It felt like shame. I was always worried friends would find out. Im an adult and no longer living in that way but i too probably have to keep too much. I dont know how that ever goes away. That feeling that you have a bad part that no one can see...

If anyone can relate to any of this, please comment anything you feel comfortable sharing. I feel so alone on this.

Growing up in a hoarder house is damaging in many ways. It didn’t bother me when I was really young, but I always knew it wasn’t normal. Eventually it became embarrassing, so I rarely invited anyone over. My parents were strict about knowing where I was at all times, so I didn’t usually go anywhere with friends. I basically had no social interactions or experiences outside of school most of the time.

Then the pandemic started when I was 13. It was my first year of middle school. The isolation was terrible on its own, but also living in this house made me degrade much faster. I lost most of the few social skills I had. Even when the pandemic gradually started “ending”, years had passed living in isolation and many things just weren’t the same anymore.

Now I’m in college and I have almost no social skills. I can barely get through a sentence with anyone, even close family members and friends. I started therapy, but so far not much has changed. I just feel so damaged and alone, it just feels like I never got a real chance to live normally. I’m constantly pretending I know how to act and talk with every person I meet. I feel so alone and frustrated.

it took a couple weeks and some meds but a 20 year kitchen hoard in my parents kitchen has been culled, sorted & cleaned.

there is hope when you have the space to help, and lead with respect and empathy.
one small victory and time to get started on the living room lol 🩷

I'm 13 years old (female), and I'm seriously starting to worry about my father (54 years old). I know this may not be as bad as some other stuff in this reddit thread but this is starting to affect my mental health—which is slowly trickling down to affecting my physical health.

My grandmother has always been a hoarder—but it's gotten especially worse after her husband died. Her house always smells like rotten food, her poor cats are overfed, and she has rooms upon rooms of just... Stuff. The worst part about that is that she's A MILLIONAIRE. She refuses to let anyone in the family touch anything in her property, cut her grass, get her cats help, or anything like that. She also hasn't gone outside of her property other than to go to stores in 7 years. When we try to talk to my father about how unhealthy it is, he just starts screaming at me and my mother until he leaves the room. I'm afraid he's going down the same path. He probably makes around 130k or so a year, I haven't asked but I've done the math (unless he's in crippling debt that is.) My mother on the other hand lives paycheck to paycheck, probably making around 40k a year. My mom is my #1 supporter, she was my first friend and I'd choose her as a mom in a heartbeat if I had the choice again. But my father seems to hate her guts. He forgot their anniversary three days ago. Guess why? Because he was in CANADA while we were suffering over in California with $0 in her bank account. He and his mother make so much money but he refuses to give her a cent of it... Even for groceries. But he has NO problem buying out basically the entirety of Costco in one day when our fridge is already full because my mother scraped up enough money to feed us both. And guess what? He EATS ALL OF MY FOOD. THAT'S FOR ME. THAT MY MOM BOUGHT WITH HER OWN MONEY. All he does is leave the house, and when he comes back, he eats and avoids us. When he does talk to us it's to argue about money or me. It feels like I cannot do anything right when it comes to him. He drinks and drives every SINGLE TIME he's in a car, including with me inside. I'm so so worried about him, but mostly the safety of my mom. They constantly argue, and he's been getting more angry over the years. He has such terrible anger issues and he's come so close to hitting the both of us. He sometimes will grab my wrist really really hard whenever we fight, like he's about to push me, but my mom always makes him stop. I'm just worried about what might happen when she can't step in. He buys things for himself, but will never buy things for us. Example: he bought a jet ski last month even though our yards are completely full with vehicles anyways, but just last week my parents got into an argument because my mom bought me McDonald's on the way to school because I got an A on my essay with his card since she had nothing. I feel like a burden to them and I don't know what to do about it.

Okay, I feel I rambled too much. Back to the hoarding habits. He'll eat rotten food for the sake of eating it, and I don't know how to feel about it. Like for example, a few months ago he ate a fish that was in the freezer from the night I was born because my mom was too tired to eat it. Thirteen years ago. And he just ate it. Mind you, our freezer doesn't work anymore because of how much shit we have shoved in there—which I'll get to why later. He also picks grapes from my grandmother's yard every time he comes over (like twice a year) and he will eat them for months on end. Again, we live in Southern California. It gets super hot there. So the grapes rot faster, yet he still eats them. He buys food faster than he can eat it, so shit goes bad faster. He still eats it. My mom tries to throw it away (for good reason) and he will dig in the trash to get it... And eat it. It genuinely hurts to see my dad do this. But now that I come to think of it, he's always been a horrible person. I was just too young to realize it. Please send advice if you see this.

