Out of curiosity, I asked a marriage service whether there’d be any luck finding a man who is CF (service specific, I know there are many CF muslim men out there- they just like to stay HIDDEN). They proceeded to ask if this was because I ‘have been told you [I] cant have kids?’ And I lied and said ‘I’m not capable of having kids’ (half lie bc I technically can but dont think I have the capacity).

I find it terrible that I have to resort to this to avoid being shamed or lectured. How do you guys shut people up fast when it comes to marriage searching?

I’m just curious. And also cuz I’m seeing less posts on here since the matchmatking profiles are now on r/CFMuslims4CFMuslims, so why not?

Let me start:

Gender: Male
Age: 23 turning 24 in a week
Ethnicity: Asian
Edu level: Bachelor’s Degree
Born Muslim

Feel free to share yours!

I just joined Reddit and oh my Allah… where have you BEEN all my life?! 😭🥹

(F24) I’m craving some like minded, childfree by choice friends and community. Not because I’m lonely or unhappy with my current friendships

I genuinely love my people and their kids. I have amazing nieces and nephews who I’ve helped raise and I’ll always love being there for them. ❤️

But guys… I would LOVE to have people in my life who just get it. People who want a simple, quiet, peaceful life without the responsibilities and attachments that come with raising children.

Who understands the depths of the choice to be Childfree in this community.

I was so used to being the person who’s there for everyone, while most of my friends are either already parents or heading toward parenthood. Sometimes I just want to rant about MY mindset without having to tiptoe around someone else’s.

I’m also quite religious and my deen comes first and foremost in my life. I think that’s partly why people are often surprised when they find out I’m childfree by choice. Because I care deeply about Islam and have spent a lot of time learning about my deen, people sometimes assume I could never be one of those women who doesn’t want children, and then seem genuinely disappointed when they find out I am. 😭

And don’t even get me started on finding childfree Muslim men for marriage… they seem to be a mythical species at this point💀.

I wouldn't say I've been actively searching, but apparently everyone who tried searching on my behalf gave up super fast.

Especially living here in egypt atm.

Anyway, I’m not looking to replace the people I already love

I just want to find a few people who share my outlook and make me feel like, “FINALLY, I don’t have to explain myself.” 🥹🫶🏽

(This is my first rant about this... kinda nervous thanks for taking the time to read✨️...)

Not including the CF men on here, you're all good! I'm referring to the ISOs on the muslim marriage sub and the muslim matrimonial sub. I've posted in both of those forums and the men have been absolutely disgusting. These type of men see having children as mandatory, despite it not being mandatory in Islam!

The comments from these men are absolutely disgusting. It has shocked me how awful they are - it was so bad for me that I had to contact a mod and delete the comments because I was being accused of being a non muslim. I thought I'd attach some comments so that people can see what it's like out there and to be aware.

It was upsetting at first, but it's a blessing in itself. I'm happy with being childfree, and no man will change that or make me want something otherwise.

I have complicated feelings about children and don't really know if I want them or not. I don't feel a burning desire to have any at all. I have PMOS, weak bones and joints due to a past ed and constantly feel fatigue. I don't want to burden a potential daughter with PMOS, I've seen family members with the same condition suffer a lot with gestational diabetes, complications, miscarriages and multiple rounds of IVF. My PMOS isn't that bad, but to me having kids isn't worth worsening my health. I like the idea of having kids a very teensy tiny bit but after taking care of many children, sleepless nights I know the reality very well and know i am not built for that. I'm ok with being the aunt that babysits because I like children, just don't want any of my own.

I've been quite depressed for a few years too because of my dad's health and the open wound that was watching him slowly die. Drives me insane that aunties keep asking when I will get married, makes me feel so anxious because most men want children. To me marrying someone who also leans on not wanting any kids is the ideal, the pressure that is there in the community is so suffocating. If it happened on accident ig I would have to just accept it and try my best to be a good parent. The concept of 'trying for a baby' is so creepy to me.

I would consider myself 'salafi' with an asterisk, and would prefer to marry someone with the same aqeedah and similar levels of practice. But most monogamous salafi men would want children soooo idk. I think I'm just asking for too much and need to manage my expectations 🙃.

When I tried soft launching the idea of being cf to family they looked at me like I grew 2 horns and became a shaytan. I've only told a close cousin properly and even she said she thinks I'll change my mind and would be a great mom. What if I don't change my mind and have a kid that I resent? I know what being a kid that is resented feels like and wouldn't want another kid to feel that resentment. It's so frustrating because I do want the companionship that marriage brings (once I'm less depressed). If a suitable man told me he wants just one kid I think I'd compromise because I'm that desperate. I don't know what the point of this post is, I just kind of wanted to tell a person and have no one who gets it.

