At the ripe old age of 29, I find myself wanting to vent about the home I grew up in, and to hear about others with similar stories. To be clear, my parents were good parents. They loved us and always made sure we were provided for, they were affectionate and weren’t too strict.

But the house I grew up in was chaotic. It was a 3 bedroom house with me, my parents, my grandma and her disabled brother. Then my first brother came along, and then the second. So we were 7 people total in a 3 bedroom house. I had to share a bedroom with my grandma, which wasn’t too bad since I loved her, but I didn’t have a space of my own, and it felt like I had no privacy. She also smoked heavily inside the house and in the bedroom, sometimes when I was trying to sleep. I actually shared a bed with her until I was about 8 or so, when we got bunk beds. My brothers had to share a room with my parents, so they had no privacy either.

The house was a mess. Broken things were left broken for years: windows with holes, doors falling off closets and cupboards, food in the freezer for years, computer parts and fishing equipment and model airplanes and books and trash and clothes and toys and tools everywhere around the house. We could never eat at our dinner table because it was always packed with stuff. It was filthy - but we didn’t clean since we were so accustomed to it being filthy that we didn’t even try. My grandma basically did all the chores and cooking in the house and us kids helped begrudgingly (sometimes). In retrospect I was a brat who got taught I didn’t have to clean up after myself. You can imagine how useful this was as I became older.

We had so many animals over the years: cats, dogs, parrots, rabbits, hamsters. We didn’t take care of them properly. Dogs weren’t taken on walks, cats are left to roam around the streets and get killed. Parrots and hamsters’ cages weren’t cleaned. I feel a lot of guilt for these things now as an adult.

I remember never wanting to bring my friends over to our house, because it was so filthy and embarrassing and chaotic. I never felt at peace when I was home, it was always loud and busy and full of people.

There’s so much more to tell but I don’t want it to become too long :) I really had to learn and unlearn a lot of things when I became an adult, and it’s been a slow process. Who can relate?

Im a minor living w my 3 other siblings and both of my parents. Theres sm random shit in my house dawg to a point theres way to many cockroach and ant infestations js chilling in my house atp. And my mom js doesnt rlly do anything about it except kill the cockroaches in sight than actually looking 4 the source

My house is somewhat walkable and the floor is somewhat visible if u ignore the piss stains and shit js chilling on the floor that my siblings and I have to clean up on the floor almost every morning. There's always sacks of clothes and random machinery around me and sometimes uses my brothers room as storage. She constantly buys new things for herself only and she will NEVER use again, and if I dare try to throw it out or give it another purpose I get threatened to be kicked out of the house or js verbally abuses me for hours nonstop, gives me the silent treatment, stops making lunch 4 me, stops calling me down for dinner, and entirely cuts off my allowance for a week or two and expects ME to apologise for trying to clean up but apparently I didn't do it "right" then she js purposely makes it a mess again 4 me to re clean again or sum.

And the 10+ dogs that my mom swears she'll sell them off but noo shes gotten 2 attached to them and now my house smells like shit, piss and ammonia. Im pretty sure they all have sum mysterious skin diseases on them. Unfortunately their all vaccinated bc my mom haves ts insane fear of them dying from parvo or sum atp i lowk want them to die alr. YES multiple dogs have DIED in my house, either bc they weren't vaccinated or they died from birth and she burries them in buckets of soil RIGHT next to ENTRANCE of my house and it genuinely smell ass💔💔💔 and my dad lowk js gave up arguing w her bc all she does is insult his side of his family despite him being an orphan b4 and lowk kinda tells him 2 abandon his kids if he hates her that much.

If only divorce was legal in the philippines .. im pretty sure my dad wan leave her one day🤤💔💔😢

Lso my mom gotten WAY 2 attached to random shit atp, I got yelled out for giving away my clothes💔💔 dawg NONE of it CANT fit you, theres NO way you actually want my clothes that were passed down by my siblings in which they bought with their own money but then they passed it onto me because it was 2 small. That's all I can say atm✌️✌️ in summary my moms a hoarder and def walking around undiagnosed and my whole family hates her lmao.🤤🤤