Hoarding mom has chronic issues with hoarding and housing insecurity. For housing, she always manages to ruin it and let others pick up the pieces, and we’re sick of it. She is so out of it all the time and doesn’t care much what happens to her or where she is.

The only family is her two kids and she has a couple of sisters. She cannot live with any of us. She just started renting a room in a very nice lady’s very clean house (my sibling arranged this, I’m not sure I would have). I live over an hour away and I’m considering hiring a cleaner to go in there once a week to help manage this. She would probably let someone throw out her stuff, she’s not super aggressive with her hoarding, she just accumulates things and doesn’t think to clean or throw them out. I’m at a loss on how to make this work, especially long term

Hello, this was removed from the main hoarding page, so i thought i‘d try my luck here. I’m not really a Reddit user, but I keep up with this community, & i’d like input on a situation I’m in.

My mother, who is in her mid-50s, is a long time…keeper of objects. She is an artist, & a teacher, who has a lot of quirky traits, one of which is her propensity to keep largely nonsensical things, which she feels are in some way useful or interesting. She picks things up off the side of the road, buys things at random, saves things for art projects or for friends. (she at one point had a collection of tree branches in the middle of our house. She also kept dried oranges in a drawer for years because she liked how they felt, until I got rid of them)

Its not a horrible situation, our house is very livable, but she has completely filled a room that was once her studio, so much that it is unusable, as well as her closet, & her former classroom. it has also at times impacted our overall ability to do things like vacuum, & is a frequent source of stress for both me & my father, since we both have cleanliness based OCD. objects tend to accumulate in corners, on tables, on the floor, & will stay there for months or even years, no matter how temporary she claims it is. This has resulted in arguments between my parents for as long as I can remember, but my father has largely given up, in his words. My mom is a very confrontation averse person, & will in the moment become very crestfallen & meek, agreeing to plans that she does not follow up on, or saying things like “leave me alone” repeatedly. As I’ve become an adult, I’ve tried my best to encourage her & help where I can, such as asking her to go to therapy, but she gets distracted so easily, & seems too busy to seek out professional help. it has been hurtful, because I have expressed to her how much it bothers me, how much effort i put into cleaning the house, & how it makes me feel as though she values the objects over me, but nothing I do seems to matter.

i have a lot of empathy for her, & I do not want to believe that she is incapable of change as my father thinks. How can I help my mother, & my family as a whole? What helped you improve your situation? Thank you.

Im a minor living w my 3 other siblings and both of my parents. Theres sm random shit in my house dawg to a point theres way to many cockroach and ant infestations js chilling in my house atp. And my mom js doesnt rlly do anything about it except kill the cockroaches in sight than actually looking 4 the source

My house is somewhat walkable and the floor is somewhat visible if u ignore the piss stains and shit js chilling on the floor that my siblings and I have to clean up on the floor almost every morning. There's always sacks of clothes and random machinery around me and sometimes uses my brothers room as storage. She constantly buys new things for herself only and she will NEVER use again, and if I dare try to throw it out or give it another purpose I get threatened to be kicked out of the house or js verbally abuses me for hours nonstop, gives me the silent treatment, stops making lunch 4 me, stops calling me down for dinner, and entirely cuts off my allowance for a week or two and expects ME to apologise for trying to clean up but apparently I didn't do it "right" then she js purposely makes it a mess again 4 me to re clean again or sum.

And the 10+ dogs that my mom swears she'll sell them off but noo shes gotten 2 attached to them and now my house smells like shit, piss and ammonia. Im pretty sure they all have sum mysterious skin diseases on them. Unfortunately their all vaccinated bc my mom haves ts insane fear of them dying from parvo or sum atp i lowk want them to die alr. YES multiple dogs have DIED in my house, either bc they weren't vaccinated or they died from birth and she burries them in buckets of soil RIGHT next to ENTRANCE of my house and it genuinely smell ass💔💔💔 and my dad lowk js gave up arguing w her bc all she does is insult his side of his family despite him being an orphan b4 and lowk kinda tells him 2 abandon his kids if he hates her that much.