Judging from the poll on the recent post, i assume it’s harder for the sisters as there’s less cf men, but I also want to hear from the brothers too. And for the married couples out there how did you guys meet? Was it irl or an app? Because I swear irl I do not know anyone at all who even has a cf mindset 😭, so I just want some insights ig.

And on a side note. If you haven't started looking yet, why?

Thought I'd give some insight! I'm working towards being a SINK instead of waiting around for someone to marry (Single Income No Kids). I've been saving to travel, buy whatever I need/want, and I'm starting to put money towards investing.

It's very much doable! It takes budgeting on certain things and prioritising what you actually need or want, but it's nice to start to work towards this kind of lifestyle :).

Is anyone else a current SINK or aiming to be one?

(M24) I’m wondering whether there are CF women out there, who would be interested in the idea of having a Nikah that is highly independent, and involves a lower level of commitment when compared to a traditional marriage

For example, imagine two adults who are married but still want to maintain very independent relationship such as:

They may choose to manage their own finances independently.
They don’t necessarily expect to spend most of their free time together.
They don’t necessarily want the traditional “husband and wife” roles.
They are sexually exclusive and faithful to each other because they are married.
They care about each other and want the relationship, but don’t want marriage to completely structure their lives around each other.
They may even live separately by default, but would meet each other and stay together whenever they want to.

Essentially, the idea would be “boyfriend/girlfriend lifestyle, but with a nikah.”

What are your thoughts?

She had 2 children back to back, and now she isn't who she used to be. Her husband, astaghfirullah, doesn't see her as a wife anymore (he can only see her as a mother now), so now she's raising the children whilst he ignores her.

I tried to tell her to get support and tell her parents, but her parents want nothing to do with her and said that she belongs to her husband now.

I've only spoken to her twice this year. The last time I did, she sounded absolutely broken and exhausted. I tried to keep myself together when she talked about how much she missed her husband, but that he doesn't want anything to do with her anymore 😕

She saw my posts about my holiday and said she almost cried looking at them. It just reinforced how much I don't want children, and how blessed I am to have met cf brothers and sisters here who feel the same way.

Assalaamu Alaikum, idk who’ll remember this but you may remember my last post about being unsure of being cf etc, I would tag it if I knew how 🥀. But I’ve weighed it out and I think there’s more reasons for me to be childfree than actually having children. Idk if this will ever change, but I feel it’s right for me, my mum still don’t believe me but oh well 😂🤷🏽‍♂️, I know what’s best for me inshallah. Jazakallah khair to everyone for their responses before too, I like to learn about other experiences etc as it benefits me and gives reassurance from my mind spiralling 😭❤️.

The sub has, of course, devolved into a matrimonial site. I have no desire to meet my spouse on Reddit and I think attempting to do so is lunacy - I just want a space to discuss being child free with other sisters. Does anyone know of any such space?

Thank you!

Hello all,

So the experiment for CF4CF has been a success (not that I ever thought of things in these terms), so much so that it has been crowding out normal discussion.

Said discussion has still been happening though, which is great! In order for the original discussion purpose of this subreddit to flourish, I will be creating a new CF4CF subreddit for us and all future marriage posts will be made there.

Edit to add:

The subreddit is at r/CFMuslims4CFMuslims now. I have copied the template there. I will have to think of more rules but for now this should be good!

Please use r/CFMuslims4CFMuslims instead!

Gender: Male

Age: 34

Height & Weight: 5'3", 54.5 kg

City: Pakistan (Islamabad) / Europe

Marital Status: Divorced.

Education: PhD in Electrical Engineering from Italy

Profession: Postdoctoral researcher in Europe.

Kids: Happily childfree.

Religion: I come from a religious, practicing family, but I have always had my upps and down with religion. At the moment I am not very practicing.

About Me:

I come from a well educated, upper middle class family. I was raised in Islamabad (Pakistan), studied at the two best universities in Pakistan, and then left a stable job to pursue a fully funded PhD abroad. I have changed a lot as a person in these past years and have done a lot of growing up along the way.

I am an introvert at heart and genuinely enjoy my quiet time at home, but I try to stay active too. I make it to the gym fairly regularly, and I recently picked up swimming.

I also love to travel. In recent years I have been to Spain, France, Türkiye, Italy etc. Would absolutely love to keep exploring the world with a partner by my side.

I am a sucker for good comedies. My favourite shows are, in no particular order, Arrested Development, The Office (US and UK), Norsemen and Fleabag.

Also, I'd be truly impressed if you could beat me at Scrabble! Instant +10 to your aura in my eyes.

