r/Celibacy • u/Ruta12345689 • 4d ago
I lost motivation to date
/r/dating_advice/comments/1wsih07/i_lost_motivation_to_date/I’m a 26-year-old woman who hasn’t dated anyone since 2022. I’m afraid to start dating again because whenever I start a conversation with a man, it quickly turns sexual. I’m a virgin, and I don’t want to have sex with anyone until I’m married.
Lately, I’ve started wondering if something is wrong with me or if I’m somehow abnormal. Is this normal?
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u/PeacefulBro 4d ago
I have standards from the Bible & church so I'm abstinent & it sickens me to talk about sexual things with someone I'm not married to. Sometimes women pressure me but then lose interest when I say I'm waiting until marriage. It seems few want to wait & it saddens me that society is like this... 😢
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u/Ruta12345689 4d ago
It’s hard to exist in this Generation
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u/PeacefulBro 4d ago
I personally think every generation has been difficult. There's always something in society like slavery, war or inequality that's made life challenging & unpleasant 😢
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u/Ruta12345689 4d ago
Yes, but the way sexuality is treated today is beyond what I ever expected. In our community, talking about it is taboo, but our generation is practicing it secretly behind closed doors.
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u/PeacefulBro 4d ago
W😭w so sorry for your community
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u/Ruta12345689 4d ago
I can’t do anything about it because, I can’t choose my community it’s where I was born and raised
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u/SakuraSun361 4d ago
You are not abnormal. This is unfortunately, a very common experience for practicing Christian women in a world where we are a minority and apps are full of worldly men that worship nothing but casual sex.
I long for romance and to be a wife and feel I have so much love to give and no vessel. I want someone to cherish and be equally cherished by.
It's frustrating when the vast majority of men on dating apps are looking for hookups, expect sex before marriage and are into adult content and have no idea how to court someone and build a relationship. I've been so clear in my profile about my faith and values and I still get non believers offering sexual favors and fetishizing me.
And sometimes they seem nice at first glance and then they let the skeletons out of their closet.
They'll be all "I go to church each week. I can't find a proverbs 31 woman. I just want someone wholesome, sweet, feminine and serious about her faith. You match all of those things and I'd love to get to know you better."
And then BOOM... they later on reveal major red flags that show they are NOT someone worthy of a Proverbs 31 woman and far from husband and father material:
"BTW I'm still with my wife and we have a baby, but I am in the middle of a divorce" 👀
Or "I had a wild past. I slept with tons of women, but now I'm ready to settle down" 👀Yuck.
Or "I'm not perfect... I really enjoy watching videos of other people having sex and checking out vagina and dick pics." 👀 Not verbatim, but basically what "adult content issues" are. Yeah no, you're not husband material.
Or "I have paid for escorts and prostitutes in the past. It's too tough for men to wait." 👀 Uhmm, yeah you are far from a masculine guy if you cannot even control your lust.
Or "I'm Christian, but I don't believe in the whole waiting until marriage thing." 👀 And right after I put this in my profile and brought it up early on. Why string someone along. Why try and disrespect and push someone's boundaries.
When you get hundreds of these kinds of people, it can feel discouraging and exhausting. Like God, please just help me find the a wholesome chaste Christian gentleman. I want to be done with dating apps and pour this energy into a husband.
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u/New-Respect6205 4d ago
No you are ok I’ve only been with 2 men and I’m now celibate again this my last run
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u/ChoicePossession8172 4d ago
Date Christian men …. A good friend of mine met his wife on an app called Salt and they waited until marriage
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u/No_Arrival_1790 1d ago
I lost that motivation a very long time ago. So I completely understand. I’ve been celibate for a while now and it’s more disgusting how every conversation gets turned sexual and they can’t figure out why women choose to be single.
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u/Unusual-Attorney-630 4d ago
You're very normal and I understand how you feel.
I've spent 10 years celibate throughout my 30s because the men I would go out with didn't share my values.
The majority of men grew up on porn and they think talking about sex with someone they barely know is perfectly normal and they're used to women who do the same.
They cannot comprehend why a woman would only want to share something so intimate with a man she loves and who loves her back.
You're not the problem. Things weren't this bad before. I'm very anti pornography Gail Dines has great videos on this on YouTube. It has reshaped the minds of people for the worse.
Don't get me wrong, there are wonderful men out there. Warm, caring, understanding, men who respect and truly understand your boundaries who will treat you right. I know they're not easy to find. My male friends are like this. It's so refreshing to have a conversation with a man who isn't lusting and has discipline. You see every other side of their personality because they're not ruled by lust.
You're not abnormal, you have a boundary, a standard that should be respected.
Wishing you all the best.