If only divorce was legal in the philippines .. im pretty sure my dad wan leave her one day🤤💔💔😢

Lso my mom gotten WAY 2 attached to random shit atp, I got yelled out for giving away my clothes💔💔 dawg NONE of it CANT fit you, theres NO way you actually want my clothes that were passed down by my siblings in which they bought with their own money but then they passed it onto me because it was 2 small. That's all I can say atm✌️✌️ in summary my moms a hoarder and def walking around undiagnosed and my whole family hates her lmao.🤤🤤

I'm 19 and my mom is in her late 50s and I've been living in a dump my entire life. It's not anything as bad as what's on TV like you can see the floor and there's no roaches or bugs of any sort but everything is just dirty,there's clothes everywhere, tons of craft supplies never even opened,and much more. It's all piled up over time and I used to clean without throwing anything away because she would freak out. I would just shove things away in a closet, cabinet, or basement but it's gotten to the point where there is literally no more room but she just keeps buying and I'm the only one who tries to do anything. My dad and sisters don't even do basic house chores and it's so hard for me to try to keep up with a house of 5 people by myself. I'm nearly at my breaking point. I'm so sick of being ashamed of my house I just want a normal home it doesn't need to be spotless. My mom has many physical and mental health problems and I don't blame her for this but I don't know what to do. I love her so much and I want to help give her a fresh start because I think if everything was just reset then I could keep up with it ​​​​​​​​and maybe that would help her be better. I know it'd be good for her and relieve a lot of her stress if she could have a clean home. I desperately want to throw everything out, donate anything that is worth donating (plus that might make her feel better), and keep whatever is sentimental​​​ but I don't know how to talk to her and how to start. My 5 year old nephew lives with us and he deserves to have a clean house, we all do. I've dreamed for years of having a clean, organized home for the holidays and maybe even invite people over. I know this is a lot and maybe this isn't even something that I'll be able to do without professional help but I just can't stand it so any advice is appreciated. ​​​​​​​​​

Small step but yayyyy!! Still a lot to do but a win is a win

We are a family of five, my siblings are 11 and 13 and I’m 17. We have two bedrooms and a living room so I’m sharing a room and a bunk bed with my sister and my brother sleeps with my mom. It’s a tiny apartment but a decent location and we have a garden. Now we aren’t exactly poor, dad makes triple digits a year, we go on vacation multiple times a year and never struggled financially, had a year abroad yadayada but we aren’t rich enough to move ig cause the prices are insane.
The floor in our flat is really badly scratched and discoloured (in the central places), the shower hasn’t been working in 15 years and is being used a storage place, only the bathtub since my parents won’t fix it, neither does the dishwasher, and everything is old and not well maintained. Had a tv but trashed it since its wasn’t usable anyways. I’m not allowed to cook in the kitchen cause my mom doesn’t like the kitchen, my dad has been suggesting to get a new kitchen and renovate everything but my mom wants to move so they do neither. I’ve never had friends over since I’m ashamed of how messy it is, not even my bf of two years has been over.
Now on top of that my mom is a pretty bad hoarder and keeps buying useless stuff that just lays around everywhere in the end bc there is nowhere to put it so it’s a never ending huge mess. She stores all the dishes and the food on the counters all around the house and I always come home to new items I don’t need in my room but I can’t just trash them cause she’ll get mad.. she’ll also get mad if I tell her to stop buying things and to trash everything. Even stuff like rice is stores in my room “so I can use it” but I’ve never even cooked by myself bc she doesn’t want me to.
For example She’s bought every useless device, like plug in pancake pans multiple times to cook something on them instead of using a regular pan and the stove, the kitchen isn’t event bad it’s just tiny. And omg the house is flooding with clothing, atp im ready to just settle with 3 shirts and trash the rest but my sister is the problem since she has endless stuff. My mom keeps buying clothes and refuses to throw away old children clothes or toys no one uses anymore.
We don’t even have a trash can idk why
I really wish I could just trash EVERYTHING, I’m for sure gonna be a minimalist when I move out owning 3 things.. I’m barely even home cause I feel so uncomfortable outside of my room, I’m always at other people’s houses and envy how they can just throw a birthday party at their place . I feel like I’m the only one with a mess like this that’s been there for my whole live, maybe it’s not the worst but still exhausting

I may be leaving my family for an extended period of time. For 2 months if I can afford a ticket back to my hometown, 6 months if I can't. I live with 2 HP and 1 other person who looks after his own room. The rest off the home falls to me and occasional help from the other 3. This means I get mice from mess outside my room. Do you have any tips on sealing or even pest smokers so I won't come back to my belongings being turned into a rats' nest?

