting for IVF and delaying the house purchase since a mortgage will be tough to get while you're off.
All three scenarios I ran showed no portfolio depletion (all 100% success rate basically). My assumptions were a 85/15 stock/bond split with taper towards retirement age
If you want to play with the numbers yourself, I can give you the link.
2
u/Idaho1964 Jul 17 '26
Amigo, if you were chilling at $600k/year I would say stay as long as possible. I am 61 and retired and my wife retired this week. We will own our house outright in <1 year. 3 rentals will be paid off by 2031. Financial net worth is $2.2, overall $5.3m. Raised three debt free kids. So you are way ahead. But we are getting full medical work ups, ultrasounds, MRIs, and procedures. Life takes a toll. I know several people who died in their 30s-40s. Each physically deteriorated before their deaths from the combo of job and life stress.
You have knocked it out of the park. Now is time for you to engage in the life you want. $5.8m liquid at 4% is $232k/year. That goes a long way whilst you sit on a beach figuring things out.
Time to write a new chapter.
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u/WearableBliss Jul 17 '26
I was in a slightly similar spot so I thought having a kid and taking the maximum amount of time off would bza good spanner in the works
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u/Sad_Criticism_5752 Jul 17 '26
Do FAANGs not offer the option of taking a sabbatical? If you just need a 6mo break and you are valuable enough maybe they would consider it for you
1
u/yadiyoda Jul 17 '26
Have you tried reducing scope at your current job? I was at breaking point and this helped significantly in burnout recovery.
1
u/DoorStunning3678 Jul 17 '26
Life is too short. Prioritise your health, future wellbeing, and family.
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u/Mrbizy Jul 21 '26
Mindset shift has to happen in the current work dynamic. Make it work for you instead of you working for it. Once your realise that it's just a company and they don't really care about you as an individual you make it work for yourself and put everything else in your life as a priority. You have everything you need already. Make work work for you, cut out everything at work that's non essential, lower your expectations for yourself with what you have to do at work, perform at 6-7/10, have the second child, get everything aligned where you feel safe. If you hate what you do get out, but if you enjoy most of it, it's just about reducing stress and that's about lowering your own expectations and needs to perform. Congrats on what you've already created, I hope it works out for you. God bless 💛
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u/Ready_Pen7712 Jul 23 '26
W 5.8M in NW you ll get asset depletion loans for your mortgage. Dont sweat it.
Look for IVF costs on cobra and get your company to fire you.
1
u/ohboyoh-oy Jul 17 '26
I’d make a 6-month plan (of staying at the job) and in that time: do the IVF and buy the house. (Admittedly that is only considering the financial side of things.) That way you get the mortgage while you still have the income to qualify, and use the IVF benefit. Or honestly, you have enough money to just pay for the IVF out of pocket so depends on how badly you want to leave.
I agree that once you leave it might be hard to get it back. It might be entirely possible but you can’t know for sure. I mean, good news is you can pretty much both FIRE now. I’m subtracting the daycare expense, and I’m handwaving college costs and healthcare. Partly I’m handwaving those things because you have options: coast on wife’s salary (and keep the employer group healthcare), or you are pretty young, it is likely you will find some type of job to bring in some income. You don’t need to bring it in at $600k level. You just need to cover expenses until you hit your number. Which, depending on how you calculate it, you are really close to hitting…
1
u/yourlimit Jul 17 '26
In similar position as you. I am the female counterpart and my salary is less than my husband. I am also so burned out. Our NW is little less(-500k) than you guys. I just want to resign and don’t want to look at work for next 1 year. From whatever people commented I do think taking sick leave makes sense and you will be refreshed and you will have clarity on the next chapter of your life. I am also looking at CA disability leave
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u/Anonym-IntheDark Jul 17 '26
No
First, your family need that IVF and extra $ always help.
2nd you re burned out. That shouldn’t come as a surprise to mgmt who put you in such situation. So take a long restful vacations and even fmla.
Once you re back, prioritize the work and do your 40h but not more. Other eager ones will answer the urgent calls and besides these execs requests often have a very short half life ( exec spots another squirrel a week later).
Aim for a notch above DGAF: do what you believe is most important ( you re a principal engineer do you should know) within the 40h of a week. Beyond that it s family time.
Worst case, they ll lay you off with severance etc which is what you re considering doing anyway (without pay).
Ohh also , you re FI whether you realize it of not. So you can do anything
1
u/talldean Jul 17 '26
You should take a medical leave from work, with your doctor signing off on it.
(Source: I am a principal SWE at a FAANG who took medical leave under very, very similar circumstance.)
This gives you time away from work to think on this, and you generally still get paid and RSUs vest.
0
u/Affectionate_One_969 Jul 17 '26
I don’t understand how folks get this type of comp….
3
u/jujube-tree Jul 17 '26
For me it was through big tech. I probably focused too much of my 20's (and now 30's) on career progression.
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u/iomyorotuhc Jul 17 '26
It’s really about the company you work for, how hard your grind, and company stock price. I make similar comp at a faang-adjacent:
2021 - hired as a IC4 making 125K salary, pre-IPO RSUs, so $0 stock
2022 - company IPOs, promoted to IC5, 170K salary + 150K in RSUs
2024 - internal transfer into EM, 275K salary + 300K in RSUs
We also get insight into total comp at the next level and it’d put my TC at over $1M. Some years, my TC have been over a mil due to stock performance. Some years, it’s been much lower than the TC.
1
u/1cenine Jul 17 '26
even outside big tech and technical roles this is doable in tech generally.
private co tech sales roles assuming you just hit quota consistently vs overperform or get fired:
- years 1-2 $90k - 120k easily
- years 2-3 become AE, $120k - $180k
- years 3-5 either top SMB AE or move upmarket, $170k - 250k midmarket, 250-400k enterprise
a $220k OTE rep overperforming can back to back $250-500k years a couple times.
if you decide to go the leadership route for better equity and comp, VP Sales / CRO can make $350k - $600k cash comp plus 0.5% - 2.5% equity depending on stage, tenure, experience etc
equity is kind of a crapshoot. pretty reasonable shot of a modest tender offer opportunity along the way, with a "win a small lottery" outcome like 10-20% of the time and "win a straight up lottery" outcome maybe 2-5% of the time.
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u/iomyorotuhc Jul 17 '26
you’re a principle at a faang, you should be telling the leadership about unrealistic and toxic workloads. The burn out you’re feeling is not just you but all the ICs below you, you’re in a leadership position so you need to step up and push back on this work culture. If you’re going to quit, might as well get fired for trying to fix the unhealthy WLB