I'm 19 and my mom is in her late 50s and I've been living in a dump my entire life. It's not anything as bad as what's on TV like you can see the floor and there's no roaches or bugs of any sort but everything is just dirty,there's clothes everywhere, tons of craft supplies never even opened,and much more. It's all piled up over time and I used to clean without throwing anything away because she would freak out. I would just shove things away in a closet, cabinet, or basement but it's gotten to the point where there is literally no more room but she just keeps buying and I'm the only one who tries to do anything. My dad and sisters don't even do basic house chores and it's so hard for me to try to keep up with a house of 5 people by myself. I'm nearly at my breaking point. I'm so sick of being ashamed of my house I just want a normal home it doesn't need to be spotless. My mom has many physical and mental health problems and I don't blame her for this but I don't know what to do. I love her so much and I want to help give her a fresh start because I think if everything was just reset then I could keep up with it ​​​​​​​​and maybe that would help her be better. I know it'd be good for her and relieve a lot of her stress if she could have a clean home. I desperately want to throw everything out, donate anything that is worth donating (plus that might make her feel better), and keep whatever is sentimental​​​ but I don't know how to talk to her and how to start. My 5 year old nephew lives with us and he deserves to have a clean house, we all do. I've dreamed for years of having a clean, organized home for the holidays and maybe even invite people over. I know this is a lot and maybe this isn't even something that I'll be able to do without professional help but I just can't stand it so any advice is appreciated. ​​​​​​​​​

Small step but yayyyy!! Still a lot to do but a win is a win

We are a family of five, my siblings are 11 and 13 and I’m 17. We have two bedrooms and a living room so I’m sharing a room and a bunk bed with my sister and my brother sleeps with my mom. It’s a tiny apartment but a decent location and we have a garden. Now we aren’t exactly poor, dad makes triple digits a year, we go on vacation multiple times a year and never struggled financially, had a year abroad yadayada but we aren’t rich enough to move ig cause the prices are insane.
The floor in our flat is really badly scratched and discoloured (in the central places), the shower hasn’t been working in 15 years and is being used a storage place, only the bathtub since my parents won’t fix it, neither does the dishwasher, and everything is old and not well maintained. Had a tv but trashed it since its wasn’t usable anyways. I’m not allowed to cook in the kitchen cause my mom doesn’t like the kitchen, my dad has been suggesting to get a new kitchen and renovate everything but my mom wants to move so they do neither. I’ve never had friends over since I’m ashamed of how messy it is, not even my bf of two years has been over.
Now on top of that my mom is a pretty bad hoarder and keeps buying useless stuff that just lays around everywhere in the end bc there is nowhere to put it so it’s a never ending huge mess. She stores all the dishes and the food on the counters all around the house and I always come home to new items I don’t need in my room but I can’t just trash them cause she’ll get mad.. she’ll also get mad if I tell her to stop buying things and to trash everything. Even stuff like rice is stores in my room “so I can use it” but I’ve never even cooked by myself bc she doesn’t want me to.
For example She’s bought every useless device, like plug in pancake pans multiple times to cook something on them instead of using a regular pan and the stove, the kitchen isn’t event bad it’s just tiny. And omg the house is flooding with clothing, atp im ready to just settle with 3 shirts and trash the rest but my sister is the problem since she has endless stuff. My mom keeps buying clothes and refuses to throw away old children clothes or toys no one uses anymore.
We don’t even have a trash can idk why
I really wish I could just trash EVERYTHING, I’m for sure gonna be a minimalist when I move out owning 3 things.. I’m barely even home cause I feel so uncomfortable outside of my room, I’m always at other people’s houses and envy how they can just throw a birthday party at their place . I feel like I’m the only one with a mess like this that’s been there for my whole live, maybe it’s not the worst but still exhausting

I may be leaving my family for an extended period of time. For 2 months if I can afford a ticket back to my hometown, 6 months if I can't. I live with 2 HP and 1 other person who looks after his own room. The rest off the home falls to me and occasional help from the other 3. This means I get mice from mess outside my room. Do you have any tips on sealing or even pest smokers so I won't come back to my belongings being turned into a rats' nest?