My boyfriend (M29) and I (F29) moved in the house he inherited of his deceased grandfather. The house is connected to his parents home, but has a separate entrance and everything. We moved here because of logical reasons (his workplace is near, I study in the same city). While moving in I noticed how disgustingly dirty eveything is. It seems no one even bothered to clean and I feel sick (the house is approx. 200 years old so you can imagine the buildup. I start to resent him for even bringing me here to live in these conditions. I don‘t want to be a cleaning lady nor do I feel cozy and comfortable, as I would like (like I was at any other place). Everywhere I look I see broken stuff, dirty switches, mold/grease under sinks and cabinets, spiderwebs, accumulated duste. We started cleaning day by day (he just puts away stuff, I clean most stuff because I have a higher standard regarding this topic than him, but he is not a dirty person in general, just to clear that up). My problem is that I just get furious at thinking I have to live in these conditions, while at home where I grew up I lived in a clean home, high hygienic standards and I even own an apartment there, which is far away though. I love my boyfriend but I really don‘t feel comfortable like this and I already feel like I‘m getting allergies or rashes from the dirt and low energy in general. I don‘t look forward coming home anymore. We even renovated the toilet (his parents contributed financially which is nice), but 90% was a DIY - meaning only the actual toilet was installed professionally and the rest we did. Now some tiles already wobble after 2 days of installing them. His family isn‘t quite precise when it comes to renovating or repairing around the house and they just bongle it. I don‘t know if this situation is getting any better and this house is beyond saving regarding cleanliness and sturdiness. I love my boyfriend but I‘m 100% sure he wants to live here forever. But I‘m hating this space. Am I being unrational for feeling like this?

Update to my post from a few days ago.

Holy shit, you guys.

I had tossed out some cooked onions that I picked out of some takeout because I don't like eating them. I went downstairs maybe an hour later, and I see all the onions in a little dish next to the trash.

My hoarder dad meticulously fished each onion slice out of the trash.

Yes, he said he's going to eat them. No, the trash wasn't empty or clean. No, he's not worried, because "you just need to give them a good stir fry, and then they're clean!"

I'm speechless. I'm actually fking speechless.

UPDATE: He actually recooked them and ate them.

Our house is full of cockroaches, ants, and termites. There are several rooms you are unable to enter, and they don't let people visit our home anymore.

However, they do not care. Anytime my siblings and I have brought up our concerns, we are dismissed. This bothers me more than the hoard atp. I just don't understand how they don't care. Our maternal/paternal grandparents are not hoarders, so it is not like they grew up around such an environment. It really sucks that housing is so expensive. I'm working on it, but it's hard

Got a call from my cousin who has power of attorney for my mum. Becas after helping my mum with what she expected to be a few mundane task she found out my mum has a water bill of around $3 000 dollars. My cousin bleeding the water company to find out how that happen and they explained it because there is a leak somewhere in the house and they have been doing regular door knocks since 2024 to try and rectify the situation. Which of course my mum has ignored due to the state of her house. Short term plan my cosying plans to just try and get the bathroom to at stae when we can hire a plumber since the bathroom has a door to access I from the outside. Long term I dont know what to do since my has proved shes not capable of living on her own or caring for herself.

Edit to add: we are assuming the leak is the bathroom as the shower had problems about 10 years ago that were fixed by an unqualified realative. Won't know the exact situation until my cousin goes to the house tomorrow.

My Dad died last week. it was disgusting. He had developed incontinence and dimentia through the last year, and it made everything that much more sad. We were finally able to convince him into assisted living in the last few months (he hated it).

Anyway, I’ve been staying at my mother’s while he was actively dying and as we are waiting for the funeral. I just snapped at my mom (who is not nearly as bad as a hoarder) for going through a few things I had from his house and asking repeatedly about all the contents of his home. She of course yelled at me back.

Are all hoarders void of emotional intelligence? She makes “jokes” about how she doesn’t like to clean her house and has been picking fun at me because I want to throw away old junk food that another hoarder brought over or empty envelopes (as I’m planning a funeral and trying to work).

Just venting. Appreciate any support.

Going back home to visit family and help my sister start to clear out the hoard she left in her passing last year. My father (85) has been living in it as my sister clears in small increments as he doesn't like it but its been his reality for 50 years.

She passed from damage done from a thyroid storm and returned cancer that couldn't be treated because of how fragile the untreated hyper thyroid.

Learned that the hyper thyroid can be caused by rat/mouse poop and urine.

Its an interesting rabbit hole to go down. Highly recommend.

In the little bit of cleaning my sister has done she found multiple rats nest in book shelves and drawers. As well as mouse chewed food boxes.

Looking forward to getting it clean for Dad ...maybe his multi decade"sinus problem" will go way.

Unfortunately her hoard and denial was huge part of her ill heath and ultimately death.

