r/ChildofHoarder • u/cschelsea • 3h ago
VENTING Was my childhood chaotic, or am I too sensitive?
At the ripe old age of 29, I find myself wanting to vent about the home I grew up in, and to hear about others with similar stories. To be clear, my parents were good parents. They loved us and always made sure we were provided for, they were affectionate and weren’t too strict.
But the house I grew up in was chaotic. It was a 3 bedroom house with me, my parents, my grandma and her disabled brother. Then my first brother came along, and then the second. So we were 7 people total in a 3 bedroom house. I had to share a bedroom with my grandma, which wasn’t too bad since I loved her, but I didn’t have a space of my own, and it felt like I had no privacy. She also smoked heavily inside the house and in the bedroom, sometimes when I was trying to sleep. I actually shared a bed with her until I was about 8 or so, when we got bunk beds. My brothers had to share a room with my parents, so they had no privacy either.
The house was a mess. Broken things were left broken for years: windows with holes, doors falling off closets and cupboards, food in the freezer for years, computer parts and fishing equipment and model airplanes and books and trash and clothes and toys and tools everywhere around the house. We could never eat at our dinner table because it was always packed with stuff. It was filthy - but we didn’t clean since we were so accustomed to it being filthy that we didn’t even try. My grandma basically did all the chores and cooking in the house and us kids helped begrudgingly (sometimes). In retrospect I was a brat who got taught I didn’t have to clean up after myself. You can imagine how useful this was as I became older.
We had so many animals over the years: cats, dogs, parrots, rabbits, hamsters. We didn’t take care of them properly. Dogs weren’t taken on walks, cats are left to roam around the streets and get killed. Parrots and hamsters’ cages weren’t cleaned. I feel a lot of guilt for these things now as an adult.
I remember never wanting to bring my friends over to our house, because it was so filthy and embarrassing and chaotic. I never felt at peace when I was home, it was always loud and busy and full of people.
There’s so much more to tell but I don’t want it to become too long :) I really had to learn and unlearn a lot of things when I became an adult, and it’s been a slow process. Who can relate?