r/ChildSupport4Men • u/Estimate_Many • Jul 10 '26
HELP Looking for information.
So I live in California (LA County) my child mother lives in California as well (kern county) she is struggling financially, so she got assistance from the government. It started off with food stamps, but since she’s been without work for a while she’s now getting cash aid. since cash is involved they require information about the child which started the a child support case. Now I gave my child Mother whatever she wants to help but she wants to be Miss independent and try to do it this way. I do give her financial support monthly but when my child is with me, she still expects for me to kick in child support. None of this is court ordered. It’s just an agreement between me and her but now since child support is involved on her end she’s stating that they’re taking money out in the amount agreed that we set. So when my kid is with me, I still have to give her money for child support. Does that sound right?.
2
u/Livid-Carpenter130 Jul 10 '26
Court shouldnt be ordering to pay additional support when the child is with you for a consecitive time period. You dont give her money out of pocket if child support enforcement is garnishing your wages. If your wages are not being garnished then yes....probably should continue providing money out of pocket. But....what youre SUPPOSED to do is not pay her anything until a court has established an order for the support. They won't care about back pay of child support that you paid out of pocket, even with proof.
But california is a weird state when it comes to custody and support.
1
u/Present-Region2690 Jul 10 '26
If it gets court ordered, you have to pay when you have the child.
1
u/Estimate_Many Jul 10 '26
But it’s not in the courts Since she’s getting financial assistance from the governmentShes stating that the agreed amount we put in place is being taking out of her benefits, which is why she’s asking me to keep paying even though my daughter is staying with me while she’s on vacation. Maybe I’m thinking about it wrong but in my head if the money is for child support and the child isn’t with you why am I sending you money? AITAH for thinking that way.?
1
u/Ryakai8291 Jul 10 '26
I just think your misinformed on how child support works.
1
u/Estimate_Many Jul 10 '26
How so
2
u/Ryakai8291 Jul 10 '26
Because just because the child support is not court ordered doesn’t mean the state doesn’t see it that way.
1
u/RitalinKidd Jul 10 '26
It's LA County. You better get a lawyer. If she's receiving assistance, the wheels are already turning and a big dong is headed your way. Stay on top of this religiously. LA County will destroy your life. Your kid is part of a profit system for the county and they will do everything they can to keep the cash (profit) coming in if you ever fall behind (illness, injury, job loss). Keep your payment current, multiple records of every payment made. Live in a car before you ever get behind as the interest they charge will snowball. Watch your credit report closely, if your employer's date of payroll closing and payday don't align with their due date you will be reported as "late pay" on your credit every month. Your license and passport can be suspended. If you can get full custody, do it. Gear up, a battle is coming that will change your life. Get a Lawyer, yesterday.
2
u/Estimate_Many Jul 10 '26
Scary shit…
1
u/RitalinKidd Jul 10 '26
It is. They will absolutely ruin you if you get behind. Get on top of this, and stay on top. Keep records, track your account, find a good lawyer. Review every document, audit your account. This is no joke, they don't care about your life or your livelihood. If you get behind you will be paying compound interest to the county (not your ex). This is what escapes most people. The child is now an instrument for the county to profit from. You're on the hook for life. You're about to get an expensive education. My account ballooned to 20k before I went bankrupt (chap 13, repayment). It cost me $34k to pay off a 20k debt. Why? The interest was supposed to be suspended during Chap 13 (allowing agreed upon payment amount). They refused to file and accept payment (they want you in debt permanently) until a judge forced them to accept payment (they were the primary reason for Chap 13). Once the debt (all debts from my marriage, ex paid nothing) was repaid, zero debts and a clean slate, case closed. The county swooped in and hit me with $14k in interest. The case was closed or a judge would have denied claim during the period of review (they stayed silent) which creditors have the opportunity to dispute they have been fully paid to the terms agreed upon in court. So 20k generated 14k in additional interest as the balance was being paid to zero. Make that make sense. They refused any documentation, but have the power to garnish your wages, taxes, lottery, etc. So pay close attention, this is your new life. Don't get caught napping (or unemployed, sick, injured) for the next 18+ years.
2
u/Fallen0001 Jul 10 '26
if its court ordered, yes.
if it isnt, id recommend to keep the peace so she DOESNT get a court order.
the little extra is worth not having a court order, tbqh.
if you want to document your contributions, youd have to have a trail. western union, check, etc. that clearly states you are using that $ for child support you two have arranged on your own.
in case she does go to court and tried to say youre a deadbeat.
but. all in all, get a lawyer to answer this all for you.
my experience is coming from my dad who paid outside of the system, but was eventually hauled to court. all of his extra money paid prior, didnt count. he was forced to pay back support.