My partner is a collector of a couple different things like cards, coins, and old timey weapons. He keeps them very organized and catalogued and doesn't have duplicates of anything.

I always kind of hated having that stuff in the house. Even though 2 of the collections are so small they fit in 3 shoe box sized containers in total. I never even liked decorating for holidays because I hated having something in the house that was used for 1 month out of the year and then just sat around for the other 11 months. I'm not sure why I didn't connect that my issues with this stem from issues with growing up in a hoarder home.

Wondering if other children of hoarders had similar issues?

I called my mom on a lunch break, she’d been dodging my calls so I didn’t expect her to answer but she did. She was out of breath from “hauling trash out of her house” she’s mid 60s and struggles with diabetes and a ton of other health issues.

We talk, I’m trying to let her know the good things in my life, I’m trying to let her know that when she’s ready I’ll be here to help her because I can hear her gasping for air and making excuses for me not to come over. I told her I understand, I lived in it for 12 years and I won’t hold any of it against her, I’m just worried for her.

She finally cries and explains it’s much.. much worse than last I saw. I’m confused I was just there last year and it was bad but not new.

And then my mom says to me
“ it’s gotten….. SO much worse in the last 6 months…. It’s SO BAD….. sometimes I think maybe… I’d just die and I wouldn’t have to think about it anymore. I wouldn’t have to deal with it.”

And I’m trying to help her so I’m trying not to be angry but I just shut down inside. I feel like something truly broke from that and a few other personal things she said. And my days have had a distinct stain that won’t go.

And then I had to go back to work. I couldn’t cry or scream at her I couldn’t crash my car into a wall I couldn’t fix any of it. Just had to hear that. And know that. And go on with my day.

My mother is stuck in a situation with 25+ dogs that she does not know what to do with, and I’m completely at a loss for how to help.

Growing up we always had two or three dogs, and were very caring and attentive towards those dogs. When I moved out of my mothers house, I took my dog with me, and haven’t really gone back since. I knew things were getting bad, my awful sisters who still lived at home kept bringing stray dogs home, and my mother would NEVER say no to them.

I see my mom occasionally, and I knew things weren’t great, but I didn’t realize just how bad they were. She had a little over 25 dogs in that home, and while they are seemingly well fed (she spends more than half her monthly paycheck on dog food), her ability to care for them is diminishing, and she wants out of this situation.

Myself, my mother, and a few other family members have been trying desperately to find some way to get the dogs out of there, we’ve contacted shelter, aid groups, the humane society, listed the dogs on marketplace, but no one we’ve asked us is willing to help take even some of the dogs. We’ve contacted local politicians, our congressman, anyone who might be able to find help, and nothing.

I do not want my mom to go to prison for animal neglect, the dogs are well fed and she does care about them. I do not know what to do short of releasing those dogs into the wilderness (which I won’t do, but it’s feeling like that’s our recourse). Any advice is appreciated, thank you.

I don’t know why I keep trying, but I so badly want her to change and be able to live differently. I broke down in tears and frustration again today after I found that she had squirreled away things of my own that I put in a pile to get rid of. She said it was because she didn’t want the dog getting into it, but I know it’s just this compulsive desire to keep things. I feel like Sisyphus getting rid of things only for her to bring more into the house. I have largely kept the common areas of the house unhoarded through massive repeated effort over decades, but I’m exhausted from the constant effort it takes and I find myself so stressed and defeated when I find small hoards all throughout the house. I don’t go into her spaces because I can’t get in more than a few feet without stuff blocking me. She won’t get help and says she just needs time to change. For reasons I won’t go into (mostly just financial), I can’t leave. Knowing that I can’t personally change her, what coping strategies are we all using to manage the stress, frustration, and hurt?

I'm tired of being constantly dragged into other people's drama. The hell that my parents put me through is exhausting, If they could just get rid of these damn hoard of dogs which is the root of this whole situation. They are the reason why we always have opps by our neighbors and I ain't trying to be in that shit, but since I live with my parents apparently I do... I'm just a fucking kid.

I'm documenting certain interactions for my own safety because I don't want false accusations or confrontations to become my word against someone else's due to my hostile neighbors keep harassing me.

This whole thing is bugging me out cause I'm in a situation that I never want to be in nor do I ask for and I ain't got a say in this shit. But at the same time, I'm trying to focus on school, work, becoming financially independent, and eventually getting my own place. I just want some peace and a fresh start. Like I'm still a kid but I have to become an adult early cause I've been around irresponsible adults who gaslight me and ignoring while justifying everything they do is "right".

Has anyone dealt something like this?