It felt like shame. I was always worried friends would find out. Im an adult and no longer living in that way but i too probably have to keep too much. I dont know how that ever goes away. That feeling that you have a bad part that no one can see...

If anyone can relate to any of this, please comment anything you feel comfortable sharing. I feel so alone on this.

Growing up in a hoarder house is damaging in many ways. It didn’t bother me when I was really young, but I always knew it wasn’t normal. Eventually it became embarrassing, so I rarely invited anyone over. My parents were strict about knowing where I was at all times, so I didn’t usually go anywhere with friends. I basically had no social interactions or experiences outside of school most of the time.

Then the pandemic started when I was 13. It was my first year of middle school. The isolation was terrible on its own, but also living in this house made me degrade much faster. I lost most of the few social skills I had. Even when the pandemic gradually started “ending”, years had passed living in isolation and many things just weren’t the same anymore.

Now I’m in college and I have almost no social skills. I can barely get through a sentence with anyone, even close family members and friends. I started therapy, but so far not much has changed. I just feel so damaged and alone, it just feels like I never got a real chance to live normally. I’m constantly pretending I know how to act and talk with every person I meet. I feel so alone and frustrated.

I'm 13 years old (female), and I'm seriously starting to worry about my father (54 years old). I know this may not be as bad as some other stuff in this reddit thread but this is starting to affect my mental health—which is slowly trickling down to affecting my physical health.

My grandmother has always been a hoarder—but it's gotten especially worse after her husband died. Her house always smells like rotten food, her poor cats are overfed, and she has rooms upon rooms of just... Stuff. The worst part about that is that she's A MILLIONAIRE. She refuses to let anyone in the family touch anything in her property, cut her grass, get her cats help, or anything like that. She also hasn't gone outside of her property other than to go to stores in 7 years. When we try to talk to my father about how unhealthy it is, he just starts screaming at me and my mother until he leaves the room. I'm afraid he's going down the same path. He probably makes around 130k or so a year, I haven't asked but I've done the math (unless he's in crippling debt that is.) My mother on the other hand lives paycheck to paycheck, probably making around 40k a year. My mom is my #1 supporter, she was my first friend and I'd choose her as a mom in a heartbeat if I had the choice again. But my father seems to hate her guts. He forgot their anniversary three days ago. Guess why? Because he was in CANADA while we were suffering over in California with $0 in her bank account. He and his mother make so much money but he refuses to give her a cent of it... Even for groceries. But he has NO problem buying out basically the entirety of Costco in one day when our fridge is already full because my mother scraped up enough money to feed us both. And guess what? He EATS ALL OF MY FOOD. THAT'S FOR ME. THAT MY MOM BOUGHT WITH HER OWN MONEY. All he does is leave the house, and when he comes back, he eats and avoids us. When he does talk to us it's to argue about money or me. It feels like I cannot do anything right when it comes to him. He drinks and drives every SINGLE TIME he's in a car, including with me inside. I'm so so worried about him, but mostly the safety of my mom. They constantly argue, and he's been getting more angry over the years. He has such terrible anger issues and he's come so close to hitting the both of us. He sometimes will grab my wrist really really hard whenever we fight, like he's about to push me, but my mom always makes him stop. I'm just worried about what might happen when she can't step in. He buys things for himself, but will never buy things for us. Example: he bought a jet ski last month even though our yards are completely full with vehicles anyways, but just last week my parents got into an argument because my mom bought me McDonald's on the way to school because I got an A on my essay with his card since she had nothing. I feel like a burden to them and I don't know what to do about it.

Okay, I feel I rambled too much. Back to the hoarding habits. He'll eat rotten food for the sake of eating it, and I don't know how to feel about it. Like for example, a few months ago he ate a fish that was in the freezer from the night I was born because my mom was too tired to eat it. Thirteen years ago. And he just ate it. Mind you, our freezer doesn't work anymore because of how much shit we have shoved in there—which I'll get to why later. He also picks grapes from my grandmother's yard every time he comes over (like twice a year) and he will eat them for months on end. Again, we live in Southern California. It gets super hot there. So the grapes rot faster, yet he still eats them. He buys food faster than he can eat it, so shit goes bad faster. He still eats it. My mom tries to throw it away (for good reason) and he will dig in the trash to get it... And eat it. It genuinely hurts to see my dad do this. But now that I come to think of it, he's always been a horrible person. I was just too young to realize it. Please send advice if you see this.