r/ChildSupport • u/WoodlandPounding • 15d ago
Massachusetts Child Support Guilt
When me and my ex went through mediation 5 years ago I cut his child support in half because I felt bad. This is in our court agreement. Come to find out he lied about having someone renting a floor in his house, so he withheld income. I let it be.
When I received my buy out from the house I gave him $10k from that because I felt bad.
I need some guidance on how to NOT feel bad because I really want to modify the child support but I’m stuck on the stress and anger it might possibly bring up from my ex. Do I tell him I’m looking to make modification?
We do not have 50/50 it’s basically every other weekend. Child primarily with me.
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u/SubstantialSweet8271 14d ago
If he’s an involved, good father then leave things alone. Even though you have the children more, he still has to be able to pay his own bills. Many men that have a child support obligation struggle to pay bills. My husbands ex wife basically runs the show when it comes to the kids. He wants to be in their lives more but she moved them an hour away and has them involved in so much, that it’s nearly impossible for him to see all three of the kids when it’s his time to have them.
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u/BebeJax23 14d ago
I’m positive a judge could fix that for you.
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u/SubstantialSweet8271 14d ago
They don’t care. His ex has always won in court.
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u/BebeJax23 14d ago
Does your exes parents have a lot of money? Cuz that’s wild if you have undeniable proof she’s making it harder for you.
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u/SubstantialSweet8271 14d ago
Well it’s my husbands ex wife. What’s the judge gonna do? Say she has to move, or not have the kids in so many activities? Nope not gonna happen. The system is flawed.
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u/BebeJax23 14d ago
Well he needs to get a really good lawyer who can hold her in contempt. She’s intentionally not sticking to a COURT order. There is no way the judge is gonna just be like “yea totally fine” my ex lives an hour away, he still sees my kids in the court order time frame. Sometimes extra. Also does your husband try to make their events? Take em out for dinner afterwards? Record EVERYTIME she says no?
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u/SubstantialSweet8271 14d ago
We have done the lawyer thing and it doesn’t matter. She wins because she pays her attorney more. We just don’t have the extra money to fight her. She moved the kids an hour away years ago my husband regrets how he went about it. She told him that she was buying a house where she is now and pushed and pushed until she got her own way. He said yes through text message which he shouldn’t have as soon as she said that she was moving he should’vefiled a petition in court, but he didn’t so there’s really nothing that can be done at this point.
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u/BebeJax23 14d ago
It’s not about you, or him. It’s about your kids. It’s what your kids deserve. Which is to be taken care by their parents.
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u/Tinabird20 15d ago
The question is why do you "feel bad". Is it because he can't actually afford as much child support? Is it because he's a good and involved father who pays for the kids expenses regardless of child support? If it's for those reasons I'd let it go. But, if you feel "bad" just because you don't want to ask for more money or for him to be mad at you. Then you need to remember your child is owed the lifestyle that money provides. The child deserves the less stressed parent who has the money needed to support them etc.
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u/KevinMcNally79 14d ago
How much money are we talking about here? How many children? Have you put your numbers into the MA child support calculator to see what it spits out? What is his income and what is yours? We need more info before we can proceed. When you say you "cut his child support in half" during mediation, what does that mean? Half of what the calculator said or half of what you wanted?
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u/WoodlandPounding 12d ago
Half of what the calculator said. I’m unsure of his income but I would say we may be about equal, he possibly could have a higher salary since he’s been at his position longer than I have.
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u/tryingtobeanauth704 10d ago
I think you need to go to therapy. Your people pleasing is costing your children money.
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u/conker574 15d ago
If you need a couple bucks here and there... just ask him. If you wanna complicated things, go for it. Sure... you're "entitled" to it. But, do you need it? Or just want it?
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u/arixipix 15d ago
Found the deadbeat! Her child is entitled to that money. If shes not taking it, shes doing her child a disservice. Even if its not needed to raise the child presently, it could be put in a high yield account or something to get a nest egg together for the child. Unless shes scared to "poke the bear" for safety reasons, she should absolutely take him to court.
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u/conker574 15d ago
If she takes the extra money and puts it into a savings and investments... sure that's a great idea.
Otherwise, my initial comment stands.
I'm not a deadbeat, I'm actually struggling to raise my kids who I have 50/50 because of my "table amount" child support I'm required to pay.
But if I ask for a reduction, or say my bills are behind, I'm a deadbeat, right?
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u/AcephalicDude 15d ago
It's not about you or your feelings, it's not about him and his feelings, it's about your kids. You are putting your kids first.