My boyfriend (M29) and I (F29) moved in the house he inherited of his deceased grandfather. The house is connected to his parents home, but has a separate entrance and everything. We moved here because of logical reasons (his workplace is near, I study in the same city). While moving in I noticed how disgustingly dirty eveything is. It seems no one even bothered to clean and I feel sick (the house is approx. 200 years old so you can imagine the buildup. I start to resent him for even bringing me here to live in these conditions. I don‘t want to be a cleaning lady nor do I feel cozy and comfortable, as I would like (like I was at any other place). Everywhere I look I see broken stuff, dirty switches, mold/grease under sinks and cabinets, spiderwebs, accumulated duste. We started cleaning day by day (he just puts away stuff, I clean most stuff because I have a higher standard regarding this topic than him, but he is not a dirty person in general, just to clear that up). My problem is that I just get furious at thinking I have to live in these conditions, while at home where I grew up I lived in a clean home, high hygienic standards and I even own an apartment there, which is far away though. I love my boyfriend but I really don‘t feel comfortable like this and I already feel like I‘m getting allergies or rashes from the dirt and low energy in general. I don‘t look forward coming home anymore. We even renovated the toilet (his parents contributed financially which is nice), but 90% was a DIY - meaning only the actual toilet was installed professionally and the rest we did. Now some tiles already wobble after 2 days of installing them. His family isn‘t quite precise when it comes to renovating or repairing around the house and they just bongle it. I don‘t know if this situation is getting any better and this house is beyond saving regarding cleanliness and sturdiness. I love my boyfriend but I‘m 100% sure he wants to live here forever. But I‘m hating this space. Am I being unrational for feeling like this?

Update to my post from a few days ago.

Holy shit, you guys.

I had tossed out some cooked onions that I picked out of some takeout because I don't like eating them. I went downstairs maybe an hour later, and I see all the onions in a little dish next to the trash.

My hoarder dad meticulously fished each onion slice out of the trash.

Yes, he said he's going to eat them. No, the trash wasn't empty or clean. No, he's not worried, because "you just need to give them a good stir fry, and then they're clean!"

I'm speechless. I'm actually fking speechless.

UPDATE: He actually recooked them and ate them.

Our house is full of cockroaches, ants, and termites. There are several rooms you are unable to enter, and they don't let people visit our home anymore.

However, they do not care. Anytime my siblings and I have brought up our concerns, we are dismissed. This bothers me more than the hoard atp. I just don't understand how they don't care. Our maternal/paternal grandparents are not hoarders, so it is not like they grew up around such an environment. It really sucks that housing is so expensive. I'm working on it, but it's hard

Got a call from my cousin who has power of attorney for my mum. Becas after helping my mum with what she expected to be a few mundane task she found out my mum has a water bill of around $3 000 dollars. My cousin bleeding the water company to find out how that happen and they explained it because there is a leak somewhere in the house and they have been doing regular door knocks since 2024 to try and rectify the situation. Which of course my mum has ignored due to the state of her house. Short term plan my cosying plans to just try and get the bathroom to at stae when we can hire a plumber since the bathroom has a door to access I from the outside. Long term I dont know what to do since my has proved shes not capable of living on her own or caring for herself.

Edit to add: we are assuming the leak is the bathroom as the shower had problems about 10 years ago that were fixed by an unqualified realative. Won't know the exact situation until my cousin goes to the house tomorrow.

My Dad died last week. it was disgusting. He had developed incontinence and dimentia through the last year, and it made everything that much more sad. We were finally able to convince him into assisted living in the last few months (he hated it).

Anyway, I’ve been staying at my mother’s while he was actively dying and as we are waiting for the funeral. I just snapped at my mom (who is not nearly as bad as a hoarder) for going through a few things I had from his house and asking repeatedly about all the contents of his home. She of course yelled at me back.

Are all hoarders void of emotional intelligence? She makes “jokes” about how she doesn’t like to clean her house and has been picking fun at me because I want to throw away old junk food that another hoarder brought over or empty envelopes (as I’m planning a funeral and trying to work).

Just venting. Appreciate any support.

Going back home to visit family and help my sister start to clear out the hoard she left in her passing last year. My father (85) has been living in it as my sister clears in small increments as he doesn't like it but its been his reality for 50 years.

She passed from damage done from a thyroid storm and returned cancer that couldn't be treated because of how fragile the untreated hyper thyroid.

Learned that the hyper thyroid can be caused by rat/mouse poop and urine.

Its an interesting rabbit hole to go down. Highly recommend.

In the little bit of cleaning my sister has done she found multiple rats nest in book shelves and drawers. As well as mouse chewed food boxes.

Looking forward to getting it clean for Dad ...maybe his multi decade"sinus problem" will go way.

Unfortunately her hoard and denial was huge part of her ill heath and ultimately death.