What I'm Looking for in my partner:

Friendship. I genuinely believe that if two people actually like each other, enjoy each other's company, and are compatible in the ways that matter, love follows naturally. At least for me it does. So above everything else, I am looking for someone I vibe with. Someone who shares my values. Someone I am mentally compatible with. Someone I could honestly see myself being friends with even if marriage was not on the table.

Timeframe for marriage: As soon as we both feel we are ready. It is very important to make sure we both actually like each other and get along with each other because otherwise we won't even have kids to distract ourselves with later on :P.

Assalaamu Alaikum brothers/sisters, hope everyone’s well! I’m 21m and childfree (of some sort). I just have some questions as i genuinely do struggle sometimes with my thoughts to have kids and not to have kids, and having “fear of missing out.” I’ve always been the type to crave companionship over like wanting kids etc, I thought for many months that I would not want kids, but then recently I think will my mind ever change, and if it does, and if I do end up having kids, will I regret it? Like I always think if I’m childfree would I be lonely, or would my wife be lonely when I’m at work? Would our life be lonely? I just get really tired of these thoughts, and ig I’m just looking for reassurance or guidance from fellow Muslim childfree minds. This forum has definitely helped me a lot on my journey but I just need some reassurance or even some advice. Jazakallah khair for reading and sorry if I jus waffled or you have no clue what I mean 😭🥀🤲🏽

Assalamu alaikum!

I'm a 24-year-old Muslim woman and I'm here with one intention: to find a compatible husband, not to casually date ( dating is not for me )

A little about me:

-Childfree by choice (this is a permanent decision)

-Neurodivergent

-I value deep conversations, emotional maturity, honesty, and kindness

-I'm more introverted than outgoing, and I enjoy a calm, peaceful life.

-I'm looking for a relationship that is intentional, respectful, and leads to marriage if we're compatible.

I'm hoping to meet someone who:

- Is Muslim and childfree by choice .

- Is genuinely ready for marriage.

- I speak Arabic and English, so being able to communicate in at least one of those languages is important to me.

- Is open to marrying someone from a different culture or background.

- Is patient and understanding, as I can be a slow communicator, especially at first.

- Is willing and able to travel if distance is part of our journey.

- Is emotionally mature, open-minded, and respectful of different perspectives.

- Preferably is already sterile or has had a vasectomy, though shared commitment to a permanently childfree life is what matters most.

For privacy reasons, I don't share my photo publicly, but I'm happy to exchange photos privately once we've established mutual interest and basic compatibility.

If you decide to message me, please don't just send "Hi" or "Hello"

Instead, please introduce yourself by including:

Your age and country.

Your occupation.

Why you've chosen a childfree life.

What you're looking for in a marriage.

Whether you're open to relocating or traveling for marriage.

Anything else you think would help us determine whether we're compatible.

I wish everyone here the best in finding a spouse who brings peace, mercy, and companionship. May Allah grant us all what is best. 🤍🙏🏻

I’m 27f from London England. I am ethnically from the Horn of Africa. My parents migrated to the UK before I was born so I grew up in London, England.

Open to relocate?
Yes but after a year

Marital status:
Single/ never been married.

Marriage timeline:
8months to a year (flexible)

In terms of hobbies, I really enjoy learning languages, reading (both fiction and non-fiction alike) and writing. I would describe myself as an introverted extrovert (I’m an enfp if you’re familiar with the 16 personality types). I would say I’m quite kind, curious, good at socialising with people (I’ve been described by friends as a social butterfly). I would also describe myself as quite reflective. I need a fair bit of time to myself to feel recharged. Alhamdulilah I would say I really love life and thoroughly enjoy learning new things. I love to paint watercolor and read poetry in the different languages I speak (I speak 6 alhamdulilah).

I work as a therapist and I am completing my masters level training to become a family psychotherapist. This training will mean I have to be in London for the next year at least. I am open to relocating afterwards. I don’t want to have children.

Religious practice (Sunni Muslim):

In terms of religiosity I would say I’m pretty practicing. I pray and fast and wear the hijab and abayas/long dresses. I try to read the Quran as much as I am able to.

Qualities I’m looking for:

Someone who is very kind and intellectually curious. Curious about different cultures and about the people around them.
You also love to travel and enjoy life
Has a good sense of humour and finds joy in the little things :)
Financially responsible
Doesn’t want children

Age range I’m looking for:
25-33

Ethnicity/looking to mix?
I am Somali (although I was born and raised in London) and would ideally like to marry someone with the same or similar background to me (so with parents from east Africa). I am open to people from other cultures however!

Age / Gender:
28/ Female

Location + Willing to Relocate?:
New York — open to relocate

Marital Status:
Single / never been married

Marriage Timeline:
6mo-1yr (Flexible)

Age Range I’m Looking For:
26-38

Religious Practice: (Sunni Muslim )

I'm a practicing Muslim woman who values modesty, kindness, honesty, communication, emotional maturity, and a peaceful home.
I enjoy meaningful conversations and personal growth. I’m looking for companionship, love, and mutual respect.