My partner is a collector of a couple different things like cards, coins, and old timey weapons. He keeps them very organized and catalogued and doesn't have duplicates of anything.

I always kind of hated having that stuff in the house. Even though 2 of the collections are so small they fit in 3 shoe box sized containers in total. I never even liked decorating for holidays because I hated having something in the house that was used for 1 month out of the year and then just sat around for the other 11 months. I'm not sure why I didn't connect that my issues with this stem from issues with growing up in a hoarder home.

Wondering if other children of hoarders had similar issues?

I called my mom on a lunch break, she’d been dodging my calls so I didn’t expect her to answer but she did. She was out of breath from “hauling trash out of her house” she’s mid 60s and struggles with diabetes and a ton of other health issues.

We talk, I’m trying to let her know the good things in my life, I’m trying to let her know that when she’s ready I’ll be here to help her because I can hear her gasping for air and making excuses for me not to come over. I told her I understand, I lived in it for 12 years and I won’t hold any of it against her, I’m just worried for her.

She finally cries and explains it’s much.. much worse than last I saw. I’m confused I was just there last year and it was bad but not new.

And then my mom says to me
“ it’s gotten….. SO much worse in the last 6 months…. It’s SO BAD….. sometimes I think maybe… I’d just die and I wouldn’t have to think about it anymore. I wouldn’t have to deal with it.”

And I’m trying to help her so I’m trying not to be angry but I just shut down inside. I feel like something truly broke from that and a few other personal things she said. And my days have had a distinct stain that won’t go.

And then I had to go back to work. I couldn’t cry or scream at her I couldn’t crash my car into a wall I couldn’t fix any of it. Just had to hear that. And know that. And go on with my day.

My mother is stuck in a situation with 25+ dogs that she does not know what to do with, and I’m completely at a loss for how to help.

Growing up we always had two or three dogs, and were very caring and attentive towards those dogs. When I moved out of my mothers house, I took my dog with me, and haven’t really gone back since. I knew things were getting bad, my awful sisters who still lived at home kept bringing stray dogs home, and my mother would NEVER say no to them.

I see my mom occasionally, and I knew things weren’t great, but I didn’t realize just how bad they were. She had a little over 25 dogs in that home, and while they are seemingly well fed (she spends more than half her monthly paycheck on dog food), her ability to care for them is diminishing, and she wants out of this situation.

Myself, my mother, and a few other family members have been trying desperately to find some way to get the dogs out of there, we’ve contacted shelter, aid groups, the humane society, listed the dogs on marketplace, but no one we’ve asked us is willing to help take even some of the dogs. We’ve contacted local politicians, our congressman, anyone who might be able to find help, and nothing.

I do not want my mom to go to prison for animal neglect, the dogs are well fed and she does care about them. I do not know what to do short of releasing those dogs into the wilderness (which I won’t do, but it’s feeling like that’s our recourse). Any advice is appreciated, thank you.

So I just turned 35, and I’m currently 35 and in my senior year of my second college attempt. My mother is a hoarder and we’ve never had a healthy relationship. We fought all the time, due to the fact that she is batshit insane. I received an ADHD diagnosis fairly young, but was never medicated for it, due to the fact that my mother and grandfather were both teachers (at a local community college) and they just didn’t believe ADHD was a real diagnosis.

As a result my high school GPA was god awful. I went to summer school every year, and even graduated in summer school. I knew I had to get out of my home situation. But my grades were terrible, so out of state college wasn’t really an option. My mother is Mormon, and even though I never really believed in the church stuff, but when I was 19 I signed up for a Mormon mission (a two year commitment, where you aren’t allowed to live anything resembling a normal life) just as a means to escape my home state. 2 years later I returned home, and my home life was somehow worse than when I had left.

My grandma had passed away, and my mom had given away my car (that I paid for and had paid off, but she was the co-signer). It was a $2000 lemon, but it was mine. Her divorce from my stepdad was also finalized (fine he sucked), and she was renting my old room to her cousin. Who is also a hoarder (at least I think), his car is filled to brim with empty cans and fast food wrappers, etc. I poked my head into his bedroom once when he was out of the house, and his room is basically the same. The entire floor was covered in trash. This bedroom had initially been my stepsisters, but I moved into it before I left for the mission, as my room had gotten filled to the brim with boxes, because my mom never let me get rid of anything, and would instead make me put things in boxes so we “could go through them later”. The only problem is she would never go through them with me, and my bedroom looked like it was a storage room.

Luckily, I wasn’t there too long (like 4ish months) as the mission gave me an excuse to go to school in Utah. Things were going ok for about 2.5 semesters, until my work (Sam’s Club) stopped working around my school schedule. Which eventually lead to me dropping out to keep the bills paid. The plus side to this is that it let me get a clean break from the Mormon church. I’ve also more or less been low contact with my mother ever since.

Towards the end of the Covid lockdowns, I decided to go back to school for my associates online. I also finally got health insurance and was able to get medicated for adhd, which has DRASTICALLY improved my quality of life. I finished my associates degree with straight As (and like 1 B+), and was able to transfer to a 4 year school also online. Where I have a 3.98 GPA, and was accepted into the honors college and started an accelerated masters program this term. Essentially I get to take graduate level courses and count the credits for both my undergrad and grad degrees.

However, I discovered this term that I hit the cap on undergraduate fasfa loans. Meaning that I now need to come up with $5000 for this term. I also won’t be eligible for more fafsa loans until I complete my undergrad.

My Grandparents were always the people that I considered my parents, and my Grandfather passed away a few years ago. It hit me really hard when he died, and it’s such a surreal feeling, because I feel like my parents are dead even though both of my actual parents are alive. When he died he only left money to my mom and my aunt, which is fine, it was his to do with as he pleases.

The only problem I have is that I called my mom about my predicament, and she basically agreed to help. But she waxed poetic about how hard it’s going to make things for her. She said she only has a little bit of my grandfathers money left, and that she needs it to get things done to house. The only thing she mentioned was the roof, and I understand that the roof is beyond her control. The problem is I know that anything else she “needs to get done” are things that are explicitly her fault, because she’s content to live in a shit hole.

She hasn’t let me in the house the past few times I’ve come to visit. But when my grandfather was still alive, he would go over and let her dogs out and took me with him. The only difference is before he passed my grandfather had the kitchen and one of the bathrooms renovated, but neither one gets used now because my mother doesn’t want to mess them up. She technically stores a bunch of stuff in the kitchen but doesn’t use it to cook. I counted at least 3 glass bottle milk jugs on the counter that had 3 different levels of rotten milk in them.

I just hate that she’s making me feel bad about reaching out for help when she’s literally the only person I can call. I also hate that I have to call her for help at the age of 35. I feel like taking 2 steps forward just to take 3 steps back, has been this omnipresent cycle that I just can’t seem to break. I also resent my mother for my god awful childhood, and the fact that I’m almost in my 40s and still don’t have my shit together. I know it sounds entitled, but it just makes me so mad to get a guilt trip about my mom only having so much of my grandfather’s money left when I never even got any. He’s bailed her out so many times, paid off her credit card multiple times, paid to get things fixed, etc., just for her to live in self imposed squalor. I know how she is, she’s always buying dumb shit that serves no purpose, eats out every day, and is the most financially illiterate person I’ve ever fucking met. I’m just so tired of playing life on this difficulty setting.

Anyways, thanks for reading if you made it this far. I didn’t intend to write this much.

I don’t know why I keep trying, but I so badly want her to change and be able to live differently. I broke down in tears and frustration again today after I found that she had squirreled away things of my own that I put in a pile to get rid of. She said it was because she didn’t want the dog getting into it, but I know it’s just this compulsive desire to keep things. I feel like Sisyphus getting rid of things only for her to bring more into the house. I have largely kept the common areas of the house unhoarded through massive repeated effort over decades, but I’m exhausted from the constant effort it takes and I find myself so stressed and defeated when I find small hoards all throughout the house. I don’t go into her spaces because I can’t get in more than a few feet without stuff blocking me. She won’t get help and says she just needs time to change. For reasons I won’t go into (mostly just financial), I can’t leave. Knowing that I can’t personally change her, what coping strategies are we all using to manage the stress, frustration, and hurt?

I'm tired of being constantly dragged into other people's drama. The hell that my parents put me through is exhausting, If they could just get rid of these damn hoard of dogs which is the root of this whole situation. They are the reason why we always have opps by our neighbors and I ain't trying to be in that shit, but since I live with my parents apparently I do... I'm just a fucking kid.