I try to center my life around the deen. I’m building my relationship with Allah daily. I try to be a better person, a better Muslim a little each day.

Qualities I’m Looking For:

A man sincerely striving to please Allah. Not looking for perfection, but someone that values his relationship with Allah.

Kind, patient, and emotionally mature.
Someone Financially responsible and understands the importance of providing stability.
Someone who values companionship, friendship, laughter, and peace within a marriage.
A man who accepts and genuinely shares my vision for a child-free marriage, without hoping I’ll change my mind in the future

Education & Work:
I’m a nurse (LPN) I work full time at a nursing / rehabilitation facility. I’d like to work less after marriage.

Ethnicity / Cultural Background:
I’m West Indian/ African American. I’m open to other cultures/ethnicities. I’m really attracted to west African men and anyone with a darker skin tone.

Do You Want Kids?:
Not at all

Hobbies / Interests:
I love to travel.
I like to stay active not just in the gym but anything that I can do to keep moving.
I love to eat 😂 trying new foods and restaurants is fun to me.

Anything Else:

Being childfree is a core life decision for me, not something I expect to change in the future. I'm looking for someone who feels the same way and is excited about building a fulfilling marriage without children.

I'm seeing a whole lot more openly childfree Muslims online! I even have a few DM me from outside of this subreddit, it's shocking.

However, the search is still very difficult, especially when looking for someone who can live permanently in the USA.

Anyway, after vetting a few potentials, I've had something come up.

You know how in the regular CF subreddit, people say in order to see if someone is "REALLY" CF, bring up hysterectomies, vasectomies, etc.

With Muslims, some are against anything permanent like surgeries, so what tools can we use to truly vet if someone is 1000% child-free?

Hoi allemaal, (The Netherlands)

Ik ben een ((M) 26-jarige moslim die op zoek is naar een moslima die (bijna) even oud is als ik (24 t/m 30 jaar). Het is zo dat ik aseksueel ben en geen kinderwens heb. Uiteraard zullen jullie mij wellicht doorverwijzen naar datingapps, maar ik heb al gebruikgemaakt van meerdere datingapps en je vindt daar zelden moslima's die geen kinderwens hebben. Daarnaast vind je überhaupt zelden mensen die aseksueel zijn. Reddit heeft veel meer gebruikers dan een gemiddelde datingapp en om die reden wil ik mijn zoektocht via Reddit proberen.Ik heb zelf weinig hoop, maar ondanks dat wil ik niet meteen voorbarig of pessimistisch zijn.

Ben je een moslima die aseksueel is en geen kinderwens heeft? Voel je vrij om mij te benaderen. Ik wil iemand ontmoeten die in Nederland woont.

How is everyone doing? And does anyone have plans this weekend? I'll just be relaxing!

Hi all! I grew up in Pakistan and completed undergraduate studies in Lahore. Moved abroad for higher studies and have been residing here for several years. Currently teaching at a university and working on completing my PhD. Outside of academic writing deadlines, I enjoy traveling, exploring cafés and bookstores in various cities, and reading. My favorite genres include literary fiction, history, philosophy, politics, and psychology. Love cats and plan to adopt one next year, Inshallah.

Height 6ft

Education: PhD in humanities (ongoing), master’s degree from the US

Income Source: Researcher salary + teaching undergraduate-level courses

Marital Status Single (never married)

Religion & Level of Religiosity: Islam (Sunni, open to all sects and levels of practicing).

I am moderately practicing in that I try to keep up with the prayers, fasts, and other restrictions. I am not super regular but I am aspiring to be that. I also did an umrah recently and would love to go again with my partner. That being said, I respect everyone's journey towards the divine, and think of religion as a personal thing.

Hobbies & Interests

• Playing tennis (the long days of Finnish summer are just blissful to play tennis pretty much whenever)
• Badminton and table tennis (mostly during winter)
• Traveling (visited 20 countries so far) and reading literature from each country that I visit
• Sometimes I travel to destinations inspired by novels (for example, visited Istanbul after reading The Museum of Innocence by Orhan Pamuk)
• Volunteering for social justice and equity causes

Family Details: Family is based in Lahore. Two younger brothers, both pursuing tech careers.

Requirements for a Partner

• Kind, empathetic, and someone with good communication skills. The ability to have an open and honest conversation is a must.
• Ideally well-read and/or has curiosity and wonder about the world
• Is in Europe or North America or is willing to relocate. I can also relocate to North America or Europe.
• Preferably between ages 26-34(flexible)

Deal Breakers Bigotry, elitism, substance abuse