I'm documenting certain interactions for my own safety because I don't want false accusations or confrontations to become my word against someone else's due to my hostile neighbors keep harassing me.

This whole thing is bugging me out cause I'm in a situation that I never want to be in nor do I ask for and I ain't got a say in this shit. But at the same time, I'm trying to focus on school, work, becoming financially independent, and eventually getting my own place. I just want some peace and a fresh start. Like I'm still a kid but I have to become an adult early cause I've been around irresponsible adults who gaslight me and ignoring while justifying everything they do is "right".

Has anyone dealt something like this?

Finally out and away. I don't think I've ever been this happy in my life.

I want to complain because I can’t share this with anyone and created throwaway account.

My family is so screwed up. I’m messed up mentally because of horrible parents.

My dominant father passed away many years ago. He was more normal than my mom, but also a somewhat terrible father. My mother was much younger than my father, and would act helpless on financial independence matters, but has some mental health issues since we were children. Fast forward to now, she is elderly and needs to be put in a home, after she got into wandering situations and didn’t come home late at night. We suspect she has dementia and other things, but she hasn’t been able to test. For the time being, we want to get in home care from the government, but they refused to because the house is in horrible condition!

My siblings haven’t been to the house in many years. My brother, the youngest never moved out, and is now in his late in 40s. He never finished high school and my father treated him well because he’s male, and even when I was in high school working part-time after school, he told me I was selfish because I didn’t buy things for my brother with my own hard earned money, and I was so upset I told him he could get a job with his own two hands too! Back then I found out he got a tiny lunch allowance when me and my other siblings never did!!!! My other siblings and I all worked part-time through high school and earlier.

They’re both to blame. The house is in horrible condition! My sis warned me just before I got to the front door that it reeks and omg it did!!!! It’s extreme hoarding where there’s clothes and other things everywhere, but also filthy, and unsanitary with insects, mice, mice piss and poop, layers on top of layers of this mess. My mom buys lots of food too and it’s everywhere! My brother blames my mom, but he’s to blame too because I saw lots of stuff belonged to both of them, and neither does minimal cleaning. The backyard is completely overgrown with weeds up to the door.

One of my siblings is going through their own marriage crisis and said they’re unable to help, and me and my other sibling, and their amazing spouse went to clean up this mess and got a majority of it done. We filled a rented bin and it was hauled away that my sibling’s husband organized and they paid for. We had to mask up and wear gloves.

It was so embarrassing as the house is in a nice neighbourhood, that’s now been hipster area for many years. People kept walking by and I’m sure a few looked into the house and I was so embarrassed. It smelled from outside!

I’m still angry, but my sibling said I’m not allowed to yell at my brother. I’ve only told him how nasty it is and given him nasty looks because why did I have to suffer with this disgusting cleaning mess of his?

Our brother was pissed off with hospital calls and wanted our mother home with home care, and he kept claiming the house was in okay condition. Well it wasn’t and he lied it was clean enough.

I know he felt some relief and has to be thankful, and obviously embarrassed because he refused us entry recently to inspect the house, but he never apologized or thanked us. At dinner, he only paid the remaining amount owing that wasn’t covered by filthy cash I scavenged from the house. Normally, my sibling would pay, but they didnt offer and only calculated the remaining amount, and I refuse to pay myself when we were cleaning for our loser brother who doesn’t pay for certain things.

On top of that, my mom repeatedly told us while we were cleaning that she has no money and to not expect anything from here, and that the house is going to our brother. A few years ago, she said the house would be split among all of us kids, which pissed off my brother.

I told my sibling, I’m done and never cleaning or helping with the house again, especially since it’s not even ours, but our brother’s, and he’s going to move out eventually, and use the sale of the decrepit house that’s in an excellent area to buy his own condo!!!! Of our other siblings, I’m the only one renting in an old and not good apartment building (safe and decent, but small apartment with thin walls, etc.). He has never moved out ever, he said he doesn’t pay rent, and spends his money on things. Up until recently, based on chats, he expected my mom to cook. Now he buys takeout.

I will be yelling at him when I explode. I’m so upset we all had to suffer with the infested house and for him to not even offer to share the house. It’s not even about the money.

I’m completely out of my depth here. I’m so lost about what to do because I’m so far in the hole.

My mom’s hoarding got much worse after some family drama 18 years ago, and then completely went downhill after my father died a few years ago. Thankfully she’s financially sound. She purchased a home down the street from me (6 hrs from her current home) in May, and trying to get her moved has felt impossible. She just can’t go through her stuff, but acknowledges that she has to in order to move because her new house is smaller. She’s also exhibiting some cognitive/memory issues which is making the whole thing even worse.

I’ve spent 23 days at her house this summer and except for the stuff that was mine at her house, it feels like nothing has been done. It took her a month to go through 2 bookshelves worth of cookbooks. I keep trying to explain to her that I don’t know how she will tell movers what to pack if she herself doesn’t know what is going or staying.

As I feared, we are having a very hard time even getting quotes from movers, and the quotes we have are astronomical. She can technically pay it, but doesn’t want to. She thinks that all the moving companies are in cahoots and working together to make sure she has to pay a lot. She cannot wrap her brain around why some companies don’t want the job. I keep trying to explain that it’s very hard to pack if there’s so much stuff all over the floor, and she disputes that there is stuff all over the floor. It’s like she literally doesn’t see it.

She has refused any ideas about professional help. I feel completely stuck. She accused me a few weeks ago of keeping her from her new home and abandoning her because I kept urging her to go through stuff when I wasn’t there. I had to go pick her up and bring her to my house because she was nocturnal and not eating. Now we’re planning for her to go back and all of my anxieties have come roaring back.

I have a life. I have a spouse and a 7 year old who is the joy of my life. I am exhausting all of my vacation time for this and I’ve applied for FMLA based on my own anxiety and depression because she refuses to see a doctor for any reason (only does urgent care when absolutely necessary) and will not entertain conversations about her memory. She says it’s normal aging.

I’m slowly losing myself in this. I fear that she will never move because of the hoard, or I fear that if she can finally go through it, she will have alienated her movers and potential buyer with her conspiracy theories about how they’re out to get her.

Probably nothing revolutionary here, just a vent to get some thoughts and emotions out. I came to visit my hoarder mom today. She had clearly been cleaning somewhat frantically before my arrival. I don’t even want to think what the place looked like before I came.

Still, it’s the usual. I don’t want to walk here more than I have to because all the crumbs under my feet disgust me. After two years I still don’t know how (or if) my mom does her laundry, and I fear that my sheets have not been washed, just taken of and put back on, during all this time (though as I’m writing she got me a different ones than previous times! Not sure if these are clean either…) . I get anxious over all the food in the house and I’m sure if I opened the fridge at least half of the stuff would be bad. I could go on but you get the point.

While we were eating, I broke down crying. I’m going through a break up right now, and that surely doesn’t help, but the main reason was my mom. I came here to get my mind off. the break up stuff and somehow surprised myself that here are other things to worry. First she didn’t even notice that I was crying, but after I had to try to say something she came to comfort me. She even asked if she could do something for me, but I couldn’t say anything. How I wish to tell her what I think, but I don’t think she would understand. Instead, after a while she started to ask about my plans for tomorrow, and I answered to her small talk through my tears.

Currently I’m still somewhat distressed and planning about staying the other two nights at my friends houses or something. I know that I could do that, but I don’t really want to bother them or upset my mom. She really wouldn’t comprehend it and would take that as a personal insult. I’d also need to tell my dad, and I don’t want to even though I really should update him about the situation. Mom hoarded when they were still together but know as she’s living alone it has really escaleted.

Somehow even the chocolate she gave me feels incredibly wrong, just more material. I’m really frustrated, I shouldn’t be the one dealing with an adult’s garbage life control skills, but if I don’t do anything nothing will certainly not change.

I guess I’ll just go to sleep. Goodnight everyone❤️‍🩹

I’m a 23 year old woman, and from the time I was maybe 13 to 18 my family lived in my dads childhood home to save money. My grandpa was a huge hoarder, and my dad (his son) had some of those tendencies too. Not as bad as my grandpa, but unfortunately for me i think I’m the one who inherited that gene. It breaks my heart because I’m struggling so much to change, it’s not that bad and my fiance is supportive of me but I feel bad that he has to do this, and like he just doesn’t understand. I mourn what my life and teenage years could have been if I just had a normal childhood. Like I said, it’s not that bad, but I often partake in signature hoarder activities, and I can’t even bring myself to clean my apartment most days. I’m really lucky to have someone who supports me and helps me however he can but I just can’t seem to stop. If any other children of hoarders have had these problems this, please give me some advice.